The cable guy, house cleaners, and handymen all have something in common - they get to see inside people's homes. For the most part, they don't see anything very interesting, but every so often there's a surprise. Exotic pets gone wild, strange collections, and bizarre behavior are just some of the treats in store for these maintenance workers who saw weird things inside people's houses.
Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay
50. They weren't even grateful.
Cleaning a huge condo for a wealthy book publisher, the owner felt that cats were sacred, so they had suspended walkways through the entire 6k sq ft condo for the two cats to walk on, so they could move through every room without having to touch the floor, additionally every 12 feet or so in each room, they had a cat balcony the cats could sit on made out of real crystal, we weren't allowed to touch them as they were valued at $10,000 apiece.
49. He likes it well done.
I was on a ride along with a fire department. We responded to “smell of smoke” in an apartment building. We found the apartment fast enough because the fire alarm was going off inside. We walk in to find this guy naked as the day he was born passed out on the floor in front of the tv from too much to drink and the remnants of a pizza in the oven, burnt to a blackened crisp.
48. Always be prepared.
I do construction sales so I'm in homes a lot. For me, it's the sheer number of preppers that exist today. Walk into a suburban America basement and BAM. Two dozen buckets full of survival food. Or ammo stuffed into every alcove and rafter. It's definitely not just the ones you expect. My favorite was a 1200 sf house with a 2000sf basement, concrete ceilings and walls, part of the area was under his porches, it was a dang bunker. Dude even installed hydraulics on the vault door "in case the house falls on it, I can still open the door."
47. It's all about the kicks.
As a maintenance guy at a large apartment complex I've seen some stuff... naked people, really gross people, but thank god no dead people. I remember doing an emergency water repair and had to go in to an occupied unit, it was the strangest thing, it was pretty much empty, dirty but empty, like no one lives there, no furniture.... not even a bed, just a mattress on the floor.... and some clothes scattered around.... and at least 30 pairs of Nike shoes, all sorts of weird colors.... like this guy had no TV or Couch but had a collection of expensive shoes... all the same size from what I could tell.
46. The crass menagerie.
This lady had 7 huge birds - parrots, etc. all without cages and pooping directly onto the floor. It only had the pad that goes under carpet and everything had seeped through. It was horrible. She just got a German Shepherd puppy also and then proceeded to show me her machete collection. Had a dope classic air stream in the backyard though.
My coworker called animal control on her but we ended up closing her case shortly after so not sure what ever happened.
45. Didn't hear them knocking.
I was an estate agent (realtor) for rental properties and I had a few wild moments. Top two were when I had been ok'd by a member of a male couple to let myself in for a flat viewing one Saturday morning but he must have forgotten to tell his boyfriend/husband because when I opened the door to the bedroom with my M/F middle-aged couple we found one of the tenants having a vigorous affair against the wall without a stitch on them and only 5ft away. Still no idea how we didn't hear them before we opened the door.
The other one was similar but I was there to take photos and the tenant (an elderly and overweight woman) forgot I was coming so guess who I found in the bath...
44. Strange ideas about plumbing.
I don't know if I could really peg one thing as the weirdest in this home but collectively it sure was. The entire main floor had drains in every room, because they though it would be easier to hose their house down to clean it. The bathroom had a shower that you had to hold a button down for water to come out. There was no ensuite, instead the master bedroom had the tub and toilet right in it, with the toilet facing the bed. The tub was a massive jacuzzi but with a kitchen tap for a faucet so it couldn't fill up quickly enough to stay warm. Oh and the house was filled with naked pictures of the homeowner.
Pixabay
43. What's the motto with him?
Wasn’t inside their home, but outside. I was on hurricane relief in the mountains of New York. We had to go and supply water to this guy whose house was deep in the woods. His property was surrounded by trees, and hanging from those trees were a bunch of black baby dolls from nooses. There was a wooden archway as you approached his house that said “Arbeit mach frei” which means “work sets you free.”
That was on the entrance to Auschwitz.
42. Keep that covered up.
I do property maintenance. One guy has been having problems with his heater recently.
The breakers are in the closet on the wall. I've gone in a few times and noticed this huge stack covered by a big blue blanket. The other day I got curious and took a peak. It was a huge collection of Playboy magazines. It wasn't just one stack either, there were two stacks. I'm basically 6' tall, these came up to my chin.
I've seen all types of messy and nasty apartments but this had me chuckling all day.
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
41. Watering the carpet.
I used to work as a fire safety technician meaning I put the little cardboard certification tags on your fire extinguishers. I had to enter a lot of apartments and saw a lot of weird stuff but maybe the weirdest was the customary knock three times - no answer - use the master key to enter, walk in and dude is standing in his living room peeing on the wall. Waves me in the direction of the extinguisher, I inspect and tag, and as I’m walking out he is STILL peeing on his own living room wall.
40. That's what shoeboxes are for.
Years ago I use to deliver and setup furniture of all sorts. Not that weird, but I use to find adult toys under mattresses all the frigging time. I would stand the mattress up against the wall and they’d be laid out there. I’d simply tell the homeowner, “I gotta grab some tools from the truck, if there’s anything you need to clean up, now is the time to do it.”
I’d come back in and the adult toys would be gone. Every time. And they would never say a word about it. It wasn’t a big deal, I just didn’t want to handle them if the homeowner was home. They would be a little embarrassed (no eye contact, red cheeks, etc) but I’d like to think I handled it as professionally as possible, given the fact I was 17-20 years old.
39. Trick or treat.
Years ago I drove a tow truck at nights putting myself through college. Got a call to go get this woman’s car. I pull up and she’s in the car and won’t get out. I ask her ma’am to please get out so I can safely tow your vehicle without you in it. She said “that’s never going to happen”. I said it’s an insurance violation for me to let you ride in your car. It’s late so I said screw it...ma’am please move to the passenger seat so I can put your car in neutral and steer it up on the flatbed. She complies. I get in the car and she says I can’t leave them alone in here...I’m like who? I turn around and there is no joke 30+ cats in the back of this old station wagon. Every single one of them in some sort of Halloween costume. The car smelled worse than anything I’ve ever encountered in my life.
38. Their eyes follow you.
I do property management for multi millionaires, one of which has a plaque in her house from when she sold her shares in a company in excess of $50M. It’s not as strange as some, but it always creeped me out.
Her house is extremely nice, right on the beach, but it’s a pretty old house. Inside everything is pretty old, from the furniture to the wallpaper. She has an abundance of creepy pictures dating back to the 1800s on her walls, on her tables, even cup holders have creepy looking people on the bottom where you’d put your cup. I imagine it’s all old pictures of her family, but it’s really bizarre. She also has really old dolls that look creepy, some of them resembling Annabelle from the movie. She has probably 3-4 in every room in her 5,000+ sq ft house. I hate going in there.
Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
37. Good for insulation.
I work in home health. I was brushing one of my patients hair one morning (first morning I worked for this particular woman) and put the brush down on the side table so I could braid her hair. She said “wait, wait! Go to my dresser and get my hair bag please.” I said “what’s a hair bag?” And walk to the dresser. “Top drawer” she says. I open it up and sure enough, there sits a ziplock bag full of hair clumps. She asked me to pull the hair from the brush and put it in the bag. I asked her why she was keeping it and she said “I’ve been saving my hair since I was a girl. It’s all in the closet, go look! It’s beautiful!” I opened the closet to find an entire shelf with various sizes of ziplock bags full of hair, dozens of bags, going from dark brown to light brown and then to varying shades of gray and white. Beautiful was not the first word that came to my mind.
Photo by Jill Wellington from Pexels
36. The greatest actor of his generation.
I install blinds and curtains. So far the weirdest thing I have ever seen in 7 years, would be a woman who decorated the entire second floor of her home with pictures and posters of Hugh Jackman. Movie posters, newspaper clippings, photos of him, photos of him and her at fan meet and greets. I counted over 30 posters, and well over 100 framed photos, many of them being signed. Stacks and stacks of the Play Bill's you get at the door, but only of plays that Hugh was in.
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35. Where's the jelly?
I cleaned 4 homes in my area every summer. One time I went into this guy's cabin to get it all cleaned up by the time he got home. I walked into the living room and could smell nothing but peanut butter. Like super strong smell that's when I noticed there was peanut butter on the wall. So like an idiot I followed. I reached the bathroom and found an entire jar a peanut butter smeared everywhere all over everything. I figured the guy must have had a toddler or something. However, no kids clothes, no toys, no pictures. So I started to get to work. Until I saw the condom sitting in the bathroom garbage covered in peanut butter. I left and haven't been back since.
34. Art appreciation.
Worked for an architect. We had been hired by a building owner to do extensive renovations of his apartment building. To do so, we needed to create floor plans for the entire building but he didn't have any, so we had to survey the entire building and every apartment in order to draft the plans ourselves.
We gained access to one of the apartments and were greeted by a friendly tenant. As we step into the apartment, I just see penises everywhere. He has penis art all over his apartment. Paintings of penises, photos of penises, statues of penises... Well you get the idea. I put my head down and just start doing my work and try to get out of there in as efficient time as necessary to do my job. My colleague who was with me, who was straight out of college at that point, was just rattled by the whole thing. When we finally left, the only words he muttered under his breath were "So... many... penises."
Photo by 祝 鹤槐 from Pexels
33. A little too friendly.
I used to be a housepainter. One weekend was working (with my female partner) at a house for a woman and her toddler daughter. The daughter was chatty and cute, mostly sat on the couch watching tv but would talk to us while we worked. I was on my knees painting some trim with my back to the daughter when she said "look at me".
I turned around and saw her on the couch wrapped in a blanket. She opened the blanket and said "I'm naked". I immediately turned back around and said loudly "I don't need to see that"! From the other room, her mom yelled out "Is she taking her clothes off again"?
At the end of the day, we were laughing about it with the mother. Luckily, she took it well.
Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels
32. Squatty potty.
I was a plumber going through college. While in training I went to an abandoned home that was being bought by a homeowner, they were trying to use their home warranty system. We entered the house to find that it had been used by squatters until a few weeks previous... the sink was literally overflowing with garbage and mold, the bathroom was also quit literally overflowing with feces (they didn't have any water but apparently kept taking dumps in the toilet, to the point where it was all over the floor around the toilet), the bathtub and the wall next to the bathtub was covered in mold. We took one look at all of it and left.
Other than that, I've seen all the stuff you'd normally expect... hoarders, weed houses, hot moms who want their pipes fixed with a big wrench... but the squatters house was the worst, and weirdest.
Photo by Digital Buggu from Pexels
31. Too much cuteness.
I used to work at a junk hauling company just out of high school (think 1800 got junk from the hoarders show). We got a call for a couch disposal and showed up at the house. Lady that answered the door was a little strange, we went inside to a gloomy apartment with no lights on, and floor to ceiling rabbit cages. There must have been 20+ cages in her front room alone. All the floors were covered with sawdust and rabbits were everywhere. The whole place as you would expect smelled horrible and flys were everywhere. We walked to the back room, saw the couch just covered in rabbit droppings and some lady sitting in a chair in the corner who never said a word to us. We stepped outside called our boss and said we weren't going back in without hazmat suits and got out of there.
Photo by Piya Nimityongskul from Pexels
30. Put it on the wall.
I've got a good one. My first job was a plumbers mate. Basically an assistant to a plumber. We had this job to replace all the radiators in the council flat block. We go into one house, nicely decorated. There's a few kids and mum and dad perfectly friendly. Then I saw the front page of the Sun newspaper, framed and hanging on the wall. The headline was something like 'footballer's cousin killed by fatal punch' the article starts and pictured as the killer is the guy whose house I'm in.
He killed that guy in one punch, accisidental death, but went prison for it. Got out, and now has that framed on his wall for his kids to see. If I accidentally killed someone, even in a fight, I'd lose sleep. Not frame it as my best achievement.
Image by White77 from Pixabay
29. There's something down there.
Phone guy in the early 2000's. I went to this guy's house in Hammond, on a repair call. No dial tone, as in, when he picked up the phone it was dead, no worky worky. When I opened the box outside and disconnected the wiring from the house the line worked just fine. When I told the guy I would need access to the basement to look at the wiring and locating the offending wire he gave me this weird look. Creepily said, "You need the basement?" I said yes. As we both looked at this door that presumably went to the basement, I noticed it had like 5 to 7 locks on the outside of the door. As if meant to keep something, or someone, in. He then said is there any other way you could fix it. I said, short of throwing a cord through the window from the box outside, no. He opted for the cord. I noped out of there as fast as I could.
28. Behind the camera.
I worked for Pizza Hut many years ago. I had to deliver to a house that was as normal as can be on the outside. I knocked on the door and a guy wearing only silk boxers answered. He was slightly overweight but looked like he was smuggling a baseball bat in his boxers. He was casual and asked me to step inside for a second as he had to get his wallet. I take one step inside and this extremely hot lady came around the corner. She was obviously not wearing a bra and her robe was barely closed. One of her steps flapped open her robe enough to know that she shaved her "down below" I looked behind her and you could see a video camera set up on a tripod so it was obvious what they were doing. The guys hands me the money with a good size tip, no pun intended, and tells me that he appreciated me bringing the food. I said "no problem, have fun doing what you're doing, and if you need a camera man, let me know." I don't even remember thinking the last part until it was coming out of my mouth. He just kind of laughed and said maybe next time, my dude. The girl just laughed a little and I left. Damn, the bad luck. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if they said, yeah, let's do this.
27. Not set up for kids.
I used to have to do home visits for families with preschoolers. This was in a tiny apartment where the kids had no beds and slept on mattresses on the floor with no sheets. One wall of the living room was a massive fish tank, the other wall was a massive flat screen TV. Each item took up the entire wall on its side. I was in another apartment where there were tons of kittens, one giant cage and NOTHING else. No litter box no furniture. I have no idea where the kids slept, or why there were so many kittens. They were cooking there, there were pots and pans and food on the stove but it was so bizarre.
One of the reasons for home visits was to determine eligibility for services, like furniture vouchers for example or Medicaid. But the main reason was so we could make sure the kid could go to our free program because it was only available to residents of that city. At least if you’re lying about living in a place, have some of the kid's stuff there?
26. Protect the vulnerable.
So this isn’t weird, but it was the most shocking. I was working with adults with intellectual disabilities that lived in residential homes. It was one of my first weeks in the job and a co worker was taking me out to a home to show me what she did when she did home reviews.
We get to the house, open the door, and a we are instantly hit with a wall of air smelling like feces. Two steps in and it was apparent; there was diarrhea on a chair, on the carpet and random splotches all over. The whole house was in shambles. The fridge was full of moldy foods, and I’ll never forget picking up the shredded cheese, shaking the bag, and seeing green mold flakes go up and down.
Food was splattered all over the cabinets, the beds were stained with urine and feces and expired canned food was found everywhere. The staff there had been neglecting those guys for a long time and no one had bothered to check up on them.
Pet Wellbeing
25. Look out for the wildlife.
Worked as a furniture delivery guy for a rent to own place in Iowa for a couple of years, and I saw some absolutely crazy stuff.
We were delivering a couch to someone and when we arrived there was no answer to our knocking. We called our manager back at the store and explained that no one was home. He tells us to hang out for a minute while he tries getting in touch with the customer. While we’re waiting we start hearing this weird sort of screeching sound coming from a detached garage.
We decided to investigate the noise. We turned the corner to the front of the garage and came face to face with the meanest, scariest looking monkey I’ve ever seen! It was in the garage but they had like this wire fence keeping it inside. The entire garage was it’s cage. In the middle of Iowa. I have no idea what type of monkey it was. It was large and very angry.
24. That's how you get golem.
I worked as a delivery driver for a deliver anything company in the early 2000s. At the time it was a very novel (but ultimately unsustainable) idea for a business back then. We had a lot of regular weirdos. One night one of these weirdos ordered about 30$ worth of candles from the dollar store. This job really brought to the forefront the disconnects that exist in us as consumers. So of course initially I had gotten the wrong kind of candles for the weirdo. He showed me what he wanted at his apartment door. Luckily the store was literally a couple blocks away so I didn't have to waste much time because I wasn't being paid hourly. "Come in" was what I was greeted with when I returned which is never something I'm particularly happy about as a delivery person. I see what my rational brain tells me is a pile of laundry on a coffee table in front of a filthy couch. But it's not that. It's a 3 foot tall wax pile. I had bought candles in jars the first time, and I could definitely see why those would not work for our gentlemen. He needed freestanding candles so he could just plop one down and light it to continue building his wax mountain which was starting to spill onto the floor. A less weird but more awkward experience I had with this man was him literally falling asleep mid-signature for his takeout.
23. What's left behind.
I was a Firefighter for 15 years. One time the code enforcement department called us to assist with condemning a house. The smell was so strong from the street that they knew we needed air packs to enter.
The owners were moved to the nursing home and left their dogs behind. Instead of doing anything about it, their daughter just kept throwing bags of dog food in the door periodically.
There were 4 generations of inbred dogs in that house ranging from still nursing puppies to 40 pound adults. I think the final count was in the low 20s when animal control got them all rounded up. There was a decomposing cat body. The feces was literally inches thick on the floor and splattered knee high up the walls. You could see the fleas crawling on one guys khaki pants when he came out.
The daughter ended up getting well deserved animal neglect charges out of it. I think the house got torn down.
The weirdest part was the family portraits and knickknacks still on the walls and furniture like they had just left.
Pixabay
22. He's very particular.
I was asked to help a guy pack for a move. Showed up to talk to him about the job, and saw his living room floor had an 8 by 8 grid of copy paper boxes, all half packed. He said no one could possibly help him pack, because he had a special method. THIS lightbulb, you see, and THIS cassette tape were both from his apartment in Chicago 1978, so they went in THIS particular box with all the other 1978 things. He was correct, no one could help him pack. I had to walk out mid sentence. He clearly had not been taking his meds.
I've seen some rather impressive layering of garbage, animal feces, roach debris, and the like, but that isn't weird anymore.
I saw a living room with 2 kiddie pools in it to catch leaks from rain. The pools weren't bailed, but rather, just left to evaporate. You can imagine the mold. Another room in this house, the ceiling had fallen in. The door to this room was duct taped shut and a cabinet moved in front of the door. Sadly, this was my parents house before it was (thankfully) demolished.
21. Not your normal family home.
I work repossession as part of a Finance Company (I do sales, but part of that is delivery, and unfortunately repossession). I have seen some disgusting houses, but the weirdest and worst has to be this couple with a young child who were just piling USED nappys in the corner of there house. Not like a 5 or six but like mountain of used diapers, just in one corner like it was the allocated diaper corner.
The smell was unbearable, nearly threw up walking though the door. We left the goods at the house as it was a health risk. The rest of the house was just as disgusting (like used dishes, ashtrays, fastfood rubbish etc) . They honestly looked unfazed by it. To this day I have no idea how they haven't died of some disease or something. The poor kid. We reported to Child Services, but beyond that no idea what's happened. Hopefully the kid was taken somewhere more hygienic.
Pixabay
20. Thou shall not pass.
I worked at a place we rented out houses/apartments for the owners. I once set up a showing at a house with like 3 tenants I think, I let them know we would be touring in advance. Seemed like tenants not home at first. The final upstairs bedroom, the door was shut. I knocked, a deep voice said, come in. I open the door, hold it open to let my customers in 1st. They just stood there and stared, I finally look in. Some old dude wearing a cape and a wizard hat was standing in the middle of the room, stirring a huge steaming cauldron that was on like an electric hot plate or something, it was wild. All bubbling over, like.... I was stunned. Smelled like sulfur. I'm like ehhhh, the wizard guy said come in, come in, close the door. I'm like, eh we're good thanks. Usher the people out, they race back to their car, I'm still trying to close the deal. Lady was like, this place and that guy give me the heeby jeebies, I will never live here! Fair enough. So then the owner calls up, he asks how it went, well, you have a potential fire hazard in the master bedroom and its possibly cursed, but other than that, a fine property indeed.
Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay
19. Polishing up for the home inspection.
I had a neighbor who offered me money to clean her apartment. She had mental health issues and got some kind of subsidy from the county for home assistance, which she didn't like, but she had an inspection coming up for continuing her other benefits.... so....
I walked in and there were dishes everywhere. Glasses with dried stuff in the bottom. Pizza boxes that smelled of old cheese in stacks. Ashtrays piled so high they were pyramids of butts. Beer cans and bottles scattered. Went into the kitchen and both sinks are piled up past the faucet. One side has water in it that's covered in a white film. The kitchen trash can had overflowed to the floor and has flies buzzing around it.
Gross, but I needed the money, so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. After I got the dishes under control, I moved on to the stove/oven. When I opened the door, the enture bottom of the oven was crawling with maggots. The wave of smell was enough to about knock me down and I ran out gagging. Went home, got a mask, went back and finished cleaning up.
I still cannot figure out what she did to that oven. There was no food inside and looked like it had never been used...
18. Nice work if you can get it.
A middle aged guy came up to me in my work van (cable etc) and asked if I could fix his cable around the block on the side for $500 cash which he would pay in advance. I was reserved about the situation but I had a gun and I carry so why not? I got to the house and it was a normal house a little big 6 bedrooms. Everything normal when I went inside nothing wierd. He said that cable in the master bedroom didnt work. Went in and notice cable was on same wall on two bedrooms. Asked if I could go into the next room he that's when things got real.
He pulls out a cannon and said to give him my wallet which I did and laid low with my gun because he surprised me. He then took my license out and tossed my wallet back and said I know who you are and you better be able to keep your mouth shut. Then takes me in the room next door and what I saw was heart stopping. Stacks of cash from floor to ceiling in every bedroom. So much you couldn't get anymore in. I told the guy I could do through the attic which I did and the guy was nice after that and he gave me a stack of money which was 4 inches high in a Budweiser six-pack can case bottom which was $180k. I never said anything before but since it was back in the 80s it couldn't do any harm now. Don't know why the money was there but I think he had a billion dollars in there all in $100 and $50 bills.
17. Curiosity never hurt anyone.
I used to work as a delivery driver in northern Illinois and there were many times during the winter when I was asked to step in real quick while they looked for the coupon they used on an order or where they put the cash. I remember one time I came into this guy's home and the whole place reeked of weed. He's wearing a robe and has an unlit smoke hanging from his mouth as he's looking through drawers trying to find the coupon.
I take a quick look around and I see the source of the smell; a giant sack of weed on the counter and a digital scale next to it. Dude was clearly selling, but that wasn't what was weird. What was weird was that there was a used condom on the scale. I didn't see anyone else around, and the order didn't seem like for more than one person, so it basically looked like this guy was trying to weigh how much he was able to ejaculate.
I've done some pretty weird stuff when stoned as well, so I chalked it up to that. I did kinda wish he tipped me in weed instead of cash, but then again maybe I didn't want anything that possibly was on that scale at some point.
Pixabay
16. The weirdest part is the beet.
My father is a firefighter. They have regular calls to this one man’s apartment for disturbances, suspected medical distress, cries for help, the works. His name is ironically Norm, and he’s a regular call for them.
Norm is clearly mentally ill, but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a weird apartment. My dad says that Norm’s apartment walls are covered floor to ceiling in egg cartons that are hot glued on. You cannot see an inch of wall in any room. Each night, he seals doors and windows in his unit with toothpaste, and my dad says that the dried toothpaste around the doors and windows is easily 4 inches thick. Norm says these are protective measures to keep evil spirits out. The last call my dad responded to was that Norm had lit his TV on fire and threw it out the window of his 5th floor unit. I suppose this was before his nightly toothpaste ritual. There was a cardboard box with a TV drawn on it sitting on the entertainment unit when they arrived.
My dad also says that every time they’ve been there, there is a single beet boiling in a pot on the stove.
I really don’t know how this man is allowed to live on his own, or how he hasn’t been evicted.
Pixabay
15. You could say it was freeing.
For a summer job I worked for an appliance delivery and installation company so we would go inside with the machines and hook them up after removing the old ones. My coworker and I were doing a standard dishwasher hookup and removal for a guy who had to be 65+. While I was hooking up the drain hose and my coworker was taking the old unit outside the guy said to me “when you called I was practicing my hobby. I’m an escape artist.” I knew it could get weird fast so I didn’t question it. When my coworker came in the guy took out handcuffs and said to him, put these on me and I’ll get out. He left the room and minutes later was free. He said “now let me find some rope.” Had my coworker tie up his arms and cuff him again. He left the room and was free minutes later. This was our last stop and we just wanted to get out of there so I finished installing while he got the paper work ready and I told him I’d load the junker into the truck and wait for him. About 10 minutes later coworker comes out and says, “yo, you gotta see what this guy had me do.” I go in there and the guy is in the cuffs, tied up, in a sleeping bag with a moving blanket duct taped around him. We waited in the kitchen and 5 minutes later he came out all free and very sweaty. It was actually kind of impressive and the guy seemed happy to have help with the traps and being able to entertain people, but that was the weirdest experience I had on that job.
14. Saving up for something.
Worked EMS for a spell. My partner needed to use the bathroom before we transported a stable elderly patient. Using the bathroom in a patients house is widely regarded as an iffy deal because a) people are gross and b) people are weird.
This particular little old lady’s house is clean, albeit decorated with many creepy figurines but my partner was on a juice cleanse and couldn’t hold it and decided to hit the can. I ask him to look around to see if any of her meds are in the bathroom because she’s unclear of the name of her BP medicine and I want to be able to have a complete list for the ED.
He comes out alarmed and just points to the bathroom. Lil old lady had one of those tall storage racks that go above your toilet with 3-4 shelves. Every single one of those shelves were filled with rows and rows of jars. Every jar was jam packed with nail clippings. Absolutely packed with nail bits. It was revolting to see just bits and bits and bits of yellow brittle nails just chilling in the open, for anyone to see. lil ole lady became lil creepy lady so fast.
Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay
13. Not cool, sir.
My husband works a job where he goes into customers' houses to do furniture protection and carpet cleaning.
We live in a big city, so most of his "gross" stories involve bugs (usually roaches) inside people's houses, and are typically under the area rug or couch he is there to service.
But his best story is of a lady he had to visit several times (multiple pieces of furniture being serviced over a period of time), and the last time he visited her, he said the apartment smelled like rotting, sickly poo. She apologized for the smell, and explained that the cat had been sick recently and was pooping everywhere in the apartment, and she herself had been too sick to clean it up. So there were just little rotting piles everywhere that he says were like little land mines that he had to avoid stepping on.
But as an appropriate one-up story, my husband's best friend does the same job as him, and his best story is similar to my husband's. Best friend gets to the customer's house, sees a couple of little poop land mines in the corner and says "Oh, I think your cat may have had an accident over here..." and customer says "Oh, no, that was me, I forgot to put my diaper on this morning!"
12. Some unconventional roommates.
I work in EMS so I go into homes on the regular to help patients. This one call I had was a routine call. We get to the house but my 2 buddies went in before I did because I had to grab some things from the rig.
Somehow I couldn’t find where anybody went. It was a kind of confusing house setup. As I’m going from hallway to room I thought I found the right door (mind you it wasn’t a very large house, just a confusing layout). When I opened that door (it was a screen door but I couldn’t see through too well) I walked forward and was immediately met with the largest potbelly pig I have ever seen in person. This chunky boy was massive. Cute as could be, but I was VERY confused and wondering if I’m in the right place. I look around and see 2 birds in a cage and a snake in a cool tank.
I swear if somebody saw my reaction they would’ve been crying in laughter because I just said, “what, who’s got a big pig INSIDE their house.” After that I found where everybody went; they too went past the pig room and out a side door. I was confused for a long time as to why they had the pig and animals in the room that connects their house to the outside door. Crazy stuff.
I’ve always wondered what the name of the pig was, ‘twas very cute.
11. Taking gross to new depths.
When I was younger, I used to work as a contractor for a cable company installing internet. The contractor portion is important: don't do the work, don't get paid. I went to one house in the neighborhood I grew up, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. When I got to the door, it smelled farmyard fresh. The homes occupant answers, invites me in and says you can leave your shoes on. This is significant as well, the policy was remove your shoes at the door. They say it's kind of dirty in the basement, all of the connections in our city tend to come in at the basement level.
Leaving my shoes on, I start walking down the stairs, gagging, do the old pull up the shirt as a makeshift gas mask and continue. The basement was poorly lit, but the floor had a blackish appearance. I shine my flashlight and see trampled dog doodoo. I mean it was wall to wall and 1-2 inches deep and looked almost carpet like other than the large piles in some locations and the bare floor in a couple. My guess it was a rental and the guy kept his dogs indoors. Fortunately the connection was accessible from the stairs, did a quick connection, ran the cable up the stairs and said here you go. I promptly wiped my shoes on the mat he had at his door before going back outside and left.
The company I worked for liked to do inspections of our work, I recommended this for an inspection. Let's just say I got paid. I haven't worked that job in 20 years and it still sticks out. Not sure how someone could live like that.
Pixabay
10. Like a part of the family.
Used to be a Massage Therapist that took house calls. I once went to a very well to do neighborhood and the 12 bedroom house that came with it. The job was a simple hour long stress relief massage.
I get there and an older woman, who was still quite attractive, greeted me in a very short revealing robe. No issue as most of my clients went nude anyways. I do wish it was done in a more professional way.
She leads me to the front room, which was huge. The first thing I notice is above the fireplace was a huge hand oil panting of a dog. Those white fluffy ones.
Wow. ok. That was probably an expensive paint job.
I am led to the room where I will perform the massage.
The room was made for a dog. It was a small round dog bed complete with a frame and steps. It even had a small kid dresser that looked like it was dog clothes. A small dog chest with toys, picture of dogs and parks on the walls, and it even had an attached bathroom. I did not go in there. I set up my table and braced myself.
Yep. I was asked to massage the dog. As it was very stressed out. I think the dog was just comfortable to the point of lazy, but what do I know.
Image by jan_photo from Pixabay
9. Some very important articles.
Former cable guy here and... oh boy... I have some stories.
The one I always remember is the lady who told me she had called us 5 times and the previous 4 techs could not complete her install so this time she wanted me to install it in a way that DID NOT encompass the basement. That didn’t seem... good.
Well, I tried, but essentially her drop came up from the ground, and literally the only way I could hook her up was to go into the basement, install a splitter and pick up her network throughout the rest of the house. I told her this and she sighed and said, “well I guess this isn’t happening”.
At this point I was morbidly curious and a little worried, so I told her I at least had to try or else my boss would be mad. Surprisingly, she agreed to let me try but said there was no way it could be done. She leads me to the basement door and opens it and turns the light on. Right away I understood. Stacked on literally every inch of her floor and including two thirds of the stairs were magazines, newspapers, and other assorted papers. They were stacked LITERALLY floor to ceiling. It wasn’t like a giant stack here and a giant stack there and lots of little stacks all over the place. Literally floor to ceiling stacks of papers, magazines, etc, covering literally every inch of floor and 2/3 of the stairs. I went down the 1/3 of the stairs I could access with my eyes above the level of the ceiling and shined my flashlight through a small space created by a steal beam and a rafter too small for the stacks near the ceiling and it went all the way to the wall in both directions. It was as if her basement was filled up like a bathtub, only with paper. Unreal.
She told me that she just had a hard time throwing any of it away and was planning to read it someday. I apologized for not hooking her up and quickly left.
8. Inside every home, a hydroponic.
Back in the early 90s, I worked for a company that removed old electric water heaters and replaced them with propane powered water heaters. Because propane water heaters can possibly spew carbon monoxide, there are state regulations as to where the water heaters can and can't be placed, so it was my job to inspect the water heater room and draw up plans for ventilation, if necessary.
I showed up at a client's home to inspect the area where he had his water heater to see if we needed to install any vents. When I asked to see his current water heater, he seemed a little uncomfortable and said, "I have something in the room that I forgot to clean up." I followed him to the room, and when he opened the door, the smell of weed hit me. In the water heater room, he had fishing lines strung up with trimmed plants being dried. If I were to guess, there must have been a couple pounds of weed drying in there.
He said, "Oops, sorry about that." I smiled and told him, "No problem. I don't even know what that is." I knew exactly what it was, but I didn't want the guy to get worried about me telling someone. He offered me some, but I told him, "No thanks. I don't know what that is."
As I was leaving, he asked me, "You aren't going to tell anyone about the plants, are you?" I asked, "What plants?" The guy smiled, then said, "You sure you don't want some?" I definitely wanted some, but I was still pretty new at my job so I didn't want to take the chance that accepting weed from him would blow up in my face. Before I left, I told him, "Make sure you clear that closet before our guys arrive. They might not be happy about the plants I didn't see."
Image by Rex Medlen from Pixabay
7. This guy knows exactly where his marbles are.
By far the weirdest dude I’ve ever helped was this bodybuilder who was having a bunch of home theater equipment installed in his house. He absolutely would not use WiFi because he believed it was dangerous and wanted everything in the house wired so there were four of us on this job.
We get there and he takes us to the basement and there are signs up all over about radiation and to wear eye protection when certain equipment was running. Dude has a tanning bed and a bunch of chemicals that I can only assume were for making steroids or something of that sort. But remember that WiFi is dangerous.
Later, he asks if we mind if he goes on a walk and we’re like sure man do whatever and about ten minutes later we realize he’s naked in a field behind his house doing Tai Chi. Dude has neighbors, he is not that far away from people to be doing that.
Towards the end of the appointment, we’re setting up an account for something and he needs to create a password. He decides to ask me how my name is spelled and use my name as his password. My name is not unusual but it is a name that can be spelled many many ways so I’m sure that worked super well for him.
We finally finish and are just about to get out of this place when he suddenly darts out of the house and waves us down. He apparently has a tradition of letting guests choose a marble from a table filled with marbles. We all pick a marble just to appease him. He tells me I can have a second one if I like. I declined on account of not wanting to make my coworkers jealous.
6. Keeping it natural.
I used to own a company that set up and maintained large fish tanks. I had 53 clients from all walks of life and most of them were 'typical' - knock, go in, clean the tank, provide an invoice, get paid and leave. I got a new client one day from my roommate - he said that this woman had a large reef tank and needed someone to maintain it. I call her up, we discuss her tank, the basics and set a time for me to stop over and have a look at her set up. The day comes - I'm standing on her front porch, ring the doorbell and wait...and wait...and wait.
Right about the time I turn around to leave - the door opens to an empty room. After about 20 seconds she appears from behind the door - completely nude except for her Chucks and asks me to come in. It's a 2nd floor condo and upon entering, I notice a complete lack of expected furniture anywhere. There's a large bougainvillea on a giant trellis in what should be the dining room and that's about it. The fish tank is in her living room and it's the only piece of furniture visible from the foyer.
I do my best to maintain eye contact while talking with her but she's both attractive and covered in tattoos so I'm kind of struggling. She goes into her bedroom while I'm cleaning the tank - when I'm done, I call out to her to let her know that I'm finished - she says that I'll find what I need in the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen to find several neat stacks of money on the counter - a dorm fridge on the counter and one of those tiny ass microwaves (slightly bigger than an EasyBake oven) on the other counter next to stacks of money. There had to be $15k in cash on the kitchen counter. I take the cash to cover the service and place it with the invoice and wait next to the bougainvillea in silence for what felt like 15 minutes until she comes out. I show her the invoice and the cash, she smiles, thanks me and I leave.
She was one of my clients for almost a year and never once did she have clothes on when I showed up.
Image by Narcis Ciocan from Pixabay
5. These animals are not usually free range.
I do furniture assembly as a side hustle and find myself in all kinds of people's homes. This one time I showed up at this sketchy apartment in a rough part of town to build a desk for a girl that was referred to me by a past client. They made me wait at the door for a few minutes after arriving which had me uneasy since I was already in a bad neighborhood, then she opened the door and let me in. So there I was in this small, quiet, sparsely decorated apartment and she says the desk is right here, you just put it together in the living room.
Anyways, while I set to work putting together this Ikea desk on their living room floor, I spotted some movement out of my peripheral and just assumed it was maybe a kitten. But then I saw it again and it was way too small and scampered weird so then I wasn't sure what I was seeing. A few moments later, I see another pop it's head out from under the couch, and sure enough it was a cute little Guinea Pig! Now those things are adorable, but as far as I've ever seen them, they're always kept in enclosures. But no, there were at least 3 that I saw just roaming around the apartment at their own leisure. And yes that's when I noticed leaves of lettuce and pellets just strewn about on the floor, and little droppings in the corner. I mean, these people weren't really living in squalor or anything, just a very different lifestyle than what I'm used to seeing! Again, they were super nice and did pay me more than requested, but it definitely remains one of the stranger jobs I've done.
4. He likes to watch.
Used to work for a concrete company, and our mixer trucks would sometimes damage property. Typically my partner and I did maintenance on the plants, but we’d get sent to job sites to undo whatever the drivers did.
So while at one house, we had to tear up the driveway, replace the culvert and repour the end of the driveway. The first day we were there, all the old snoopy neighbors were standing around watching us, and I had to piss pretty bad. So I asked the homeowner if I could use his bathroom. He said sure, and led me through his house, past a bathroom, into the bathroom in the master bedroom. Already creeped out by that. Oh, also I noticed cameras all over the place. Some pointed out windows, some pointed into the rooms. Creep factor leveled up.
So he leads me to the bathroom, opens the door and holds it for me, like you would at a store, when someone is behind you. I say thanks, he still stands there. I had to walk past him and yank the door closed.
While leaving, I notice a bedroom decked out in kid stuff. This would normally not toss up any flags. Grandkid’s room probably.. right?
But with all the added creepiness, it just didn’t seem normal at all. Told my partner, he laughed and pointed out there was probably cameras in the bathroom.
If either of us had to pee after that, we drove down to the gas station.
Image by Robert Lischka from Pixabay
3. A very rare pet.
I used to install smoke alarms for the hearing impaired (50% elderly and 50% deaf) all over the state of Oklahoma. I would get addresses for the installations the week before and plan routes accordingly, meaning I would just put the addresses into google and check out the earth/map views.
This place I'm thinking of was in the middle of nowhere, which is saying something considering that the entire state of Oklahoma is in the middle of nowhere. When my ASL interpreter and I made the trip, we had to ramp our minivan over a nearly washed out bridge, bounce down a forest road, and choose which of three broken down trailers these people were using as shelter. Looking back, we really should have just called it before ramping the bridge.
Once there, we met the people and they explained (in ASL through my interpreter) that they had a tornado rip through their home that ended up sparking a fire somehow, that explanation never made it through translation.
Since then they had decided to be more fire safety conscious, which I applaud but their home had holes in the roof the size of people. One wall was just a tapestry of duct taped trash bags. I didn't feel right just installing fancy smoke alarms when they clearly needed much more help... but there wasn't anything I could do.
So I'm doing the only thing I can do, installing smoke alarms, explaining basic fire safety, teaching them to use their bed shaking devices (these folks were deaf), and when I start to explain that they should exit the home without stopping to grab anything including pets, they stopped me and explained that their pet is very valuable. As in it had a monetary value.
I'm not one to pry, so I took this at face value and reiterated the importance of leaving the home immediately if it is on fire, especially because it's a trailer home. They had a long, silent conversation with my interpreter during which she looked more and more concerned.
That's when the occupants go into a room I hadn't yet entered and emerge with a bald eagle on a leash..
2. Looking forward to the end of days.
I worked at 2 different property preservation companies from about 2006-2017. Most properties were single-family homes that were foreclosures. I never went to houses; I looked at photos our contractors took. Highlights include: Deer massacre. Don't know what happened at that house, but there was a trench at least 20 to 30 feet long and 3 to 5 feet wide filled with whole and partial deer corpses Cow bathroom. A cow got into a vacant property, ate a lot of the baseboards and stairs, and then got in a bathroom and closed the door on itself. I guess the door was strong because it was found a month or two later, decayed into the floor. The cage. There was a freaking jail cell built into the corner of the garage in a house in a crappy neighborhood. I had lived one street over a year earlier. We came to the conclusion it probably was related to human smuggling because we never heard on the news about a serial killer or anything. Fancy fancy house. This was a 32 (? I think?) room mansion that was seized by some government agency and then sold to an investor. Local kids wrecked the place at least once a month, there must have been $100k damage the last time I saw photos from there. Stripper room. A doomsday prepper house that had a sign warning of booby traps had a 600ish sqft building that was not permitted on the property. It was accessed by driving over a creek if it hadn't rained too much and wasn't on any paperwork for the property. It had 3 couches, a stripper pole, and CDs on the wall (for a disco ball effect I think).
1. Primed for eviction.
I was in maintenance management at an apartment complex in Tulsa, Oklahoma for about 9 months. I saw plenty of weird crap. Worst one was around week two of the job. This was toward the end of November 2007. We get a call of water leaking from the upstairs into an apartment below. My boss (early 60s) knew who it was and basically gave me a "oh, that guy again... How about you plunge the toilet? I'll call for the extraction and sanitizing when you're done." Okay. So I knock on the door twice and call out "maintenance" each time before I open up. Now these buildings are set up with all four doors to both upstairs and downstairs apartments on the ground floor. The two upstairs apartments in the center have indoor carpeted stairs that lead up to the living room. I open this door and there is trash covering every step leading into this apartment. I cannot see the floor at all.
My immediate thought was Leatherface from the first Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I went up the stairs anyway and saw the trash was piled higher than the stairs and covered the entire floor of this apartment. There was a blue love seat in the living room with a fair amount of stuff on it and a framed Shania Twain poster was the only decoration on one of the walls. Before I take another step in this dump, I decide I'm not taking any chances going further in case some crazy dude is going to ambush me from the kitchen just around the corner. So I go down the stairs, lock the door and make my way to the shop just across the street from the set of buildings I was in.
I run into my boss and he asks me if I got the toilet unclogged. I didn't give a damn what he thought of me at that point, I was freaked out. I told him what I saw in there and was planning to get a hammer from the shop to carry for protection before I went back in. So he's like, "let's just get this over with, I'll watch your back." He knocks on the door, calls out "maintenance" just like I did and we go in. He moseys in all cool and shaking his head while looking around. Then he gets between the door to the bedroom and the door to the bathroom and points down at the open bedroom doorway. He shook his head and looked up as me as I followed him.
As I went into the the bathroom, I see there's a guy passed out on the only spot of that apartment that didn't have trash on the floor. He had stuff piled up to the ceiling on his bed and a TV on a stand right next to the door playing Jerry Springer's Final Thought. This guy was totally snoozing. He had a hook from a white plastic hanger just resting on his nose and was dressed in a white t-shirt and tighty whities that were a little too small because his balls looked like they were straining to burst out.
The bathroom was like nothing I'd ever seen before. He had bedding and pillows in his bathtub. It was obvious he had slept in there. Water was standing everywhere on the floor and had clearly been running out of the toilet bowl. There was so much feces it filled half the toilet bowl. Basically, this guy kept using the toilet for god knows how long and decided that was the day to flush everything down all at once. So my boss gives me a "I'll stand guard" crossing his arms while facing this dude still sleeping.
Yeah, the moment I put the plunger in that toilet, all kinds of turd water just overflowed and made the unbelievable mess even worse than it was. I didn't even bother with the shut off valve. I did about three good bouts of suction with that plunger, flushed the toilet twice to make sure it was going to work, and we got out of there. I kept looking over my shoulder as we went down the stairs just in case that dude woke up and decided to come after us. So we turned in our paperwork for the job completion at the office a few minutes later and this guy is marching to the front door dressed in a Green Bay Starter coat, a pair of boxer shorts and he's barefoot with a plastic bag stuck to the side of his foot. Keep in mind, it's November. Just as we were about to leave, he brushes right past my boss and me and enters the leasing office. My boss just grumbles "we probably ought to hang back..."
He started ranting and raving about getting served an eviction notice in a way that made Donald Trump sound like a stable genius. He then ran out after he got into a shouting match with the other manager there. I've already typed enough and I doubt anyone's going to read this anyway. So yeah, that one took the cake in my short time there.
Photo by yns plt on Unsplash
