Craziest “Oh, They Weren’t Joking” Moments
Sometimes people say or do things that are so ridiculous that they must be putting on a show. Only they’re not. These Redditors shared their weirdest, most embarrassing, and most shocking “oh, they weren’t joking” moments, involving unintended insults, dangerous situations, and pink fuzzy handcuffs. Have you ever had one of those moments?
1. Playing God
I work at in office support. I had a job ticket come in one day. When I read it, I wanted to bust out laughing. It said to “dim the sun” with a name and no other info. I showed it around, and everyone in my office laughed too.
A month later, we get a call that we did not do a request. Yep, this was the one asking to dim the sun. Now, you think it would maybe be that their blinds were not closing or the window tint had an issue. NO.
When we got there they didn’t want to close their blinds; they wanted the sun to be actually dimmed because it was not that bright when they started working in that office. I had to walk away, literally speechless. We eventually had to talk to their manager and clarify that we can not dim the sun and that the request was unreasonable.
2. Customer Gone Bad
This happened when my former workplace got held up. The thing was, we knew the guy doing the holding up. He came in pretty regularly and was the kind of customer that would joke around with us and us with him.
So one day there are no other customers, and he comes in and tells my co-worker that we’re being held up and to let him into our stockroom. Uncomfortable, but thinking it’s just a bad joke, my co-worker gives kind of a forced laugh.
The guy absolutely freaks out, and goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. He starts yelling for myself and other coworkers to get down, pulls out a nine millimeter and shoves it in the co-worker’s face.
He got away with several thousand dollars worth of cell phones and a few hundred in cash, but everyone was ok. And oh yeah, they caught him like an hour later at his house. As I said, we knew who he was and gave the authorities his name and address. They were “familiar” with him as well.
3. Don’t Be A Fool
My school, for some reason, announced they were millions of dollars in debt and were going to be lowering the budget. This meant worse food, fewer teachers, etc. But there was one big error. They did this on April Fool’s day. Everyone, obviously, laughed, even the teachers. Then the next day the deans talked about it again and everyone was like…wait what. Teachers resigned.
4. In A Simulation
I was at a Halloween party dressed up as a Sim, with the plumbob and everything. It was at my (at the time) boyfriend’s co-worker’s house, and most of the people there were his co-workers as well.
I was chatting with some people and the Sims came up, along with a few jokes about their weird behavior in the game. I made a joke about how it was a good thing there wasn’t any furniture between me and the bathroom, or I would have to just pee all over the floor.
One of the guys in the small group said, very seriously, “This is someone else’s house, don’t ever do that”. I laughed at first (along with everyone else) because it didn’t seem like he could possibly be serious.
But he was actually very angry, and proceeded to tell the host that I had threatened to pee on his floor. I was just a little embarrassed…
My soon-to-be mother in law made a “joke” about joining us on our honeymoon. Surely she isn’t being serious? Oh yes…yes she was. She was totally going to buy tickets and room accommodations where we were going, and was planning on surprising us with this visit. It only came out once she decided not to go through with it. It took a lot of effort to keep my face looking normal at that moment.
I went for a job interview in the middle of winter on a frigid, blizzardy day. The guy that was supposed to interview me was late from the inclement weather so I was waiting a while in the reception area. Finally he came in and said something like “Brrrr, Sorry I’m late! It’s so c-c-c-c-c-cold out there my car wouldn’t start”. This is when I sealed my fate.
I laughed, thinking the stutter was a joke like they do in cartoons and stuff. Nope, the guy had a bad stutter. Luckily he saw my horrified face when I realized and he thought it was hilarious.
For me, it occurred when I was young enough that I had to be told they weren’t joking. My parents got divorced before I even entered grade school, and I saw my father very rarely at first, usually just a couple weeks over the summer.
We would spend a week with his family (his sister and her family, as well as his dad) and then a week in his home in the big city. I was 11, and my dad asked if I would like to go over to my aunt’s house to play with my cousins, or if I would like to hang out at grandpa’s with him.
He said he was just going to be taking a nap, or maybe going to see some old friends of his. Obviously he wanted me to choose the former, but I was too young to see it, and I said that I wanted to hang out with him.
He got quite frustrated, explaining he wasn’t going to be doing anything. I replied that I knew, but I still wanted to. He then said “You are such a pain in the butt sometimes”! To which I smiled and said “I know”. He then said “I’m not joking”. Oh…okay…
So I went with my aunt and cousin back to their house, riding in the back of their truck with their dog, and I distinctly remember petting the dog and saying “I bet your dad doesn’t think you’re a pain in the butt” through tears.
This may not seem like much, but I only saw him for a couple weeks out of every year. No calls and few letters. And here it is, four decades later, and I’m still feeling it.
8. Coded Response
I was once helping interview a guy for a coding position. It was an entry-level job, and he had just over a year of experience at his current job. So we started asking him about his experience working with a team on a project…”Oh, we’re a small department where I work, so we don’t really work in teams”.
Ok, fine. What about in school? Ever work on a group project? “Umm… No, mostly individual projects”. So what would you say is the most complex project you worked on?
“What do you mean”? Like…How many lines of code would you estimate you wrote for your biggest project? “Oh! Well yeah, the product I work on now at my job is pretty serious. It’s easily over, like…100 lines of code”.
Oh wow, did you say 100 thousand lines of code? “Ha! No. About a hundred lines”. Oh…isn’t that pretty…small? “Haha, right? It’s pretty complex”. No, I mean…that’s really small. “W…Oh”.
9. Here’s A Tip
When my husband and I were done hiking Mount Vesuvius, there was a guy at the end of the trail collecting the wooden hiking poles. We hand ours over to him and he says “5 Euro please”. We laughed it off because all he did was take it and place it in a bin literally right next to us.
We could’ve done it ourselves. As we laughed he quickly made an angry face and walked towards my husband, who just gave him the money. He went from 0 to 100 real quick and we had a plane to catch, so we didn’t want any trouble.
10. Gone Swimming
My boyfriend and I went camping a few years ago by a river. I knew he wasn’t the strongest swimmer but he has always held his own. We were floating down some rapids on our backs and then walking back up on the shallow side of the river.
Well, we had a few brews (not the smartest) and he started “pretending” to drown. I thought he was just messing with me. Then the truth became horrifyingly clear. His eyes got real big, and this look of “oh no she doesn’t believe me and this is going to be the end” came across his face.
I swam around behind him and gave him the hardest push I could towards the bank to get him out of the rapids. That was all he needed and he was good to go. However, during all that, he lost his water shoe. I sighed, swam out, and got it for him.
The look of fear and the absolute guilt I felt for that took a long time to get over. I trust everything he says while we are very serious now, and I don’t assume he is just messing with me.
11. Something’s Fishy
My girlfriend has an extremely sensitive stomach. To the point that several times a week, some food she’s eating will bother her. Normally, I’ll just box up that meal and order/make her something else and then I’ll just eat her leftovers later… except this one time.
She complained that the fish she was eating was bad. No worries. Ordered her something else, boxed up the fish, ate that blackened dolphin the next day on a sandwich before I went shopping…I ended up pooping my brains out behind a grocery store.
12. Cuff ‘Em
I went out for a night on the town with some friends for a birthday, and as a joke I bought a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs to cuff the birthday boy to various people/places/things as the adventure went on.
It played surprisingly well for him, yet I somehow wound up with them in my pocket at some point. Ultimately, I was separated from the group at the end of the night and decided to make my way to where we had parked to wait for our designated driver.
This was in a parking structure where I had to walk past two motorcycle officers who were watching the exit gate for people who shouldn’t be driving. After walking past and giving a friendly smile, it all started to go wrong. I hear the cliche “bwoop bwoop” and turn around to the full treatment.
Mind you, this is pretty much at the junction of two floors right by the exit that is lined with cars. Needless to say, I’m quite the spectacle and many colorful comments are being made.
One of the officers approaches me and starts giving the normal routine asking what I’m up to, to which I kindly state where I’m headed and why. He then asks if I have anything that can hurt him on me and if he can search me to which I say, no and sure.
From behind me, he puts his hands on my head and starts doing his thing, going around to each pocket from the outside asking what the items are. Officer: “What’s this”? Me: “Phone”. Officer: “This”? Me: “Wallet”! Then the worst happened. Officer: “…and this”? Me, somewhat concerned about how this could turn out: “Pink fuzzy handcuffs”.
Officer: “…” Me: (repeating) “Pink fuzzy handcuffs”? Officer: “Oooookaaay, buddy…” I stared right at his partner, who was standing a few feet away, with a look of “please don’t hate me for being honest; I’m in a tough spot…” And I think he got it because instead of me getting hauled off, he busted up laughing along with every car within sight.
I just looked as forward and as straight-faced as possible and Officer McHandsy told me to get out and if he saw me again I’d be in his cuffs…I ended up catching a ride with a bartender friend of the group who took pity on me.
13. A Couple Of Couples
A couple of former friends of ours were always “joking” about partner-swapping. Ubiquitous comments about upside-down down pineapples, neighborhoods where you would see spouses running into or out of each other’s houses late at night, key parties, etc.
Anyway, one night they uncomfortably bring it up at a game night with a few other friends. I was about to say something funny when I realized their true intent.
My wife and I look at each other, and get up to leave. Another couple follows us. I can only speculate what kind of relationship the other two couples maintain because we never socialized again. The couple that followed us out remain close friends, but not too close.
14. Irregular Surprise
In August 2014, I went in for an exam and a birth control refill. They did a pregnancy test, and I was sitting in the exam room, talking to the nurse, and said “Planned Parenthood always pregnancy tests me too because my cycles are so irregular, but I’m never pregnant. I’m not pregnant now. I don’t think I can even get pregnant, but I use birth control anyway”.
Then the doctor walked into the room and told me I was pregnant. I almost told her I didn’t think that was a good joke for the setting. I was sure she was joking. She was not joking. But the story has a happy ending. The pregnancy might have been unplanned, but after the shock wore off, I realized that it was very much wanted. My daughter is now six years old.
15. Practice Makes Perfect
I got the flu in eighth grade. I puked my guts out every 30 minutes or so for the better part of three days, and had other issues for another two days. Because of that, I ended up not getting much piano practice in that week.
I even postponed my lesson a day to give me extra time to recuperate. Obviously when I got there, my progress on that week’s pieces was dismal. The teacher looks at me, and asks why I didn’t practice.
I reply, “Because I was sick for five days”. Her response: “That’s not a good excuse”. I start to chuckle, thinking she’s joking, but the look on her face told me she was completely serious.
I guess she figured the fact that I missed two days of school gave me 12 more whole hours of piano practice? Just for clarification, for the most part she was a wonderful human being.
She even gave my mom and I lunch one time when we got locked out of our apartment, and had to wait until we could get a hold of the manager. She just didn’t have a good grasp on illness.
16. Sneaky Treats
When my husband passed, he made me guardian of his two boys. His ex-wife had refused to deal with the kids since they had chosen to live with me and dad over her. She didn’t want to console them in any way, shape, or form since one of them had joined Jews for Jesus AND my husband had embraced his role in being excommunicated from his Hasidic community.
After his passing, his boys begged me to honor his will and let them stay with me. Then the most jaw-dropping thing happened. My husband’s parents suggested that they slip something to the kids to make them compliant and sneak them out in the night to move them back to Albuquerque to live with them.
I laughed because it was a ridiculous idea. They showed up that evening with a van and brownies…The kids stayed with me.
17. One Punch Wonder
I was on a camping trip when I was in Boy Scouts, and after dinner one night, one of the guys started trying to talk with his mouth full. I’m joking around and pretending I can’t understand him when he muffles out something about punching me.
Surely it’s a joke, right? Nobody actually resorts to brutality over something so stupid, right? So I pretend I can’t understand his threat, and suddenly WHAM! I’m clutching my chest, doubled over in pain.
I’d never been punched for real before. I look up at the kid’s dad, who was on the trip with us and had seen the whole thing. He smiles and says, “He told you he was going to do it”.
18. Never Forget
I was driving to work in my car and turned on the radio to pop a tape in. When I turned on the radio, the DJ/host (who was well known for making horrible, not even remotely funny jokes) kept talking about something happening in Manhattan to the World Trade Center.
I was like, “What? This isn’t funny”, and just as I was about to put in a tape, it switched over to ABC World News. Oh no. Oh. No. OH. NO.
I drove the rest of the way to work pretty much on autopilot. I asked the women working reception if they’d heard and they just nodded. I threw my stuff in my locker, went to my register (was working at Target at the time) and just sort of…stood there.
I could hear the TVs in the media department a couple hundred feet away but not very well. I called my manager and asked her if I could have one of the battery-powered radios we kept in the back for bad weather.
She looked at me like I had two heads. “This isn’t real. It’s some kind of hoax. Go back to work”. Uh…ok. “Can I please call my mother then”? She said “fine, but make it fast”. So I called my mom and asked her if a friend of hers (who’d she’d been friends with for decades) had heard from her son (who was a chef in Manhattan at the time) and if he was OK.
Yes, she had and yes he was fine. Freaked out but fine. I spent my entire shift freaking out, thinking “Oh god. OH god”. The store was empty the entire day, except for a brief rush around noon when the mall across the street closed all their stores and people came in to buy stuff before rushing home to watch the news.
I didn’t actually see any news footage until that night when I got home and it was replayed on the six o’clock news. I just sat there and cried and quietly freaked out, worrying that Dallas was next.
My birthday was a little over a week later and I remember thinking, “Wait…is it OK to celebrate?”. I would watch stuff on TV like Friends and think, “Am I even allowed to laugh right now?”.
19. Flash Bang
When I was about 12, I used to go to a youth group thing with a church, where they had a bunch of activities. I can’t exactly remember what the context was, but I think we were all filming a “music video”. One of the girls in the group had epilepsy, and prior to this, they let her know there were some flashing lights in the room and asked if she’d be okay.
She said it would be fine, but when the flashing lights came around she collapsed. My reaction was horrible. I laughed. I totally thought she was joking for some reason because she was a funny person.
That was until I saw blood coming out of her mouth from biting her tongue while falling down. Anyways, she ended up alright and fortunately I don’t think anyone heard my laugh over the music.
20. When You’ve Gotta Go
I was in Europe for vacation at 10 years old with my cousin who was three. It was me, him, and my sister playing outside with a football.
My cousin had to take a leak, but the bathroom inside was locked or broken or something. My cousin goes, “I have to pee” and I said “wait 15 minutes”. Later, he goes “you’re going to make me wet my pants”.
I got his mom, and she yelled at him and told him to hold it until they got home. He got mad, and then he goes “I’m gonna do it right here, watch”! I started laughing and then he pulled down his pants.
Me and my sister were laughing. He even started laughing, but then he actually went. He really had to go because he didn’t stop for a while. He went so long that his mom heard us laughing.
She comes out and sees him continuing, then he stops and goes “whew, that’s better”! But it wasn’t better because we all got yelled at.
21. Get Low
“Don’t stand up”! The drill sergeant was yelling at us. “Climb the ladder, low crawl to the other side of the field and into the trench on the other side”! Meanwhile, rounds were going off over our heads. Still, I’m sure a lot of us were like, yeah right, as if they’re using real rounds at head-level, there’s no way they’d do that in a training environment.
Then one guy got to the top of the ladder and started to kneel, not even stand. It happened so fast from there. In less than a second the drill sergeant jumped to the top of the trench and threw him back down into the concrete trench, then jumped on him and started losing his mind.
We were all then treated to the fact that yes, the rounds were real and yes, some people didn’t make it out alive in the past. I’ve never crawled so low in my life.
22. Say Your Prayers
When I started my current job, I wasn’t really sure yet where my boss’s family originally came from or what their religion was. My first day at about 6:00 am he says, “Okay you hold the fort down, I’m going to pray”.
I thought he was making a joke that he was hoping my first day would go smoothly and I wouldn’t mess things up so I laughed like the goon I am. While he stared blankly at me.
He was in fact telling me he was going to take a moment to go get his mat and pray. I felt horrible but he was nice about it. Now we have a routine; I handle everything while he prays if he’s with me that day and he always gives me a few minutes to myself after to do my own praying and eat breakfast.
23. Speaking In Codes
One day in high school while everyone was in the hallway walking to their next class, the principal came on the intercom and said, “The bowling team has been canceled, I repeat the bowling team has been canceled”.
Most of us were like, what is he talking about? We don’t have a bowling team? We were laughing, thinking someone must have prank called the school or something. But we were so, so wrong. Seconds later, teachers started running out into the halls yelling at us to get in their classrooms and into the closets.
It turns out that’s a code phrase, and some man had come on campus threatening to target his pregnant girlfriend.
24. Food Chain
I was in high school at the time back in Florida. This girl I was sleeping with gets a call from her mom. A few minutes later she’s out in the hallway bawling her eyes out and asking me to go to her house with her.
Screw it, free chance to leave school early, so I go. We get there and her mom looks like she’s been through the ringer. I asked what happened. She said an alligator ate the dog.
“Stop lying”. She and I had a good relationship and always joked. She was quiet. Lo and behold, I go to the backyard and find an alligator sitting in the middle of the yard with blood all around it. I go back inside and say “yep, a gator ate the dog”. You don’t see that everyday!
25. On The Edge
My friend group and I had rented out a cabin for the weekend. It was a very beautiful place with a small cliff dropping into a large river. My friend Allison and her boyfriend, Lukas, were left by themselves in the cabin.
The rest of us had just left the cabin to head to the store for groceries while Allison and Lukas had plans of having a little “alone time” in the living room. At least, that was what they were hoping for…until our friend Daniel had rushed back into the cabin, a bit panicked. ”
We have a bit of a situation” he said. “What, did somebody fall down?” Allison had joked. “Uh…you could say that”. Daniel said. Thinking someone fell and scraped up their knee, they got up from the couch and started following Daniel to the back door.
The whole time, they were laughing and joking about how they felt like parents going to fix up their kids’ boo-boos. Allison was mid-laugh as she walked outside, only for her jaw to drop the second she saw the situation. The sight the two of them had walked into was me having a minor panic attack…after I had almost driven the car off the cliff.
It had its back wheels dangling off the edge of the cliff I mentioned earlier. That was definitely a very stressful few hours.
26. Foreign Affairs
I worked in a video store for a bit in college. Someone said that a prominent local employer was bought out by a group of extremely wealthy Australian and German businessmen and that they were currently all over town.
This was a small, midwestern American city that didn’t see a massive influx of affluent foreign visitors, so I was waiting for a punchline.
A few hours later, I was at the counter when a mob of men in suits came into the store. Sure enough, they were Australian and German. Since I had to create new member accounts for them, I was sure that my boss was going to call me in when she got back and saw a bunch of new members with Berlin and Sydney addresses.
“Oh my God did you accept a bunch of fake addresses”? “No…they bought the big plant in town”.
27. Accidents Happen
I’m a teacher. I was in a meeting with the principal, guidance counselor, and student’s parents. It was going better than expected, then BOOM. Mom addresses principal: “Remember in first grade when we came to you about him pooping his pants”?
I interpreted this as a “look how far we’ve come” and a moment of levity, and I start laughing. Mom continues, “He’s still doing that”. Um…what? Fortunately, the principal asked a clarifying question earlier about whether the kid knew about a diagnosis, and the guidance counselor did a comedic callback and asked if he knew whether or not he was pooping, and we all laughed.
But I did not anticipate the weight of a student at that age pooping their pants, and I 100% misread the situation. But in hindsight, there had been some poopy moments that year, so honestly, afterward, I did connect some dots.
28. Room For Improvement
This happened when I met up with an online friend for the first time. It was surprisingly more fun than I thought it would be. By the end of the night, as we were waiting to get served at a restaurant, she looked at me and asked how I thought our outing went.
I told her that I had a great time. But that didn’t seem to do it for her. She proceeded to tell me about how she does this thing at the end of every outing with her friends, where she rates and gives feedback on how well it went, what didn’t go so well, and what could do with some improvement for next time.
I laughed it off, thinking she was joking. It all felt too robotic and school-like for me to take seriously. But she definitely was serious. I told her to go first so I could get an idea of what she wanted and, I kid you not, she whipped out her phone and started drafting up multiple paragraphs for about seven minutes or so.
I felt so awkward because it was also seven minutes of pure silence and deep concentration. Thankfully, I had to leave mid-way because I was needed elsewhere. I told her to just text me her thoughts when she was done but she insisted that that wasn’t the way to do it, and it HAD to be done in person.
I still can’t believe this is something her and her friends regularly do.
It was my first day as a newly-hired technical team manager of a small development team in a small field office. One of the engineers asked to meet with me. So I sit down with this engineer and the guy immediately tells me he wants to transition genders and wanted to talk about what the health plan covered.
This was in the early 2000s, when this was generally a lot more…discreet and less open. My response still haunts me. I think, “Oh, the guy’s having me on”. I think I’m “getting it” now and decide to enjoy it, so I play along, laughing (out loud) at how thoroughly they thought this out.
After about 10 more minutes with this guy I realize, “This is actually maybe TOO thoroughly thought out and not a joke on me”, and I stop laughing, now horrified that I had been. It felt like I stepped out of an airplane, and by the end of the conversation I was thinking my first day was going to be my last when HR got the call from this guy.
In the end, I ended up pulling the guy back in later that day and apologizing, explaining what I thought was going on and apologizing more. The engineer was totally cool with it but I still felt so bad.
30. Mistaken Identity
I had a neighbor who was a single guy in his 40s, divorced, and had a college-aged daughter who stayed with him half the time. It seemed like they were having a sort of family reunion one weekend, and I saw him talking with others out on his back deck.
A little while later I went over to ask to borrow something. His daughter answered and I asked if her dad was there. She said her dad was no longer with us, and I just chuckled and was like haha yeah right.
She just looked at me and turned around crying and went back inside. Her mom (his ex-wife) came out right away and saw I was confused, shocked, and very apologetic. She was really nice about it, saying it had just happened and was the first time the daughter had had to answer the door.
I obviously felt so terrible, and apologized profusely. I thought for sure I had just seen him. And the way the daughter had announced it seemed almost lighthearted. Turns out who I saw on the back deck was his brother, who looked a lot like him, and all the family was there for the funeral.
31. Room For One
I work at a hotel. We have this regular who comes, but usually makes reservations ahead of time, and she has her “favorite” room she tries to get. Well one day she walked in, asking for a room
. I had rooms available, but not the one she wanted. This time, her answer blew my mind. She replied, “Oh, call the guests in that room and tell them to move out so I can have it”.
I seriously thought that was a joke and I played along, saying “I’ll get right on that”, as I was getting her info on the computer. All of a sudden she said, “Aren’t you going to call them”? “Call who”? “Those guests in that room so I can have it”.
Oh, you really weren’t joking. I told her that we don’t do that, and that if she wanted that room she needed to call ahead. I have a room, I know it’s not your preferred room but it’s all I’ve got, and you can take it or leave it, but I’m not moving a guest out.
She seemed almost taken aback by that, but I told her that if she didn’t take the room I had she wouldn’t get anything. She calls ahead now, but I was mortified and shocked she actually tried this stunt, and actually meant it.
32. No Laughing Matter
This happened when my dad had a stroke. My dad was a jokester about all things, including faking he was having a crisis, but this time it wasn’t a joke.
We were in a Cracker Barrel and I had just paid while he was wandering around the store. I heard him say “I can’t feel my left arm” and I said “haha that’s funny stop messing with me”. He said “no I’m serious” and I turned around to see him and the left side of his face was drooping and his left arm and leg were limp.
That was 17 years ago. He survived, but then a massive heart attack took him from my life nine years ago.
33. Dumping Ground
This happened at a co-worker’s house playing poker after our NFL fantasy draft. One guy asked where the bathroom was, and off he went. He came back a few minutes later and the host asks if he seriously just took a dump in his house.
We all laughed, and turned our attention back to the poker game. He wasn’t joking. He was genuinely upset that someone used his bathroom to take a dump. He said it was extremely rude and something you should wait until you get home to do.
I mean, from my perspective, as a guest of course you don’t WANT to do it…but sometimes you gotta go. Certainly not worth publicly calling someone out for.
34. Dress For Success
I joined a work Skype meeting a few minutes late, and when I joined I asked to be filled in on what had been discussed in the meeting so far. Still can’t believe what happened. One of my colleagues who is usually a bit of a joker replied “Well the boss was just telling everyone about the new expectation that we wear our work uniforms while working from home”.
I busted out laughing, big hearty guffaws. Wiping tears from my eyes. “Alex, that’s hilarious. Can you imagine??” Nobody else laughed. We don’t even use cameras in our normal work-from-home setups. Why would we ever wear a uniform working from home?! I work at a call center……..
35. The Ghost Returns
This guy came back professing his love for me in the most passive aggressive way after ghosting me for two months, no calls answered, no texts, nothing. When he ghosted me, I was heartbroken.
I took some time to myself to heal and stay single, you know the drill. He texted me out of blue asking if we could talk. We met up and he told me he did some soul searching and dated a few girls and went to therapy, and told me he realized I was “the one”.
He said how I’d regret not giving him a second chance because “I had no clue how happy he’d make me”. I thought this was some ploy to get me to sleep with him…until he proposed immediately after. I said no.
36. Aliens Among Us
On my second date with a guy he told me he saw a UFO once and was absolutely positive aliens exist. I asked him to tell me about the UFO, and he said it had blinking lights and as it moved slowly across the sky, it left a trail of dust behind it.
What he was describing was clearly a plane, so I laughed, assuming he was messing with me. This upset him, and he asked why I was laughing at him
“It really was a UFO”! When I realized he was serious, I asked, “Are you sure it wasn’t just a plane? It sounds like a plane”. His response: “Oh, yeah. I suppose it might have been”. We broke up later that week.
37. It’s A Sign
The other day, while sitting at a table outside the Sunset Grill, with advertising for their “Famous All-Day Breakfast” plastered up the front of the building, an older couple comes up to the host stand outside and asks for a table.
The husband speaks up before they are seated and asks, “Do you guys do all day breakfast?” The host immediately thinks he’s just being a typical older gentleman trying to get a laugh.
So she laughs, as anyone who survives off of tips would. This was immediately met with a less than enthusiastic, “What’s so funny?” while she tries to compose herself surrounded by signs saying “Famous All-Day Breakfast”. The wife just looked at him the entire time, asking if he even once looked around him at all today.
38. Hearing Test
This one is a bit mean. Completely unintentionally mean, but mean all the same. My brother and I are riding in the car with our dad, and at some point my brother asks “Hey dad, are you hard of hearing”? I remember it was based on something prior, but I don’t recall what.
Well, dad answered “What”? My brother repeated his question, and dad his. Now, dad is normally a pretty clever guy. Quite witty, too. So both my brother and I immediately thought he was toying with us, and we started laughing.
My brother laughed as he asked a third time, and this time either dad had focused enough, or my brother had raised his voice enough, but he got it. That was the day we learned our dad had tinnitus from years of working with loud tools. And he thought we were making fun of him.
39. What’s The Diagnosis
I started coaching college basketball. The second day there, a girl had been sick and went to the doctor to see what she had. She came to meet with me and the head coach, and said jokingly (or at least I thought), “Well, I’m not sick, but I am pregnant”. I laughed thinking she was actually joking but she was completely serious.
40. It’s A Conspiracy
I’m a geophysicist and was working at the time for a major oil company. I was paired up with a colleague who is a geologist to work on a project. One time we were taking a lunch break and chatting about our project when another one of our co-workers, a drilling engineer, sits down at our table and starts to talk to us about the flat earth theory.
I thought he was joking around at first so I snort laughed. Turns out he was totally serious about trying to convince a geophysicist and a geologist that the Earth was flat. We both lost all respect for this idiot that day.
41. Stuttering To A Stop
I have a stutter that I never grew out of as a kid. It gets better and worse on different days depending on my stress, who I’m talking to, stuff like that. I met someone new through a mutual friend that I knew for years (so I barely stutter with old friends) and I had to explain to this new guy about ten times that if I could stop stuttering I would.
It was only after he was getting annoyed and I called him an insensitive jerk that he just had a blank look on his face and said “……….Oh wait, are you messing with me? Or are you serious”?
I started dating a guy when I was 15. Two weeks after we started dating we went on a three day camping trip with a group of his friends. Turns out, that was a bad idea. I jokingly slapped the guy in the chest in a “haha you’re funny” kind of way.
He stone-cold looked at me and said not to do that as he had a pacemaker and had open heart surgery. I joked that he was funny, how could he, he was 17, that’s ridiculous! He unbuttoned his shirt to show me the scar. Cue the Oh Dang! moment. Needless to say I haven’t done that again.
43. Rare Bird
I worked in a Walmart Deli, and a very old woman comes up immediately after we put chickens into the rotisserie. She then proceeds to lightheartedly ask very softly if she can have one of those chickens.
I just joke with her and ask her if she likes her chicken rare because we just put them in there. She then immediately got serious and started yelling at us that she wanted one of the raw chickens, right now, and that not giving it to her was refusing her service.
She made such a huge amount of noise that the store manager had to come and temperature check the chicken themselves. Then as soon as the store manager said no to this woman, she started pounding her hands on his chest, and had to be escorted out with the authorities. For a raw chicken.
44. In The Weeds
I worked at a beach resort when I was younger. Every year in about June to July, there was an occasional nuisance invasion of seaweed (Sargasso weed I think it was called). It was harmless but it would come in on the tide and pile up on the beach in clumps about six inches high or so.
The thing is, there is not a thing you can do about it. The city would send out tractors with huge rakes and pile it up, but it was largely a lost cause because the tide would just bring more. Sometimes it would disappear for a week and then reappear.
One of the guests at the resort was complaining about it at the front desk and I explained that there’s nothing anybody can do. He said he was going to do something about it though. I laughed it off.
About an hour later, he comes walking through the lobby with a yard rake he just purchased. That guy went down in the sweltering heat and started raking an entire shoreline in front of the resort.
He was there for hours, almost until the sun went down, raking the seaweed into huge piles. The next morning I arrived early to work to see that the huge piles had been completely erased by the tides that night. But not to worry, a fresh new delivery of seaweed was brought in as if the rake guy had never even been there before.
45. Don’t Meet Your Heroes In A Half-Shell
When I was around four years old, mom said I was going to meet a ninja turtle. The ninja turtles were my life and I was beyond excited but skeptical, especially because we were going to meet him at a grocery store.
She had previously tricked me with Thomas the Tank Engine and Winnie the Pooh. So we get to the store and I’m thinking it’s a guy in a cheap costume or whatever.
But no, we get into the store and Donatello is standing taking pics with a kid. I loved the turtles, I watched their cartoons, I watched their movies. I lived more of their life than my own. I know it’s actually him, a real life teenage mutant ninja turtle.
I flip out and hide because he’s a mutant and it scares the bejesus out of me. I’m paralyzed by fear and want to run away from this abomination but I stand there frozen. I can’t bring myself to look upon this creature and I want to leave.
I eventually try to run but my mom holds me. It’s hilarious to her and she now wants a picture of me crying next to him. I had never been more terrified. I eventually agree to take a picture of me at the entrance of the store obviously crying with him in the very far background and we leave.
46. Troubled Past
A guy I worked with was one of the most strait-laced people who always had his stuff together and was super against substances. He was a relatively new hire. Dressed to the nines. Rose up the leadership structure very fast.
Metrics off the charts. Great person to work with. We worked with a bunch of younger folks, so the topic of substances and specific details would come up now and then, and he didn’t like that. Or even drinking…he didn’t even like people talking about that in front of him.
He was never a jerk about it, he would just leave the room. If you asked, he’d explain that he was just not into “that whole scene”. Anyway, one day the two of us got to talking in the parking lot as we were heading home for the night.
I brought up something I was going to have to deal with when I got home, I don’t remember what…there was a lot I was dealing with at the time. His story still breaks my heart. He said something along the lines of, “Yeah, I went through something similar when I was homeless and taking tons of substances, and selling myself to get my fix”.
I laughed really loud. Because… how funny that someone like him would even say such a thing! His teeth were perfect after all… He had the most dejected and hurt look on his face. He had just confided something in me, and was being very serious…and I had laughed in his face.
I apologized profusely and we’re still good friends even after I left the company. But I’ll never forget this interaction. I also realized that his teeth were actually too perfect…and now I think they probably aren’t his real teeth.
47. Silver Linings
I was made homeless by my biological dad at 16 years old…on April Fools day: I came downstairs to get something to eat before heading out, and he told me he needed to talk to me (which was never a good sign).
So I sat down and he started talking about my “bad behavior”. Read: being a dumb teenager who loses track of time easily and has a messy room. He goes on a little rant about how I’m not helping myself because of it.
Because I have depression, and he thought my room being messy was the thing that made me depressed. Then he drops the news. He says “We aren’t sure if we want you to keep living here anymore”. Now, me being 16 and knowing my step-mother (who was in the room) couldn’t keep a straight face to save her life, I assumed he was joking.
I said “Oh man, you almost got me haha, happy April Fools day, dad”. I went to stand up, but he put a hand on my shoulder and told me he wasn’t joking and he wanted to know why I skipped a theater rehearsal. I’d already told him that I had a massive panic attack because our piece was about really awful topics.
So yeah, that was my quite literal “oh you’re not joking” moment. On the plus side, him kicking me out meant I got to escape poverty for a couple years since we were living riiiight on the poverty line, and my friend’s parents who took me in were solidly middle class.
They bought me my first pair of good shoes, and I cried when my foster dad handed me the $60 to go buy them because I’d never held that much money before aside from a couple birthdays when I was younger. He gave me a hug after that and gave me more money so I could go out with some friends after school.
I think that was the day he realized just how poor I’d been before then, and he always made sure I had enough money every day to eat and get the bus and have fun afterwards. He made sure I knew I was always welcome at their home and made me feel so loved and appreciated.
48. The Bible Says
I work at a grocery store. A guy had a birthday cake made with his daughter’s name written on it. He asked me where he could find the candles, then after I got them for him, he asked me if there was someone in the store who could light them for him.
I laughed, but he then asked again. This man really wanted to drive home with a cake with a literal open flame on top…
49. Young And Old Alike
When I was in high school, I worked as a cashier at a big box store. An older woman was checking out in my lane one day. I was just scanning things as they came down the belt without paying much attention.
This woman had put a ton of baby food on my belt but I didn’t think anything of it. I’m making the usual small talk when the elderly woman goes, “Well, this is the only thing my husband can eat anymore,” and gestured toward the jars of baby food. I wanted to sink into the earth for what I did.
I laughed out loud thinking at first she was joking, until I saw her face. I was shocked and felt horrible when I realized she was serious. I apologized, finished ringing her up, and then felt very sad for her husband and for her.
50. Too Sharp To Handle
I was working stock on an assembly line, building seats for cars. I was loading up a box of side airbags, and I went to cut the top off the box. I was following all the proper safety procedures, cutting away from me, using a safety box cutter, holding the box in place well away from where I’m cutting, etc.
Then the box cutter caught on something in the box. I don’t know if it was a chunk of plastic, or a flaw in the box, or what, but it twisted nearly 90 degrees, and instead of cutting away from me and towards the rack I was loading, suddenly it jumped out of the cardboard.
Because of the pressure needed to keep the blade extended, it started flying towards my off hand. I let go instantly, but was still too slow. The box cutter went flying, and I grabbed my hand so fast that not a drop of blood fell. I screamed at the top of my lungs.
My manager, who was standing not ten feet from me, whipped around and saw me gripping my hand, but no blood. So he smiled and said “you’re joking, right”? I moved my hand away for about half a second, and blood started pouring out, before I clamped down again.
“No, boss, I’m not joking”. I ended up with 11 stitches in two layers, along the edge of my hand, between my wrist and thumb. It cut down to the bone. An inch in pretty much any direction, and I’d have been screwed.
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