When you're a kid, you assume that the way your household works is how every other household works. You often blindly believe that because your parents have restrictions and rules, that all other kids your age must be following the same ones as well. And although you may not agree with the rules, you have no choice but to oblige.
It's only once you get older that you realize the reasoning for some of these parental guidelines may not be, well, reasonable. There are some cases where maturity brings uncomfortable realizations about your parents. In the case of the following people, that realization was that their parents were insanely strict.
Read on to hear some of the craziest rules people around the world have had to follow when growing up. Sometimes, however, these kids were too smart for their parent's crazy rules.
1. No Cry Babies
You can't cry no matter what happens. If you cry, you get hit. If you hide and cry, you're hit more. However, if my mother wants to cry, it's all okay. And she does that to get all the attention.
One day, I told her I was stressed about something, she started crying and screaming at me for being stressed. Then when I got angry, I got hit. Started crying because couldn't take her crap anymore, got hit more. I'm 19, mind you. My sister is being brought up the same, and I can't do anything about it because mother starts a whole new tantrum if she is told to back off.
2. Spick And Span Stairs
My room was up a narrow flight of stairs into a converted attic space. If I left anything on the stairs, it went into the garage where I had seven days to "earn it back" by doing extra difficult chores in addition to my normal chores. Anything not reclaimed in seven days went in the trash on the next pick up day. And I mean anything. I lost a jacket, a pair of shoes, a bunch of toys, some books. My stepdad didn't want it on the stairs.
3. Death To The Doves
At one point, after having already moved out of my family's home, my father came to the apartment my ex and I were sharing. I had given my family extra keys for emergency reasons. I was at work, and he was at a friend's. When I came home, our doves and pigeons, all of which we had raised from either hatchlings or eggs, had been thrown outside to die. My father doesn't believe in birds being inside the house apparently. We were unable to rescue any of them.
4. Book Ban
I was grounded from the library. I got in trouble for reading a novel in Spanish class and my parents called the local library. They had them add a note to my account baring me from borrowing any books and also told the librarians at my school (who knew me well) to ask me to leave if I came into the school library.
5. Antiquated Ideals
My dad wouldn't let me go to college because that's "not what girls do." He threw away my acceptance letters. I had applied to the local tech school without his knowledge. I found out a couple of years later. He let me party and drink but god forbid I try to better myself. I also wasn't allowed to have a driver's license or have a job. Ever. I moved out at 18 and never listened to him ever again. There was no way I was staying with him until he chose my husband.
6. Microwave Aversion
No one in our family was allowed to eat microwaved food. Even when we went out, we’d get seated and my dad would ask, “Do you microwave your food" If they said yes, we would get up and leave. Mind you, this was 20 years ago before people thought microwaves were a health hazard.
7. Church Dwellers
Attended Church three times on Sunday (9 am, 11 am, and 7 pm) followed by Bible study Tuesday nights and Youth Group Friday nights. I can count on one hand the times I missed attending from birth until I moved out at 17. I haven't been back since.
8. Vomit Makes A Visible Argument
My dad tried to implement the whole you MUST eat ALL the food on your plate in our house during meals. My mom was never a fan of that lesson, but my dad was stubborn so she just let it go. Well, one day my sibling had 2-3 bites of food left on their plate and was very clear that they were absolutely full and couldn't eat another bite. Dad wasn't having it and insisted they could not leave the table until all the food on their plate was gone. My sibling realized they weren't going to convince our dad that they were too full and finished the last few bites of food, then proceeded to vomit on the table and our dad. He stopped enforcing the rule after that.
9. A Powerful Lesson About Powerball (Not Really)
I always tell my children that the lottery is a tax on people that are bad at math. I let my 8-year-old spend a few hard-earned dollars on a Powerball ticket to prove it and he won $100.
10. With Compliments Like That, Who Needs Insults?
Taught my now 16-year-old to always compliment people who insulted you. We were in a Burlington Coat Factory in Michigan when my mother was shopping for a bathing suit to take to Florida. There were few to choose from, so she was complaining. My kid was 4.
A woman trying on pants and said something rude to my mom who was asking my opinion and my daughter caught on that my mother was agitated. She squeezed out behind me and told the woman, "Your teeth are such a pretty yellow!"
11. Go On, Sell It Mom
Told my children repeatedly that if I found any more mess/junk on their bedroom floor, I would be donating it to the thrift store. I told them they had 15 minutes to clean it up off the floor.
Came back to find everything picked up, except they went into the kitchen cupboards and had put every food they didn't like in a nice neat pile right in the middle of the floor.
12. She Probably Requests Time Out, Too
My two-year-old was refusing to wear her hat. It was hot. I told her if she didn’t put her hat on she would have to wait in the car. She started walking away from me, so I said, "Where are you going?"
She responded: "The car."
13. What A Wonderful Waste Of Money, Son
Playing carnival/fair games is a waste of money. My son wanted to spend his $20 to win a Pikachu stuffed animal from his allowance that he saved up. We told him he would be wasting his money and he would not win. He spent $15.00 and won the biggest prize.
14. So Much For The Benefits Of Bidding Wars
I tried the whole "have your kids quote chores for pay and bid against one another." It's supposed to teach them about working for their money and not expecting handouts like an allowance.
It turned into every time I asked them to do something I good with them responding, "How much will you pay me?"
15. Fairest Of The Not Fair
I've been teaching my kids that life isn't always fair. The tantrums when one is invited to a birthday party but not the other have been too much. It's been helping, some.
Then I was playing tic tac toe with my youngest. She covered up the column she wanted to use to win. When I told her that cheating isn't fair and I didn't want to play if she was going to cheat, she reminded me - "life isn't fair, Momma." Touche, kiddo.
16. Hate To Think What He'd Say To People Who Don't Recycle
As good people, we taught our kids that littering isn't nice. As humans, we also let some curse words fly in front of them.
We were at our city's 4th of July celebration when the oldest was 4. We were walking around and someone tossed their trash on the ground. Captain Litterbug flew into action, picked up the trash and yelled, "Hey butthole, you dropped this," while tapping them on the butt.
17. As It Turns Out, Toddler Privileges Aren't That Great
I told my oldest no food downstairs. He had to eat at the table if he wanted to and not his playroom. When the second kid was born I would bring down his bottle and snacks so he could eat solid foods that helped his teething while we played. My older kid flipped out because there is no food downstairs that was like a basic rule of life to him. When I said it was ok because his brother is a baby and I was down there with him, my oldest took advantage of some shared snacks the kids had later. He would try to give his brother snacks that he liked so he could eat them downstairs too.
So I saw him sitting in his play tent eating animal crackers and giving his brother one as they hid from me because he knows it's technically wrong. But he eventually saw the reason why I made the rule because although the younger kid would eat 1-2 crackers, he would then mash the third into a paste and rub it over the toys.
18. No Knobs
I wasn’t allowed to have a doorknob on my door. Why not just take the whole door? Her reasoning was it would be too easy to spot her spying on me without one. This lasted up until last year (age 26). Spent a few months away from home and realized this was really messed up and my mother was abusive. Moved out the same day I came home and I’ve never been happier.
19. Watch Out For The Walls
My dad is all about cleanliness, despite not really washing his hands. He likes the walls, floor and bathroom to be impeccable. Since I can remember I haven't been allowed to touch any of the walls in our house. He actually gets upset with me and will lecture me on it if he catches my finger grazing a wall. I haven't been comfortable touches walls ever because of this.
20. On Time Or Toast
If we (my brother and I) weren't at the breakfast table by exactly 6:30 am, all we got for breakfast was unbuttered toast. My mom was all about breakfast but she despised tardiness. My brother ate a lot of unbuttered toast growing up.
21. Dry Dinners
I wasn't raised strictly at all, but looking back I realize that not being allowed to have a drink at dinner is kind of weird. At lunch? Fine. At a restaurant? Sure. But regular dinner at home? No drink or you might be too full to eat all of your food. What the heck, mom?
22. Texting Cap
I had unlimited texting on my cell phone plan, but couldn't go over 100 in a month or I was grounded.
23. Strict About Sims
I was not allowed to use the money cheat on Sims growing up because that's not how the "real world" works. I used the cheat once and couldn't explain where all the money I had came from so I was grounded and had Sims taken away.
24. Put A Sock In It
My parents weren't really strict (didn't have to be), but one of the dumbest rules I ever had to endure was I had to wear socks at all times because my step-dad hated me walking around with bare feet. It was only me -- my mom could be barefoot, my younger (half) brother could be barefoot, but I couldn't. To this day I hate wearing socks unless I have shoes on.
25. Hairy Reasoning
No one in the house was allowed to shave or have a razor at all. I could go to a barber or shave at a friend's house but had my PC taken away when I tried at home. I still don't understand my mother's logic behind this one.
26. A Lesson About Labels, For The Parent
I used to let my son have Five Alive juice boxes in his lunches because it's a small amount and at least it has vitamin C.
In the grocery store one day he starts asking for Kool-Aid and I said no way because it's full of sugar. I pick up the Kool-Aid and Five Alive to show him the nutritional data to prove my point... and discover that they have the same amount of vitamin C but the Kool-Aid has far less sugar. Now he gets the Kool-Aid.
27. A Different Kind Of Parental Controls
My teenage son was staying up super late on his laptop doing teenage internet things (mostly gaming I assume) and messing up in school, so we put parental controls on the router so that the internet would be turned off from 11 pm to 7 am.
This, of course, impacted my wife and I, because we lost internet access during those hours too. Grumble, grumble stupid kids, etc.
Anyway, he was way more tech-savvy than we were, so he was able to bypass the parental controls, and stay online as late as he wanted. So the end result of the parental controls was that the parents didn't have internet, but the teenager did.
28. Read Dad His Rights, Sweetie
Taught them to read early. My son could read by age 4, and my daughter by age 3. This leads to some unwanted conversations as they will read things over your shoulder when you aren't expecting it. Or even just signs on the road. "You're going to fast, Daddy. It says 55 mph and you're going 70."
29. He Wants Her To Be Good At Science, But Not That Kind
When my wife was pregnant, my daughter (6 years old) asked how the baby comes out. I told her she needed to be older. She replied with, "you tell me to ask questions until I understand. I want to be good at science so I have to ask questions. If you don't answer then you don't want me to be good at science."
30. Now Let's Whine For Liver For Dinner
Our 7-year-old twins are taught that if they whine or beg for something, they don't get it. We went through a phase of them "whining" for things they didn't want, like an earlier bed time.
31. No Boy Toy
Maybe not so strict, but my mom would always say that I can't use the computer because "computers are for boys" (I'm female). When I wanted a Gameboy she said she won't buy me one because it has "boy" in its name. She would always say that I'll waste my life on computer games and I should be sent for therapy. This year, I finished a degree in Computer Science and I landed a good full-time job in IT.
32. Witchcraft And Wizardry
My grandmother made me write out the encyclopedia entry on witchcraft when she found out I had read the first four Harry Potter books.
33. Father Of Time
If you didn't instantly say what you wanted to eat my father would cook onions and garlic. He didn't like people wasting his time.
34. Donut Tell Me How To Eat
My parents were super laid back but my mother's stepdad, Larry, could be a huge jerk. She told me that one morning, as a kid, she was given a chocolate covered donut and, as a kid will do, decided to start nibbling off the chocolate. Larry decided this angered him, and asked her promptly to stop eating the donut like that. "Oh just let her eat the donut how she wants," said mom's mom, washing dishes. Kid (my mother) continues to eat chocolate around the edges. Larry then shoots up shouting, "KNOCK THAT OFF" and pitches his morning cup of coffee across the kitchen where it explodes on the wall next to mom's mom. I'm thankful that Larry was not in my mother's life for long.
35. Room Restrictions
I wasn't allowed to leave my room. I could go to the bathroom or kitchen but I better have a reason to be there.
36. Contractually Bound
My stepdad typed up and printed a five page list of rules. He made me print, sign, and date the last page.
I was to be held accountable and if any rules were broken I had to move out. I wasn’t a bad kid. The whole thing was to establish his dominance over me.
37. Bracing For Breakfast
I couldn't brush my teeth after breakfast on school mornings. I had braces, and my mom wouldn't let me brush my teeth after breakfast in fear of us being late for school. In order to compensate, I offered to make my own breakfast earlier in the morning, so I could get all the gunk out of my braces after eating. However, when I made my breakfast the next morning she revoked my "ride to school privilege." Had to ride my bike to school every day from then on (luckily my school wasn't a long ride, but rainy days sucked). It was my punishment for being disobedient.
38. Take A Lap
I wasn't allowed to swim in public swimming pools because I would catch AIDS. When my PE class would go to the pool one week a year, I had to walk laps around the pool because I couldn't participate.
39. Malicious Mailman
My mom was paranoid everyone and everything was a kidnapper. She hated the mailman on our route. So, when I was young, three or four years old, my mom told me it was illegal to be outside when the mail came. Around 11:15 every day, I'd see that truck coming. I'd high-tail it inside the house, terrified I would be spotted. Fast forward 30 years. I still genuinely feel a tinge of panic in the smallest recesses of the back of my brain when I see the mailman arrive. Only now it's overpowered by the excitement of my latest Amazon package I really don't need.
40. The Lockout
If I farted, it was hours -- hours outside, even in the freezing winter. One day, I collapsed in the cold and was taken away from my mum after I was hospitalized three hours after collapsing; I then lived with my grandparents for the rest of my childhood and legally was not allowed to see my mum until I was 18. Guess it counted as child abuse.
41. Bless You
My parents were horrible parents in general but the most bizarre rule that my siblings and I put up with was that we weren't allowed to sneeze multiple times in a row. One sneeze? Fine. Another sneeze after some arbitrary number of minutes later? No problem. Two sneezes in a row? You get yelled at for being unhygienic (even if you covered your nose/mouth properly) and for having no manners. God forbid if you sneezed thrice or more in a row... I have seasonal allergies and one time my dad was in a particularly bad mood and caught me in a sneezing fit. He grounded me for a week.
42. Crazy Way To Clean
One of my chores was cleaning the bathroom every Saturday morning. I wasn't allowed to use toilet bowl cleaner and a brush though. I could only use wadded up toilet paper. Not even paper towels, just toilet paper which of course disintegrates immediately when wet and has no scrubbing capabilities at all.
43. Ruining Writing
I think I was a half decent writer (for a child) and was asked to read a poem I wrote for some project at a school assembly. My dad decided to capitalize on this by making me write something as punishment any time I did anything he didn't like. Say I hate something? Write me a page describing how much you like it. Bug my sister? Write her a poem about how much you love her. Break something? Write a story about why it's broken. Better be sure your grammar and spelling is perfect, and he likes it, or you'll do it again. Thanks for ruining writing for me, dad.
44. A New Way To Halt Dinner Conversations
A coworker of mine was trying to teach her kid the "don't talk with your mouth full" rule. Instead, the kid just spits out their food when they want to talk.
Children are the absolute masters of malicious compliance.
45. As If We Have A Cliff In The Backyard
Read a book that suggested you ask your kid what an appropriate punishment for misbehaving would be and then carry it out. My six-year-old son pinched his brother or something, so we asked what an appropriate punishment would be. He said, “throw me over a cliff." We didn't follow through. And stopped reading parenting books.
46. How Braking Made A Car Lesson Backfire
My daughter used to always unbuckle her seatbelt to reach for things in the car, then not put it back on. We had a minivan at the time so she was always moving around, saying “I just need my backpack” or whatever, and we were always telling her to sit down and get her seatbelt back on. She was maybe 8-ish? I was home one night when she burst through the door, crying, and holding a t-shirt to her injured face, husband close behind, shirtless. Husband looking very sheepish. I asked what in the world happened to them, thinking they had been in an accident. Nah, just a backfired lesson. Husband tried to show her what could happen if she wasn’t buckled and he had to slam on his brakes. He claims he just tapped them, but clearly, he didn’t plan for her to propel forward, face hitting the seat adjustment thing on the back, hurting her nose. He took his shirt off to help her stop the blood. Not sure if that helped her learn a lesson, but the car roaming seemed to subside and she’s a 19-year-old driver now who always wears her seatbelt.
47. Coal Seems Pretty Cool
Told kids that if they were bad they would get coal in their stockings on Christmas. "What's coal?" they asked. I replied, "Well, it is a rock that you can light on fire." They now want coal.
48. No Going Back
During dinner, you could not take seconds of anything. You had to take everything you wanted to eat and put it on your plate at once. Forgot to take something? Too bad. No going back. I guess you missed out. Maybe you’ll get some tomorrow for leftovers.
49. Nine Or Never
I wasn't allowed to come home after 9 pm. If I was going to be out past 9 pm, I wasn't supposed to come home at all. This, of course, led to plenty of "staying at a friend's house" and partying all night. Mom didn't care -- she wasn't going to have me waking her up by coming home late.
50. Keeping Plastic In Place
When my dad was driving the car there were a lot of rules but the weirdest one I can remember is that I wasn't allowed to move plastic bags around because they were "too loud." If I had to get something out of a bag and he was driving he'd always ask in a loud voice, "what are you doing?" I don't know, maybe getting the CD you asked for out of the bag.
51. Music Scanner
They had to listen to every CD I bought or was given before I was allowed to have it. If they didn't get around to it sometimes I waited months for my music that I bought with my own money. They believe that music causes evil spirits to enter you and make you do evil things (like girls wearing pants and dating) if you listen to "wrong" music. Well, to be fair they think everything is demons.
52. Toy Execution
Put all your toys away. That's a normal rule. But if I left my toys out, my mom would hang them by a string or yarn from the ceiling. She put the yarn on a nail or stable in the ceiling. And there my teddy bear and dolls would be... out of reach where I couldn't play with them, but I could see them, hanging from the ceiling.
Also, if I did the dishes and there was any grease on any of them, they all had to be re-done. Mom would check for grease. My sister and I had chores, but not normal chores (we found that out later in life.) We alternated weeks of taking care of the kitchen, bath, floors, laundry, etc. So one week was my week to do all of the chores, and the next week it was my sister's week to do all of the chores. Then it would be my week again.
When describing that I cooked, cleaned, did dishes, laundry, floors, cleaned the bathroom, folks who knew my mom was a stay at home mom would ask, "What did your mom do?" Good question. When you have strict parents, you tend not to ask those questions.
53. Beaten Over Bubbles
I got my butt beat like three times in a row because my brother wouldn't tell them that he was the one that put the bubbles in the bathtub water. I kept telling them each time that it was him and was ignored. They would hit me with the belt 10 times then my brother. They had hit me and him with the belt around 30-40 times before my brother finally confessed. Who the heck hits kids because one of them made a bubble bath? My brother was probably 10, I was around six.
54. Games Over Gangs
They tried to stop me from playing video games because "it is worse than being in a gang." Ironically, Warcraft 3 made me rush home every day from school to finish work and get some games. This kept me from hanging around a really bad crowd in class. Last I heard, three of them were sentenced for trafficking.
55. Hired Help Is Allowed to Quit
I wanted to teach my son the value of money and work ethic because he kept wanting Robux... I decided it would be a great teaching moment and a win-win opportunity as he was just getting to the age in which I think he should start doing chores around the house. He really wanted to buy some skin or something, so I created a chore chart and gave each chore a value. We established a schedule and everything. It was working out majestically; every day without asking he was doing dishes, cleaning his room, picking up the dog poop, it was epic. Then one day, I came home and nothing had been done. I asked him, "Hey man, what's up with the dishes? Oh and go pick up the dog poop too." He simply replied, "Nah." Fighting back rage, I simply said, "Excuse me?" He said that he'd made enough money over the last x days that he bought his skin and he was good now. It was hard to argue.
56. When A 3-Year Old Can Memorize Three Numbers
Saw a clip on local news about a toddler saving her mom's life by calling 911 when she collapsed. Figured it was a good idea to teach my toddler 911. Had two cops at my door 5 minutes later.
57. Rewards Are Done, And So Is The Good Behavior
My mother in law promised my daughter a Hello Kitty house playset for learning to use the potty. So after one week of using the potty every time she had to go, my mother in law gave my daughter the Hello Kitty house. Next day she started wetting herself again because she got the house, so what was the point in still using the potty?! I explained she still had to use the potty to be a big girl and made a sticker chart. No more promising toys for things the child HAS to do. But a sticker chart seems to work wonders in my house.
58. Be Careful What You Audition For
When my daughter was 10, she wanted to try out for a community theater version of Beauty and the Beast. She got nervous though, and almost backed out because she was so sure she wasn't going to make it.
My husband, who did some acting in high school, stepped in and said that he would also audition, even though he knew he was never going to make it. He wanted to demonstrate to her that it's okay to audition for something that you don't think you're going to make.
She ended up not only just making it, but she got the part of Chip. My husband got the part of Maurice, Belle's father. He didn't even want to be in a stupid play.
59. If All He Has Is A Monkey, I Want That
When my older son was about three or four years old, we realized he was starting to act very spoiled and materialistic. We always tried to make him see how lucky he already had it, but he constantly begged us for every toy, candy, and treat he saw anywhere and everywhere.
Around that time, I came across a great photo spread that involved the photographer traveling around the world and snapping photos of different children with their most prized possessions. Of course, the kids in the US, Canada, and Europe were mostly photographed in rooms filled with stuff. But there were also photos of children from impoverished nations, usually showing the child with only one old, dirty stuffed animal.
I thought I was going to accomplish this brilliant parenting move by sitting him down and going through the photos with him. I’d explain how the kids with rooms like his were beyond lucky and he should feel more than satisfied with all of the great stuff that he had. Then I would show him the other photos and he would finally understand that there are so many other children in the world with far less than he had.
We looked through the photos and talked about each one. We finally got to one with a little boy standing on his cot with his one possession, a well-loved, dingy-looking stuffed monkey. My son looked at if for a long time. I could see his wheels spinning. “Success!” I thought. After a long bit of silence, he finally looked up at me, gave me a sweet smile and said, “I want that monkey.”
60. That's Mister Daddy To You
My aunt and uncle were trying to teach my cousin manners and wanted him to address people as Mr. and Mrs. They used each other as examples, and consequently were known as Mr. and Mrs. Lannuccilli for around 2 months. One of the funniest moments of my life was hearing my uncle describe how in the middle of the night instead of ‘dad’ he started hearing ‘Mr. Lannuccilli!’ Cracks me up every time.
61. It's All Fun Until... Well, It's All Fun I Guess
My youngest boy would never listen, and he was always totally fearless. He was also always really lucky. About near every time either of us told him "don't do that, you're going to get hurt," he would do it and then not get hurt. So we ended up teaching him that when we said not to do something, that probably meant it was a fun thing to do.
I remember really hoping that he would fall and break an arm or something non-life-threatening or disabling like that so he would stop constantly giving us heart attacks, which is weird to say as a parent -- but it never happened, so it doesn't matter anyway. He never got anything worse than a small scrape or cut that could be cleaned and covered in five minutes before he was back at it again. Looking back I'm just glad this was before there was anything like stunt tv shows around to further encourage that stuff.
Now he's a stunt man for movies. Can't say I'm surprised.
62. Would You Do Something Illegal Just Because Your Friend Did? Oops, Bad Question
That he could hang out with people I didn’t like, but that it was because I trusted him to stay true to who he was. His friends could act a certain way, but he could recognize that to be someone’s friend didn’t mean he needed to follow their behaviors.
Sounded good and accepting in my head... Until he hung out with friends who he got in trouble with at school for illegal substances, and whether you like it or hate it, think it should be legal or not, it’s still illegal on school grounds and my son got expelled. Guess he didn’t heed my lesson, or maybe it was just a bad message. Now I tell him to avoid people who don’t care about his best interests. Be friendly, don’t be friends.
63. Just Stick With The Stork Story Next Time
When my son was about 3 or 4 he started to ask about how babies are born. I sat him down and gave him a very simple, age appropriate explanation.
He just looked at me, shook his head and said just said 'No.' Very calmly but in a 'I can't believe you think that's how it works' tone of voice like I'd told him fake news.
I was prepared for difficult questions and even prepared for the fact that he might ask me things that even I didn't know, but I was completely unprepared for him to just simply not believe me when I told him the truth. I just sat there not knowing what to do while he went back to playing Lego.
64. A Closed Room Is A Clean Room
My kids were begging for a pet. I don't want to take care of a pet, and I told them that they don't clean up after themselves without me hassling them, so why would they clean up after a pet without me hassling them? Told them if they could keep their room clean for 6 months without me telling them, they could get a pet.
Youngest child proceeds to clean room, then move clothes and a sleeping bag into the hallway and lock his door so his room can't get dirty as he sleeps in the hallway.
65. Twin See, Twin Do
One of my 5-year-old twins was still having occasional accidents because she would get so caught up in playing/doing something else that she just wouldn't go and would have an accident. To combat this we would give her a special prize of some variety when she wouldn't have an accident. This, in turn, caused her twin sister to START having accidents so she could get prizes for not having accidents (even though she was fine on this front beforehand). We had to rethink our methods.
66. Who Knew He Would Take Me Literally?
Told my 11-year-old who was being bullied on the school bus to stand up for himself if his bullies started hitting him again.
"Honestly son, the only way to be rid of bullies is to show them you aren't scared, if they hit you again, punch him back. Just stand up to them and you'll see."
A few days later, the police land at the door asking for my son as he was involved in an assault. A kid on the bus had kicked him so he turned around, punched him to the floor, and then took my words literally and started booting the kid in the head.
Thankfully the kid was okay other than some scuffs and bruises, and my son doesn't get bullied anymore. I now watch which words I use to give him instruction since he's taking them quite literally.
67. No One Yells At Our Team, Not Even Our Parents
Due to a last-minute adoption, my wife and I went from one kid to two kids very quickly. They are close in age (18 months apart) so we tried reading books about how to avoid sibling rivalry and encourage a positive sibling relationship as they got older. One of the books said to teach the kids that they are a team. That's what we did.
It resulted in my daughter getting angry at me any time I would discipline her brother because he was her baby. I would try to explain that discipline is part of learning but she wasn't having any of that. She agreed that she should be disciplined for bad behavior but not her baby brother. You have to stand up for your teammate afterall. That's really the only times she would ever throw a full blown screaming tantrum, so then I would have to deal with my son crying because he was being disciplined and my daughter crying because her brother was being disciplined.
68. She May Also Have A Crow Phone
My nephew mispronounced the name of a certain kitchen appliance, so my sister broke it into syllables very distinctly for him, saying "it's mi-cro-wave." My nephew nodded very seriously and replied: "It's your crow wave!"
69. At Least He Didn't Pay Full Price For Those Tickets
Trying to keep my 4-year-old in bed. He gets up 4 or more times saying he has to go to the bathroom. Most of the time he doesn't have to go and we send him back to bed. 5 minutes later, he does it again. He knows that he can get out of bed this way. My wife decided to make tickets. He could use the tickets if he got out of bed. Once the tickets were done, so was he. If he could stay in bed the rest of the night he got rewarded with stickers. The first night we tried it, he had an accident.
70. Alternatively, Kick Him In The Fire
My friend’s 10-year-old daughter was going over to a friend’s house in the same apartment complex, but a few buildings away.
Mom: “Ok, what do we do if someone tries to grab you?”
Daughter: “Kick him in his balls and yell ‘FIRE’!”
Mom: “Ha, right, but that’s not a good word, it’s ‘privates’.”
Daughter: “Ok, kick him in the balls and yell ‘PRIVATES’!”
Mom: “You know...that might work too.”
71. Next Time Use The Handrail
My daughter ran down the stairs so I sent her back up so she could walk down them properly. She promptly fell down the entire flight.
72. Is That Your Final Offer?
The negotiating tactic where you suggest something outrageous first and then what you really want seems reasonable. I told my daughter to do this for something going on at school and now she does it all the time. She's 9.
73. You Are What You Eat, And He Didn't Have Batteries For Breakfast
My little brother refused to eat while my girlfriend and I were babysitting him. My girlfriend decided to explain the concept of food as an energy source to him. Which he then proceeds to use an excuse to not do anything. Anytime you told him to do something, he said he couldn’t because he would run out of energy and die.
74. How To Touch Without Using Any Skin
My son is nearly two. We've taught him "don't touch" for certain items that can't be baby-proofed (a floor lamp/the fireplace's glass door/low windows).
He completely understands that "don't touch" means do not put any part of your body on this thing. No hands, no feet, don't lean against it.
So now we have to watch him like a hawk because throwing a toy car at the glass isn't "touching." Neither is whacking a window with a clothes hanger. Or shoving an end table into the lamp super hard. We've taken to yelling, "THAT IS STILL TOUCHING!"
75. She Shoots, She Scores
We taught our 1-year-old daughter to throw her dirty diapers in the trash can, and she says "good girl." Now everything gets thrown in the trash, and she says "good girl."
76. My Body Goes Where It Wants
my niece had been taught that no one is allowed to force her into giving hugs, etc. It's her body, she has the right to say no.
Well, she tries to use that as an excuse to misbehave from time to time. Like one time, Dad told her she couldn't play in a certain space with this huge toy cart because there wasn't enough room. She claimed her body has the right to be there if she says so. Her body. Her right. All three of us facepalmed that moment.
77. This Kid Will Hate The Land Before Time Movies
We live across from a cemetery. When my oldest was around 5, she had a lot of questions regarding funerals. We bought her an illustrated dinosaur book that explains death to kids in a secular way. Halfway through the book, she had a complete meltdown and became terrified of dying. My intent was to teach her about the reality of death at a young age so that she would have a healthy view of life/death. She is fine now, but she did have a lot of death anxiety for a couple of months.
78. How You Become A Hermit Dynasty
I tried to teach my kids to be content with themselves and how to be alone. Full success, they rarely ever go out. 22 and 24. They are so mellow that they don't tell us when something goes wrong, and haven't since they were middle schoolers.
79. Did The Smartphone Stay Up Past Bedtime?
I was trying to teach my 4-year-old that it is important to go to sleep because our brains need to recharge. I compared it to my iPad needing to recharge after it dies.
He said “okay...” and got really quiet. Then told me, “Mom, I need to go to sleep.” I agreed with him, but asked why he was suddenly tired. He started crying and said, “because I don’t want to die.”
80. "Sharing Is Caring" Can Go Too Far
"Mom, Can I have some of your ice cream?"
"Sure, one bite."
"Mom, can I have more?"
"No, Mommy doesn't get many treats. It's mine."
"Buuuuuuuut, sharing is caring!"
Ugh, just take it.
81. Remote Supervision
Apparently, I have to notify my mom when and where I go out to dinner with my boyfriend. I'm 20 years old, living at college, and I've been with him for over five years. I've also gotten yelled at for breathing too loud and also for speaking Spanish in front of her?
82. Tough Tan Lines
I'm female. I wasn't allowed to wear tank tops until I was 15. Mad farmer tan until then.
83. Kitchen Hours
I will mention my wife's mother. Literally, the kitchen was run like a military mess. The kitchen is 'open'; the kitchen is 'closed'. One soda a day. One little glass of orange juice at breakfast. One glass for drinking water. When you go toward the kitchen in our home, you can feel my wife's eyes on you. It is very common to hear, "Use the other glass. Don't open that. Why are you so messy?" etc. Due to Seinfeld, I call her the 'Kitchen Nazi'. It makes her mad as heck, but stupid is as stupid does.
84. Application Date
My parents were super strict (at least for me and my sister). We couldn’t date until high school, which I had no problem with. Mostly because I wore big glasses and had braces in middle school and was super into sports. But once I got contacts and the braces came off, suddenly guys became interested.
Anyway. If any boy wanted to go out with me, he had to fill out an application. Name, address, parents' names, where they work (parents and kid), SSN, after-school activities, criminal record, which of my older brothers they knew (my dad also listed my brothers' sports and misc. accomplishments), etc. It’s worth mentioning that my dad was a lawyer. It sounds like a joke, but he was super serious about it. Each kid that asked me out got their own file. It was so embarrassing.
Of course, my brothers didn’t have to do that. Good old double standards.
85. Scared About Social Security Number
I wasn't allowed to hold a real job while I was in high school. Babysitting was fine, but nothing that would require a social security number. Why, you ask? Because my mother was convinced that my grandparents would disown her and leave me "everything" if I had a social security number. She was also the kind that literally searched my back-pack every day after school and grilled me for hours about everything I did and everyone I spoke with.
86. Hurting His Homework
Under my stepdad's orders, I had to be home by 6 pm every school night, and from 6-9 pm I wasn't allowed to use any electronics that could connect to the internet. I could listen to music on my iPod nano, but that was it. This time was originally meant for homework purposes, but since I graduated high school in 2014, a good majority of my homework was online. Still couldn't use any computers or iPods with an internet connection. I barely got any homework done after extracurriculars and time spent with friends to keep my sanity.
Since I got no homework done, some grades dropped below C, so I wasn't allowed to use the internet after 9 pm either. So, I had to either come straight home and do my homework and skip play/musical/film club/book club/art club/friend time, or fail and have nothing to do but read the same books in my room from 6 pm until the next morning. I tried to confront my mom and stepdad about this but every time, they said I had no respect, and they're just doing what they thought was right, even when I tried to explain to them that their system didn't work.
Because of this, I still have a grudge against both of them. They're not in an abusive relationship, so it's not like he brainwashed her into mega-controlling me. But, it's more like she took his side in every single argument and never stood up for her own daughter even when I was making perfect sense.
87. Short-Sighted Parenting
I'm a girl. My mom wouldn't let me wear shorts that were shorter than above knee length. I remember how embarrassing it was on spring break when long shorts were all I had to wear and even my friend's parents were wearing shorter shorts than me.
Once when I was at the mall with my friends,I bought some normal sized shorts. I put it on with a tank top and asked my mom if I could go to the movies. She told me I looked like a street walker. I was 12.
When I was even younger, around eight, I got a dress from Limited Too that I loved. I wanted to wear it to church. While I was in the car my mom started yelling at me about how it was too short and I was embarrassing and how we'd have to turn around and she'd make me change. It made me cry. My dad stood up for me and told her it was only a dress and to stop being so mean.
So fast-forward to several years when we were looking at old family photos. I saw my mom wearing extremely short jean shorts herself when we were babies!
Ever since I got my own car and could buy my own clothes I wear extremely tight. short shorts and tank tops. Screw you mom, you're the only one who cared what I wore, you body shaming witch
88. Fear Of Food Prep
Not me, but my best friend grew up with a very odd rule. I basically lived at her house growing up and we'd always have boxed or frozen dinners and stuff for meals when I was visiting. I never thought about it since I figured her family was too busy to fully prepare a meal from scratch.
Anyway, my friend was over at my apartment after I'd moved away for college. She was 17 and I was 18. I was making soup and needed help chopping the veggies for the soup. So I handed her a knife and a bunch of carrots and asked her to chop them for me. She just stared at me blankly and said, "I don't know how." And I asked, "What do you mean you don't know how?" She shook her head. "My parents never let my sisters and I use knives because they were scared we'd cut our fingers off so I never learned."
It occurred to me the reason why we'd always have boxed food at her house was because her parents were too terrified to teach their kids how to prepare meals from scratch out of fear they'd cut themselves, so this entire family subsisted on frozen pizza and ramen. It was just plain odd.
89. Thirst Trap
My dad was an expert at creative punishments, and usually for bizarre reasons. Once I was at church, and during the service I got thirsty. I left the chapel and got a drink at a fountain in the hallway. On the way back, I ran into two friends and started up a quick conversation.
Two minutes later my dad stormed out, demanding to know why I left. I told him I was thirsty, but since I was talking to friends he decided that I was ditching the church meeting. As my punishment, he made me carry two separate two-liter bottles full of water in a backpack everywhere I went for two months. You know, just in case I got thirsty. And he'd show up unexpectedly to make sure I wasn't cheating and had both bottles full at all times.
Another time I criticized his cooking because he kept serving us spam for dinner. So he decreed that I would only eat spam for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two months. I also got a multivitamin (to make sure I didn't get scurvy) with breakfast. Lunch at school was a fine home lunch full of cold spam slices. That was pretty rough, and I still get nauseous at the smell of that meat product in a can. I could go on and on.
90. Heartless Parents
I was never allowed to draw hearts. Got beat when I drew one in chalk on my tree house once. My guess is that my immigrant parents correlated hearts with relationships/dating/sex and didn't want their eight-year-old daughter involved in it. Couldn't have hearts on anything, not even clothes or toys.
