Some people seem to be born experts at choosing a gift that keeps on giving. Others, however, seem destined to choose a gift that keeps on sucking. Whether it’s just a lack of creativity or a consciously insulting gift, these Redditors' "worst present ever" stories make coal in your stocking look like a good thing.
1. A Big Purple Mess
I was a small kid and very sensitive to being called younger than my age. So imagine my horror when at the age of nine I got a Barney raincoat for Christmas from my aunt. Sadly, even though it was made for a five-year-old, it fit me perfectly.
My five-year-old little sister got a matching one. She was much more excited about it than me. But that was only the beginning of the nightmare. My mom forced me to wear it to school and was completely shocked that I was viciously mocked for weeks afterward, despite me telling her that was exactly what would happen.
2. Eau D’ Nothing
I think I was about eight or nine. We had the whole family over at my aunt's house for Christmas Eve. This was supposed to be the time when everyone would open a couple of presents from other family members, before the "big day" the following morning. Well, as gifts were being passed out, I'm getting very excited about mine.
The moment finally arrives, after most other gifts had been handed out—but I was in for a huge disappointment. I open the small box, and find...cologne. Ok, whatever. An eight-year-old getting cologne is weird. Immediately, my grandparents grab the cologne and apologize. Oh, but that wasn't the worst insult.
They said that the gift was intended for my uncle, who happens to have the same name as I have (he wasn't even at the house that night). Ok, no problem. So, where's my real gift, then? "Sorry, we can't find one for you".
3. A Brief History Of Bad Girlfriend Gifts
I have terrible luck with birthday gifts from girlfriends. I dated one girl for two wonderful years. Towards the end of our relationship—something I was oblivious to—she told me she was too busy with school to celebrate my birthday. She said that if I insisted upon seeing her, I could come by so she could give me my gift.
So, I dropped by, and there before me...was a beach chair. A lousy, pink beach chair that may have even been used. Even worse, I had no lawn, no pool, and lived many hours from the nearest beach. I stared at her half assuming this was a gag gift. She just said, "Now you can get a tan!" and ushered me out to finish her paper.
The worst gift, however, was when a girlfriend got me Red Sox tickets. Now, I love the Sox and the game was an unbelievable game. However, she refused to go with me, despite the fact that she is a huge fan herself. I thought this was a bit odd, but went with my friend and we had a great time.
Unfortunately for her, Tim Wakefield pitched, so the game ended about an hour faster than it normally would. I came back to find that the only reason she bought me the tickets was to get me out of the dorm. And what did she want me out of the dorm? Well, for an utterly horrifying reason.
She needed enough time for her to get it on with her ex-boyfriend. When I walked in the door and saw them together she was in a panic. The only thing she could say when confronted was nervously sputtering out "Happy birthday!"
4. It Wasn’t Even Fresh
One Christmas I got a huge box from my uncle and was flipping out trying to figure out what it could be. Fast forward to Christmas morning and the big mystery box is the first thing I go for. I was ripping paper like a crazy person and finally got inside the box, only to find another box hidden in the peanuts.
This went on for several more boxes. I finally found a shoe box—the final box—with a single stale Oreo in it.
5. Who Doesn’t Like Roadkill?
Five years ago, my redneck uncle got presents for my two brothers and me: We received hunting blades as usual. Yes, they were completely inappropriate but at the time we thought it was so cool. The youngest was apparently too young for such gifts, even in Alabama. So we were all wondering what my little brother would get from our redneck uncle.
My uncle wasn't sure what to get my brother at his age. He was probably thinking: What do kids like besides hunting blades? Driving home from work one day he was stricken with inspiration: a squished fox on the side of the road. Surely somehow this could become the perfect gift!
He picked up the carrion and set to work skinning it. My little brother opens a bag with this fox pelt in it, hair all grimy and falling off the skin, and immediately starts screaming at the top of his lungs and bawling his eyes out. He was a pretty mature kid for his age, but this caught him by surprise.
My uncle had no idea why he didn't like it and seemed offended, but offered him $20 anyway.
6. Thanks, But No Thanks
My worst presents were Cabbage Patch Dolls. It started out amazing! Everyone wanted them, myself included. But as the years went by, every birthday and Christmas was celebrated by giving me a Cabbage Patch Doll, sometimes two. I watched my brother get a Nintendo, ninja stars, and still, I would get these dolls that I had so many of.
Still, I was happy enough. I could share in my brother's gifts and enjoy them and I was still childish. But once I hit an age where I had gone far beyond playing with dolls, I would begin voicing requests for things like cd players and video games before birthdays and whatnot. But no: stupid Cabbage Patch dolls.
I was wearing a 34B before I stopped getting those lousy dolls.
7. Christmas: Brought To You By Levis
On Christmas a few years ago, my grandmother took me aside and told me that she needed to give me my present alone. She didn't want everyone else to see it and be jealous. She said she knew that I was going through a rough time, so she went a little crazy on my present this Christmas. This was why she had to give it to me in private.
A bit of important information here. I had injured my back the summer previously, which did horrible things to me. In addition to being in constant pain, I lost my job, my boyfriend mistreated me, and I was drinking a lot. I’d also gained a lot of weight and my self-esteem was gone.
I had no money for physiotherapy, and I was forced to move back in with my parents at the age of 25. So, it was a rough year, and my grandma was going to redeem some of it on Christmas day. So my eyes were all a-glow as we went into my parents' bedroom. She handed me a package.
She also got my sister-in-law to come in, because they had worked on this one together, and they both wanted to see my face. I open the package, and my jaws DROPS. To my horror, it's a really ugly full-length denim skirt. It was fully three sizes too big even for my expanded size.
To make matters even worse, it had rhinestones all over it, and what appeared to be spray-painted fishnet added for extra flair. It was hideous. I mean really just disgusting. I can't imagine the person who would wear this hideous piece of garbage. My grandma and sister-in-law were jumping with joy, while I was choking back tears and trying to smile.
Then grandma chimes in with "I hope it's big enough, it was the largest size they had". Thanks guys. Holiday made!
8. They Failed Miserably
When I was six my parents got me my first bike. I was pretty aware I was getting one but I wasn't positive so it was still a bit of a surprise when my parents wheeled it in from the garage. The bike was awesome, it was one of those kids batman themed bikes all covered in cool decals with a matching helmet. Only one problem though...it was too big for me.
It turns out my parents' plan was for me to give my new birthday present to my older brother so that he could give me his old, smaller bike. Needless to say, I was not happy but I was a child so life goes on and it was quickly forgotten as a parenting blunder. I thought the drama was over, but I was wrong.
They did it to me again on my 11th birthday. It was the same story. “Hey son, here’s your new bike! Oh wait, it's too big for you. I bet your brother will trade you his bike for it". Their hearts were in the right place, they just failed miserably on the execution.
9. Your Guess Is As Good As Mine
So, my aunt and uncle would do the Christmas box every year for my brothers and me. We had a choice: We could take what was in the box, or take ten bucks. The first year, my younger brother and I took the box, and my older brother took the money.
Most of the stuff in the box was junk, like a wooden Christmas tree train ornament and a teddy bear with a messed up face. There was even a phone with a broken cord. Hidden in all the stuff in the box, however, was about $30-40. My brother was so bummed out because he missed out on more money.
So, the next year comes around and, of course, everyone's excited to see what's in the box. As you may have guessed, no one takes the 10-dollar buy-out. So, we open the box and what do we get? A big ceramic elephant table thing. No money at all. We were really confused. I'm definitely doing this to my kids.
10. The Old Fake Out
One Christmas, my parents brought out three presents for me. One was a pack of stride gum with the receipt saying they bought it an hour ago. The second present was a box of toothpicks. The third was a box of matches. All three presents had been purchased from the gas station across the street.
I spent the next hour sad and wondering what I did wrong—but my parents had a trick up their sleeves. I couldn't believe my eyes when they brought out a brand-new Xbox 360. Oh god, that was the cruelest yet best Christmas ever.
11. Backhanded Gift
Now, I’m thinking about the year my great-grandfather gave my grandfather a really weird and ultimately useless gift for Christmas: a box of left-handed gloves. Apparently, he'd been collecting all the gloves people left in his store over the decades, and kept them separated by lefts and rights.
Not sure whatever happened to the box of right-handed gloves, though.
12. It Was A Little Vanilla
At the beginning of this year, I was together with this weird girl. We came together shortly before Valentine’s Day. When that time came around I said "let’s not give each other presents, we don't know each other that well anyways". She insisted we give each other a small present. I said that would be okay.
February 14 comes along, and we meet up at a social dance event, and I give her my present, which was some delicious marzipan sweets. She not only didn't have a present for me, but had the audacity to lie to me saying she'd give it to me later. Imagine this after it was her who suggested the gift exchange in the first place.
Well, I just shrugged it off. Come Friday, we meet again. Keep in mind, she was at my place several times before. We meet up, talk a bit, and then she gives me this poorly wrapped present. What was it you ask?
Here is the thing, I'm a 180 cm (6 ft) tall guy, reasonably muscular, rather on the rough side and always with a stubble. All in all, I'm not soft. So what do I get? Vanilla-scented bath salts. Vanilla! And the real kicker? I don’t have a bathtub and neither does she!
13. It Was Handwritten
I was 10 or 12 years old, and all I wanted was the Transformer Jetfire. That Jetfire Transformer was glorious. It was a white F-15 that turned into a robot. It was really the only thing I wanted as a present. I knew it was expensive—probably $40-50—but I had been really good that year. Also, I hadn't gotten anything in a long time: nothing.
That year, the only thing I got from my normally generous grandmother was one of those lousy balsa wood planes. It wasn’t even the kind with the rubber band to wind up and make the propeller go. I thought I couldn’t have felt worse, and then I did. Grandma had clumsily written the word "JETFIRE” on the wings.
14. This Gift Really Sucked
I have extremely practical parents who only give us useful gifts. So, during my freshman year in college, I asked them for one of those little, dorm-room-sized Shark vacuum cleaners, thinking that this would be a done deal.
I come home for Christmas, and we go to the living room to open presents, and I see this enormous box wrapped in a black Hefty garbage bag, with a pre-used Xmas bow hanging off the side of it. My mom excitedly says, "Guess who gets the biggest present sweetie? You!" And tells me to open the thing.
At this point, I am really hoping that this is all some sort of joke. The vacuum was the one thing I asked for. Nothing else. I open the thing, and my stomach drops. It is a 55 liter (15 gal) capacity, wet-dry shop-vac with all the attachments. This would be great if you actually had a garage, but I was living in a hole-sized dorm room with two other people.
I look at them with this confused face. My dad explains, "Well, they were having this buy-one-get-one deal at Menards, so we thought we would get ourselves something that we wanted, and something that you wanted".
I then told them in no uncertain terms that I absolutely did not want something as wildly impractical as a shop vac in my dorm room, and I asked them to return it. My mother then starts uncontrollably sobbing about how they, "tried to get you exactly what you asked for," and "they thought we were being so helpful".
She went on to say that I "ruined Christmas…blah blah blah". After the holidays, I tried to leave for school and "forget" the stupid thing behind, but every time my parents visited, they would say, "Look what we brought for you!" And would then somehow sneak the shop vac into my dorm when I was out of the room.
This has gone on for years. The shop vac has followed me to three dorms and three apartments. I even tried to donate it to Goodwill, and they went to Goodwill, found it, and brought it back. It is the one constant in my life—kinda like dandruff, only it takes up more space.
To this day, I cannot tell if my parents are utterly clueless, or just devoted to that stupid shop vac.
15. Purse First
So, I had an extremely poor family growing up. We only received one or two presents for our birthdays, and maybe only five or six each for Christmas: these were mostly thanks to my extended family. One year, it was particularly hard, and the only thing that I got for my 9th birthday was an old canvas purse of my mother's.
The purse was probably worth about five bucks. It was 15 years old and not at all nice to look at, but I appreciated it anyway. My parents cried when they gave it to me, because they couldn't afford to give me or my siblings any “real” toys. I felt so unbearably guilty and hid the purse in my closet and haven't dug it out yet.
16. He’d Saved Up For It
When I was eight years old there was a huge present under the tree from Santa. My parents swore up and down that they hadn’t bought it. Of course, my curiosity was totally piqued. If it wasn’t from my parents, who was it from? The gift itself was very light for such a big box. On Christmas morning, I left it for last.
When I finally opened the gift, I saw that it was packed with tissue paper. I dug through it, desperately trying to find the gift, but found nothing. That's when I made a disturbing discovery. I realized that the tissue paper I had been digging through was actually snotty Kleenex that my brother had been saving for weeks in preparation for this gift.
17. We’re Off To See The Divorce Lawyer
When I was eight and a half months pregnant my husband gave me a tin Wizard of Oz lunchbox for "taking healthy lunches to work". It was a strange gift as I've never, ever packed a lunch for work and I'm not particularly into The Wizard of Oz. I mean, it's a fine movie but not like a thing for me.
Included in this gift was a Michael Pollan book on healthy eating and a softball glove. Also strange as I haven't played softball in 15 years. The weirdest and least special Christmas ever. I almost punched him.
18. We Have Bad History
My worst gift was given to me just this last Christmas actually. During my childhood, I got very few presents, so I was grateful for all of them. Pretty much all of them, with some small exceptions, were very carefully picked out by my parents who were very good at figuring out what my brother and I would enjoy. Things like Legos, K'nex, remote control toys, stuff like that.
To be honest, I would consider a good gift anything that someone put some thought into before purchasing. For instance, my grandmother still buys me art supplies, despite the fact that I work almost entirely digitally now. If she really knew me she would know that I don’t use brushes and stuff like that anymore. My parents wouldn’t make that mistake.
This past Christmas, however, my parents bought me a book chronicling the life and times of George Washington. This seemed bizarre until they told me the reason. They said that I "had always taken a keen interest in history". This, however, is not true.
I took a keen interest in ancient mythology, though I guess when you consider how much we American's distort and mythologize our own history that they do have a lot in common. In any case, that slip-up could have been disregarded, however, the book was authored by none other than Glenn Beck.
My parents are fully aware of my feelings towards that man. To buy me the gift under the guise that it wasn't them trying to get me to give that idiot a second chance was the real slap in the face. The book sits in a box, collecting dust under my bed. If I was nine I would probably be worried about it spawning monsters or something.
19. I Want To Thank The Academy
Two Christmases ago, my close friends and I decided to do a secret Santa sort of thing. We met up a few days before Christmas, ate dinner, pretended we were kids, played tag on the lawn which lasted all of 10 minutes before realizing we were getting old, and generally just having fun.
The friend who got my name and was supposed to give me a gift wasn't able to go, which was disappointing. I waited three months for that gift of mine. He was known to be one of the richer ones too, which got me all excited. Fast forward three months, he finally handed over the gift. Pure disappointment.
It was an Oscar trophy mock-up that said: "World's Best Mother-in-Law". Incidentally, I am neither a woman nor a mother. It left me speechless though.
20. It Was Life-Sized And It Was All Wrong
When I turned thirty, I was taken out to a nice restaurant by my wife and family. We had a great dinner and then the birthday cake and the presents came. My sister, being a great girl but the worst gift-giver ever, gave her gift to me. She bought me a life-size Yoda because when we were young she remembered that I loved Star Wars.
Well here is the real kicker. It was Star Trek that I used to love watching. I never really got into the film series Star Wars which is where Yoda is from. That stupid Yoda is now in our house as an interesting conversation piece. My sister still to this date does not know about her terrible mistake—mostly because I love her too much.
21. They Were Out Of Easy Bake Ovens
My friend 'J' is half Greek and his Greek grandparents are a caricature of stereotypical Greek immigrants. Anyway, I am at his ninth birthday party (at a bowling alley) when he unwraps their gift. He gets past the wrapping paper to see that there is a box for a George Foreman grill.
We were all old enough to know that parents often wrap things in non-original packaging-—like getting Pokemon cards in a Victoria's Secret box. So, 'J' decides that this must be what has happened. Actually, everyone was kind of laughing over the thought of a kid getting a George Foreman.
J opens the box and pulls out the grease-catching cup that comes with the grill. Boom. George Foreman for a nine-year-old.
22. Besides This She’s Normal
My grandmother's Christmas presents are extremely creative every year without fail. She doesn't really live anywhere near us, and for whatever reason, we never visit each other during the holidays, so she usually just mails over a big cardboard box of bizarre gifts. When I was fourteen, this escalated into absurdity.
My loot from her that year included a porcelain figurine of an angel in a sheep costume holding a sign with the words "I love you dad" printed on them. I don't even...I can't...what? Seeing as I have no paternal relationship with this woman—besides the indirect one of her being my father's mother—I have to honestly say that I have absolutely no explanation for this.
To make matters worse, my parents and I are pretty devoted atheists. We’re not anti-religion or anything, just anti-us-being-religious. So, it's not like I would have had some kind of special additional gratefulness towards her for acknowledging our beliefs.
I'm not sure if you guys think this makes it weirder or not, but I am male. I keep having flashbacks to the bunny-suit scene in A Christmas Story. That same year, she got me two very large paper clips. I don't know if they're supposed to be impressively large for paperclips or what, but they're way too big for any practical purpose.
She also got me a photo stand—you know, those crummy ceramic stands with a bit of wire sticking out the top to hold a picture? Yep, one of those. It had the first letter of my first name on it in the pottery equivalent of 72 pt font.
I also think it's an unspoken—for a reason—tradition for her to give my dad a pair of atrociously oversized novelty boxers which are usually related to some cartoon he's never seen. I have no idea what goes through her mind when she purchases these gifts, but other than her odd gift-giving habits, she's a normal, sane, typical grandmotherly old woman.
23. He Didn’t Stand The Test Of Time
My dad used to always have exchange students stay at our giant house. I got quite close to one of them who was from Japan. This guy knew that my birthday was coming up so he bought me a watch. The student had to return to Japan before my big day, so he asked my Dad to give the watch to me on my 17th birthday. Well, he trusted the wrong guy.
When my dad gave it to me, he told me that he had bought it himself, and even wrote his name in the card and everything. The kicker was that I knew that the watch was from the student and not my dad. So it was insanely hard to not just get angry and call my dad out on it, because he sincerely believed he had mastered the ultimate trickery.
24. Even Grandma Said No
I was once given a gift voucher from my grandmother for a restaurant with the instructions "find a nice girl to share your birthday meal with". Sadly, it ended up expiring before I found anyone willing to go with me.
I offered to take my grandmother, but she refused and it would have looked a little weird handing in a voucher for a "romantic" meal with a 70-year-old on my arm. Not the worst gift I could ever have gotten, but it certainly didn't help my self-esteem.
25. You Can’t Ride To Europe
For my 18th birthday, I was expecting big things. My parents had bought my brother a trip to Japan for his 18th birthday. About a week before my birthday, I saw a stack of travel guides for Scandinavian countries on the kitchen table that my mom had forgotten to put away. My mind began to race, and I thought that I was going to go to Europe for the first time.
When it came to my birthday, I sat down for dinner and was ready for the huge present from my parents. I expected an envelope with a plane ticket in it. Instead of handing me an envelope, they asked me to walk out to the garage. I didn’t know what to expect when we opened the door. Could it be a car?
Nope. They’d set up a bright red cruiser bike in the middle of the garage with a bow on it. This would have still been a sweet present, except for the fact that my mom had already told me that it was mine to keep a year and a half earlier. I had been riding the bike around all year and the year before, but my parents had never noticed.
It was as though I got nothing when I thought I was going to be going on a huge vacation.
26. Is There A Fruit In The Loom?
My family has a well-honored tradition of putting an apple and an orange in the kid's Christmas stockings. I think it goes back to the depression when it was a very big deal to get fresh fruit in the middle of winter in some places. The mining company that my great-grandpa worked for would pass those out to all the miners as their bonus.
Back then the fruit would be shared and appreciated by the whole family as a rare treat. Today it just gives some bulk to the toe and heel of the stocking before going right back in the fruit bowl where it came from.
27. Let’s See If She Can Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time
Two years ago for Christmas, I bought my boyfriend of 11 years tools and some nice clothes. I must've spent more than $500 on his gift. And what did he get me? A pair of socks and gum. When I asked why he got me this lame gift, here is his excuse: "I didn't know what else to get you and you like gum and don't wear socks".
It wasn't really about how much money was spent, but you'd think after 11 years of being with someone they'd know you well enough to try to get something a little more meaningful. Worst Christmas ever.
28. Merry Christmas Loser
I've always had problems making friends, and it's something I used to be pretty self-conscious about. When I was about 13, my grandma gave me the book How to Make Friends and Influence People for Christmas. After I opened it she spent the next 10 minutes lecturing me on how helpful it would be for "someone like you".
I'm sure she meant well...but I still hated her for it.
29. Oh, The Ironing
I am the youngest in my family and the year this happened I was 21 years old. So, my brother received a car—it was used but it was a car. He also got a plethora of other presents. My sister got a brand new lazy boy couch and a flat-screen TV and also a plethora of other presents.
Somehow it became fairly obvious my brother and sister were getting a mountain more than me. Before I opened my presents, my step-mom looked at me seriously and said, "We figured that the clothes we bought you for your brother's graduation could be considered an early Christmas present, so we didn't buy you much else".
The clothes she was talking about were, not to sound ungrateful, atrocious and cost about $100. For my present, I received a clothes iron—no ironing board—and a big coffee table book on the history of Sunday Morning comics. The funniest part is when I opened my iron, my parents got into a shushed argument about how that was supposed to be for my brother.
So, for Christmas, I received one present: a book on comics.
30. They Had One Shot
When my husband was around 11 or 12, all he wanted for Christmas was a slingshot. On Christmas morning, he opened his present, to find the box for a slingshot. Once he opened the box, however, there was no slingshot inside.
Instead, it was filled with Top Ramen. Now, you would think that this was a joke, and the slingshot was just somewhere else, but you would be wrong. His dad went out of his way to find a box for a slingshot because he thought it would be funny. Incidentally, there were no other presents, either.
31. A Bottle Of Your Finest
It was my 21st birthday and I was out for a meal with my whole family. My grandfather had recently remarried, about two years earlier and his new wife was there too. There had already been a few altercations between this new wife and the rest of the family, as she was so hard to get along with, and one of those people that made no effort to try and get to know everyone.
This woman also decided she was going to give a gift that was completely separate from what my grandfather was giving me and kept making a big deal about this fact. So everyone was sitting around the table in the restaurant enjoying their meal and they decided to start giving me my gifts.
Everyone else had given me my gifts and my grandfather and his new wife were last to hand over theirs. From my grandfather, I received a cheque for quite a bit of money, and from his wife I received two cans of Coca-Cola—gift-wrapped and everything—because as she put it: "every young person likes cola!"
32. Some Dough Would Have Been Better
In the first grade, my husband’s class had a small gift exchange among students. For two weeks he had been looking forward to it and even made a little countdown on his calendar. When the day finally came, all the kids opened their gifts in class, but he wanted to save the special moment with his parents.
So he brought this heavy gift home and waited until after dinner to show his parents his cool gift. When he opened it, he almost burst into tears. It was only a bag of flour.
33. It Was A Sub Subcompact
On my 21st birthday. I was hoping for a car. Well, my older brother got a car for his 21st birthday, so I just assumed. Besides, my parents were hinting at it during the weeks leading up to it. On the big day, they got out of bed and put a blindfold on me. They led me out to the garage and I heard the jingling of car keys.
Naturally, I was really excited at this point. They removed the blindfold to reveal a tiny matchbox car sitting in the middle of the garage floor. My parents and brother were laughing their heads off, but I didn't think it was funny at all. I never got a car.
34. They Dressed Me Up In Their Love
I'm the oldest of my cousins in my family, and there's an eight-year age difference from oldest to youngest. So, when my seven cousins and I gathered for Christmas at our grandma's, I would watch all the younger ones open their presents first, because we went in age order. They'd get toys, games, all that good stuff.
Then it came time for me to open my presents. I was 12 years old or so, and I opened my first one: Socks. Second gift: a dress shirt. Third gift: a pair of jeans. I basically just got clothes that year, maybe a gift card. I remember holding back tears. This is the exact moment that I realized I'm not a little kid anymore.
I said thank you to everyone and walked outside to get some air—all while trying not to cry. Now, skip ahead 13 years or so later. If anyone gets me socks, a dress shirt, and jeans for Christmas now, I'll be a happy camper. Though I still wouldn't say no to a few toys or games.
35. The Worst Gift Is The Best Memory
My dad used to buy me a cowboy-style shirt—the kind with snaps instead of buttons—every Christmas. And every Christmas I'd tell him how much I liked it. Then I'd leave it in the box until the next year, and I'd give it back to him as his gift. At his funeral, I confessed to doing this to his wife.
She laughed and said that he never realized I was re-gifting him. The truth was that my grandmother knew what was going on, but she never said anything to either of us. She knew that he loved those damned shirts, and that I hated them.
Funny, even though I still count those things as a "worst gift," I also count getting them and subsequently giving them back as one of my most cherished memories of Christmas.
36. Chucky For Christmas
As a kid, I was really scared of dolls. If a doll was near, I was out of the room hiding under the covers of my bed. When I was six my grandma gave me a life-sized doll that she said looked like me when I was angry but with blonde hair. As soon as I tore the wrapping off I cried, threw it at the wall, and ran into my parents' bedroom.
To this day my family laughs at this Christmas story. By the way: I am still afraid of dolls.
37. The Holy Trinitron
When I was pretty young, maybe like five or six I think, I did the communion thing. You know, that Christianity thing? Apparently, it was a pretty big event, because a bunch of people gave me money and gifts. So, I did communion at the same time as my sister, so our parents decided they could buy us a gift together.
The gift for my sister and my communion was a brand-new television. Apparently, mom and dad had gotten sick of our old television so this is what we got. It was supposed to be our gift, but who do you think was watching it all the time? You guessed it. My parents set it up in the family room and watched it nonstop.
It was pretty disappointing but oh well.
38. Dollar Store Madness
I always think it's hilarious when people buy practical gifts for kids. Like a lamp for example. You're not supposed to give it as a gift, you're supposed to give it to them and just say "This is for your desk". Gifts are supposed to be fun when you're a kid, since kids don't seem to understand that it's basically a free item.
For kids, it's just got to be a toy. My parents always tried to get us quantity over quality. So we'd get something like, I don't know, something like 36 gifts on Christmas. Maybe one would be really cool, like a Simba stuffed animal, or a movie or something. Then the rest would be stuff they picked up at the dollar store.
I would get things like those little wooden toys with string run through them as a skeleton, and you push the button in on the bottom and they go limp? Yeah, I got those a lot. I got a lot of jump ropes. I got a lot of 25-cent vending machine toys. I got a bunch of those rubber-wiry toy dolls that you could bend all over.
Basically, it was a lot of junk that would fill my closet or end up in the trash. Even as a kid, I hated the fact that my parents spent their money on this garbage. We were very poor, and they were wasting a lot of money on these pieces of junk. Because, inevitably, I'd be attached at the hip to that little Simba stuffed toy, and totally neglect everything else.
39. He Wasn’t Sweet Enough
Things kept coming up, so my family didn't get around to celebrating my 16th birthday immediately. One night, after a few weeks had passed, my dad walked in the door, placed a comic in my hands—which he'd likely picked up at the gas station—and said "Happy Birthday".
I knew that was it, but before I thanked him, I couldn’t help but think about my sister's sweet 16. On the way to her party, they stopped by a dealership to let her pick out a car as a present. To remember that event, they still kept the newspaper clipping announcing it on the fridge.
She's really a sweet girl, but she was gone to college by the time so many things happened. Because of this, I've never told her the sad story of my 16th birthday, and I never intend to.
40. I’m Melting
One year for Christmas my aunt gave a Santa candle to my spoiled nine-year-old snot of a cousin. The wick was set in his face, so if you lit it you would see Santa's face slowly melting off. My snotty cousin cried and kicked the floor until my mother made me give him my Hot Shot mini-basketball game that I had just gotten.
It was like an awful negative present.
41. This Gift Was A Real Puzzle
It was my 18th birthday, which is big in the UK as you can start drinking, and start university and all that. I had done pretty well: clothes and cash for school. It was all in preparation for an amazing three years ahead. Opening the present from my auntie, to my surprise it was neither money, music or even a book relevant to my course.
For my 18th birthday, my aunt had given me a 1000-piece sports puzzle, a hand warmer cover—no actual hand warmer, just a felt cover—and some hand sanitizer.
42. The Master Of Prank
One Christmas, while I was still In high school, I asked for a CD player and some metal CDs. We always had a limit on what my parents would spend on each of us, so when I got the player but no CDs, I wasn't too upset. That’s when my dad pops up with a wrapped present that looked exactly the right size for a CD. This made me extremely happy.
All I wanted was a CD by Metallica—and they definitely knew this. Slowly I tore off the paper to reveal more paper. Again, I tear at the paper. Meanwhile, my dear old pops is just standing there with a big grin on his face. He has a reputation as a prankster, but never on Christmas. This was the first time on Christmas.
I opened the CD and it was a Barbara Streisand Christmas album. The old guy just laughed for hours. I, on the other hand, was bummed for days. Then we drove out to my grandparents' place where I would get another gift. It was family gift exchange time. My aunt had another CD-shaped gift for me. Maybe this would be Metallica. Nope.
New Kids on the stupid Block.
43. Do It Yourself Birthday
The worst gift I ever got was paint and wallpaper. The worst thing was I was only nine years old when I got it. You see, my room still had baby wallpaper, so my mom wanted to update it. She bought paint and a wall border for me for my birthday. I didn't even get to pick the color or the border. I literally unwrapped a can of paint.
It was this hideous minty/sagey green color with a floral border. Happy birthday to me.
44. Happy “Thanksbirthday”!!!
My birthday is at the end of October, and my step-mom's parents sent me a gift a few weeks late. The card had a squash on the front, and they’d written on the front of the card "Happy Thanksgiving Care Package!" There was nothing at all written on the inside of the card. The box contained about 15 hotel shampoos and a bandanna.
This was my first birthday at college, and I think I would have been happier if I hadn't gotten anything from them at all.
45. It Was Orange And It Was Awful
Let’s call this gift giver my grandmother even though he only actually adopted my father like five years ago: the year he turned fifty. Anyway, she always gives the most ridiculous gifts. She's that lady. When you go to open gifts, you're never sure whether to open hers first to get it out of the way, or last to put it off as long as you can.
But it's always the weirdest stuff. Like sticker books when I'm 15 and the like. So, anyways, I don't remember this, because I was little, but apparently, when I was about five, she bought me an orange yodeling outfit. Like bright orange. The little kid me loved it. My parents just took one look at each other and were like, "Ahhh this is not happening".
I'm pretty sure they threw it away that very night.
46. He Needed Guidance
When I was a little kid—I couldn't have been much more than three or four—I was considered gifted and my parents went to a lot of trouble to ensure that I got "educational" toys. One Christmas, a couple of my presents were construction toys from an educational company named "Child Guidance".
As soon as I saw "Child Guidance" on the box, though, I felt terrible: "Guidance? Do I need guidance? Oh no—I must have a learning disability!" I never told my parents until I was a teenager. They were horrified.
47. Gift Giving Wasn’t His Forte
For Christmas, my partner got me a mason jar filled with rice and two black truffles. It was a week and a half late and he picked it up from the grocery store he butchered at. To make things even worse, he got the same gift for my mom. After this happened, I informed him that I did not want any kitchen-related gifts.
His memory was very short because for Valentine's Day he got me a cast iron skillet that I was sure he’d found at a garage sale. For our one-year anniversary, I was busy studying for the Bar and didn't have time to do much. Well, he didn't plan anything, so at the last minute, I spent an afternoon researching and planning and paying for a night at a neat hotel just outside of the city.
We had dinner and drinks, and I gave him a neat gift. He gave me a bouquet of flowers. To his credit, he did pay me back for half the expenses...about four months later. The next Christmas, he gave me a pair of ugly feather earrings he ordered the day I brought up that he didn't get anything for me.
I waited until the second week of January to bring it up. It ended bad. All of this along with other issues led to the end of our relationship. I laugh about it now, but it really hurt my feelings at the time and I felt terrible for being upset for wanting and expecting gifts. I just couldn't shake the fact that I didn't feel appreciated.
Oh, and one more thing. I've saved the best for last. He spent two weeks telling me he was going to take me to a really special brunch. The morning comes and I asked him if we needed to hurry to make the reservation and beat the crowds. He said no and we leisurely left.
When he pulled up and parked in the parking lot of McDonald's, I burst into tears.
48. Some Tighty Not So Whities
My father once received a pair of old—but washed—underwear with a broken elastic waistband. They were also not his size. They were from his grandmother and she just shrugged and said: You're hard to shop for. My mum told her off and said that she could come back and visit when she learned to behave.
We gave her the underwear as a Christmas gift the next year. I wish I could tell you she did it as a joke but no, she was just a mean-spirited person.
49. It Was All About Me
My high-school girlfriend was really excited about giving me my graduation present from High School. Come to think of it, why we needed to give each other graduation presents is beyond me. Anyway, she was genuinely excited, and that excitement of course boiled over to me, and I was pretty pumped by the time it was given to me.
It ended up being a life-size portrait of me that she had drawn in pencil. She'd been working on it for months and months. It was stunning, and I was appropriately stunned. Then I realized that I didn't really have a need or desire for a self-portrait.
Call me ungrateful, but what am I going to do, hang a picture of myself on the wall and look at…myself? So, I thanked her with a smile, and “stored” it in her bedroom closet. It stayed there through us going to college together, and her breaking up with me. Sometimes I still wonder what happened to it.
50. He Put His Foot In It
I was seeing this woman and she insisted I come to her family Christmas gathering. They have this tradition there where all the kids—these are adults mind you—get a sock as a gag gift. The gag is that there is always money in the sock. This year each sock had a $100 bill stuffed in it. This was all fine to witness until it was time for my gift.
I really didn’t expect anything, but when they gave me a pair of socks, I couldn’t help but look inside to see if there was some money inside. Of course, there wasn’t, and I was totally embarrassed for even looking. I was so new to the family, why would there be money? What was I thinking? The whole thing was incredibly awkward.
Sources: Reddit
