Everyone has that one story -- the story that makes you cringe just thinking back to it. Maybe it was something mortifying that happened to you as a child. Perhaps it’s something more recent between you and someone else that you both know should never be brought up again. Whatever it is, it’s important to know you are not alone. Most people can and will relate to having embarrassing moments. But at the end of the day, there’s “embarrassing moments” and then there are the stories you never want to be discussed again… like these following tales shared anonymously by brave people.
58. Like Father Like Daughter
57. Close Those Blinds, Man
56. This Is Why The Birds And The Bees Are So Important
55. On The Bright Side, You Have A Good Friend And A Good Boss
54. Don't Read My Diary!
Growing up, we were poor, and as a teen, I didn't really have access to adult content or whatnot, but I was quite a writer.
53. Friends Without Benefits
52. Darwin Award Nominees
51. "My Bowels Are Amazing"
50. Fake Anniversary
Photo by Matt Popovich on Unsplash
49. Breakup Butter
48. It's Not What It Looks Like
47. Don't Play With Mr. Electricity
46. Insecure Security Guard
45. Lanelle Knew
44. Going Back To Back
43. That's Not The Anatomy She's Interested In
Pixabay
42. Hello, Future Father-In-Law
41. Mario Kart Maniacs
My brother and I are close, and we were talking about the weirdest things we have watched. I went first, I told him I’ve watched Peach and Bowser adult videos. He looked baffled, then said that was his secret too. We have this bond now and it’s amazing. We always tell our parents “We share something very close” and they always ask what it is but we are never ever going to say it.
40. Permanent Memory
The time when me and my tattoo artist had mad attraction so we got intimate in the prepping booth.
While people were getting tattoos done.
39. Now That's A True Friend
7th grade. Broke my arm playing soccer and I went to Disneyland the next day. I couldn't unzip my pants at the bathroom to take a pee. I looked at my friend who saw me struggling and he just came up to me and unzipped my pants. "This didn't happen? You hear me?"
38. Deer In The Headlights
37. Love Or Money
While working for the local church's "Prisoner Outreach Program," my grandmother met a female inmate with whom she fell in love. Upon the inmate's release, she and grandma planned on running away together. Said inmate locked her in the closet and made off with all the cash she'd liquidated from her savings account. That's why my grandma had to work as the lunch-lady at my middle school and why we've financially supported her for her whole life. Yeah... nobody ever says anything.
36. I Don't Know If I Could Keep Being Friends
35. Milk Man Mortified
One fateful night when I was around 12, I woke up and for some reason, I was sure I was really late for school. I threw on some clothes and walked into the kitchen, still half asleep.
What I saw in the kitchen was utterly confusing. My dad was standing there, naked, chugging milk straight from the carton like a madman. I looked at him, but was too tired to be shocked, he, on the other hand, looked like he had been caught chugging milk by a ghost. Then I looked up at the clock. It was 4 AM. I really didn’t understand anything except that I could sleep more at this point, so without a word I just turned around slowly and went back to bed.
The look on his face still haunts me.
34. A Naked Observation
Me and one of my friends were hanging out when we were probably 10 or 11. We went behind an elementary school on the weekend to play and ended up going behind a dumpster and getting naked and looking at each other. We never hung out again and every time we saw each other throughout high school it was a little weird.
33. Submitting To Secrecy
When my uncle passed away we were going through his house to clear it. We found 5-6 cameras and checked them to see if there were any photos of him for his mother as she didn't have many.
Turns out he was into domination and had a large variety of adult-quality pictures of himself partaking in his interests. 60-year-old man being dominated by similarly aged males and females. They are seared into my soul.
My father and I were checking together and made a pact not to tell anyone else or speak of it again.
32. A Brother Bothered
Was having some "fun" with my ex-girlfriend and we thought we were home alone, so she decided that she'd scream the house down. She screams "Yeah, daddy!" really loudly and when we finish about 10 minutes later, we go to the bathroom to clean up.
Bump into her then 14-year-old brother on the landing and make direct eye contact with him. He just looks at me oddly and grimaces at his older sister. I still cringe to this day.
31. Tinder Trauma
Matched with my cousin on Tinder.
I was like "Wow she is ho...Oh my god that's my cousin!" while swiping. It all happened so fast. Same thing must have happened to her because we matched. I just messaged her saying we never speak of this, agreed? And she said agreed. And we've never spoken about it. Things are weird around the holidays. We just kinda make eye contact and then one of us finds a reason to leave the room immediately to go and talk to other family members who we have not matched with on Tinder.
30. Sucky Friends
So my friends and I were playing "never have I ever" and I brought up that I’d never had a hickey. They decided to change that so two of them pinned me down while two others sucked on opposite sides of my neck. No one was really sure how it got to that point but it happened and hasn’t been brought up since.
29. Gone Fishin'
Well me and the wife were out on the lake fishing. When all of a sudden I felt the rumbling in my gut. I was about to poop my pants. I looked around and noticed we were nowhere near a dock and there was nobody else on the water.
So I looked my wife in the eye and told her I was sorry and loved her very much. I then proceeded to hang my butt over the side of the boat and had the Hershey squirts. It was over quite quickly thankfully. My wife passed me a few old receipts from her purse so I could wipe. She told me she still loved me and we kept on fishing.
28. Ticked Off
I came home from a week at Girl Scout camp at 13, and discovered a tick the size of a thumbtack, attached to a very private place. I had to go to my Mom and get her to help detach it. When she finished, she told me we didn't ever have to talk about this again if I didn't want to. Her tone made it clear that she certainly didn't want to.
27. Mixing Up Moms
In middle school my crush's mom and my mom drove the exact same SUV with similar license plates. After school one day I ran up hopped in my mom's car and started talking when she didn't talk back and hadn't left the pick-up line I looked at her. She was not my mom. I look to my right and my crush is standing outside the car looking at me like I was crazy. I sheepishly got out and ran a few cars back to my real mom. A few years later I had moved back to the area and was a cashier at a local store. My crush came through the line and recognized me and started to say "Weren't you that girl who..." and I just interrupted with a "Yes," handed him his change and quickly started the next customer.
26. TV And Ticket Tradeoff
When I was 17 a huge photo radar ticket came in for my truck. Something like 40km over the speed limit. My mom was furious at me. HOW DARE YOU DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC I RAISED YOU BETTER and all that. But it turns out I wasn't the driver that day. Dad had borrowed it to pick something up. I asked him how much it was worth to him for me to take the fall knowing she'd turn on him with the fury of an angry mama bear. And that's how I got myself a new HDTV that year.
25. Taking The Plunge
Had to stay with a work friend one night as we had a conference in his home town the next day. It was weird enough staying in his spare room, but to top things off he had a fancy modern bathroom with a square toilet... Which of course, I blocked in the morning with a poop the size of Mt Fuji. After 30 minutes of fruitless searching for a plunger while the situation went from bad to worse, he knocked on the door and asked if I was okay. I had to tell him not to come in but to just hand me a stupid plunger and some bleach. Apparently, his girlfriend did the same thing the first night she stayed at his place, so at least I'm not alone. To this day I cannot look him in the eye at work.
24. Wiping The Shame Away
One time I was taking a poop and feeling very faint. I started getting cold sweats, feeling dizzy and light headed. In a panic, I shouted for my wife to come help me. As she entered the room I proceeded to faint, fall off the toilet, and roll my body to the side to prevent injury. Mid-fall a poop torpedoed out of my butt across the floor leaving a trail of poop smear. When I came to, my wife was standing there in shock, I got up grabbed some toilet paper and picked up my shame and we never spoke of it again.
23. Let's Drop It
My wife and I were at my cousin's apartment in a big city. They have a balcony on the 40th-something floor. We were all outside on the balcony drinking and getting a little inebriated. My wife rests her drink (thank god it was a can and not a bottle or glass) on the railing of the balcony. I scold her and go to move it when my half inebriated and clumsy self knocks it off and we watch in horror as it falls in slow motion 40 stories and hits the ground like a bullet next to a crowd of people. We never mentioned it to anyone.
22. Horsing Around
A friend of mine and I were watching a movie on a site called Rabbit (you can all watch movies and browse the net on the same tab) and somehow we got into an argument over horse junk being able to hurt people. She looked it up online and we watched a nasty video of a man getting assaulted by a horse. Little did we know, a notification went around on our friend lists saying "Me and Anon are watching man gets assaulted by horse and dies, come watch with them!"
I am still ashamed.
21. Covered In Ashes
When my best friend passed away, we figured he would have liked a 'sky burial' kind of. So at the height of the funeral party we released his ashes into heavens with a giant balloon. After a few meters of flight the string snapped, and his remains covered the mourning crowd. Everyone made their best efforts to get inebriated as soon as possible. We will never speak of this ever.
20. Crampin' His Style
After a house party when I was a teenager me and my friend both passed out on my bed. About 2-3 hours later I woke up with a horrendous cramp in my leg so I sat on the edge of the bed massaging it trying to get rid of it.
My friend woke up and thought I was getting busy with myself but got too awkward to ask what was going on. He never said anything until the next morning when he was giving me a weird look.
I'd prefer we never speak of it again...he loves twisting the story to any girls on nights out.
19. Stone Cold Shower
When I was a teenager I got really messed up one day and when I got home I went for a shower. It was only me and my sister in the house. While still incredibly messed up I got shampoo in my eyes, in a little panic I slipped, ripped the shower curtain down, fell out the bath, hit my head on radiator, and landed with my arm down the toilet.
My sister burst in to see what had made a huge crashing sound, there’s me, naked, wrapped up in a shower curtain on the floor with my arm down the toilet.
12 years later and it’s never been brought up.
18. Concerned About Cloning
15 years old, I wander into the living room in my boxers, hand down the front, enjoying being home alone. President George W. Bush is on TV talking about cloning. With little understanding of what he is talking about, I yell at the top of my lungs, "WE'RE DONE FOR!"
When I was home alone and a teenager, I liked to get wacky like this, probably just an outlet of excess energy and my general facade of being a decent kid. Dance around, yell random things, basically if you saw me in private at any point in these years you would have thought I was missing a few screws.
Unfortunately for me I was not home alone and my mom was in the living room watching this unfold. She yelled at me in shock at my behavior, it was probably top 10 most embarrassed I've ever been in my life, and it was never discussed again.
17. Driving Stick
Trying to teach my new at the time girlfriend how to drive my manual car. She told me she had done it a few times and knew what she was doing. Fast forward ten minutes and I no longer have a front bumper. She continues with "I can't believe I did this! Your friends and family are gonna think I'm an idiot!" I just replied with "I did this" and we haven't spoke of it since. Everyone thinks I'm the idiot.
16. A Confidential Crash
I got into a car accident for the first time in my life when my younger brother was visiting me. I wasn't paying attention to the car in front of me and I rear-ended them pretty hard. Luckily no one was hurt, we exchanged information, took pictures, but there was no noticeable damage so we left it at that.
I looked at my brother and we both agreed never to bring it up again. I gave him that car when he turned 18.
15. Festival Of Poop
Many many years ago I went to this Jesus Woodstock festival. Basically a 3-day Christian music fest. We got there after dark. Set up our tents. Had to use the bathroom and ran to the portapotty without flashlights because we were 17 and beyond dumb. I pop a squat and am getting soaked! I don't know how it’s so filled, it’s the first night. I use a wad of toilet paper, toss it into the hole, but it’s strangely floating. I realize I actually peed on the brand new portapotty with the toilet lid still closed. I felt immediate shame. I had to release my guilt and confided in my friend later that night. She did the same exact thing.
14. Making Friends
My husband and I were going to Thanksgiving dinner at the house of some of my dad’s family that I only kind of knew. We got there, knocked, and a woman I didn’t recognize let us in. We went into the home and there wasn’t anyone there, there was no dinner, etc. So we’re making small talk with this lady and I ask when everyone is coming. She asks what I mean.
Turns out we were at the wrong house. The woman just thought we were friends of her husband, because he would randomly bring people home, and that we had simply arrived before he did.
13. Tricky Family Tree
I was really getting into this girl and I finally managed to ask her out on a date. We're on the date things are actually going really smoothly. Then I bring up the fact that my grandparents are straight out of Sicily and she says that's cool, then I say they're from a town, she says her parents are from the same town. She goes home and surprise surprise she's related to me. Needless to say we talk a lot less.
12. Blind Accident
High school senior me was outside with a friend in my driveway. For some reason I didn’t have my glasses on and a neighborhood dog ran up to me out of nowhere. I couldn’t tell what it was or initially see it coming, and I was so startled I peed my pants before I saw it was a Labrador.
My friend was laughing at first until she realized what happened, then she just had a big shocked face. I was so embarrassed but just went inside and changed. My friend was older than me/kind of a mentor figure so she never mentioned it again and didn’t give me a hard time afterwards. She knew I was blind without my glasses and that I have a weak-ish bladder.
11. Dancing In The Dark
I dance a lot with my headphones in, have always done it since I can remember. Well, over the years my dancing became more and more correct and reformed, instead of just a random flailing of limbs. When I was 15 it would be the time I had the most random flailing of all, almost like if a hecatoncheires tried dancing. I normally did this in private. One night, I assumed my parents were in for the night so I could go to town out in the pitch black living room. I would shatter my ear drums with the music and just run around doing raspy singing and some very poor dance moves. This continued until I heard a sharp laugh. I looked to my right in horror and saw my mother there on the couch in the dark, in a blanket crying silently from laughter. Unbeknownst to me she couldn't take her husband's farts at the time, and decided to sleep in the living room. I quietly retreated to my room and locked the door. She hasn't said anything since.
10. New Resolution
Woke up on January 1st, like 9 years ago, naked from the waist down, in the bed of a friend I grew up with and considered a brother. We looked at each other, we nonverbally understood, and never mentioned it.
9. Cringing At The Cinema
Decided to go to the movies with my super religious mom. We just sort of picked a movie that sounded like it would be good, no idea what it was about...That movie was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
8. Hungry For Hamster
When I was younger, my sister took our pet hamster and swallowed him whole. I didn’t, and still don’t, know what I should do with this information.
7. From Coffee The Pee Comes, And To Coffee It Shall Return
I had just landed in an airplane but we were delayed indefinitely on the tarmac and I really really really had to pee.
I asked the flight attendant if I could still use the airplane bathroom, and she hesitated but then said yes. When I got inside, I realized that the whole toilet bowl was already quite full of a brown liquid, which I quickly determined to be coffee by the smell. The flight attendant must have just poured it out, thus the hesitation. Whatever. I don't care. I had zero problems sitting down and peeing into that.
Then I stood up and flushed. That is when things went very very wrong.
Apparently there is a max capacity to airplane toilets, and instead of just flushing...the liquid exploded. As the majority of the liquid flushed, a million tiny droplets burst out of the toilet bowl at top speed and covered every single surface with a fine mist of coffee pee. I scrambled back against the wall in horror but there was no escaping.
Every inch of my body was suddenly covered in coffee pee droplets. I just stood there stunned, wiped up as much as I could, and walked shame-faced back to my seat, smelling strongly of coffee the whole way...and hopefully not of anything else...
The worst walk of shame I've ever had. I will never again flush an airplane toilet without putting the seat down first, and I will NEVER tell people I actually know this story.
Pixabay
6. Disaster On The Ski Slopes
Not only was this the most embarrassing event ever to befall me, but it also happened at the most embarrassing age: 13.
I was at a ski resort. Our hockey team decided to have the annual Christmas party there, so there were 20 other awkward 13-year-old boys and their awkward families on hand.
It was starting to get dark, and everyone returned to the chalet for pizza and hot chocolate. But I was always an avid skier, and I decided to get in one more run alone before calling it a night.
And I had saved the toughest slope for last - a double black diamond.
The wind was lapping at my face as I began to criss-cross my way down the perilously steep run. I was about to hit a small jump when… it happened. I pooped my pants.
There was no warning. No rumble of distant thunder, just the sudden deluge. And I pooped everything: crayons and croutons, Tonka trucks and toenails, the complete works of Oscar Wilde and Lilo and Stitch on VHS.
And of course, I couldn’t stop skiing while this happened. I had to keep fighting my way down the hill as my tears froze to my cheeks and my shame ran down my legs and pooled in my boots.
When finally I reached the end of the run, I threw my skis away and began to trudge the two hundred yards or so back to the chalet, pushing people out of the way as required, making tracks in the snow with a sickening squelch, and dreading what would happen when my teammates found out.
Somehow, mercifully, I was able to get my dad’s attention without anyone seeing (or smelling) my presence. I pulled him aside and explained my predicament. To his eternal credit, he made my excuses to my teammates, telling them I was ill.
Then he discreetly drove me home and never told a living soul. But he did make me keep my window rolled down in -10 weather all the way back.
I guess I can’t begrudge him that.
5. Private Package
My high school girlfriend asked if she could mail some underwear/kink stuff to my house because she couldn't pass off getting mail when her parents collect it. Fine with me, my family is very serious about privacy.
However my neighbor wasn't, and the mailman delivered it to her house. She opened it not realizing it was addressed to my house. She panicked, not knowing what to do, and brought it to my house. I wasn't home, so my older sister collected it and left it on my bed.
When I returned home, all my sister said was "There's a package on your bed and we're never speaking of this again." I found it hysterical, my girlfriend was mortified.
4. A Family Affair
My divorced dad was playing horseshoes in a league with my aunt (mom's sister). They went together one night when I was about 16. I went to a friend's house to sleepover and didn’t think any more of it. Until I got home the next morning and her car was still in the driveway. Innocent and stupid me went into the house expecting my aunt to maybe be crashed on the couch or something. Then I heard the shower running and thought, weird, maybe she’s taking a shower before she leaves. Then I heard my dad's laugh coming from the bathroom with my aunt laughing too. I tip toed out of the house and went right back to my friend's house completely flabbergasted by what I just walked in on.
3. Ghost Of A Girlfriend
My brother had an imaginary girlfriend with an imaginary Facebook profile. She would post loving, imaginary messages on his wall. I asked about her a few times then got a little more persistent. After a while, I got suspicious and did an image search for her photos. They were from another person in another country. Also, no one every saw the imaginary girlfriend. If someone asked me about her after seeing their loving Facebook exchanges, I would kind of imply that we'd met to spare my brother (and myself) embarrassment. Eventually, he stopped talking about the imaginary girlfriend and she stopped posting imaginary things. I will never ask what happened to her. I'm pretty sure he will never mention her again. She's still on Facebook.
2. Laying It To Rest
When we first moved into our house my wife and I bought a new bed. The instruction manual said that it would take two people 2 hours to put together (which was a lie).
After about 4 hours of snapping and shouting at one another (“You know when I said 'hold that bit still?' Did you think I actually meant 'Move it up that way and NIP MY FINGERS FOR THE 17th TIME!?!?'") we finally finished.
We agreed then and there to have a drink and never speak of it again. That was a pretty dark day in our marriage.
1. Spicy Wife
When it happened I was sworn to secrecy. My wife was pregnant and preparing for a home birth. When she was within a month of her due date the midwife instructed her to start doing these stretching exercises on her cervix. She had been peeling some roasted chili peppers, washed her hands and went to the bedroom to do said exercises. Apparently she did not wash thoroughly enough because in just a few seconds she was in agony. There wasn't anything she could do for it. Just had to tough it out. I struggled with showing sympathy and not laughing my head off. The child is now an adult and has a great fondness for spicy food.
