People Share Their True Stories That Were Too Bizarre To Believe
Life is crazy sometimes. Occasionally, all the right elements will come together and create the perfect scenario for a bizarre experience and amazing story to tell your friends. Unfortunately, all the best tales are also the ones that absolutely nobody will ever believe. There’s no worse feeling than telling an unbelievable true story from your life and knowing that nobody’s buying it—and nobody knows that feeling better than the Redditors presented below. Don’t worry, reader, I’m sure they’d believe you!
1. In a Classroom Far, Far Away…
At school in eighth grade, a kid brought some kiddie piano to class and kept playing the Star Wars theme on it while his friend followed behind him with a remote-control car with a mannequin head on it. I told someone this happened, and they immediately said I was making it up. It happened. It was weird.
2. Heard It
One morning in seventh grade, I was chatting with a friend before class started and he mentioned that he was so excited because the new Britney Spears CD was coming out that day. He had preordered it and was going to pick it up after school. I bragged to him that I already had the CD. He didn’t believe me and told everyone in the class that I was a liar.
I said I would bring it to school tomorrow to prove it, but as he pointed out, I could have just gone and picked it up that afternoon so it wouldn’t prove anything. But I did have that CD, darn it! My best friend’s sister was about 10 years older than us and she worked in the music industry—she had managed to swipe a few copies of the Britney album about 2-3 weeks before it came out, which she gave to me and her sister.
But, I wasn’t able to prove it, and everyone thought I was a liar.
3. Good Dog?
When I was younger, maybe ten, me and my cousin would play games outside. We pretended we were a homeless family (don’t ask, I don’t know either) and we were searching for food (we would usually make dirt pies or something). We told my dog, “Go get us some food!” She disappeared and we forgot about her. She comes back with a dead bird.
Our parents would not believe us that she did that. But we all still swear to this day!
4. Big Bunny Hop
My rabbit jumped over our cat once. He used to get out all the time, so eventually, we just let him roam free. He wasn’t afraid of the cat so the cat left him alone, thinking he was a freak of nature that smelt like a rabbit and looked like a rabbit but wasn’t. One day the cat decided, “What the heck, that must be a rabbit,” so he goes in for the pounce.
Rabbit sails straight over his head and nonchalantly goes back to eating grass. The cat checked to see if anyone was looking then slunk away in shame.
5. Yellowstone, or Jellystone?
As a kid, my entire family was chased by a bear in Yellowstone. No, we weren’t being those awful tourists who get up in the bear’s business. We were walking around on a sidewalk not far from the big Yellowstone Hotel, and the bear was far away across a field when we noticed it. It started coming toward us and we ran all the way back to our cabin, warning other families with kids as we went.
The bear circled the little area of cabins for a while until some park rangers were able to relocate it. The r/thathappened part of the whole situation is that the next day (or maybe the day after, this was twenty years ago), we had yet another bear encounter where we had to run back to our car. No one believes me when I tell this story, but it’s 100% true.
6. Very Wrong Number
Got a call on my office phone on my first day of work. Lady wants to set up a time to meet and gives me complex directions. I assumed it was work training. I follow the directions and end up way outside of town in rural nowhere. Turns out they were trying to sell a trailer and called the wrong number.
7. My Friend the Cop
I was driving home from work. Usually, when my gas tank is about to be under the E, that tells me that I have about 20 miles until I need to refill my tank. I know this as I’ve owned my beloved car for over three years and have managed to always push my gas that far. I know it sounds stupid, but I know my car and its limits.
So, after working I foolishly forgot that I was low on gas when I got to work. Ultimately leading to me running out of gas, on the side of the freeway, at 11:00 pm, just 20 mins into my drive home. I happened to be coming upon the downhill part of the freeway and had to abruptly stop on the side of an exit I had just missed to avoid stopping in the middle of the freeway and getting smacked by people who wouldn’t see me in time.
Immediately, a cop pulls over behind me. He comes up to my window and asks, “Is everything okay?” to which I respond, “I ran out of gas, but I have AAA that I can call to come help.” He leaves for a minute and comes back with unbelievable news. Officer: “So weird thing…we were going to give this man a ride home earlier, and when we were walking to the car, said man started running…not sure why but when he ran for it, he left behind the gas tank he was holding” Me: “No way…?” Officer: “So we can try to put some of the gas from his tank into your car if you’d like!”
Five minutes later and he adds a good amount to my tank. This was so ridiculous how this somehow ended up working out and the police officers were incredibly nice! They directed me to the next gas station and were just awesome guys. Thanks to the guy who ran away from those two cops and left their gas tank behind in the process! I wonder why you ran man…
8. Surprise Elvis
Middle school. Sitting at lunch with some friends when my bff and I notice an Elvis impersonator standing outside the lunchroom. He came in, blasted “Viva Las Vegas” on his boombox, and danced on the table. Turns out our principal loved Elvis and it was his birthday. I know it might pale in comparison to some of these stories, but as a seventh grader, it was wild.
I gave myself a black eye, in my sleep, by headbutting the corner of the desk next to my bed. I still have a scar next to my eye. People didn’t believe it was by me being dumb, they thought I was in a very bad situation. But yeah, I’m just really stupid.
10. Most Metal Birth Ever
I died first, THEN was born. I had a complicated birth, which ultimately ended in me having drowned in blood. I was pronounced dead, given a time of death, etc. That was prior to the actual surgery having been completed. My mother was still unconscious, but my dad was around to be told the news. He went in to say his goodbyes to his dead child when I gave everyone a fright by coughing up blood and screaming.
My favorite part of this actually came years later when I was a teacher. Somehow, the topic of unusual births came up, and I told my story. One of my students shouted, “THAT IS THE MOST METAL BIRTH EVER!” Made my day.
11. Stolen Art
I was in Ukraine and visiting a boardwalk market near the hotel. There were a lot of antiques, military collectibles, and handmade art stands. I stopped at a t-shirt stand when I noticed one shirt that caught my attention. The art printed on it was a pencil portrait I had drawn of Hugh Laurie and put up on DeviantArt.
My signature was removed, but I knew it was mine because the mistakes in the drawing were unique. I’m not sure why the seller thought anyone would want to buy a pencil drawing Hugh Laurie t-shirt…
It sounds unbelievable, and honestly, as it happened I was shocked myself. I was singing at an outdoor concert; we were playing one of the songs I had written and composed myself. It was raining at first, but then it turned into an effing thunderstorm! So, I am singing this song, doing the intro which is kind of an opera thingy, then just as the song breaks for a pause…BOOOM!
A thundercrack rings across the area, the timing was so perfect! Like someone had planned it and it was a special effect. It was nuts! And yeah, people don’t believe this when I tell them…fortunately, I have video proof! AHAHAHAHAHA! I show them and they go, “Okay… dang.”
13. There’s a Frog in my Throat
I almost choked to death trying to warm up a frog I had picked up. It was early spring and I found a small frog moving slowly along my parents’ pond. I picked it up and cupped it in my hands and held it up in my hands to breathe warm air on it and it jumped into my mouth. It lodged in my throat and I could feel it struggling as I horked it up.
One time, someone accidentally shipped me $20,000 worth of boa constrictors. That was a very surprising day, lol. I did buy a single boa (worth way less than $20k) from this breeder, but he mixed up the shipping label with that of a gentleman who purchased a high-end breeding colony. There were 11 designer boas in the box, and they all made it safely to their intended recipient in the end.
Now the boa I bought was almost killed by an idiot FedEx driver during the mix-up, but that’s a different story…
15. Making Pirates Proud
I watched a man with two peg legs walk up a harbor ramp at low tide. It was one of the single most inspirational events I’ve witnessed. Harbor ramps connect land to the docks which move up and down on pilings as the tide changes. When the tide is out the ramp is at a steep incline. At high tide, the ramp is nearly level with the land.
This particular incident occurred on an abnormally low tide where the ramp was at a near 90-degree angle. I did not offer help, as clearly a man with two pegged legs is the captain of his own vessel. He achieved this great feat of human mastery by placing one peg in front of the other while using the railing as leverage and pure grit and determination for traction.
He offered a level glance at me as I passed him on my way down and the heavy rain motivated us forward without conversation.
16. Turn the Flashback on
Almost 20 years ago, my father sold his photo camera to buy some booze. He was an alcoholic and an abusive piece of work, among other equally funny things. Inside the camera bag, there was a piece of paper with a handmade aperture and shutter speed chart. I had drawn little circles in that paper when I was a child. Fast forward 15 years.
There’s a pawnshop near the place where I work, and from time to time I go there to see what hidden gems I can find. One day there was a camera that looked quite similar to the one my father sold. I bought it on a whim, without even checking if it worked properly. Just because it looked like the one he undersold. Once at home, I took a closer look, cleaned it properly and searched the bag. Yes, you know where this is going.
There it was; the paper with the chart and my little circles in blue biro. I sat on the sofa for a moment just to let that WTF moment sink in. That camera is now in a place of honor among my other cameras.
17. What Do You Call Two Banana Peels?
I witnessed someone slip on a banana peel in high school. No one was around except for me and the guy who did the slipping. I stopped and stared in awe.
18. It’s Just the Wind
Yes, mine is paranormal and I still can’t explain it, I always feel stupid telling this story because it’s so unbelievable. Firstly, the house was checked for gas leaks, etc. Nothing. But still, there were weird things happening a lot. I even tried to catch it on film. The camera kept turning off at night and even fell over once, but the worst I saw with my own eyes.
I was putting some stuff in the spare room and as I left the room I saw our cat looking past me with her hair standing up. There was complete terror on her face. I heard a metal scraping noise and when I turned, I saw the heavy metal ladder (which at the time I could barely lift myself). The ladder was moving against gravity and stood itself up.
It hung for a moment and then shot three or four across the room, as though it was thrown. It jammed the door shut and I spent a good 10 mins trying to open it, all while holding a knife, thinking somehow an intruder had done this, but there was no one there. To confirm my story (for myself) I eventually got into contact with the previous owners and I asked them if anything strange happened there.
Before I had even said what happened, they told me that the room where the ladder had been thrown was the worst by far, and they had objects thrown at them and heard their name whispered in their ear at night. We closed that door after that and it died down a bit, but I moved out shortly after anyway.
To make things weirder, the door actually had a lock on the outside when we moved in. As I said, I tried to film it and the camera either turned off at random intervals or fell down. I did manage to get audio recordings of the downstairs doors slamming at night as well as footsteps on the stairs. I don’t really care that no one believes me. It happened, I saw it, and it was just plain weird and freaky.
19. En Garde!
My grandfather brought a sword to the office and tried to behead my dad for a poor quarterly performance. Family businesses are tough. My grandfather has Alzheimer’s/dementia (not sure, Asian family in Asia, everyone denies mental issues) and before that incident, our family didn’t know he was unraveling.
20. Big Muscles, Bigger Hearts
Moving interstate, all our belongings on the little trailer. Pulled over to the side of the road so my significant other could pee. Too close to the side of the road, and the trailer slid down a small ditch. Not enough to wreck the car, but too steep for our little car to pull out. Next thing you know, a white minibus pulls up, and out jumps a half dozen guys who were a weightlifting team from I think Argentina (it was 25 years ago, not sure now).
They LIFTED our trailer up on to the road, climbed back in their van, and drove off.
21. Is it Me?
I played 11 Degrees of Random Internet Separation and wound up at myself. I was working on my Geocities website in 1998 on campus at UT-Austin. I was looking for design ideas (to poach HTML code) from a friend’s website, but he didn’t have anything I didn’t. So I went to his list of 20+ friends, picked a random one, and looked at that guy’s page for design ideas.
Then I thought, “I wonder where in the world I’d end up if I did ‘friend of a friend’ ten times like that. New York? China? ISS?” So, I did. Went to that guy’s friends list, picked a random one, went to that person’s friends list, and so on. The tenth person was an employee of UT, so I didn’t even make it off campus, let alone to another country. But he had a webcam in his office, one of those that refreshed an image every 30 seconds.
The lights were off, there were open miniblinds, but I couldn’t really see much beyond them. Then I noticed that he listed his office number: FAC 222. Flawn Academic Center, second floor, room 222. I realized that I was doing all of this from a computer on the second floor of Flawn Academic Center. I looked up to see that the computer I was on was at the end of an aisle directly across from room 222.
I went to the window. Open mini blinds, lights off, webcam on top of his monitor. I go back to my computer to see my own face in the webcam image peeking in his window.
22. Some People Would Pay for This Experience
Taylor Swift pushed me out of a swing when I was in third grade. I used to go over to my neighbor’s house to play just about every afternoon. He had an older sister and she just happened to be friends with the then unpopular Taylor Swift. I went over one day doing typical first grader things on the swing set with my neighbor when they came out.
Taylor demanded that we get out and let her swing. Rebel me said, “No,” and she said, “Fine then, I’ll push you.” The next thing I know I had a skinned-up knee and a mouthful of dirt. I ended up going to the same middle school and high school as her and always heard about how great she is. To me, she’ll always be that rude girl who pushed me out of a swing.
23. Ice, Ice, Call Me Back
Vanilla Ice left me a happy birthday voicemail. 15 years ago, I was friends with a guy who is a professional guitar tech and travels all over with different bands. He was in Miami with a fairly successful band, and Vanilla was at the show. Later, on the tour bus, my friend called me at like 3:00 am to wish me a happy birthday and handed the phone over to Vanilla Ice and he wished me a happy birthday.
Unfortunately, my service provider’s voicemail system only allowed you to save a message for seven days, and I couldn’t figure out how to save it any other way, so it’s disappeared into the ether.
24. Little Trooper
I lived alone for a year when I was eight. First-generation Asian immigrants, Mom goes back to the motherland to renew US Visa, gets stuck, I’m sent back ahead of time thinking it was going to be a couple week delay, family friends helped me get settled back into a routine for school, weeks turned into months, months turned into a year, mom comes back to find me 40 pounds heavier because eight-year-old me was eating three frozen dinners a night.
Also, I almost burned down the house at least on four separate occasions, discovered unlimited amounts of porn, and my father was a piece of work.
25. Nice Shot, Kid. You’re Under Arrest.
My brother landed a golf ball on a coffee cup after it ricocheted off the clubhouse ceiling and a policeman’s forehead. This happened when my older brother was around 15. He learned how to play golf from my dad (a golf geek), and after a number of lessons, he became good enough to play a nine-hole course with dad and the adults.
Now, at this hole (I can’t remember what number, not a golf fan), he hit the ball too hard and sent it flying toward the clubhouse. Normally this would not be a problem since there was a net protecting the house from foreign, unwanted balls like this. However, there was a tiny hole in a section of the net and the ball went through it. After a couple of seconds, they heard people screaming from the clubhouse.
Apparently, the ball went into the clubhouse, hit the ceiling two times, bounced off the forehead of a well-respected policeman (who is just resting after playing a course) and landed in a cup of coffee he was sipping. The impact was softened by the ricochet, but still enough to leave a bruise mark on his forehead. Needless to say, my father panicked and kept apologizing to the policeman.
Fortunately, he was patient enough to see that this is no more than an epic coincidence. The story became the talk of the golf club for a couple of weeks though, and my brother did not play a game for months. I still think that my brother should’ve bought some lottery tickets that week with that kind of luck.
26. Hawaii’s Pretty Metal
I mean Hawaii may not seem metal, but…I was on my surfboard doing my surfer girl thing with my toe hanging off. I was wearing teal nail polish and I suddenly felt a crap ton of pain. A sea turtle mistook my freaking toe for food and bit it so hard it had to be amputated. It broke the knuckle of my second toe, but it took skin too so that was fun. Hawaii’s freaking metal, dudes.
27. An Unforgivable Act, a Late Apology
When I was a little kid, I convinced a friend to restart Pokemon Blue and trade me a Squirtle, claiming he’d be able to just reload his previous save anyway. I knew full well he’d lose all his progress, but I wanted to catch them all. After we traded and he realized, crushed, that he’d lost everything, I told him he must have messed up somehow.
Then, around 15 years later on Christmas Eve, I posted this story anonymously in a “confessions” type thread on 4chan. He was in the thread. By insane coincidence, I got a chance to apologize for my misdeed as an adult. I would have screen capped it for posterity, but I was a little nervous to keep records because he had to reveal a bunch of personal info to prove he knew me.
Suffice to say, even the people in the thread didn’t believe it wasn’t just me acting both parts.
28. It’s Called Strategy
Fourth grade. We’re playing kickball inside for PE because it’s rainy. We’re in a pretty standard basketball gym with hoops at each end and bathroom/locker rooms at the far end. The kind without doors, just the long out and back hallway for privacy. Now for the unbelievable part(s). During our game, on my first kick, I looked at a friend and said, “I’m aiming for the hoop.”
The ball rolls up, so I run up, wind up, and unload the most perfect kick I’ve ever kicked. The ball sails high and straight and true. It hits the backboard, does a little dance around the rim and plops right on through. I’m so stunned at the spectacle that I’m just standing on first watching it happen. I’m safe. I can’t believe it.
Second kick. I say, “I’m doing it again.” I do. Everyone is stunned by this one. I’m still a bit stunned it worked. Made it to second this time. Third kick (my final chance at the plate). Kicking it at the basket is cool, but inside the park homers are cool too. I’m not super-fast so I needed to employ trickery. The outfield crew consisted of all dudes, so I aim for the girls’ locker room.
The kick sails long and just a bit left of the locker room door. But it lands with a bit of spin and bounces perfectly into the girls’ locker room and down the little out and back hallway. No one is in the locker room, but all of the fourth grade boys are afraid of getting yelled at, so none of them try to retrieve the ball. Meanwhile, I’m closing on home plate looking to break up our tied game (I scored, we won).
For any former fourth-graders from Hudson PEP in Longview Texas who feel like corroborating my story, this happened in like 1993-1994.
29. Small World, Mate
This happened a couple years ago. I’m from Scotland but I was staying at a hostel in Korea while traveling, and one night I headed down to the common area to chill out. At the time I was friends with an Aussie girl and we used to Skype chat a lot. I sat myself in the corner and tried to get a wi-fi signal to call her, but no such luck. I was texting back and forth with her on Facebook messenger telling her that I couldn’t get a signal and decided to move over to the large table in the center of the room to see if it was any better there.
On sitting at the table, I finally got a wi-fi and mentioned it to the guy next to me who was busy typing away on his phone. He laughed and said he was also talking to a friend. I noticed he had an Aussie accent and asked where he was from, he said, “Melbourne” and I was like “Wow, the girl I am trying to call is from there.” He then asked her name and where she stayed.
As they seemed about the same age I was reluctant to tell him her name but I said she stayed in “Mornington,” he then looked shocked and said that was where he was also from and pressed me for her name, I finally told him her name and he showed me his phone, would you believe it? Of all the people in the world this dude was talking to the exact same girl as I was about to call and was also messaging. Turns out that they had been best friends since primary school.
We were both pretty freaked out at first and then we decided that he would send her a photo of the two of us together. As you can imagine, she was also mega freaked out.
30. No Pictures, Please
I watched a girl ask her friend to take a photo of her standing next to a monkey that was sitting on a railing. The girl leaned in close to the monkey and the monkey did a double take when he saw how close she was. Then he open handed smacked her across the face with every ounce of monkey force he could muster. She reeled back in shock and the monkey screamed at her.
It was one of the most intimidating things I’ve ever seen.
31. You’re in the Wrong Building
I was called in for a job interview. The company I applied for was in a park of several huge buildings, which you couldn’t access by public transport, only by car which I didn’t have, so I needed to walk there. At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal, but once I arrived at the park I got lost several times. It was very confusing, but by some miracle I arrived to the building on time.
I went to the reception, introduced myself and said why I was there, and they told me to sit down and wait. After about 20 minutes a man arrives and greets me. He tells me how he’s looking forward to the interview and just wait a bit more here, he’ll be back soon. At this point I silence my phone so no one bothers me during the interview.
An hour passes. I check my phone and I got two missed calls from the company. Why though? What the heck? I call them, and they ask why I didn’t come to the interview, and I tell them that I’ve been here for more than an hour. Turns out I was IN THE WRONG BUILDING THE WHOLE TIME. Like, this building was for a completely different company.
And who the heck was that dude? Why did he greet me? Why didn’t the reception tell me anything when I introduced myself? Anyway, they direct me to the correct building, and I explained what happened, but I could see they didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed myself either. We went through the interview, but I didn’t get the job.
32. Must Be a Cute Couple
I broke my senior prom. Dancing to a slow song with my date, we ended up kissing halfway through, which made all our friends cheer. That made everyone stop and look, which made the DJ stop playing music, which made everyone start leaving for the afterparties. It was a real “and then they clapped” story, but it actually happened.
33. Even Crows Love Tacos
Just up the street from my apartment in San Francisco, there was one of those fast food restaurants that was either a KFC or a Taco Bell, depending on the angle from which it was viewed. The establishment was a frequent stopping point for students coming from the nearby college…and those students were a frequent target for a remarkably bright crow.
Now, on most days, the bird in question would just hang around the restaurant (as well as other ones nearby) and scavenge for scraps. Every once in awhile, though—I saw this happen twice, and had it happen to me once—it would enact a much more complex scheme than simply going through the gutter: The crow had apparently discovered that money could be exchanged for food, so it would wait until it saw a likely mark, squawk at them to get their attention, then pick up and drop a coin.
Anyone who responded would witness the bird hopping a few feet away, then following its “victim” toward the source of its next snack. When the crow approached me, it dropped a nickel on the ground. I stooped, picked up the coin, and then jumped slightly when the bird made a noise that sounded not unlike “Taco!” Needless to say, I bought that crow a taco.
The final out-of-pocket cost for me, minus the nickel, was something like $1.15. Even so, I figured a bird that smart deserved a reward simply for existing. Of course, that was probably exactly what I was supposed to think.
34. Whatever You Say, Boss
I was in Berlin for a couple of days with a group of friends. Near our hotel there was a bar that we would always go to at the end of the night, have a couple drinks, and then go back to our rooms. It was run by three very funny guys. On the last night, we knew that we did not need to be “alive” tomorrow and could just sleep on the bus back home, so we just kept drinking, while the staff kept putting the chairs on the tables around us.
Eventually, the three guys running the bar went out for a smoke and I jokingly said: “Yeah, you can go home, we’ll leave the key under the doormat.” The three looked at each other, they were more than an hour over their scheduled shift, and then one of them threw a key at me and said, “There is a letterbox next to the door, put it there. Leave the money on the bar.”
We thought they were joking, but they actually left. We felt kinda bad for it, so we didn’t abuse the situation. We had another round of cocktails and another beer each and then handwrote our bill on two napkins and left the money on the table.
35. Hold My Chilies
I was out clubbing with friends one night, and as we were leaving the first bar, we walked down an alleyway. All of a sudden, I stopped and walked back to where there was a little old Italian man, because I could smell fresh chilies. In the back tray of his ute, there were mounds of these fresh chilies. I told him they were beautiful chilies, asked if he grew them himself etc., while my friends begged me to keep walking.
He asked if I wanted some. I love chili so I said yes, expecting he’d give me a couple. He grabs this plastic bag and fills it with about 50 chilies. I ask him how much money he wants for them but he refuses, and with a hug sends me on my way. I only had a small purse on me, so I just carried the bag with me as we went about our night. We ended up going into two nightclubs.
The bouncers at both asked to check in my bag, then laughed when I just said to them “…it’s a long story.” They let me keep them, so I just held them as I danced and drank the night away.
36. Whoa, Far Out, Man
I was doing acid with a friend in a rather isolated area. We were lying in the grass on a hill maybe 100-200m away from the nearest path where people would sometimes walk by. At some point, an older white-haired man with weirdly dirty pants walked all the way up to us. After some initial questions about whether we had seen his sheep (which, at that point, we didn’t realize was a rather weird question) he asked us what we thought was most important in life.
Friend: “Friendship?” White-haired stranger: “No. God.” At that point, he started to glow from the inside in my perception and during the long monologue about god he proceeded to give us, I couldn’t stop laughing, which I still feel a little bad about. And yes, he was real: He handed out flyers in the end that we still treasure. I will never forget Johan, the shepherd.
37. You’ve Got the Wrong Guy!
I was arrested by a swat team at 12:00 a.m. for robbing a bank when, in fact, I was an IT worker fixing a server. I was scheduled to do an upgrade of a server at all branches of a bank in Wisconsin. After finishing up some late work at the headquarters, the VP of IT suggested that if I wanted to get a start and do the branch across the road, I could. He gave me the keys, alarm code and called the security company.
I arrived around 11:30 p.m., finished my smoke, and proceeded into the bank to perform the upgrade. Upon emerging I heard, “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND.” I glanced to my left and was staring down the business end of a 9mm. Needless to say, I did the concrete belly flop immediately. There I was, at midnight, coming out of a bank with a bag of tools.
After I explained, they proceeded to call some contact at the bank who’d never heard of me. In the stress of the situation, I couldn’t remember the name of the darn VP. Luckily, they were somewhat reasonable and read me off the list of bank contacts until I recognized someone. They eventually let me go. I was terrified. It was the full swat team. There were cops on the roof with shotguns and others posted in the parking garage across the street.
Turns out some do-gooder citizen saw me enter the bank and called the police. That was not fun, but it’s a good story to have.
38. Maybe Try Another Tactic
I wrote a comment about being out one night. There was this woman yelling at a man to back off and how she had said she wasn’t interested. I was with a group of friends, some of them women, and those women were getting visibly uneasy with the situation. I happened to be closest to the guy. Now, I’m not big. And I’m not a fighter at all.
Nevertheless, I went over and stated that she made it clear she wasn’t interested, so maybe find something else to do? The odd part is what happened next: the woman turned to me and yelled, “I’m playing hard to get, jerk!” To which I told her she sure had me, and just about everyone else within the place, darn fooled.
39. Shots Fired
I was 11. Woke up to the sound of screaming and shouting. My cousin (who was living with us) was about 17 and in my room holding the door from being opened. On the other side of the door was my mother screaming to be let in. My sister was in the bunk under mine and she was crying. Suddenly my cousin comes to and opens the door.
My mom rushes in and asks my cousin and us if we were okay. There was a commotion in the hallway and living room but I couldn’t tell what it was. When I peeked out of the doorway I saw my stepfather holding a small 22 caliber rifle looking out the windows frantically. Suddenly cops show up and start arresting my stepdad.
My mom is yelling at the police and I’m sitting there with my cousin and sister completely baffled. We all notice the broken sliding glass door and suddenly realize there are large bullet holes all over our house, through the entertainment center, and above the couch where my cousin was sleeping just minutes before.
I guess what happened is someone was shooting at some people walking by our apartment and the stray bullets all hit our place. My cousin woke up and immediately thought people were inside shooting us so he ran to the kids room and kept anyone from coming in like a badass. My mom woke up and immediately thought to check on us but couldn’t get into the room because of my cousin. My stepdad grabbed his gun out of instinct. The cops showed up and assumed my stepdad was the shooter and arrested him. All in all a pretty fun night.
In ninth grade, I came into class late. We had this really chill teacher in training. He was probably close to 25. He was talking and it was close to the end of class and his voice cracked. This one student mocked the sentence he just said, overemphasizing the crack and the teacher turned around and said “Hey, the reason my voice cracked is because I’ve been talking for an hour. Your voice cracks because your balls haven’t dropped yet.”
Everyone went wild as high schoolers tend to go (even more so since this was the end of the year), the teacher let everyone freak out for a few seconds then shut everyone up and continued the lesson. I’m just glad no one was a rat and tattled on him because we need more teachers who are laid back, but ready to clap back at a rude student.
41. Never Look (or Smell) Back
At church one fine Sunday, when I was around 16, I was leaning back in my chair against one of those flimsy fake walls/room dividers. The wall (of course, because I really was kinda asking for it) gave way and I slipped and hit the wood floor of the gym with a sonic BOOM. At least it feels that way in the reverence of church meetings…It was loud enough that even the classroom they’d set up next door fell completely silent, to find the source of the racket.
The collapsible metal chair I’d been on folded in on me, and in my embarrassment, I began to laugh very loudly and awkwardly as I tried to untangle myself, the judgmental eyes of my peers boring holes through my ability to focus. Because of the building pressure in my abdomen from laughing and being folded in half (and perhaps because god wanted to punish me for interrupting the reverence of the room), I then proceeded to fart.
The loudest fart ever produced. It reverberated off the metal chair seat that was still firmly attached to my butt, like a drum roll from hell, ending in a sound barrier shattering squeak of a finish. Everyone in the room at this point was stunned and just stared as I laughed hysterically at the misfortune of my existence.
Finally, I had separated my body from the stupid chair and collected myself enough to just walk out. Only a few people giggled. For the most part, everyone else just stared in stunned silence as I walked, head held high, from the chapel, never to darken the doorway again. Literally. I never went back to that church. I can laugh now, but at the time it was a bit of a horrifying experience.
42. What is This, Superbad?
A few years ago, my senior year of college, we had a party at our house. It quickly got out of control and cops arrived. We clear everyone out of the house, and I go out to tell the officers that everyone is leaving, and my roommates and I are going to leave too, to go downtown to the bars (it was only like 11:00 pm).
The police officer then offered to GIVE US A RIDE. He said he felt bad for ruining the party. We accepted—even though it was literally like a seven-minute walk. Three of us got in the back of the patrol car, and he drove us. As we pulled up to the main block of bars (including one with a huge patio so everyone was outside) he turned on the lights so everyone was looking like, “Oh shoot, it’s the cops, what’s going down.”
Then, he stopped in the middle of the street, and let us all out of the back (he had to open the door because cop cars). We each shook the officer’s hand and walked up to the bar, they let out the one siren like “woop woop” and drove away. It was quite the entrance. I felt so darn cool walking into the bar. Honestly, if I’d ever had a sweet sixteen or something, forget a limo.
I’m showing up in the back of a police car.