The Jerk Store Called: These Absolute Monsters Are Totally The Worst

The Jerk Store Called: These Absolute Monsters Are Totally The Worst

There you are, walking along, enjoying your day. Maybe you’re at work or in line at the grocery storeand then BAM! All of a sudden, you’re stuck in a situation with a huge jerk. Sadly, the world is full of them, so it’s somewhat inevitable. Nothing can throw a good person off like dealing with a total monster, which is why these Redditors came together to vent about their excruciating experiences with the worst people on Earth. Grit your teeth and clench your fists for these outrageous stories about terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people.


1. Poor Climate Conditions

When I was 16, I was working at a Dairy Queen. It was this hot summer day, and this lady came into the store and dumped her melted Blizzard upside down on my arm and hand. In the process, the ice cream went all over the register, the wall, and the floor. Then she started yelling that her ice cream had melted. She went on about how I needed to make her another.

She was served her Blizzard in the drive-thru, and I was working at the front counter inside. I didn’t even know when she ordered it, so I asked my co-worker and she said that the lady had ordered it over 20 minutes ago. I was fuming, but it didn’t matter. I still had to make a new one and give her a refund. Unreal.

vPaladin81

2. Call It Like I See It

It was the first day of one of my college courses, and the professor made us all introduce ourselves to the class. So then, we were telling the class our names and a bit about ourselves. When I said my name, the professor responded, “My husband wanted to name our son that, but I didn’t want him to get teased.”

CaptainRipp

3. Wrong Set

I was making out with this girl sometime after midnight at a bar on New Year’s Eve. I thought things were going great, until she pulled away, looked me up and down, and said, “What am I doing? I’m wasted, and you’re ugly.”

IDoThingsOnWhims

4. Depends on the Size

I’m on the shorter side and was at a bar. I was just hanging out and chatting with a heavier girl one evening, until her friend, of a similar size, grabbed her away, and said loudly, “You know the rules! We don’t hook up with short guys!” I was stunned, but the perfect comeback came to me. I said, “That’s OK. I don’t hook up with fat girls, anyways.”

Honestly, I thought she was a fun and pretty girl, and if she hadn’t started to walk away when her friend came by, I’d have had no issue. But hey, she went there first.

walrus_gumboot

5. Happy to Leave

I was dating this girl who turned out to be my first manipulative girlfriend. On the night that I confided in her that my mom had abandoned me and that I hadn’t seen or heard from my mother in years, we got into a fight about something. Then my girlfriend had the nerve to tell me, “I’m glad for your momma because she doesn’t have to be around you anymore.”

Boa-in-a-bowl

6. Bunk out of Here

I rented a room to a friend. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was a HUGE mistake. He had been using and selling illicit substances from my house. I found out about it and wanted him to leave stat. He left, but not before getting his revenge. It turned out that while he was staying at my house, he was too lazy to go to the bathroom. Instead, he peed in bottles. When I stepped into his room after he left, I saw that he had thrown the pee everywhere as a parting gift.

MechanicalTwerker

7. Swipe Unavailable

I locked my new bike outside a supermarket and went inside to get some yogurt because it was a Friday night, and that’s how I de-stress after a long week. The self-checkout line was busier than I expected, but I was in and out of the store in about 10 to 15 minutes. When I got out, I could see my bike was facing the opposite way I’d left it and got a little confused. I got closer and saw someone had tried to wrench off my lock and then tried to use the whole bike as leverage.

It didn’t work, but the entire aluminum frame was a total write-off and couldn’t be fixed. By trying to steal a LOCKED bike, this jerk cost me hundreds of dollars.

appear_offline

8. Orc of the Bearings

I was holding my friend’s baby at a wedding, and this kid came up to me and said, “That baby is ugly. Does that mean your wife looks like an orc?” and giggled in my face. Screw you for insulting my not-child and my imaginary orc wife!

willmaster123

9. Clean Cut Levi’s

When I was about 17, I was assembling a train track for a ride at an indoor amusement park, and the owner of the company came. He decided to “help me.” After he assisted me with putting some track segments together, he seemed to decide that was enough work for him. He got off the floor and promptly wiped his greasy, dusty hands on my jeans.

lchoate

10. No Bother at All

I was going into work for a meeting when a co-worker said to the hoity-toity new hire, “Hey, do you want to meet your new coworker? He’s here,” and gestured back at me standing in the hall holding a whole bunch of files. This repugnant person looked me up and down, turned their back to my co-worker, and said, “No.”

GlutenbergBible

11. Nicking Nana

A car, luckily driving slowly, touched my mother’s wheelchair, throwing her frail body to the ground. The driver exits, ignores my mother on the GROUND, looks at his car, and says, “You are lucky that there are no scratches in the paint.”

theworldwonders

12. ERROR 500 Command Unrecognized

My grandmother fell on the curb in front of my house when she was getting out of her car and broke her hip. She was lying on the ground crying when she said a stranger passed. My grandmother asked her to just knock on our front door, and the person just stared at her and kept walking. My grandmother waited an hour until my dad came out and found her. What kind of person just stares at a little 80-year-old woman crying on the ground?

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13. Not an Accident, Not My Fault

A car hit my friend at an intersection. The girl was speeding. After my friend literally flies over the car and lands on the pavement, the driver pulls over and starts to yell at my friend who was hit. She doesn’t even take out her phone to call 9-1-1 or anything. She just goes on about how “This is the second accident this month! Why weren’t you looking? Do you know how much this will cost me??” I was thinking “What the heck, lady? You just hit my friend with your car. Shut your mouth.”

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14. Don’t Mind the Warning Signs

I was managing a restaurant on a busy weekend when tornado sirens went off and the radio told everyone to take cover immediately. My hosts ran to take cover and call their kids at home. Some horrible customer decides to start yelling at me to seat him immediately, that this was ridiculous, and he didn’t need to take cover. A tornado did hit about a mile away, though.

chefmeow

15. Building Up for a Disappointment

My dad’s friend bought an old hunting cabin in Colorado, and we helped renovate it into something liveable. When we started out, it was just one room with planks for walls, no insulation, and split pine trees for siding. When we finished, there was a kitchen and bathroom and electricity and plumbing and insulation and looks brand new. What did the neighbor have to say about us fixing up that old eyesore? “My house smells like sawdust.”

flamingboard

16. Seizing the Wrong Moment

I used to work in a record store, and during one of our busy moments of the day, a co-worker started to have a seizure by the cash registers. I immediately stop ringing up a customer to go help my co-worker and try to figure out what to do. About 2 minutes into me helping my co-worker, who everyone could see was needing help, a customer asks if we could hurry up and check them out.

I remarked that I’m sorry that I was busy helping someone that was having a seizure and they’d have to wait a couple minutes. Of course, the customer gives me an angry, frustrated look and starts back talking. After taking care of the situation, I go to check the customer out, and all they were trying to buy was a CD for 25 cents. Upon the customer leaving they remarked that they would never come back because of the slow service.

junocore

17. Squatter’s Rights

This jerk had been parking in my second spot, which is labeled Apt #5. I let it go for a week or so because I wasn’t using it. Now, there are signs are posted saying no visitor parking and cars will be towed at the owner’s expense. After about 2 weeks of this, I left him a note asking him to park elsewhere and to stop using the block heater plug because we have to pay for the electricity—I live in Alaska…so it’s a normal thing. Another week goes by, and I leave another note stating the same thing. I get no response.

I called my landlord, and he gave me the okay to tow the car, so I did just that. After 3-4 weeks of “using” our plug and spot, we had his truck towed. He freaked out and said what I did was illegal, but it wasn’t. I had pictures and copies of letters I left him and pictures of the sign saying visitors cannot park in this lot. He tried to have my car towed as revenge…what a jerk.

tinychestnut

18. No Parking Zone

I once parked my car on the street completely legally when visiting a friend. Some guy comes running out of the house yelling at me saying that was his parking spot. He had a large driveway that could easily park six cars, but here he is yelling at me for parking on the street I was completely and totally morally and legally entitled to park on.

I pointed to the street signs saying it was ok to park, and he yelled, “I don’t care what the sign says you jerk, move your car, or you will regret it!” I ignored his threat and went to visit my friend. It was a late night when I came out around 3 am to drive home, only to discover that someone, I wonder who, had let the air out of all my tires.

Luckily for me, I own an air compressor, so I hooked it up to my car’s cigarette lighter and pumped the air back into my tires. It was pretty cold out, and it wasn’t the greatest compressor in the world, so it was a miserable 20 minutes or so—but don’t worry, I got my revenge. Once I was done, I returned the favor letting the air out of all the tires in the four cars in his driveway as well as his boat trailer. I also superglued his mailbox closed. That made me feel better.

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19. In the Blink of an Eye

I was in the car with my grandma on a large four-lane road in town. A car next to us side swiped us pretty hard, so we pulled over to do the whole information exchange thing. The woman in the other car leaps out and starts screaming at my grandma saying, “You are the rudest person I’ve ever seen! You wouldn’t let me over! I had my blinker on!” I was completely taken aback. My grandma is the sweetest old lady and had either of us actually SEEN her blinker I know gram would let her over. But there was heavy traffic, and her car was directly beside us!

I dealt with the beast in the Camry and got her insurance. She ended by saying, “This isn’t my fault, that woman should let people over.” I laughed, which took her aback. I said, “You’re 100% at fault here. And by the way, a blinker is NOT a yield sign even if we had seen it. Learn how to drive before you hurt or kill someone.” Then we left. I was pretty happy when gram told me her insurance had accepted liability, and the agent told her something to the effect of “Yes, she yells at us too.”

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20. This Land Is Your Land, This Land is My Land

Every year where I live, there’s a Greek festival, and all the people in the neighborhoods around there get a little annoyed about it because of all the people parking. But some people take it farther and actually put out obstructions like chairs with orange tape between them or cones to block people from parking in front of their house.

The problem with this is that it’s public parking, so they’re really just being cry-babies. Which is why I like to find some house close to the festival that’s done this, get out of my car, throw the cones into the person’s yard, and park right there. I’m only going to be at the festival for as long as it takes to get food because it’s usually ridiculously hot.

One time, some guy came out screaming at me about how I was breaking the law and he was going to call the cops and have me arrested and my car towed. I just looked at him and said, “No, you won’t because I haven’t broken any laws.” So, I got my food all boxed up, and I’m walking back to my ride enjoying one of the 5 gyros I bought—one for now, one for later, one for later-later, one for my ex-wife, and one for her later, and I see a cop car blocking me in and the cop standing on the sidewalk with the jerk berating him.

The cop had a very tolerant expression on his face, so I just walked up and said, “Hey dude. Sorry, officer, I got all my food, and I’m ready to head out. I’ve got the family waiting for dinner,” I held up the bags to show them. “Anyway, you could move the cruiser a few feet, and I’ll be on my way, or are you going to be busy for a while?”

The entitled toad’s eyes widen, and he starts jabbering about how I’m the one and telling the cop to arrest me now, impound my car, and so on. The cop’s reaction was amazing. He looks at me, gives me a slight nod, and says, “Nope. I’m pretty much done here.” He turns to me and asks, “How were the lines? I’m kind of hungry, and the guys back at the station love gyros.” So, I told him the lines were moving pretty fast and the tzatziki was extra tangy this year. All the while, the dude is just gaping at us.

The cop says, “Sir, if you don’t take care of this trash by the time I’m done moving my cruiser, I’ll have to cite you for littering. And don’t block off the street again,” and goes to move his cruiser. By the time I’m done loading up and pulling out with a wave to Officer Cool, the guy is dutifully picking up his cones and orange tape with a stunned expression on his face like reality just came crashing down.

ragingnerd

21. Without Notice

For two years, I lived with my girlfriend. During that time, we broke up, and she moved out for two months since she couldn’t hold a job for long and looked for one in other states. When she got back, we started to restore our relationship. If I could take back anything, this would be it. But I didn’t know that at the time, so we went on a few trips and visited each other’s families for Christmas.

Five days later, I came home from work, and all of her stuff was gone. She managed to move everything in eight hours. My rent and bills instantly doubled since I was paying for the whole place now. I felt like an idiot for bringing her to my family’s Christmas. They were so accepting of her, and she left mere days later.

I’ve wondered how long she planned this. I never reached out to get answers, but the whole thing nearly ruined my sobriety. It was hard for me to trust a partner after that, and I still struggle with insecurity. She left my dog, and my dog means more to me than she ever did.

sloppyjoesandwich

22. Find the Identity of X

I was in fifth grade, and I didn’t do homework often because my teacher was mean, and I didn’t want to do anything he asked me to do. But I decided to put in extra effort to finish all my overdue math homework and submit it. I finished all the worksheets one night, stapled them, and put my name on the top one.

I gave him all my completed worksheets. He looked them over, tore off the top one, then ripped the rest of them in half, and threw them away. He looked at me and said the cruelest words: “I don’t know who those belonged to. They didn’t have your name on them.” And then he kept me inside from recess and told me to redo them all.

Death_By_Pun

23. Unknown Male Delivery

A friend invited a bunch of sleazy guys over despite me asking her not to. She let them in while I was in the shower, so I did not realize they were in my house. She then took one into my housemate’s bedroom and locked the door, which was super disrespectful to my housemate who kindly offered her room to her.

When I finished showering, one of them was in my room! And I was like dude, get out of my bedroom. He refused and said my friend said he could stay there. I was very not ok with that. I physically pushed him out of my house. The next day when she was sober, I made her leave and didn’t talk to her for three years.

Fruitloops_for_B

24. What the Duff

I was a teaching professional golf at a country club and had someone who I considered a close friend send an unprovoked email that outed me to the entire staff of the place I worked. Not only that, but my “friend” also took a screenshot of an online dating profile as proof and told everyone to keep their kids away from me.

sluman001

25. Getting a Kiosk out of It

Once, when I was working at a kiosk at the mall, this person sneezed into their hand and then wiped it on my back when they passed by.

ReshaXX1

26. Bit of a Hairy Issue

One of my roommates spent ages trying to sleep with me. When he finally wore me down and caught me on a night when I’d had a few drinks, he told all the other housemates that I had “a giant 70s fro bush.” Oh, but that’s not the worst part. He did this when we were out at dinner together…being served by the guy that I’d just started to see.

seanmharcailin

27. Respect the Essentials

Yesterday at my job at a supermarket, this customer immediately began to yell at me and curse at me about how he’s handicapped, then started reaming me out for not helping his wife unload their groceries. I tried explaining to him that I couldn’t touch anyone’s groceries due to the current situation, but he wouldn’t listen.

He just kept interrupting and insulting me. I just stayed quiet as he threatened to get his grandson to come hurt me. I don’t know what’s wrong with some people. I was trying to help him.

My_Name_Is_SKELETOR

28. Striking a Chorus

Back in the day, I was almost 300 lbs., had long hair that was always in a ponytail, and was very timid and quiet. One time, in seventh grade, a dude said his friend had a crush on me. His friend who was within earshot said full of disgust, “Heck no, I don’t. Never.” Other guys then started to chime in about how hideous I was.

Nitaisemo

29. Working Relationship

My husband had a major cardiac emergency out of the blue. It was utterly terrifying. He had no real medical history, was a bit overweight, but nothing bad. In fact, he’d recently quit smoking for a few months. Even so, he was in the ICU and had many surgeries and re-admissions. I was by his side for all of it. It was weeks of touch and go.

I took care of bathing and feeding him while he was admitted because he was embarrassed to have the nurses do it. I also ran the house, took care of the kids, juggled sitters, and continued to work when I could. I had to contact his employer, insurances, disability, FMLA. I was a wife, mom, nurse, and repeat. It was brutal, but I was happy to do it, or I was until he betrayed me. 

I signed up for this and did it all without a thought. After the last procedure that turned him around, he was feeling better but couldn’t return to work. He still can’t help out with housework. So, I’m still doing everything. Then, and this is where I lost it, he said he was bored, so he took up his bad habits again. I caught him puffing away; it felt like the biggest slap in the face.

nurseofreddit

30. Unsettling Down

I was new to my middle school. This middle school was in a small town where everyone knew each other, and I was nervous since I didn’t know anybody. I walked into the cafeteria on the first day where we had to wait until class. I looked around and realized everywhere was full except for a spot at the benches.

I headed towards it and asked the girl who was in the space next to it if I could sit down. She looked at me, gave me a dirty look, and asked, “Are you homeless?” I was dumbstruck. I didn’t say anything, but she did shift so I could sit. I don’t remember who she was, but those words will always stick with me.

ErikDestlerDaae

31. Where’s the Fire?

I worked at a gas station, and most of the time I had to sit in a small building and just watch what went on outside. I was doing a bit of paperwork one day when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. One customer was waving frantically to me with the pump hose in one hand without a nozzle and gas spraying EVERYWHERE. I slammed the emergency stop button and alarms started going off everywhere.

I ran outside with the absorption powder to try to get this massive spill under control. At the same time, I was trying to explain to the people that were coming up to me why the pumps weren’t working. At this point, I was a bit unconcerned with customer service. My number one priority was to get this dangerous spill under control. The guy who broke the nozzle felt it was a good time to come up to me and tell me, “I need a refund for all that gas.”

You know, I understood that because the gasoline was shooting out onto the ground instead of his tank and he would eventually need his money back. But asking me this while the gasoline is still on the ground and while I’m desperately trying to clean it up so that nobody gets hurt? That is not the right time to demand a refund. Fortunately, my manager came out after he called the fire department and told them not to come and dealt with this guy and all the people who felt the need to tell me that they were “in a hurry and when would the pumps come back on??”

ubernood

32. Man Potentially Down

I work in the same building as a gym on a fairly major intersection and we have an underground garage where we can park. 10:30 this morning: I hear, “There’s a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road.” I ask co-worker #1 for that to be repeated, and, yeah, I heard correctly; there is a dead guy in the stairwell facing the road.

Three seconds later, and I hear co-worker #1 say, “Yeah, co-worker #2 took a picture of the guy around lunch-time yesterday, and he has it on his computer. There’s poop all over the stairwell. I went down and checked just now. The guy hasn’t moved positions from co-worker #2’s picture. He had made a mess in his pants, and flies are buzzing around him.”

As he’s describing this, he’s laughing. I hear co-worker #2 talking and laughing about it. Naturally, I ask, “Okay, has anyone called 9-1-1?” Nope. A guy has been dead for approximately 24 hours, and no one has done anything except take a picture and laugh about it. WHAT. Right now, I’m thinking these guys are either pulling a prank, or they’re as awful as I think they are right now.

I go outside to inspect the scene. I can smell it from 200 feet away around the corner of the building. It’s permeating through the garage and out the vents. It gets worse as I get closer. Finally, I walk up to the stairwell and see a groggy-looking homeless guy sitting up and trying to get his bearings straight. Phew.

HalfR00axdHalfAmazin

33. A Cross Walk

I was standing at a crosswalk of a fairly busy street one day next to a woman gabbing on a cellphone with her little 3 or 4-year-old son toddling around. The woman wasn’t making any attempt to look at the kid and wasn’t holding his hand. The kid probably bored by waiting toddled right past me, jumped off the curb, and started walking into the street.

As soon as I saw him leaping off the curb, I instinctively shouted, “OH NO!” sprang into action, and ran for him. I managed to grab him by the back of the shirt and yank him back to the curb before the SUV whizzed by at 40-50 MPH of which the driver wasn’t probably not paying attention either. The boy starts sobbing, of course, because what little kid wouldn’t? It was scary.

I spun around, and IMMEDIATELY, I’m met with his mom’s face as she proceeds to flip out screaming about, “How DARE I touch her son” and “How DARE I make him cry?” I tried to argue and tell her that I just saved the kid’s life when he walked out into the road, but even after hearing that, she just kept calling me nasty names and screaming at me.

She may not have noticed me wresting her toddler from a fate of being vaporized into a fine kiddie paste, but, given the circumstances, shouldn’t she have at least given me the benefit of considering that I was telling the truth? She wouldn’t stop screaming incoherent garbage at me while still holding her phone near her face, mind you, because heaven forbid she’d end the call.

So eventually, I just shouted back that she should keep a better eye on her son and walked to another crosswalk two blocks down. I wasn’t expecting a grand hero’s parade, but a simple, “Thanks for not letting my boy become kinder-jelly” would have been nice. Coincidentally, this was near where I lived, and I ended up seeing her and her boy again about six months later as they were walking through the neighborhood. She was still on her cell, but this time the boy was trailing after on a leash…Lesson learned I guess?

VenetiaMacGyver

34. On-Leash the Dogs!

I head out for what I hope will be a peaceful walk with my dog who’s a lab mix at the end of the day. She’s on a leash in the middle of the street. A full-grown German Shepherd comes tearing out a yard without warning and grabs my dog by the neck starting to shake her as dogs do in a dog fight. My dog is not a fighter and just takes it.

I begin kicking the German Shepherd to get it to let go, but it’s not having much effect. My dog starts to whimper, and I see later it’s because the dog has bitten through her ear, and it’s torn. I increase the strength of my kicks and succeed in kicking the German Shepherd away from my dog and then runs back in its yard.

The owner comes up to me and yells at me angrily for kicking her dog. No apology. I was only wearing sneakers, and her dog is unharmed. I say, “You have to be kidding me.” She turns away, calls me a jerk, and begins screaming at the top of her lungs at her daughter. My wife tells me this dog may have bitten another walker. The cops get involved. It was totally unbelievable.

rockereau

35. “Boys Will Be Boys”

This just happened at a school close to me. The school’s soccer team duct-taped a student who wanted to play soccer to the football goal post. They all left the field, and he was found 15 minutes later. Seriously. What is wrong with people?

RobertB18

36. What a T-Bone Head

When I was 21, I got my first “big kid” job, so I decided to buy myself a newer used car since my clunker was awful. I got a beautiful Pontiac G6. I loved it—which made what happened all the more painful. Exactly three weeks after I bought it, I had to go back to the dealership to sign some paperwork so I could lower my car payment. My mom came with me.

I was driving back home, going about 35 mph, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, and this old man in a Chevy Avalanche, about 80 years old pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. I would have barely missed him if he had floored it and I slammed my breaks. However, he STOPPED to make sure nobody was coming from the other direction.

I slam on my brakes, blare my horn, and then T-bone his truck. The front end of my car was barely there, there were fluids leaking all over, airbags all in my face, and my mom and I both got hurt. This jerk decides to get out of his truck and start screaming at me at the top of his lungs asking me why I hit his car, what is wrong with me, etc.

I looked like I was all of 16 at the time, so I’m sure he thought he was right in his old brain of his. He kept physically coming toward me, swearing at me, and screaming even when the cop came. Finally, after 10 minutes of screaming, he asked if we were ok, which my mother responded by going off on him telling him that we weren’t ok and he had no right being on the road.

We come to find out he hadn’t had a valid license for a few years. Seriously though, how did he think that I hit him on purpose?

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37. Eat My Disney Magic

I worked at a small food stand-like place once in Disney World. We closed at 3 every day after lunch and were RIGHT next to another food place that remained open. One day, a man came up to our window at around 3:30 after we had already closed everything and demanded food. I told him nicely that our kitchen was closed, but there’s a similar restaurant that was literally like 15 yards away and served the same items.

Well, he freaked out and started screaming and complaining about the service in front of his children and a bunch of other kids. He even called one of my coworkers a moron. I know he was fully aware of Disney’s policies, which was to never let anyone go unsatisfied. Maybe he’d get something for free, right? Well, he did. Food and drinks.

As he was given this food that came from the neighboring kitchen, I remember I gave him the most “What is wrong with you?” look I had ever given, even risking losing my job for not looking “Disney Happy” when around a guest. The part that made me really made me mad was that he acted like that in front of his children and was rewarded. He didn’t even say thank you.

hotmath

38. Poop ‘N Avenge

I was out walking my dog because she was cooped up a lot at the time, and I wanted to let her stretch her legs. We walked from our apartment complex to the neighborhood next door. My dog had already done her business, and I, a responsible member of society, picked it up and threw it away. While walking past a house, a woman runs out and starts yelling about getting her gun.

I thought for sure I had misunderstood her, so I said, “What?” This caused her to run back inside and brought a large man out with her. “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY WIFE?” he yelled. I told him calmly that she came out and yelled at me, and I was trying to figure out why she was angry. She began to scream about how my dog, even though this is the first time I’d ever walked in this neighborhood, was dumping in her yard, and she was going to shoot me if she caught it happening again.

I assured her that I had never been by her house, and I was the only one walking the dog. I pointed out that we weren’t even slowing down near the house until she came out and threatened to shoot me. But reasoning with morons doesn’t exactly work, so instead she kept screaming, and her giant husband seemed to be getting more agitated, so I just started walking again and avoided their house on the way back out of the neighborhood.

That said, it did inspire a hobby. If my dog dropped a lot of poop, I’d pick it up like normal, put it in a plastic sack, and drive over to their house. If the lights were out and the cars were gone, I’d take the bag and empty it on the lawn, right where they’d likely step out of their car when they returned. I never saw it happen, but I always hoped it played out like I planned.

ZaneTownsend

39. Put a Fork in It

I was in Wal-Mart with my girlfriend a few months ago, and we were looking at silverware in the kitchen section. We parked our cart in one of the larger aisles since no one was around. We’re both in our early 20s. As we looked through the various utensils, a tall skinny blonde man who looked about 40 came and stood near our cart.

I glance over at him for a split second, and he seems to be looking at the items on the shelf next to the cart. When I looked back to my girlfriend, the man yelled at us, “Did you seriously just LOOK at me and NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS STANDING HERE?” We both looked up, and the man was glaring at us angrily. Neither of us know what he was talking about and kind of just stare back dumbstruck. He yelled at us again, “MOVE YOUR CART.”

My girlfriend grabbed the cart and stammered a quick, “Oh, okay, sorry.” The guy glared at us and waltzed around the corner—but he wasn’t finished yet. Before he’s out of earshot, my girlfriend said, “Geez, sorry,” rather quietly in my direction. The man whirled around and snapped, “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, FILTHY MOUTH?!”

She responds, “…um…geez, sorry?” The angry man left in a huff, and my girlfriend was reduced to tears. Before anyone questions my manliness for not ripping his arms off, I am a rather small female, and I was shocked into silence by the crazy dude. I still feel bad for not grabbing one of the nearby forks and forcefully placing it into his brain.

starflite

40. Tax-Free Injury Advice

A few years ago, I was riding my road bike with some of my cyclist teammates on a rural road in Massachusetts. I was drafting, tired, and not paying attention and ended up touching the rear wheel of the cyclist in front of me with my front wheel. As any cyclist knows, this is bad. It’s the equivalent to “crossing the beams.”

We were going about 20 MPH, and I ended up going over the handlebar like a dolphin jumping a wave—well, if the crest of the wave was a handlebar and the trough was asphalt. Thankfully, I flew off the road into the grass. Good, I had no road rash, but I landed solidly on my shoulder and ended up getting a stage II shoulder separation.

As I’m on the ground writhing in pain with my bike lying against a fence, which bounced end on end and came to rest artfully on a fence, and a group of concerned cyclists surrounding me, a driver stops to honk at us and curse us out for riding on the road, “Get off the road! You don’t pay taxes… blah blah blah.”

baiskeli

41. We’re Squared Now

It was 2006 in algebra. I was having trouble understanding the Pythagorean Theorem. The teacher’s aid was steadily helping me on my left when one of my classmates walked up to my desk to my right and said, “You are a failure.” A couple of years later, I graduated high school in 2010 with honors. He, meanwhile, impregnated his deadbeat girlfriend.

Jomaahh

42. Look at This Big Mess!

I told my one year old it was time for his nap. I then took his diaper off to change him, and he proceeded to poop on me while looking me in the eye the entire time.

puckit

43. Parasitic Leach Guest

A friend brought a guest to a party I was having. The friend knew I didn’t really like her guest, and I had asked her not to bring her. She did anyway. The unwelcome guest proceeded to drink too much and then passed out on the couch early that night. For some reason, my friend left without taking her plus one. As if that wasn’t bad enough…

I woke up the next morning, and the unwelcome guest had opened one of the leftover bottles of wine from the previous night and helped herself to it. Oh, and she had also carved a potato or carrot or something into a pipe, which she was using it on our couch. If your host “lets” you knock out at their party and does not kick you out in a taxi, at least go outside.

simononandon

44. Group Treasurer

When I was in cub scouts in the third grade, my mom hosted a meeting for my school grade where we’d build birdhouses for some badge or something. While we were waiting for everybody to arrive, we started playing in my backyard. One scout, let’s call him N, said he had to go to the bathroom “really bad” and left to go find it.

When everyone arrived to start the project, I noticed that N was sitting at the edge of the table looking down, and my mom was VERY angry and trying her best to suppress her rage. She then asked us if I had allowed N to go into my room. All of my friends and I shook our heads and said, “No, he said he had to go to the bathroom really bad.”

This response only made my mom even more visibly furious, and N ducked his head down even lower. Five minutes later, N’s mom arrived, and she began to apologize profusely to my mom. It turns out that N had gone in my room, pocketed the 20 dollars of allowance I had been saving up, and was stuffing my toys and video games into his backpack.

My mom went upstairs to REALLY use the bathroom and noticed the theft happening and caught him in the act. So, he lied to my mom and said he was allowed to go into my room and he was “checking it out.” But no, my mom had caught him red-handed, and my mom is SCARY when she is mad. He’d tried to take a lot too.

sjsharks1221

45. Kneading into It

I have an issue with my knee. If I move in a certain way, it snaps, sending me to the ground in a whole lot of pain. I know this now and try to avoid that movement, but 25 years ago in school sports, I didn’t know, and it happened. Nobody cared. They just let me sit on the ground. I was confused, in pain, and unsure of what to do.

Well, they thought I was making it up. After class, they took me to the school nurse to have my knee checked out. They found nothing except a slightly swollen knee. Anyway, they decided to do something about it and called an ambulance. It took 20 minutes for them to arrive even though the hospital was a five-minute ride away.

The jerk principal took the liberty to assemble the whole school outside the office. Every. Single. Student. They all stood there and watched while the medics carried me downstairs. I tried to play it cool and wave to the people in my class, and then the class clown made a stupid comment. That was when everyone lost it.

It was surreal being on display with so many of my classmates laughing at that joke basically seeming to laugh about me and my pain. My knee still hurt a lot, and my self-esteem was gone. All that I wanted to do was just disappear. So, thanks, Principal Hingerl, for teaching me such a valuable lesson in life.

gladius011081

46. Crossed Off

I was living in a shared house with my friends and my ex. There was no one who would spend my 20th birthday with me, so I asked if my ex could just spend some time and mark the day. He agreed. Then, the day of, he canceled saying he had to help his mom, which was fine by me. I spent the day treating myself to a manicure and buying a new bed set.

Around 9 PM, my ex asked me if I wanted anything from a boba shop to make up for being absent, and I told him I wanted a green tea and some popcorn chicken if they had some. I was excited that I wasn’t going to be completely alone on my birthday. I didn’t know what I was in for. He pulled up to my house with a guy friend in the passenger seat.

My ex’s friend revealed that they were hanging out most of the day because it was his birthday. What were the odds!? I wished the dude a happy birthday, and my ex was all, “Okay, you got your tea, bye.” It was more than a little shocking, but I understood no one was obligated to spend time with me if they didn’t want to.

I wasn’t going to try and push things with him. His friend turned to him and asked why I wasn’t coming along if it was my birthday. Then he invited me to sleep over with them and then buy some drinks, eat cake, and watch movies. His friend was really nice to invite me even if my ex was trying his best to try and ditch me.

When we got to his place and were laying in the same bed, the friend started to feel me up, so I brushed his hands away. He tried again, and I pushed his hands off again. He got up to go to the bathroom and apologized before slipping out of the room. When he left, my ex started to get touchy, and I rejected him as well.

Then my ex basically confessed that I should sleep with his friend because “C’mon it’s his birthday, and I only let you come because I planned on getting you to sleep with my friend in the first place.” I was stunned. I left his house immediately and blocked him on everything. His friend at least reached out and apologized to me.

He hadn’t known that I was not comfortable with it and said that my ex talked me up when they were at the boba place together, which was why they asked me what I wanted from there in the first place. I felt stupid, humiliated, gross, and used on my own birthday, and it’s a birthday that I will always remember.

HunnieDu

47. All a Loan

I was having trouble finding a college course close enough to home so I wouldn’t need extra money for residency. My mom thought I decided not to go to college, so she took my education fund and paid off her furnace. So, I definitely couldn’t afford to go. It was years before I could receive a loan for school. Even though I am the only kid that went to college and I graduated with honors, both parents are disappointed that I haven’t paid off the loan yet.

WillAndHisBeard

48. Want a Bump?

This random, 60-something looking guy confronted my wife and me over some bumper sticker on my wife’s car. It was this gay rights sticker – nothing all that controversial but just a rainbow and line about equality. We got out of our car, and this dude waddled up to me and said, “That sticker…that means you’re a communist, right?” The question was so stupid that I assumed that he was just joking around. “Yep! Do you wanna join my commune?” I replied. “Well…I’m going to start shooting people like you,” he growled at me.

I realized he wasn’t joking, and I immediately started watching his eyes and hands. I wanted to keep him in front of me and away from my wife while we exited the profoundly stupid situation. “I have an armory! And a lot of ammo!” He continued. I’d had enough of him and his antics. I interpreted his words as a direct threat.

I guess he assumed that the sticker somehow meant the 6’1” tall, 185 lbs. young guy he was staring up at was incapable or unwilling to protect himself and his wife. I replied, “Well, I do too. I’m interpreting your actions as a threat. You need to back away from us, right now,” trying to keep calm. Doing that was like breaking a spell over this dude.

It was immediately apparent that he had never considered that his political intimidation might actually endanger him. He spluttered at me but quickly backed off. I cautiously backed to my car and fumbled around to open the door making sure I didn’t let him out of my sight. He’d turned around and waddled away.

The_Best_Yak_Ever

49. Swindle by Swindle

My long-time “friend” got into some fight with his girlfriend, and they ended their relationship. Sad, but whatever, not my business. Then, right after their break up, my “friend” immediately started to pursue my girlfriend. He convinced my girlfriend in a private conversation behind my back that our relationship was toxic and that she was meant to be with him instead.

When I was asleep, he took my girlfriend of five years behind my back and moved her stuff, my dog, and cat into his apartment. There are few things more disrespectful than swiping your homie’s girl.

andysalad531

50. Committing His Specialty

My ex and I dated for 7 years and were married. Three months into the marriage, one of his best friends called me wasted and said that my husband had been cheating on me the entire time with various close friends and even family. He was not exaggerating, and most of my “friends” at the wedding slept with him.

Most of them knew that they were backstabbing me, and he apparently convinced the others that he and I were in an open relationship that followed “don’t ask, don’t tell” rules, which simply was not true at all. But it was STILL NOT THE WORST PART. During our relationship, he convinced me that he had a kink for voyeurism.

He would often bring people to watch us do the deed. It was fine with me since I also have kinks and enjoyed doing it because my partner seemed to love it so much. But then I learned the awful truth: that he was getting money for it. I’ve never felt more violated, humiliated, disrespected, manipulated, and groomed in my life.

After I kicked him out, he fled the state and then wandered the country. He would not comply with any paperwork. It took me 7 years to prove to a judge of his noncompliance and nonexistent address. I literally had to put an ad in the paper for over a month to get it finalized, which it did on Valentine’s Day.

itookyourmatches

51. Slither Me Biters!

I work at a pet store. This lady came in with her son who couldn’t have been older than 5 or so. She asked if I could help them with a ball python. When I took it out, she was really excited to hold it and immediately kept telling her son how they were going to convince his dad to let them get it. Her son was CLEARLY afraid of the snake, and she kept trying to get him to hold it. He kept telling her he was afraid that it will bite him. She tried to tell him that “snakes don’t bite” and turned to me wanting me to tell him the same thing.

I told the boy, “While snakes can bite, ours are quite friendly and won’t want to bite you if you hold them gently.” His mom was FURIOUS that I wouldn’t tell this kid that snakes can’t bite. I tried to tell her why I can’t lie, but she said it was unacceptable and now I have scared her son for life. I suggested he hold a bearded dragon, and he loved it. I think he left happier than she did.

Permalink

52. Pie Nabbing Contest

Just this Thanksgiving, my wife was in a Walmart and found the last two pumpkin pies available. She put them in her cart. A lady approaches and says, “Where did you get those?” My wife says, “Back there, but I think I got the last two.” The lady then proceeds to reach into our cart and remove one of the pies. My wife’s hand shoots out to grab the lady’s hand and says, “DON’T!” The lady says, “But I need a pie for Thanksgiving.” My wife says, “Uh, duh!?!” and then puts on her best “What is wrong with you?” face.

srodolff

53. It’s a Dog Eat Dog Eat Lady World

A few years ago, the tiny little woman who lives across the street was in her front yard when the neighbor’s dog got loose. He was a mean pitbull—I know not all pits are mean, but this one was particularly vicious. The dog attacked the tiny woman. We were in the living room with the windows open and could hear her scream.

I grabbed a bat and ran for the door. As soon as we opened it, our dog ran out and went after the pit. She was part pit and was rescued from someone who was using her to fight. She grabbed the other dog by the neck and held him down just looking at us like, “Please let me kill it.” This is when this went really off the rails. The poor woman was paralyzed with fear and bleeding everywhere, her husband ran out of the house to pick her up, and the neighbor came out with a shotgun to kill our dog for attacking his “baby.”

By the time the cops got there, Doris was still holding the other dog down waiting for the word to off him. The jerk never even apologized for having let his dog loose or for what happened to that poor woman. He was just indignant that his dog lost the fight. We called her name, and she let him go and went back into the house. I really wanted to tell her to finish him…and then take out his owner.

littledeadds

54. In a Rude Mood Tonight

I was lining up for 20 minutes for a gig at a nightclub with my girls. This random girl comes up and pretends to know one of my friends so she can step in line with us. No big deal, it’s night time, and it’s cold, solidarity, etc. BUT! She was so rude! She didn’t introduce herself to anyone else and ignored all my attempts at conversation. Then she slowly starts to push me slightly out of the line with her body language so I can no longer talk comfortably to my friends.

When the bouncer says two people can go in, we tell him we’re a group and want to stay together. But this girl! She steps in front of us, flashes her ID, and gets in. We were waiting outside for another 15 minutes in the cold. I could not describe my feelings when my friend tells me that was the first time this girl had ever acknowledged or said anything to her.

GriseldaGunderson

55. The Alph-la Gamma O Fraternity

Some guy from a frat at my college was dared to sneak into the zoo at night and take a selfie with a flamingo. Not only did he not take the picture, he flamingo-napped it, accidentally breaking its leg in the process so that it had to be euthanized, indirectly hurting the flamingo’s mate, because flamingos pass on when separated from their mate. Also, I just found out that the entire fraternity was suspended because of this guy’s actions. I have a good friend in this fraternity, and I know he’s peeved. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for this.

WakeUpTheZombie

56. Not Stuck, Just Stuck Up

The place I work has two diesel pumps with one on each side of the pump island thing. There was a guy with a diesel truck and trailer attached pumping $130 of diesel and another truck waiting after him. This lady comes in screaming that she’s blocked in and can’t leave because the second truck is blocking her, and he won’t move. At this point, his only option to move would be to back up into one of the exits and into the main road. Not happening at 9 AM when everyone is rushing to get to work. The lady kept screaming at me telling me to make him move because she, “DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT!”

Blah, blah, blah, we go through 10 minutes of me telling her he is NOT blocking her or anyone else because traffic is clearly moving through the parking lot and finally have to get another manager to say, “Ma’am, if you turn your vehicle left instead of right, you can use the left exit. If you back up four feet, you can go out the exit you claim is blocked. I’m sorry you cannot use the four feet of road you want, but short of me physically picking up his truck, there is NOTHING we can do.” This Karen ends up calling the corporate head office on us both.

Roses88

57. Litter-ally Unnecessary

I was out for a motorcycle ride yesterday. I stopped at a spot off the main road to stretch my legs a bit. I noticed in the bushes that there were bags and bags of garbage all dumped in one spot. It wasn’t like a McDonald’s bag that someone casually threw out their window. It was more like someone loaded up with what could possibly be months’ worth of household garbage and dumped it in the woods.

ken503

58. Way Out of the Way

Last Saturday, I was walking along a vacant sidewalk when I was approached by a middle-aged couple. They were in jogging suits and walking considerably faster than I, so I moved onto the grass to give them space. When they got closer, the woman started yelling at me that I wasn’t far enough out of the way. I apologized only to be intentionally clipped by the man following her and landing on my back.

I got back up and laughed it off only to hear the man yelling, “You’re not the only one in this city, jerk!” At that point, I was pretty amazed at how somebody can be that angry at someone they don’t know. I hadn’t said anything to them to start.

Henroski

59. Chicken Heads Will Roll

I recently bought a few chickens. The second day they were here, the usual neighbor kids come over to play. I sit down and feed the baby, and about 10 minutes in, I have to get up because I hear kids screaming and chickens losing it. I walk out back to a DOZEN children I do not know, four of which have busted my hen run and are in with the chickens. One kid has a hen by her wing and when she flaps, he let’s go, and then he kicks her!

Needless to say, I was upset. Without leaving my porch, I said, “Get out! All of you! I don’t know what makes you think it is appropriate to hit someone else’s animal. I don’t know what would make you think it is okay to do that to any animal in general, but it is in no uncertain terms not okay. I don’t know who you are, but get off my property.”

I tell my kids and the neighbor kids they were playing with that no one is allowed in the back yard. I go back inside to feed the baby. I am not even sat down yet, and I hear the fridge open. I say, “[Toddler’s name], no snacks right now.” Guess what? It wasn’t my toddler. Some neighbor kid I don’t know just walks in and opens my fridge.

Now he wasn’t the brat that kicked my chicken, but he was in the run. I kick the kid out. As I open the door to escort the fridge raider from my home, chicken kicker shows up with his mommy who starts to scream, “You witch think you are sooooo much better than my son! How dare you tell him what to do? I am going to call the cops on you.”

I tell her, calmly, that I probably could have not sworn at her son, but he can’t just go around kicking animals. She leaves to call the cops. She comes back 15 minutes later, and says she wants to settle this like adults and will consider $100 to cover mental anguish from my yelling at her son. I tell her to just call the cops and have them deal with it.

Lurkingswife

60. Never Heard a Chance

I was verbally abused by a customer over the phone for something that isn’t my job or department. I was the one answering the phone and could barely get a word in. And coworkers at a different store threw me under the bus by telling this customer later that our store is full of idiots and incompetent people.

Flavor_Unknown

61. Best End Forever

My ex-best friend started hanging out with a bad crowd and ditched me all the time. I told her I was really depressed and needed someone to talk to about my issues, so I invited her over to bake cookies with me and watch TV. She bailed last minute to do something else. I felt like garbage, so I said whatever and went to bed.

She knew everything about me, and she knew I have trauma from my past which is what makes this next part worse. While I was asleep alone in my apartment in my safe space, she decided to come in and bring two of her totally sketchy friends in with her. I woke up to someone I’d never met in my life standing outside my bedroom door.

My friend was looming over me in the dark, and I couldn’t recognize her at all. I was absolutely TERRIFIED. I went into a full panic attack and freaked right out. When I calmed down, I told them to get the heck out. They didn’t. I persisted. One went raiding my fridge, and she and a friend were laughing at my “overreaction.”

I went to the front door, opened it, and just yelled “get out of my house,” and they finally listened. The next day, she messaged me and asked me to apologize for yelling and being so “rude,” and could not wrap her head around the huge violation that had been. We don’t talk anymore. That really hurt me a lot.

weGloomy

62. What a Party Pooler

It was the night before my 21st birthday. My best friend in college was excited to take me to a bar at midnight to ring in the huge and momentous occasion. Then the girl who was flirting with him called to tell him she was having a big party. Thinking we could do both, he decided to drag me along before going to the bars.

Now her place was outside the city and super far away from any nightlife. But my friend, who honestly up until this point was reliable, assured me that we’d leave after an hour so I could call my other friends to meet us downtown. It might seem like we didn’t make it to the bar because, “my friend hooked up with this chick.”

Nope, we went, hung out, and she was all over him and demanded that everyone to go skinny dipping with her. We could see the danger sign flashing and decided that now would be a very good time to go. But she took offense to this, called him a bad name, and smacked him in the face. She started to cry and told us to get out.

But not before she lobbed a glass bottle at his car, which shattered the passenger side window where I was sitting. This was all while we were driving away from her place. He stopped the car to scream at her, and then I got to spend my 21st birthday giving a statement and picking soaked glass off my shoulder.

whereegosdare84

63. Taking a Seat

I gave my friend’s friend a free ticket to a festival because he had a crush on her. They got to my house, and we’re all waiting to be picked up. I left to go to the bathroom, and I came back, and she’s on his lap. She asked me, “Don’t you knock first?” It was MY room. She was just playing him for the ticket.

lcne_wclf

64. Sharing Isn’t Caring

I had met the girl of my dreams. Despite several obstacles, we worked through all of it, moved to a bigger city, found better jobs, and eventually got engaged and then got married. Things were going well. We started making good money, and we were enjoying life as newlyweds. A year in, she said it might be fun to have a threesome.

A dream come true! But after not finding the right “unicorn” to join us, we tabled the search. A few months later, my girl tells me that two different couples (who we’re also friends with) were down to try swinging. I declined for seemingly obvious reasons. I wasn’t attracted to any of them, it might ruin the friendships, and it wasn’t what I thought we were looking for.

We hung out with them for years even after the conversation, and things were fine. Then the other two couples invited us to a weekend getaway, and I couldn’t go because I had work. I told my wife who I trusted very much that there was no problem if she went. I sent her off with a smile and not a worry in my heart. She returned two nights later a little subdued and quiet. I asked how it went.

She confessed that they all were drinking, took off their clothes, and made out a bit. She repeatedly reassured me that it didn’t escalate beyond that, and I felt that she was genuine. Naturally, I was upset. But I wasn’t about to let it tear our marriage apart. We stopped hanging out with that group as much and began to focus on building our family.

We started trying and boom! A few weeks later, she’s pregnant! We were elated and started to plan out the birth and buying a home. Six months into the pregnancy, she abruptly woke me one morning with tears streaming down her face. She proceeded to tell me about that time years ago when she was with our friends. She proceeded to tell me that a lot more had actually happened that fateful getaway weekend.

It turns out that the 5 of them went all the way. She also apparently made out with a couple of my other friends while we were married. Having all this laid on me after being awake for a few minutes was crushing to say the least. I asked if the growing baby in her womb was even mine. She swore up and down that he was. My heart was broken, but I wanted to make it work. We went to counseling, and I empathized with the difficulty of her upbringing. She had a past of substance use, attacks, mistreatment, and horrible parents.

I believe she felt real remorse and deeply regretted ever letting those things happen. Regardless of how I saw that, I fell into deep depression after our son was born. Our marriage was suffering, and for the first two years of my son’s life, I wasn’t 100% positive that he was truly my child. I tried doing the right thing but saw she was not working to heal the emotional wounds. We’re divorced now living better lives and raising our son together. It was a heinous series of disrespectful acts but it gave me strength.

felixhaight

65. Addressing Perspective

When I was 6, I went to an after-school program run by a friend of my mom who I called Aunt. So, on Halloween, I went to school dressed in costume. My “aunt” picked me up from school, and then yelled she, “doesn’t tolerate costumes.” When we arrived, she did something beyond inappropriate. She stripped me down in front of all the kids and teachers.

I was lucky that I had leggings and a white shirt on underneath. When my mom picked me up, she was furious and yelled at her and me a little for doing that. The strange thing is that I went to a Catholic school, and we celebrated it. I’m a bit mad at myself that I let it happen and didn’t stick up for myself.

tragicalmysterytour

66. Minding the Business

I take my lunch break in my car, which I’ve always done for the last 10 years. I like to park in a peaceful, quiet area overlooking a duck pond. Then, I open the sunroof and get some fresh air and listen to the NPR lunchtime program with current/local events, and it’s a really nice change from the monotony of office life.

A co-worker who never liked me told everyone I was using illicit substances at lunch, and that was why I never ate in the break room with everyone else. She made a lengthy list of my behavior that would mimic drug use like being spaced out, more talkative some days than others, and tired, which are also signs of being an overworked adult.

She also started keeping a folder of little, petty “mistakes” I made to prove I was high at work. These “mistakes” were minor oversights, which affected nobody. She took this “proof” to not only our boss but also to the physicians who own and run our office. She presented it as if she was actually concerned for my wellbeing.

Luckily, all my bosses knew my work is always 100% and didn’t think twice about it. I didn’t even know about any of this until she was fired a year later for something else. Welp, Ashley, I’m the boss now, and I actually DO the things you accuse me of most days, but I wait until after hours because I do take pride in my work.

Augusta13

67. Hard to Stomach

My freshman year, I met two awful guys on my floor. The first guy got mono, and while eating food with him, I answered a phone call and stepped out of the room. He unscrewed the cap of my bottle of soda and spat in my drink. I returned, finished my drink, and I got mono. He thought that was hilarious and admitted that he gave it to me.

The second guy figured out that he could unlock any dorm room door in our building with a credit card. He started to go into my room whenever he wanted and would do stupid things in there. He did things like take baked goods from my mom that I would’ve gladly given him if he just asked. He also whacked off into my toothpaste container, which he only told me weeks later. Initially, I did not believe him on the toothpaste, because why would you do that? He explained in detail how he did it and seemed like he really put some time into this project.

It was gross, but he got what was coming to him. One day, he decided to sneak into my room and eat a whole tray of my mom’s brownies all at once. Sucks for him, because my mom is a crunchy person and unbeknownst to me put flaxseed in the brownies to help her widdle boi with digestion, so he’d come to regret the amount of “devil brownies” he ate.

It turned his bottom into a volcanic eruption of burning chocolate lava. I can remember the sound of him crying from the bathroom stall. Needless to say, I stopped hanging around these guys and the others in that group, which was difficult then, but I made friends who didn’t mess with my stuff for recreation.

SheboyganPirate

68. No Council for You!

I recently graduated from law school and will write the bar soon. This awful couple I know had the nerve to a) tell me they didn’t like me and make my life the worst in undergrad then b) ask me for help when they found out I was becoming a lawyer. It was because they needed a lawyer but didn’t want to pay for one. Even though I’m not licensed, I still wouldn’t help them.

BeardedFury24

69. Short Exchanged

It was junior high, so all these little former elementary school students in the area had just been smashed into this new school, and each had its own pecking order and groups of cool kids or whatever. I didn’t really know any of the kids from the other schools. But I had been playing hockey in the same league as another dude.

We had never spoken or anything, but he was one of these cool kids from a different elementary school than mine. A few weeks into the first semester, I saw him at the ice rink and decided to see if he wanted to practice or get some pickup games together. So, I went and walked up to him then said, “Hey, what’s up, (name)?”

And before I could continue at all, he gave me the most disgusted look and said, “Don’t even think about talking to me ever.” Like, it wasn’t even that bad, but it made me really, really hate that guy so much. I hope he got herpes or something equivalent that’ll make him suffer for being such a rude pre-teen.

-cyg-nus-

70. Broken Wing Man

I’m at the club with a good friend of mine. He’s playing wing-man for me since he has a girlfriend and I don’t. He introduced me to a nice looking girl, and we hit it off. Or so I think. I go to the bar to buy a round, come back, and they are nowhere to be found. I call him, no reply. Fast forward to the next day—he texts me to say he had hooked up with the girl. Thanks, bud.

gibbocool

71. No Sign of Weakness

My mother is in a wheelchair now, and I take her to the store or mall to get her out of the house. What frustrates me the most is that she’s fully capable of moving herself, but people will push her out of the way unless I’m right behind her. It’s happened a few times. What I notice is when you have a disabled person in a wheelchair, they suddenly become invisible.

I remember once I was pulling her wheelchair from my trunk, and this other woman pulled into the spot next to me on my mom’s side and got so close, she nor my mother could open the door all the way. I asked for her to move. She ignored me, and I ended up having to park elsewhere. I love the times the parents got upset with me asking that their children not play on her chair while she was using the bathroom.

People, all the time as I’m pushing her, will suddenly stop without warning, and I’ve run my poor mother into people because of it, and they look at us like we’re the ones in the wrong.

Cananbaum

72. Diaper Flight Change

I was on a flight last night, and the woman in the row next to me changed her baby’s diaper on the seatback tray without putting down a towel or anything. When she was done, she just closed the tray without even wiping it down and stuffed the dirty diaper into the pocket in the back of the seat. We were only like half an hour from landing too.

shinkouhyou

73. Don’t Flush Me

I was taking a dump at my school once, and about halfway through my business, some guy walks in the bathroom, waits outside the stall door, and proceeds to sigh in annoyance over and over again. He even let out a “Hoooooooly.” I finished what I was doing and walked out, and there’s this guy was standing there. I walk past him and start to wash my hands. But it gets worse.

He walks in the stall, takes five seconds, and walks out WITHOUT washing his hands. There are two other urinals in the washroom. What are you doing, man?

SannyK02

74. Can’t Do It Without Mommy

My supervisor at work is insane. Recently, she pooped her pants and called her mom to bring her new clothes so she could change and finish work. She’s 55. She would not have gotten in trouble if she had just gone home, and her mom lives more than an hour away. My supervisor sat in soiled pants for over an hour waiting for her mother to bring her new clothes.

Permalink

75. Musical Chairs

There wasn’t enough room for this one kid at our table, so he sat alone at the one next to ours. No one felt like getting up and sitting with him, so I did. I couldn’t believe his horrific response. He then got up and took my spot at the table. Total jerk move. Luckily, everyone at the table started calling him out, so he moved back. When he did, I took my old seat back.

iwonamathdebate

76. Wrong Kind of Homecoming

Recently, we had our homecoming dance, and worse than the bad Miley Cyrus imitations and short dresses, I saw a couple doing it. On the dance floor. It just looked like they were grinding grossly, but I SAW FAR, FAR MORE THAN THAT. Later, my date stepped on a used condom. Now, the couple I saw wasn’t using one. So, there were at least two couples doing it on the crowded dance floor.

sarcasticbiznish

77. Bad Drivers Really Are Everywhere

One summer, I was a camp counselor, and I was in one of those 15 passenger vans packed with kids. We were coming back from a trip in North Carolina, and we were on a curvy mountain road. A woman in an oversized SUV was coming up the other side of the road, and we slowed a little to make sure she could pass. She was obviously angry that we were there and that she couldn’t fit.

At that moment, a small portion of the road gave out under one of our tires, and our van fell off the side of the hill and rolled twice. We weren’t going fast, and no one was very injured, which was good, but everyone was shaken and a little cut up. What topped it off was that the woman in the SUV came back, we thought to help us, but she rolled down the window and screamed at us to watch our driving and then drove off. To this day it baffles me that someone could do something like this.

Ben-Zero

78. The Driver on the Bus Says Move on Back Away

I got on a late bus which had the seats full of people. There were people standing in the aisle from the front to the middle door. A lady in that group moved to stand past the middle door, and I followed her so I could have some space and not be so crammed in. The very next stop, a bus on the same route caught up to us and unloaded all their passengers onto our already very crowded bus.

It was jammed from me to the front, so I looked to the lady that I followed at first to see if she was going to move back to clear for some needed space. She looks me right in the eye and said “You. You move to the back. You keep hitting me. I moved back here to get away from you and you followed me. Please go. Go. Just go.”

I just looked at her with shock wondering what in the world was she talking about, as I just got on the bus and any contact would have been because the bus is moving and we’re standing. I just gave a “whatever lady” and moved past her. I won because someone at the back got off right away, and I snagged a seat. Though I did sit there stewing hoping she’d say something else on my way out so could call her something mean.

DownvoteDogUpvoteCat

79. In the Trucking Way

My town is well known for having a ton of construction companies, and every company has an oversized pickup truck that is far too large for our small congested streets. One day, a construction truck ran me off the road, bending my rim and popping a tire. My car just happened to stop in front of an empty driveway. Just as I start change wheel, some old couple pulls up and starts yelling at me for blocking their driveway.

I tried to explain that I had no choice and it would only take a minute, but they could care less. Apparently parking on the street and walking an extra ten feet was too inconvenient for them. The conversation ended with them ranting about how America was going to the dogs and how people like me have no respect. Sometimes it’s better to ignore oddballs like these. Trying to bring rationality to some people is just a waste of time.

BillOwnz

80. Toilet Stalling

I went to the bathroom at a public coffee shop today. It’s one of those public bathrooms with a tiny sink and a mirror over it and two little stalls. People wait inside to use the bathroom; there’s not really a hallway in front of it. Both stalls were occupied, so I waited. There’s another woman in there talking on the phone in one of the stalls. On speakerphone.

She’s talking to someone that I presume is her boyfriend. She’s complaining about some “so-called friend.” She gets out of the stall and gives me a look and says, “Ww, someone in here is listening to my conversation.” I was like…ooooookay. But then, she puts the phone on the ledge of the sink and starts doing her hair and pulls a makeup bag out of her purse.

She’s still talking on the phone when I get in the stall. I wait for her to leave. She doesn’t leave for another ten minutes. I sit down and finally pee. Hooray. How rude, I think to myself. What kind of a person thinks it is acceptable to talk on speakerphone in a public bathroom? I go to grab some toilet paper, and… there’s none left. She had taken the last bit! And of course, she didn’t let me know so that I could grab some from the basket by the sink on my way in to the stall because she was too busy complaining on the phone.

appleberrydarling

81. Can’t See Your Taste

I was working in optometry and had the most brutal experience in the store by far. Once, I spent half an hour looking for something that suited her difficult perception. This customer seemed disconnected to what I was saying, then she finally said, “I’d rather have a woman help. They are better at fashion than men are.”

ntRid

82. Friend Ditched Effort

I had just moved out of my parents’ place to a whole new city. It was scary, but it wasn’t all bad. I was getting reacquainted with a college friend. He had introduced me to a really cute girl of whom I was becoming rather fond. After a few months, he had made it to a solid “best friend” status, and signs were looking good between me and her.

I told my buddy that I was thinking of asking her out. He told me that I should go for it and that she’d definitely be down for it. He was so excited to hear it, and he really kicked my self-esteem into high gear. I invited both to celebrate my birthday at a pub where hopefully I’d work up the courage to make my move on her.

Having my friend’s recent encouragement really did do a lot of favors for my confidence and comfort about the idea. I arrived at the pub. I was 10 minutes late, but no panicky texts, so I assumed it was okay. Well, they weren’t there either. Guess we’re all running late. I ordered a drink and got comfortable. I figured it would work out, but spoiler: It definitely didn’t. 

Another 20 minutes passed. I then decided to give my friend a call. He didn’t pick up the phone. I sent a text. I got no answer. After about an hour, I was now calling the girl and asking if she’s coming, but no answer. I sent her a text and again, no answer. I was on drink number three in a pretty empty pub on a Tuesday night.

After two hours of waiting for them, I made a last attempt to call my friend desperately hoping he would pick up. Nothing. I called the girl. No answer. Nothing. I had accrued a $30 bar tab and was in no shape to safely drive home, so I decided to wait it out for a little, but then I just felt myself getting sadder and lonelier.

I was also the unfortunate soul closest to the window with a very clear and miserable view of all the happy meandering couples and groups of giddily chirping friends passing by on the sidewalk, all while I sat there alone. The original plan was to just sober up after a couple of hours, but that fell through. I couldn’t stand being in the pub anymore.

After one last call after four hours of waiting for them to come to my birthday, I just walked home. It was far and it took about an hour, but the fresh air and exercise at least made me feel less mopey and downtrodden. There could always be another day or chance. Maybe they had a really good reason like maybe an emergency.

I got home, and my friend finally texted me back, “Oh, hey. Yeah sorry.” I didn’t wait for the follow-up text. I immediately called him asking him what was up. His words made my blood boil. He said, “Okay, so I went to go pick up that girl, and I decided I would ask her out. We’ve actually been hooking up for the last four hours nonstop!”

QuarantineTitans

83. Fake Tragic News

About six years ago, I had a project that took me to Detroit to do some art for Google’s HQ in Ann Arbor. I departed from San Francisco and spent a month working. When I returned, I learned that my two “best friends” had been telling people I was dead. Even though eventually they both apologized, we definitely aren’t friends anymore.

ILOIVEI

84. Nice Guys Finish Last

In high school, I was a pretty good long-distance runner, and one of my close friends was way more athletic than me, but not as good at distance running. It was seriously the one sport I was good at, and he was good at everything else. So we’re doing a cross-country run, and he’s managing to keep up with me pretty well.

We’re in front of the rest of the class by a comfortable distance, so I suggest we stick together and cross the line at the same time. He agrees. 50 feet from the finish line, he suddenly breaks into a sprint and beats me. He got entered into regionals and I didn’t, even though I could’ve left him in my dust at any time. Jerk.

ebola1986

85. What an Exposed Breach

My ex-husband and I were on the road to divorce. I had done absolutely everything I could possibly imagine to try and turn us around, and as a last-ditch effort, I wrote him a letter. I knew it had a 0.1% chance of changing anything, so I thought of it as a kind of a “thank you for the good years” letter too. Well, his evil mother found the letter that I wrote, and not only did she read it, she took pictures of it and shared it with multiple people who started tearing me apart by text.

I found out because I would usually bring her phone to her because she never heard it. I went to do that and saw the mentions of a letter and saw the context of what was sent. I just set the phone back down and went outside to get a breath of air. Later that week, she said she was tired of me being around. She said that my husband needed me to sign the papers right then and there, and I didn’t get a say in any of it.

I mentioned her sharing the letter, and she said she was allowed to do that because it was in her house. Therefore, it was her property. Then they sat there and watched TV while I packed my things.

Batsarebest

86. Money in the Family

My wife’s cousin was staying at our home because he was going through marital problems. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I heard some change rattling. He was walking down the hall with my five-year-old’s piggy bank. He was taking money from my daughter’s piggy bank for drinks so he could have a night on the town.

bobdigi36

87. The Snack the Didn’t Smile Back

Back in college, my roommates and I hosted a birthday party for a mutual friend at the apartment that we shared. Earlier that day, we gifted her a pet goldfish because she had been talking about wanting a new fish. Later in the night, our male friend, Mike, decided he needed to find a way to impress our other friend, Darla.

Mike tried all the lame jokes and pick up lines that he could think of on Darla and failed time and time again. He saw the fish in the tank, and he scooped him up in his hand. He said, “Check this out!” And then he plopped the fish into his mouth and swallowed it alive. My roommate and I immediately rushed over to make him to puke.

We kept trying to make Mike puke the fish back up, and Darla quickly made for the door and left the party. Sadly, the fish had met its doom in Mike’s stomach that night. He never apologized to us for swallowing the goldfish gift although he did complain about severe stomach issues for several days afterward.

CaitieGonzo

88. The Insult to Our Alarms

My roommate in the army was in a different unit. I had to be awake for 5. He had to be up at 8. It was 10:30 at night, and I asked if he could stop talking on the phone while I was trying to sleep or go outside, and he responded with, “it’s not my fault you have to get up early,” and continued his phone call.

JohnyA_alSeeed

89. Food for Thought

When I worked at a fast-food joint, I once had someone call in during the opening shift while we were still prepping everything for the day. He starts telling me all about how he was just here and how our service was terrible, and how we got his order wrong. I asked him when exactly he came in, and he said about half an hour ago. I said, “Oh, that’s weird, because we don’t actually open for another 45 minutes.”

He just hung up without another word.

purplemonkey55

90. Rock Solid Response

When we were kids, we stayed at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.

So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.

AmyDiaz99

91. Professional Fecal Matters

I work with a disgusting human being. He is in the bathroom constantly pooping his brains out. He must have IBS. He never washes his hands. I often hear him constantly clacking away on his laptop in the stall next to me as if the stall is his own personal office. Anyway…one time he, let’s call him Mr. Poopy Pants, and this guy, Joe, walk into the bathroom while talking about work.

Mr. Poopy pants proceeds to continue his conversation with Joe all the while running to the stall, dropping his pants loudly, sitting down on the toilet yelling “Ahhhhh” in the middle of his sentence, and continues to talk as he blows up the toilet. We’re talking plopping sounds, violent pushing, farts like air horns, every conceivable sound revolving around exploding out of your backside.

I got a look at Joe’s face, and it was extremely similar to the face of the awkward seal. Mr. Poopy Pants just continued to talk as if this was part of normal bathroom etiquette. And he didn’t wash his hands after. What is wrong with people…?

annnd_its_dx0kb0tt

92. Declining Behavior

My roommate and I were running errands at Target. Oftentimes people will stand outside the entrance asking for donations and such, and one girl was there that day for an organization. As we were about to go in, this mother and her son walk out, and the girl politely asks if they have any spare change—little did she realize, she’d made a horrible mistake. All of the sudden, they both EXPLODE on this poor girl, yelling at her to stop trying to sell them things, calling her all kinds of bad names, telling her to go back home, etc.

It was so strange to see. Of course, she wasn’t going to take any of that, so she calmly but firmly responded saying she wasn’t trying to sell them anything, not to call her such names, and that she was staying right there. The son kept calling her a bad name, so she finally said, “I can’t believe you kiss your mother with that mouth.”

The way he rushed at her, I swear I thought he was going to attack her, but he just got super close to her face and yelled, “YOU’RE UGLY,” and knocked her papers/clipboard out of her hand. Finally, security came out, and they ran for it with the girl calling after them, “I think I’m actually very pretty, thank you very much!” While we helped her pick up her things, I still couldn’t fathom that two people would randomly do that. Man.

control-z

93. Land Overlord

I was working in a hardware store when a man came in and asked where the thermostats were. I walked him over, showed him the three units we carried, and then asked if it was for his home or an apartment. He asked why that was important, and I explained that if he was renting and depending on the apartment type, altering an apartment’s heating system may be against the rental agreement.

For instance, it’s against mine without express permission. So I suggested that he should just check in with his landlord before starting. At this point the conversation stalled. The man got this strange, angry look on his face, and he leaned in and growled into my ear, “I am the landlord, and I hope they all burn.” He then stormed out of the store without another word.

NorthstarMeatball

94. Obstructing Nature

Ok, so I live in a fairly wealthy town where everyone’s really self-absorbed and materialistic. I had a tree in my backyard that had been there for quite some time that began to lean over the fence over the neighbor’s property. Now, it wasn’t covering a window or casting a shade on any part of the house that might anger someone in any way whatsoever. It was barely over their fence with its branches sagging down, but nowhere near touching the ground.

The neighbor apparently was angered by our tree ruining their perfect view of my garage and decided to pay a tree cutting company to cross the fence, enter our property, and cut down the entire tree. Not to mention it was a beautiful oak tree, and that they could have just cut the branches that were over their property. In the end, the company reimbursed us for $500 or so, but I would have rather had that tree standing there. I just can’t imagine what was going through their head when they decided that they could decide to remodel my yard to their liking.

XysterU

95. It’s All About Where You Live

My friend lived in a duplex with her roommate next to this uptight couple who had a son around 4 or 5ish. The duplex was owned by my college, and their house is literally surrounded by college-owned buildings. Every time my friend walked to class, she made the mistake of waving to the kid. The mother glared and yelled for her not to look at her kid. My friend is a complete girl next door Mary Jane type. This is when the trouble began.

Basically, this uptight couple would just look for excuses to call the police on us. The first few times they called and complained that we were lighting up. The house was searched with no illicit substances found. Later, they called the cops on us for excessive giggling. Apparently, we were giggling so much that we must be high (we were completely sober).

This is when the local cops and campus police began to get annoyed. “So, the neighbors complained about noise, specifically laughter…I stood outside your window, and it wasn’t too loud, but hey just try and keep it down so they stop calling us.” After another few calls, police stopped searching at this point. They would just come to the door and ask, “Are you high?” My friend and I would say, “No, ” and then they would then leave.

We ended up having a last-minute party of 10 people. Again, we here a knock, knock. It was the police. My friend and I tell everyone to hide in the kitchen, so everyone piles in. We answer the door. “Hi officers, is there a problem?” Both of our cheeks are obviously flushed, and we probably didn’t speak that clearly. Officer asks, “Any underage guests?” We say, “Nope!” Then the officer tells us, “Neighbors complaining again. You guys aren’t really that loud. As long as y’all keep this volume, we won’t bother you again tonight.” We continued partying through the night uninterrupted.

every1hasadesire

96. Burning Sense of Urgency

I used to work in banquet service, not serving food, but setting up tables and such for a large hotel chain. I worked a late shift, so I was the only one from my department on staff. I was never very busy. I was mostly there in case someone needed an extra table or chair, etc. So, I carried a walkie talkie in case I was needed somewhere at the last minute.

One day, I get paged over the walkie talkie, “Can you swing by the front desk when you get a chance?” I had already finished all of my tasks for the day, so I was watching Law and Order in the break room. On a commercial break, I saunter up to the front desk and ask, “Hey, what’s up?” The front desk clerk says, “Oh hey. The banquet table is on fire.” I reply, “Um…….What?!” And the clerk goes, “Yea, look.”

I walk around the corner, and sure enough, the buffet table we had set up outside a conference room is on fire. One of the burners used for keeping dishes warm had tipped over. I grab a nearby table cloth and smother the fire. I walk back by the front desk and impart this wisdom, “Next time something is on fire…try to convey a sense of urgency,” He just stood there and blinked at me. Also, he had a fire extinguisher behind the front desk.

ITpeon

97. Not-So-Hot Mom

In the summer of 2008, I was visiting Chicago for orientation. It was a particularly hot day, bright, cloudless, and humid. Due to my mom’s physical situation at the time, as soon as we found out there was a secondary line for people with strollers and physical disabilities to move out of the sun sooner, we went around the building to find it.

There was a long line wrapping around the area by this fountain, which was notable to me at the time mostly because of how surreal it is. Man hugs giant fish, which spits water endlessly—well, alright. My attention was caught by the weird, skipping, mincing, steps of a kid who looked too young to stand on their own as they “stood” on the black stone ring around the fountain, being held up by one arm as their mom talked on her phone.

The sun was blazing that day. Anything lighter than a gray had a painful glare to it, and you could see heat shimmering off of everything. The child whining and crying quietly, was barefoot, and looked just too young to be able to say the words “Too hot!” Whenever the child began to whine or cry too loudly, the mother would give her a short shake of the arm, shush her, and continue talking.

People immediately around her were giving her dirty looks as she used her cellphone, oblivious to her child’s pain. “Really?” I thought. “No one has said anything?” I was still several yards off, but we were at a standstill, and I wasn’t going to wait until we got closer. I quickly walked over to the fountain, trying to act like I was just checking it out, then bent over a bit to put my hand on the stone.

“Ah! Oh my goodness, it’s so hot!!” I cried. I had barely touched it, but I had made sure to stand directly next to the woman who instinctively swept her baby up when I shouted. Looking confused, she bent to touch the stone quickly yanking her hand back. I remember her murmuring something along the lines of “Oh my god,” as if amazed that, yes, rocks do indeed get hot on bright summer days. I quickly resumed my place in line with my parents, and that was it.

LongAxxAnecdotes

98. Double Knock Out

My dad and I once witnessed an old man get hit by a car at a crossing. The driver gets out and starts yelling at the old man who is lying on the road in shock, crying, obviously in pain. My dad calls an ambulance immediately and then calls the cops. The driver starts yelling at my dad about how he doesn’t need to call the cops and that the old man shouldn’t have been walking across the street—but he had no idea who he was messing with.

My dad hands me his phone and says, “Hold this.” He walks over to the driver who is still yelling and asks for his license. The driver then shoves my dad and then tries to get back in his car. My dad reaches in the window and drags the guy out of the car, punches him in the face, and knocks him out. Dad then walks back to me, asks for the phone, and calls the cops.

He waits until the cops and ambulance arrive, tells them the whole story, and then the cops let my dad go. All before the driver woke up. That was the coolest thing I ever saw my dad do.

latenightnerd

99. One Per Person

I was recently on a Megabus from DC to NY, and a family with several young children was trying to find the last untaken seats. There was clearly a seat open, but when they asked the girl, she was like, “Sorry I want to leave this seat open so I can sleep.” The family was like, “Uh, no, that’s not how it works.” They had to go get the bus driver and bring him to the back. The lady said the same thing to the bus driver.

Predictably, the bus driver was like, “Uh, no, that’s not how this works.” So, the kid ended up sitting next to this girl. How did she think this was going to slide?

worktheshaft

100. The Dangerous and the Oblivious

Two college students were standing in the middle of a busy road this morning talking to each other. They were nearly hit by every car and didn’t stop their conversation.

Saphro

101. Money Hungry

I was working as GM in a struggling restaurant—struggling despite excellent business because the owners would do stupid stuff like take trips to Italy to source the “perfect” panini press. They also wouldn’t staff properly, I was the only FOH staff open to close, six days a week, on top of ordering, inventory, other managerial duties. I was wildly overworked, but I sucked it up because the base pay was good, plus tips.

However, to fund their lavish “business” trips, costs had to be cut at the store. They decided to do this by bumping me down to minimum wage for tipped employees—effectively cutting my salary to 1/10 of its previous level. They were also too chicken to tell me until I got my new teeny paycheck and questioned the mistake. Their response was to play dumb and said, “Oh yeah haha, forgot to mention that blah blah cost-cutting blah valued team member please work with us through this difficult time.” I had worked for two weeks at this new lower rate without my knowledge. Pretty sure that’s against the law, but hey, a lot of bad things go on in the restaurant industry. That’s not when I rage quit, though…

A couple of hours later, I’m fuming and have decided I can’t work for the lower rate just waiting for the chance to give my notice. They called in a delivery guy who was fired a few weeks before and start talking about hiring him to do our Facebook posts and handing out flyers around town. Whatever. Then they offer him close to my old salary as “Promotions Manager.” What!? I was running the place for $2.13 an hour and you’re offering this dude almost $20 an hour to walk up and down the street saying “Eat at (Name)?” And yet, it gets worse.

They bring up our negative Yelp reviews and the flyer guy suggests asking friends to post positive ones. Then jerk boss starts laughing and says, “Hurdur better not ask her (me) to post one, it’ll be boohoo don’t eat there, I can’t pay my rent this month because they cut my pay without telling wahhhh.” I wasn’t supposed to hear it I think, but I was five feet away, of course, I did. I RAGED at them, quit, and wished them good luck keeping the place open without me.

They quickly realized I was right, neither of them knew how to do more than pick up the takings once a week, and begged me not to quit. They were so desperate that they allowed me to tell them exactly what giant idiots they were for the half-hour my rage burned and just listened nodding and apologizing. Once I had cursed myself back into calmness, I walked out 30 minutes before dinner rush leaving them with an unstaffed floor and no clue how to even open the register. The store closed down about 18 months later, surprised it made it that long.

KnickersUpKettleOn

102. The Customer Is Always Right, Especially This Lady

I was out to eat, and this younger lady was acting like a total witch in the restaurant to the staff. Everyone was obviously getting really embarrassed by her behavior…until this middle-aged lady piped up and said from her table, “Oh honey, you’re not pretty enough to act like that.” I seriously could have burst out into applause.

eDreadz

103. Not Under This Roof

One time, my sister brought our cousin who I absolutely despised to sleep in my apartment, saying that it was “just for the night.” The next morning, that awful cousin proceeded to invite my ex-boyfriend over to MY apartment. My jaw dropped as I watched her start to make out with him in MY living room on MY couch. I truly despise them both for being so rude.

Father-McKenz1e

104. Don’t Even Heifer

I was the fat girl in middle school, and there was one guy who would moo at me during classes we had together all year. We went to different high schools, and I’d lost more than half my weight. There was a wedding my junior year for a family friend who was marrying that jerk’s older brother, so he’d be there. The bride called me over and introduced me to her new brother-in-law and said we would hit it off.

He immediately asked me to dance, and I turned him down, not wanting to cause a scene. He kept insisting, so I said, “I recognize you, we went to middle school together.” He looked puzzled and didn’t remember me. I said, “Yeah, you were that guy who used to make cow noises and moo at that girl in some of our classes.” He instantly started to crack up and said, “Yeah, that was me, that chick was nasty!”

I looked him straight-faced and said, “Yeah, well now you’re looking at the cow.” His jaw dropped, and I walked off happy.

fgials

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15