The Most Cringeworthy Embarrassments
Have you ever done anything so embarrassing that you want to curl up and disappear? Well, these Redditors know that feeling all too well. From blurting out the wrong thing to klutzy accidents and beyond, these stories are guaranteed to make you cringe deep in your soul.
1. Sudden Seasickness
I was on a particularly rough ferry crossing with my family and another family we were friends with. The mum of the other family was sitting on a lounge bench seat looking very queasy. That’s when she realized she wasn’t going to make it to the toilet. She suddenly grabbed her handbag, tipped everything out of it, and then proceeded to puke violently into it for what seemed like ages.
Then she stopped just as suddenly—a terrible look of horror on her face. She slowly lowered the bag from her mouth, staring at its prior contents on the seat next to her. You see, the bag she’d grabbed was not hers. Instead, it was a similar one that belonged to the complete stranger sitting two seats away from her. She started to apologize profusely and offered to get it cleaned.
Of course, the woman just hurriedly grabbed her things from the seat, got up, and huffed, “You can keep it”! before storming off.
2. Sorry, Julie
I got rehired at a job after six years, and most of the people still there remembered me and were happy to see me back. When Friday rolled around, someone said, “Dave, come by the break room”! I wandered in, and there was this cake at the end of the table, and everyone was standing there. So I said, “You guys”! and blew out the candle.
I didn’t realize my mistake until it was too late: The cake said, “Happy Birthday, Julie”.
3. The Golden Voice
It was middle school graduation dinner, and one of the other students had asked ahead of time if they could sing. For whatever reason, I don’t know. So, while the rest of us are sitting at our tables eating, she gets up in front of us all with a guitar and starts singing Blackbird by The Beatles. I don’t think I’d ever heard her sing before, and I have no idea why she wanted to. Anyway, it was a huge mistake.
It was genuinely one of the worst things I’d ever heard in my life. She could not sing even a little. Her voice shook on every word, it cracked, and she was out of tune. Every person had to stare down at their food while trying not to laugh in her face. I remember sitting next to my best friend and we just kept glancing at each other like “WHAT is happening right now”?
Thinking of it now makes me laugh again, and I know that if I called up my friend right now and sang “blackbird singing in the dead of night…” that he would start to laugh too. It became a joke in our class. She finished Blackbird, and then decided to follow it up with American Pie, which thankfully a lot of us knew the words to, and the teachers walked around encouraging us to sing together and drown her out.
Part of me is like, well screw it, she did it! She was brave! But I do wonder if she thought she was actually good or not.
4. Just Like The Movies
My husband and I were driving around the city and it was pouring outside. Absolutely pouring. We were about to pass the light rail train tracks when the crossing gates came down because the light rail was approaching. One idiot in a van decided he could make it across before the gates came all the way down. He kept on driving, but he did not make it.
Instead, his vehicle was now trapped between the gates. We could see from our car that this person was PANICKING. His life was flashing before his eyes. In his movie mind, the light rail was about to crash into the van and drag it for dozens of yards before finally stopping…so he did what anyone would do. He violently pushed the door open and ran in the pouring rain for his life.
He was halfway down the street before he stopped, turned around, and noticed that the light rail was patiently waiting for him to move the vehicle. The door was still open. My husband and I just about fell over laughing.
5. A Lesson In Humiliation
I had a stats professor at university who had a different picture of his grandkids on his laptop every single class session. He was a cool guy and clearly an awesome grandpa who loved those kids a lot, and he would frequently talk about them. But one day during class about 10 weeks into the semester, he powered on his laptop, and it displayed a picture of some random waterfall.
So, I said to him in front of the class, “What’s up, man? Your grandkids know they were replaced by some lame waterfall”? His response was devastating: “I appreciate the levity, but my daughter had a miscarriage over the weekend, and it’s too painful to have a reminder of what was lost right now”. It was super awkward. Also, it was the quietest I have ever heard a classroom become.
6. The Midnight Bathroom Break
When I was an undergrad, I lived in this house with two of my closest friends and worked at a local movie theater. Our house became THE party house. We partied what felt like eight days a week. Girls were always over, that kind of thing. Well, one night I got way too hammered and decided I would go to bed around 10 pm to sleep it off.
To start, I typically sleep completely commando. I get up around one in the morning to go pee and didn’t think anyone was still over. I had to walk through the living room to get to the bathroom. When I walked to the bathroom, I turned off the lights because no one was around. I go pee, realize I had to puke, took care of that, and opened the door to hobble back to bed. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
About 30 people, mostly my friends and coworkers, simultaneously scream, start laughing, clapping, everything. I’m completely stunned, and it took about two of the longest seconds of my life to realize they’re all staring at me. My sister was there. The girl I liked was there. Everyone was there. I covered my bits and I’ve never run into my room so fast in my life.
I think I actually evaporated of embarrassment that night, because since then, I just don’t get embarrassed. I didn’t live that down for years.
7. Running Scared
In middle school, I experienced, hands down, the most painful, embarrassing moment of my life. At the time, I was part of a track and field club that went to various events to compete with other clubs. Things weren’t always run in the most organized way, but it was just supposed to be a fun way for youngish kids looking to compete and have fun, so no big deal.
When this story took place, I was nearing the cut-off age for this particular club at the ripe old age of 14. My scrawny little white-boy butt liked long-distance running because I wasn’t very fast, but I had better endurance than many. I usually did pretty well—never first place, but never last. I was usually toward the front of the pack, which was decent for a kid that hadn’t even gone through puberty or a growth spurt yet (I was a late bloomer).
For some reason, on the day this awful thing happened, it was decided that we would compete in a new open track and field event for clubs statewide. I don’t really know the details because I was a kid who didn’t pay too much attention. I just wanted to run. I only know that the age groups were really stupid and wide-open for this particular event.
Anyway, I had registered to run the 3200m that day after a run of the 4x800m relay earlier that day. My first relay went by quickly, and it was a fun race; I experienced some teamwork and fared decently well. I got back to my tent in high spirits when I heard some not-so-great news: Even though I was 14, I’d be running my second race that day in the 15–18 yr old age group.
Some bs was cited about me turning 15 years old before the end of the year was over (this was in May, by the way, and my birthday is in December). Okay, so now I was definitely nervous. Time went by in a crawl leading up to the event. I was the only one in my club with this particular age caveat, so I made my way to the staging area alone when it came time for my race.
To my immediate horror, my wiry little kid butt was going up against some freaking grown adult Kenyan-looking dudes. Not a single one of them was less than a foot taller than me, and by my guess, all of them were probably 18. I still remember feeling like a kid walking and looking up at adults and feeling like I was in the wrong place.
I swear to god, the lady who gave me my tag for the race winced when she saw me walk up to the table. We both knew what was about to happen. I just didn’t know how bad it was going to be. Anyway, the time came, and we all lined up to start. Anxiety. The signal went off, and we all started running. By the time I made it to the 100m mark, the rest were all at 150m. Frick me.
At one lap, they were already around the bend. After the second lap, I no longer saw them ahead of me. A short time later, I got lapped—the first time. While I was only just finishing lap six, the first runners were already finishing the race. I had to swing wide to go around the finishing area where people had stopped. I spent lap seven completely alone. But it gets worse.
Even more embarrassingly, the event coordinators must have thought the event was over because about 200m ahead of me, people had started putting hurdles on the track to set up for the next event. I wanted to stop right there, but I was committed at this point and more than 75% done. So, I kept going.
When people finally realized I was still on the track, they tried pulling the hurdles out of the way, but the emotional damage was already done, honestly. Slowly the crowd of people in the stands realized that there had been another runner still on the track for the last minute and a half, and even though I honestly would have rather been ignored, I guess they felt obligated to recognize that.
The last two hundred meters of that race from hell dragged on and on as the entire observing crowd of the event gave me the one and only pity clap I’ve ever received. And that is probably one of the most embarrassing things that have ever happened to me, still seared into my mind over a decade later.
You know, whether they may appreciate it or not, I have never pity clapped for anyone else ever since that moment, and I probably never will again. I know people mean well, but I also know what it felt like. Thankfully, I still kept running for the next couple of years. I eventually did hit a growth spurt, too. And nothing nearly as bad as that race ever happened again.
8. My First Almost-Kiss
I’m 39 and I still think about my first almost-kiss, it was so awkward and embarrassing. I was 11 or 12 and at camp, we were playing spin the bottle. I was a really naive little girl and didn’t quite understand what I was getting myself into. The bottle landed on me and I stood up to kiss the older and far more experienced boy in front of me.
I essentially unhinged my jaw and opened up my mouth really wide to kiss him. He stepped back and took one look and me and said “No”.
9. Dinner And A Show?
I was on one of those fancy boat cruises on Sydney Harbour. The idea is you get a three-course dinner and a cabaret-style show. I took my Mum when she was visiting me from out of state. We were seated next to a young couple who were clearly on a date. The young woman was very pretty, and the guy was somewhat nervous and overdressed in a suit and tie.
Their dinner was an exercise in speed drinking for the young woman. She smashed through bottle after bottle of the cheap drinks at a record, borderline alarming pace. By the time dessert was being served, the date had morphed into a nightmare. She was vomiting spectacularly all over the tiny white table. Anyone who has been on a cruise like this knows the tables are small and seated close together.
The volume of vomit was incredible for such a tiny woman. Pale, watery chunks covered the entire table as the guy rubbed her back and tried to clean up the mess with the fabric napkins. I almost got my elbow covered in the contents of her digestive tract. My Mum and I ended up giving the guy our napkins to clean up the swamp on the table the staff had failed to notice.
It was absolutely embarrassing for the young couple, but my Mum and I really did get the dinner and show we were promised – just not the one we expected.
10. Don’t Toy With Your Friends
My friend and I were playing with some robot dog toy or something when it suddenly ran out of juice. We went into my parents’ room, knowing the dresser beside their bed had a package of batteries. As we rummaged through the drawer, we accidentally stumbled across my parents’ “adult toy” and some dirty magazines. Our immediate idea was to prank my older sister and plant them in her room.
Ultimately, we decided that it would be too mean since she wasn’t a part of the discovery, and it wouldn’t be funny to her. So instead, we just grabbed the batteries and returned to our dog toy. But that wasn’t the end of it… Anyway, long story short, my friend thought it would be funny to plant the rubber dong and mags in my room. I shouldn’t have trusted her, but she snuck them under my bed the second I went to the bathroom.
I didn’t realize it for the entire weekend. Then on Monday morning at school, she came up to me, dying of laughter, and asked what my parents said. I didn’t really get what she meant, and then she spilled the beans—my parents’ special toy and their dirty magazines were under my bed frame. My stomach dropped. Cut to me running home after school praying to God my parents didn’t realize what was missing from their bedside drawer.
My mom was acting funny when I got home. She asked how my day was, and I said, “Fine”. Then she told me she cleaned my room for me in this really weird tone. My stomach dropped, and I was like, “Ugh, great. My parents think I actively took and used their toy dong”. I dropped my bag off in my room and looked under my bed, and everything was gone. She definitely found her “special toy”.
I was so shy and awkward, I just freaking avoided them for as long as possible. I should have just told them my best friend was pranking me, but the idea of talking to my parents about their “special toy” made me want to burst into flames. So, I just didn’t. And now, my parents have continued on, to this day, thinking I took their “adult toy” and dirty magazines and hid them under my bed.
Oof. So, I used to work in a store that sold prom dresses. My boss was a grumpy older woman with a heart of gold. She was also really superstitious: She had this painted wooden rooster that she picked up in New Orleans named Phil, and whenever business was down, she used to threaten him. She insisted this always made business pick up.
Well, one day, we had a small group of teenage girls come into the store, and as I was helping them, my boss walked past us and muttered, “I’m going to go to my office and choke the chicken”. The looks the customers and I exchanged! Oh, my God! Fortunately, they were really nice about it. One of them muttered, “So…she has NO idea what that means, huh”?
I then told them about Phil, and they all had a good chuckle while we finished up. Then I had to go to the backroom and explain to a woman older than my mother what “choking the chicken” meant…
12. Kids Can Be Jerks
When I was in third grade, the schools were just starting to add those projector screens. My class was known for being uncontrollable and disrespectful. My teacher tried bringing hers down so we could watch a movie, but it got stuck, and when she pulled on it, the whole thing came down and hit her on the head pretty hard.
Almost the entire class started laughing at her and calling her dumb rather than asking if she was okay or needed help. I think that was her breaking point, because her reaction stunned us. She ended up sitting on the floor and crying for a while. The principal dismissed her right there and substituted for her for the rest of the day.
My brother was friends with her daughter, who revealed later on that she quit teaching because she couldn’t handle how mean a group of kids could be. I still feel so badly for her to this day.
13. Holding It In
During a big important dance competition, a 14-year-old student ran off stage during their number. The teachers were very concerned and ran to go find her to see what was wrong. When her teacher found her, she was in the backstage wing, sobbing in the fetal position. The teacher assumed she was injured and quickly went to console her and ask what was hurt. Believe it or not, this was not even the embarrassing part.
As the teacher held the student in her arms, the student peed all over her and herself. They both sat in the huge puddle while all the crew, dancers, and stagehands stepped around them to keep the show running. It turns out she had to go to the restroom but tried to hold it for the competition, couldn’t, and ran off stage to try to make it to the bathroom.
She made it maybe five feet before falling to the ground in pure embarrassment of what was about to happen. Everyone had seen her run off, so the teacher cleaned her up and told everyone that wasn’t a witness that she was sick instead. Poor thing.
14. Granny Pantsied
My mother liked to make ceramic dolls. She was part of a “Doll Club” in which fellow crafters would meet and discuss the craft and share ideas. My mom was, on average, 20 years younger than the majority of the club members. They would also rotate hosting responsibilities. One day, while my mother hosted 20 or so mostly-elderly women at our house, I walked into the space to greet our houseguests. I was 17 years old at the time.
While standing in the room saying hello, my younger brother grabbed my sweat pants and dropped them to my ankles: boxer briefs and all. I got pantsed in front of the doll club—the full monty. Thirty-something years later, I can still vividly see their faces and reactions. I’m scarred for life.
15. Merry Christmas, Santa
One Christmas when I was about five or six years old, I was in line at the mall to sit on Santa’s lap. I decided that I wanted to give him money to go towards feeding the reindeer, and since I was five or six, that money was basically a handful of nickles and dimes, and probably a couple of pennies. It wasn’t much, maybe like 40 to 50 cents in change.
My turn came up and I sat on Santa’s lap. I tried to hand him the money, but it fell out of my hand… and right down onto Santa’s crotch. I dove right in there trying to pick up the money with my little boy hands and Santa hastily said very hastily: “Oh, ho, ho, it’s okay. I’ll get it later”. And put me on the ground to send me on my way.
You guessed it, that still haunts me to this day.
16. Shoots… And Scores
I went to my fiancé’s high school where he was the wrestling coach to watch their match. I got there early with our dinner, and it turned out it was picture day for all the sports teams. I am very awkward, so I opted just to sit on the floor at the back of the gym rather than be near some strangers on the bleachers. I barely noticed, but some girls were messing around with a basketball nearby.
I have a magnet on my face when it comes to any type of sports balls so I kinda thought I might get hit. But I ignored it. Big mistake. Not five minutes later, I hear a gasp and then BAM! My glasses go flying. My drink has tipped over and my face hurts. I started to cry from embarrassment and shock, and the girls came running to check on me.
They got my glasses and helped clean up my soda. I had to keep explaining I’m not crying because I’m hurt or mad at them, just because I was so startled, but I don’t think they believed me. My glasses had broken right in the middle, and I made a comment it would be hard to drive home later. One of the girls asked what grade I was in, and I had to sheepishly reply I was 23 and a college graduate.
They just said “oh” awkwardly, and they slowly left me to get my stuff together. My fiancé had actually left to do something so before he came back, I had to use my phone camera to navigate until he found me some tape for my glasses.
17. And Now You Need A Memory Wipe…
Oh, God. When I was like seven or eight, a friend of my parents had a baby. They already had a four-year-old girl too. My dad and I were watching as the other dad showed the four-year-old how to change a nappy. Note: I had recently seen the first Austin Powers movie. So I said, in my infinite wisdom, “Does that make you horny, baby? Yeah”! as the four-year-old girl was wiping her baby sister.
My dad was mortified. In hindsight, so am I.
18. Ain’t No Thing But A Chicken Wing
I was 17 and working my first job (KFC), and that night I was working the front counter. Being 17, I was as high as a giraffe. This guy came in and began placing his order when midway through, he stopped and said to me, “Sir, there is a large pair of women’s panties behind you”. I immediately looked behind me and saw that there was, in fact, a large pair of women’s panties behind me.
I had washed my work uniform the night before, and some of the laundries had gotten mixed up; my mom’s underwear must have gotten stuck in my pant leg, and I never noticed. But instead of explaining this in a rational, logical way, I was so stoned that I just kind of blurted out, “Oh, it’s okay. Those are my mom’s”.
The look on this poor dude’s face said everything: He thought he was going to Kentucky Fried Chicken but somehow ended up in Alabama.
19. The Push-Up Challenge
In high school, this really dorky kid challenged this drill sergeant wannabe teacher we had, saying he could do 20 push-ups easily. To put it simply, the kid was not fit. He was very lanky and clearly had no muscle. I really don’t believe that before that day he had ever attempted a push-up in his life. He drops to the ground with an insane amount of blind confidence and goes to do a push-up.
He gets halfway into the first push-up, and his body makes this really loud multiple-joints-cracking sound. It was already embarrassing—and then the unthinkable happened. He struggled for another second and then I guess the strain caused him to pass gas very loudly, then fall flat on his face. He grunted and lay there for a second before getting off the floor.
I was laughing so hard that our teacher told me to leave the room. I had tears running down my face.
20. A Lull In The Room
I have this buddy that is actually on the spectrum—he was diagnosed in childhood. I love him, because he’s just the most honest person I know, and I can say anything to him. Anyway, we’re at this bar and these guys at the next table are talking. One of them says something about Asian girls a little too loud, just as the room has one of those weird noise lulls.
The jukebox was between songs, and everyone somehow took a breath between sentences all at the same time just for this guy to say something completely misogynistic, stupid, and prejudiced. This girl across the room jumped up and called him a terrible person. The whole room went silent and stared at the guy. And then my buddy just piped up: “OOOhhhhhh, how embarrassing for you”!
The entire bar laughed so hard, the guy just stood up and walked out.
21. A Fun Prank
I liked this boy in my art class and found out through some mutual friends that he lived a few blocks from me. So instead of just talking to him at school like a sane person would, I decided I’d get his attention in the stupidest way possible. I snuck out of my house at 4 am with a big bag of garbage, walked all the way to his house, threw the garbage all over his lawn, then rang his doorbell and ran back home.
The next day at school, I asked him if anything weird happened at his house last night, when he said yeah, I revealed that I was the one who “pranked” his family last night. He just awkwardly said “oh okay,” and didn’t talk to me for a few months after that. What the heck was I thinking?
22. Some Kids Are The Pits
I was 11, wearing a sleeveless blouse in school. Some of the popular girls in my choir class started raising their arms and smiling for some odd reason. Then one girl looked at me and said, “We’re having a competition to see who can lift their arms the highest. How about you”? I obliged, and as one, the giggly hydra burst into an outpouring of mocking laughter.
I had never shaved my armpits before. I hadn’t even considered the ablution until that moment. And now, here I was, in the middle of class with a wiry brush under each arm, crying and abhorring myself and my tormentors.
23. I Doubt She’ll Want To “Dance Again” After That…
When I was in the seventh grade, I got assigned a project with the most popular girl in school. This was my chance to become her best friend. I invited her over to my house, and I thought we could chill before jumping into the project. I thought the best way to impress her would be to show her the dance I made to a song from the new Jennifer Lopez album. She sat on the couch while I performed.
We did not become best friends.
24. It’s A Flash Mob
I did some work with a small non-profit that planned and performed little “flash mobs” in public, and kids of all ages participated. The performances were always very messy and not put together well, think of a kindergarten play for example. They would draw crowds because a bunch of singing five-year-olds is adorable.
Well, this one performance was in the middle of a very largely populated shopping center built beneath some fancy condos. And it went so badly. LOTS of people were watching from their balconies and the street. A “guest dancer” probably about 15 years old had a little solo part where she ran and did a leap—all attention on her. She slipped very badly and ate the floor.
When she hit the ground, she bumped the stereo, and the music went silent. She wasn’t hurt, just seriously embarrassed. She stood up and cried, without leaving the stage. Everyone watched her cry in silence as the crowd slowly dispersed. That was the end of the performance that day. I felt so, so bad for her, but luckily a parent eventually went to hug her and pull her out of the crowd.
25. At The Bus Stop
When I was in 8th grade, there was this kid named Paul in my class, and he rode the bus and his mom would drop him off at the bus stop. She drove a moped, and usually, she went right back home after dropping him off right before the bus came. Well, one day she must’ve been running a bit late so everyone on the bus saw Paul’s mom dropping him off.
The embarrassing part was that everyone saw her and asked Paul, “Is that your grandma”? and he said, “No, that’s my mom”. So, cue the entire bus and eventually my whole 8th-grade class talking about how Paul’s mom looked old as dirt. Coincidentally, that week, the 8th-grade science teacher was going over geological periods, and she was specifically talking about dinosaurs and fossils.
She asked our class “Can anyone give me an example of a fossil”? and this absolute madlad Blayne blurts out: “Paul’s mom”.
26. Blessed Is The Patron Saint Of Kleenex
Many years ago, I was on a rickety old bus traveling across the Altiplano of Bolivia. I had a case of the runs and couldn’t hold it in. I asked the driver to stop immediately and jumped off the bus. Without a tree in sight, I squatted next to the bus and literally shat out a gallon of poop. Once the relief left my body, I suddenly made a terrible realization: I had no toilet paper. Like, not even a freaking leaf.
I glanced up to the gods and saw a busload of locals staring down at me with blank, impatient faces. Fortunately, a woman took pity and, from the window, dropped a Kleenex down that fluttered about two feet in front of me. So, like a penguin—with my pants to my knees and caca still dripping from my bum—I shuffled over to it and held it tighter than I’ve ever held anything.
After cleaning up as best as I could, I climbed back onto the bus with my head bowed, took my seat, and felt my mortified soul leave my body.
27. And Then Ross And Rachel Went On A Break…
I tried to bring my ex flowers at work, and she made a scene about how she had nowhere to put them and that I shouldn’t have done it because she’s at work and doesn’t have time to stop and talk to me, and yada yada…Everybody in the building was staring at me with varying degrees of pity, and I was so embarrassed and then furious…
28. Nothing Is Happening!
I peed my pants in primary school in year five. I was so shy I didn’t want to put my hand up and ask to go to the toilet, so I tried to hold it in until home time, which was only a few minutes away—but to no avail. Once the floodgates were open, and there was no going back, I decided that the best course of action would be to look as nonchalant as possible, and just maybe, no one would notice.
So, I stood there, silently gazing out of the window, trying to appear as though I didn’t have a care in the world. Obviously, that was a terrible plan of action, and of course, everyone noticed. Just when I thought I’d reached the climax of mortification, however, when the whole class was watching me pee myself in stunned silence, the teacher said “Bonnie”?—and my mouth decided to betray me.
I blurted out “IM BEING SICK”. The teacher muttered, “You’re… being sick”. And I responded, defiantly, with pee streaming very obviously down my legs and all over my socks and into my shoes, “Yes. It’s not wee. I’m being sick”.
29. Graduation Misery
My graduating high school class was about 550 kids. It was held in an amphitheater to accommodate everyone, where they usually hold big summer concerts. As one girl walked on stage to get her diploma, I noticed a very large, very wet, very red stain on the back of her white gown. My exact train of thought was “Did she sit in paint- OH MY GOD”.
I can’t even imagine the embarrassment and pain she went through walking in front of everyone.
30. Caught With Her Pants Down
My pants fell down in the City Hall parking lot while I was dashing for the Starbucks next door. I didn’t notice at first and kept running until I felt something around my ankles. Mortified, I spent the 30 minutes before work cowering in the bathroom. Since I worked the front desk in HR (and was new), I saw many city officials on a daily basis, many of whom visited that same Starbucks every morning.
I flashed the mayor.
31. When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go
In my freshman year of college, I was getting stoned with some people I had met once or twice before and got wayyy too high. I started getting really paranoid and anxious and decided to go back to my own dorm room before I had a complete panic attack. I thought the best excuse to get out of the situation without seeming like I’d gotten too high was to stand up and announce, “I have to leave. I just pooped myself,” and walk out.
After sobering up, I realized what the heck I’d just done and avoided those people for the rest of my time at that school.
32. Totally Tongue-Tied
I used to work for a small coffee shop that had three locations. I had a ridiculously big crush on a woman who worked at one of the other locations. I thought she was so pretty that I literally couldn’t remember how to talk around her. For example, one time on my day off I stopped by her location to get a cold brew and she was working the register and said, “Hi Karl how’s it going”?
What I wanted to respond with was, “Oh pretty good but it’s been a long week,” but all that came out was “…long…” I was so embarrassed, I turned around and left without getting anything. Oh, but it gets even worse. Later that summer, there was a big employee BBQ at the nearby river. I finally got over my nerves and had a really good conversation with her, made her laugh, all that good stuff.
A little later I had to pee and went to the port-a-potty only to walk in on her going to the bathroom.
33. Choose Your Character
I was a younger gal and crushed HARD on another girl at the stable I rode at. She didn’t know it. Remember Tony Hawk for GameCube? Well around that time, in the game series you could create a skater. You could design them, change body features, things like that. I once spent a solid 30 minutes creating a great replica of her. I used to play as her and so forth.
That Christmas was my family’s year to host the barn party. We had a great time. Then I’m chilling and I hear the other girls say “Oh cool, Danielle (me) has a GameCube. We should play something”. I thought nothing of it…wait…oh no. OH NO! I know what game and memory card are in the system! I walk into the room just as they are all staring at the choose a skater screen.
Jennifer, my crush, is on the screen. And even worse? I had her first and last name. She looked a lot like her. Do you know that meme picture where it’s a party? First-person view? Like 40 girls holding cups, cringing, and staring at the viewer? That’s what I walked into. I hid in my room until the party ended.
34. Just Roll With It
I was using the washroom at a client’s business only to discover much too late that the men’s bathroom had no toilet paper. After thinking for a second, I decided to carefully pull up my trousers and just walk to the ladies’ toilet next to the men’s. But as I came out and went to go into the ladies’, a woman had simultaneously walked up to use it, too.
She awkwardly asked, “Do you need to use this one”? I simply replied that there was no toilet paper next door. Instead of just grabbing a spare roll, I locked the door, wiped the mud out of my eye, and came out a minute later. I wasn’t in there long enough to pretend I dropped a full deuce, so it was obvious that I had a dirty booty while we had that exchange.
A little later on, I walked into a room where this woman and two others were talking, and as soon as they saw me, they went dreadfully silent. I think I was the talk of the office.
35. It’s All Relative
Both of my parents have had this problem with me and my twin sister. They had us at barely 20, and both look really good for their age. We would often get mistaken as four siblings—this happened a lot. But one time, my mother and I were wandering around a Christmas market (my dad and sister were elsewhere), and we stopped to get some snacks. The guy serving us was really weird; he kept looking at us and acted like he was in on some kind of joke.
When my mum went to pay, he finally asked, “So…what’s going on here, then”? My mum obviously had no idea what was going on, and the guy kept making more of these vague comments, getting more suggestive, until he was like, “Does your husband know about this”? He actually nodded at me and winked. Finally, my mum realized what was going on and said, “I should hope so since this is our son”. I wanted to crawl into a hole.
In that same year, when my dad and sister got into a taxi together, the driver was immediately like, “Who’s this then? Your girlfriend”? My poor dad had to awkwardly answer, “This is my daughter”. My sister and I were 16 a the time, so our parents were almost 40. Even if we weren’t all related, this is still such a weird conversation opener; it’s always baffled me why people care so much, especially the guy who was eyeing up my mum and I for ages.
My theory was that the guy had assumed my mum and I were girlfriend and boyfriend but got confused because I look a lot like my mum, and he probably had her marked as too old to be a sibling but too young to be a parent. I have no idea, but it was weird.
36. Blowing Your Nose
I was teaching in a high school, there were kids aged around 15-17 and the class was like 16 girls and one boy. He was a nice kid but a little overeager to look cool and impress some of the girls. One day, I called on him to answer a question and he tried to do the exhale-out-of-your-nose thing to show he hadn’t the faintest idea of the answer.
Unfortunately, he did not have a clear nose. So basically, I asked him a question, the whole class looked over to him, and he straight up snotted all over himself. I just immediately asked a student on the other side of the room a different question to pull attention away before anyone could react. Amazingly, no one said anything and he was able to sheepishly clean the nose rocket off his face with a tissue.
It was cringe-inducing to see, but the lack of mockery and schadenfreude from the class somewhat restored my faith in humanity.
37. Singing Along?
This was a company Christmas party. There are about 800 people in attendance, eating dinner. The DJ the company hired decided to try to stir up some excitement by playing that 70s song that goes “That’s the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it (uh huh uh huh)”. As he explained it, he was going to sing the words, and the crowd would pick up the “uh huh uh huh” part.
Nobody was having it. He was dancing up a storm, singing his part, then he’d point at the crowd and we all just stared at him. It went like “That’s the way <awkward silence> I like it <awkward silence>”. For the entire song. Just to make the party more awkward, it was a Vegas themed party. The “Vegas Dance Troupe” they hired to perform after dinner turned out to be “adult” dancers.
They didn’t quite go all the way, but the remaining feathers they were wearing by the end did not leave much to the imagination.
38. He Did More Than Cut The Cheese
During the early days of courting, my girlfriend and I had just finished making love. We were all sweaty and had those postcoital munchies. We went into the kitchen to prepare food. Our relationship was at that wonderful moment where everything was still new, but we were gaining intimate trust. We had just reached that huge milestone of passing gas in front of each other.
We’d grown comfortable doing so, and when we entered the kitchen in our sweaty glow, I decided to let rip. It was quite a small poof, but it came with such pressure (I wanted to make her laugh) that some poop flew out my nekkid butt and landed on the kitchen door. I looked at the poo. She looked at the poo.
I closed the kitchen door in her face and grabbed the kitchen roll, utterly horrified, hearing her howling with laughter on the other side of the door. It’s been 20 years, and my wife reminds me of that shart almost every month. Love is bliss.
39. Why Did No One Check On You?!
I almost drowned at my aunt’s engagement party when I was 11. All night I had been trying to get in good with the other kids at the party (whom I had idolized), and all of that evaporated in the blink of an eye when all of them and almost every other partygoer gathered around me at the poolside while my dad (an EMT) worked hard to resuscitate me.
Lucky me, I woke up to nearly fifty pairs of eyes on me, my soaked clothing, and the embarrassing and suddenly enforced fact that I had yet to learn how to swim and that this incident was, in fact, my third drowning. This was the most publically embarrassing moment of my life. However, my private most embarrassing moment (which I still look back on and cringe about) came immediately after.
The shame of the situation overtook me to the point that I locked myself away in the home’s only bathroom for the rest of the party, a total of three hours or so, with a plate of rice acting as my only form of company. Nobody even noticed I was gone…which means I got what I wanted, I suppose!
40. Fully Freezing Up
I went to an educational seminar to learn about the new laws related to my industry. This was being conducted in a hotel ballroom. There had to be at least 200 people in the room. I can’t recall whether the presenters all sat up front, in the audience, or a mix. This attorney gets to the podium and gets her papers together. Then disaster ensues.
She starts to talk but can’t get a recognizable word out and completely froze up while everyone is watching. Another attorney had to get up and do the presentation for her. I felt so bad for her. Public speaking is difficult for most people and what happened to her had to be extremely embarrassing.
41. A Painful Misunderstanding
In middle school, we were doing presentations over basic stuff about different diseases. Just general stuff like symptoms, who’s most likely to get it, things like that. My group got diabetes, so we got to work figuring it out. We kinda just got the basic idea that you get diabetes from eating a bunch of sugar so it was only fat people who have it.
I don’t think I understood type one back then, and I barely do now. So, we thought it would be an absolute riot if we made fun of fat people with diabetes in our presentation. So, with each of us having huge grins on our faces during our presentation, I hit the clicker to go to the next slide and it’s just full of morbidly obese people. I’m like, “And this is what a person with diabetes looks like”.
I was expecting a roar of laughter, but everyone just sat there for what seemed like years. Our teacher didn’t do anything, I think she was in shock. Then one girl just said, “That’s not funny, my dad has diabetes”. And we shut the presentation off and sat down.
42. It Was A Hot Button Issue
I’ve had many embarrassing moments because I’m genuinely an awkward person. The topper, though, was when I was in university. I was heavy most of my life until my last year of university, being approximately 60–70 lbs overweight as a teen and young adult. During this one night class, I would get a whiff of this horrible smell every once in a while. Eventually, the smell became so overpowering that I couldn’t help but cover my nose as inconspicuously as I could.
A very attractive girl I used to work with happened to be sitting in front of me (FWIW, it was a large lecture hall, and she came into an open seating area after I had sat down). We talked for a moment, but since she and I hadn’t really spoken much before, it was a short conversation before she returned to her friends. But throughout the class, I noticed that she and her friend kept giving each other side-eye as the smell kept getting stronger.
Eventually, class let out. I threw on my jacket and left, finally free of the stench…or so I thought. When I got home and took off my jacket, I got hit with the same scent—super strongly. Then, it finally hit me: The smell was my own belly button funk. It was kind of a warm day, and I had hustled to class, so I guess I sweated into my navel, and it just fermented.
I had never really consciously cleaned my navel before as I figured my body wash got it, and why would it even need cleaning in the first place? The smell was putrid; I almost gagged when I realized it was my navel, and I put my finger in and smelled my finger afterward. After losing the excess weight, I haven’t noticed it smelling as strongly. However, I now make a concerted effort to clean it almost daily to avoid that mortifying experience in the future.
43. Flushed With Embarrassment
I once lost a tampon in the toilet. Gross, I know. We were visiting my partner’s friends for maybe the second time, and they’re lovely, but at the time, I was very nervous and intimidated by them. Anyway, I panicked and flushed it. It messed up their plumbing, and the toilets and showers started to back up. I’ll never forget it.
44. Making The Grade
I took an abstract mathematics class as part of my undergrad work. Our professor was this stoic Russian lady with a thick accent. We are going over the answers for our first exam and one of the guys in class who apparently did not do very well starts arguing with her about how she graded one of his answers. Keep in mind that these are mathematical proofs, so how you came to the answer is more important than the answer itself.
At first, she says, “Let’s talk at my office hours”. He persists with his case that he actually got the problem correct. “Please, please let’s talk outside of class”. He does not want to talk outside class; he wants to talk about it right now. Finally, she says, “I’m sorry I don’t know how to help you. You did so badly… I just don’t know how to help you… Do not come to my office hours”. But that’s not all.
Then she said, “I do not know how to help you. I can help anyone else in this room but you”. Everyone is stunned. It was like she dropped an emotional nuke, because even though her comments were directed at one person, she hurt the feelings of everyone in the room. Dude just silently packs his things and leaves. He never came back to that class.
45. Slipping And Sliding
I went to a KISS concert, and my friends were using the bathrooms before the show. I was waiting outside, and I was enjoying watching all the people dressed up and with painted faces. I love to people watch. I see this guy who just throws up and doesn’t miss a beat walking like it was nothing! A large blond girl with big hair steps into the puke and slips and falls.
Her very skinny boyfriend is trying to help her up, and as she pulls him, he slips and falls on the puke too. It was the most hilarious thing ever. I felt so bad for those two.
46. The Wrong Kind Of Flash Signal
I flashed my chest at an officer once. That was pretty mortifying. They lived on my street and were driving by while I was outside. I went to give them a thumbs-up signal, and my thumb got stuck on the hem of my shirt on the way up…and there were my tits. This was the second time I’ve flashed someone while trying to give a thumbs up. I don’t do that signal anymore.
47. Now Who’s Singing A Different Tune…
I was studying in the library with my friends when we heard this horrible, off-tune singing from the floor below. We started to joke about it for a while. After hearing our jokes half an hour later, one librarian came to say that it was a mentally challenged kids’ concert organized by the library. At the moment, I was red as a fire truck and could only say that we were sorry about this.
I will not ever forget that embarrassment. Luckily I’m not that kind of person anymore.
48. Busting A Move
There was this kid in my high school that was taking karate classes. He decided he wanted to fight a kid that was taunting him after school in the town park. A ton of people went. He got all pumped up before the fight. Instantly, once the fight started, he began doing karate moves in the air. Once he reached his rival, the first thing he decided to do was a very flashy “spinning backhand”.
He missed by a mile and was knocked out immediately, but I felt really bad for him. He was always known for not being able to read situations very well and that, being his first normal fight, was just the absolute worst time to try that move out. Bullies suck. It was embarrassing for both of them.
49. Belting It Out
I was in a small restaurant with my dad and brother and when I went to the bathroom, I decided to belt out the chorus to “Weird” Al’s The White Stuff in full volume thinking the bathroom would contain my vocals. When I walked out, the restaurant was weirdly quiet. I sat back down at our table, and my dad goes “what the heck was that”?
When he saw the confusion on my face he proceeded to explain to me that the ENTIRE restaurant heard me.
50. This Is Straight Out Of A Rom-Com
I walked face-first into a street light lamp post because I was staring at a beautiful girl walking in the direction where I was coming from. It was in front of the main gate of our university. Hundreds of students saw it. My friends laughed hard as heck.
51. A Waking Nightmare
When I was 11 or 12, I accidentally walked into the public swimming pool house completely in the buff. I had just left the pool to go take a shower and forgot to tell my friend something. So, after dropping my shorts and stepping into the shower, I decided to run back and tell him, utterly oblivious to the fact that I was now in my birthday suit.
There must have been 30-40 people staring and laughing at me. I wanted to perish. Today it’s a funny story, lol.
52. I’m An Art Goddess
My best friend in grade eight was absolutely convinced she was a musical genius. I will say that she was able to compose music later in life and did have quite a few talents with instruments, but singing was absolutely not one of them. We had a school assembly one day where everyone gathered in the gym to listen to some presentations.
For some reason, she convinced the principal that she absolutely has to perform for the school. She played a song on the piano and sang along to it, while everybody cringed. It was awful and when somebody told her that she should probably never do that again, she responded with, “You just can’t recognize talent”. We went to the same high school.
She was in strings but believed she was better than everybody in any major at their major. I eventually stopped being friends with her because she just wouldn’t let up that she was the smartest and most talented, let alone the coolest, person there. She eventually started calling herself a goddess, and completely believing it.
She changed her Facebook name to “first name The Lioness Goddess”. She believed everybody absolutely adored her, when in reality everybody was just sick and tired of her putting others down while complimenting herself. Eventually, she wanted to put some of her drawings in a visual arts show that we had throughout the school for only the visual arts majors.
When she came to the teacher that organized it to very snobbishly show him her work expecting compliments, she was basically laughed out of the room. She walked out, insulting everybody’s work that was in the show, stating that, “We just wouldn’t know talent if it hit us with a truck”.
53. What Happens After School
Back in high school one day, I accidentally left my backpack in my gym locker. I realized later that night that I didn’t have my stuff to do my homework, so I drove back to the school to grab it. When I walked into the men’s locker room, I heard girls’ voices and I legitimately thought I was going crazy. I entered the main locker room area—and my jaw DROPPED.
I saw about a dozen girls in the showers. Not going to lie, I kind of stared for a second longer than I should have while trying to figure out if I was actually going crazy or not. Then they noticed me and started shrieking and yelling at me to get out. Turns out there was a girls’ basketball game that night and the opposing team used the men’s locker room for changing and showering after the game.
54. An Exercise In Humiliation
Oh God, this was gross and embarrassing. I was enlisting in the Navy, and I had to go for a drug test. The lady comes into the bathroom with you and watches you pee. I pulled down my pants, and I had gotten my period bad; it was all over. I was mortified. I asked the lady if she had a pad or tampon, but she said no. So, I rolled up some toilet paper and stuck it in my underwear.
The next thing we had to do was strip down to our bras and underwear (there were 15 other females in the room) and do stretches, bends, and duck walk (look it up). I had on bloody underwear with toilet paper stuffed in them. Everyone saw. Everyone thought I was gross. I wanted to cease existing.
55. He Left A Mud Trail
I went hiking around a mangrove trail and felt completely fine, but as I neared the end, I saw a public restroom and thought, “Huh, I haven’t peed in a bit, and it’s a bit of a drive home, so why not”. I almost got to the door when I felt a sudden rumble. Thinking it was just gas, I trusted it…You can guess what happened next. It was bad, really horribly bad. I ended up stripping my pants off and scrubbing myself and any other areas that got affected with paper towels and soap.
I then tied up the bin bag, had my partner grab my towel from the car to make a makeshift skirt, and left an “I am so totally sorry, I can not apologize enough. I’m seriously so sorry! I owe you the biggest apology in this life and the next few, too” note to the cleaner and legged it home to brood in my shame. I was 27 when this happened, and my family will never let me live it down. My partner will also use it in silly arguments to win.
56. Stuck In The Aftershow
I went to see some friends play at an unknown little club on a weeknight. That was fine, but afterward, there was a DJ playing, and he was awkwardly grooving, now and then blowing some fog, but it was QUIET. Nobody cared, nobody even looked like they had a good time or were talking, just completely stagnant. I want to believe he fogged up the place to hide, but he really seemed to cling to the hope that someone might start dancing.
Maybe there even was one person making an equally awkward effort, but it’s been some years and I was drinking the pain away, so I’m not sure if I’m just imagining that part.
57. Red As A Slushie
My mom took my brother and I to the circus when I was about five or six. We got slushie drinks during the circus that were pretty frozen. Trying to break up a big piece of ice, I jammed the straw to the bottom of the styrofoam cup, putting a hole in the bottom and getting cherry slushie all over me. I started to cry when everybody was quiet watching the tightrope walker do his thing.
Here I am screaming, covered in red stuff and a spotlight shines down on me. A lot of people gasped, thinking something really bad was happening. They stopped the show for a few minutes. The only thing redder than my shirt was my mom’s face. I still think about that from time to time, and call my mom to apologize sometimes.
58. Sounds Like A Gas
This happened at my very first ever parent-teacher conference for my daughter. My wife and I sat at one of the little kid tables with the teacher going over grades. She proceeds to tell us how well mannered and polite our child is: She’s a pleasure to teach and always helps the kids with no friends. As she was telling us this stuff, I sneezed, and because we were at the little tables, I was in the perfect squatty potty position.
A toot came out. It was little but loud, thanks to the hard plastic seat I was in. I looked at the teacher, and she tried to act like she didn’t hear it. I then looked at my wife, and she was beet red. I lost it. I fell the heck out of that chair laughing. I asked to be excused so I could grow the heck up and contain myself. After a couple of seconds, I came back into the classroom, made eye contact with my wife, and fell out laughing again so hard I went straight to the car and waited.
It was quite embarrassing because it was a Catholic school, and they get pretty strict on behavior. Yet, there I was, acting like a dang child hearing a toot for the first time.
59. They Weren’t Bosom Buddies
My most embarrassing memory? You’d think it was the moment I got absurdly hammered, was half-exposed in the bathtub, and had an awful dragon drawn on my back. Or you would think it was the time I got near-blackout intoxicated and let my ex’s family and friends stack pillows on me because I was too tired to give a hoot. Or you would think it was the time I pooped myself on the bus. Or maybe even the time when I got caught loudly snoring in the middle of a lecture.
But no: None of it compares to the mortifying embarrassment of accidentally texting my mother nudies because my friend’s number was one off from hers. I wanted to show off how perky my tits looked. Instead, I got a drug-fuelled rant from my mom about how I dared to send her this filth, and then I had every part of my body critiqued negatively.
60. The Surprise Gift
15 years ago, I worked at a kiosk in a mall located right in front of Build-a-bear. One day, I watched a guy walk his blindfolded girlfriend through the mall. She’s excited for the big surprise. They stop in front of the Build-a-bear. He takes off her blindfold—and her face falls. Nope. The girl clearly thought they were going to a jeweler, and she was very not thrilled.
61. Was I The Only One??
I went to a tiny rural Midwest school. 7th and 8th grade combined was 16 people. Every other year, 7th and 8th grade went on a class trip to the state capital. We ate Shoney’s breakfast buffet early in the morning. I apparently got food poisoning from the breakfast because a few hours later, I vomited at the state patrol headquarters.
They were showing us “stop the knock” and everyone thought I just couldn’t take the video…that is, until I vomited at the state legislative building, governor’s mansion, and a scenic spot we stopped to eat lunch.
62. Wrong Twin
In middle school, a boy I’d never met asked me to be his girlfriend in a park. Thinking he was good-looking, I said yes, but that we should get to know each other first. He then looked at me confused and said, “Jago, we’ve been texting for a whole week”. Jago is my twin sister’s name.
63. Does Anyone Else Feel A Draft?
Growing up, I shared a room with my sister, who is four years older than me, so we often accidentally exchanged clothes. Once when I was in the first grade getting ready for school, l could not find my underwear for the life of me. Logic at that young age convinced me it was alright to borrow my sister’s underwear. They were very loose on me, but I could still somehow keep them from falling down by holding onto them (I was wearing a skirt).
It was all good up until recess. That’s when everything went wrong. I got too excited on my way to play with my friends…and some way, somehow, my underwear completely fell past my ankles and got left on the playground pavement. I played it cool: I pretended it didn’t happen and that it wasn’t me, even though everyone saw. So, I spent the rest of the school day going commando.
Somehow, that wasn’t even the most embarrassing thing that happened that year, so people never bugged me about it.
64. Monkeys On The Monkey Bars
I was eight years old and was hanging on the monkey bars. One of the younger boys a class lower than me in school thought it would be funny to come over and grab onto me. Thing was, he wasn’t hanging onto me. He was hanging onto my pants. He kept hanging on, laughing, regardless of how much I struggled and told him to stop and let go. He refused.
The next thing I knew, my pants dropped, and I let go of the monkey bars. I landed right on top of him. But I didn’t care. The damage was already done to me. My pants weren’t the only thing that was slipped down around my ankles. My dignity was too.
65. The Hide And Seek Master
I hid from my mother in Macy’s or something when I was like seven. I thought I was being so funny as I jumped into different clothes racks. I remember the staff looking for me too and I hid inside a long jacket as they came by. I was sneaking around for about 20 minutes or so and I remember making my way back to my mom when I found a security guard talking to her as she started to get upset.
He said something like, “From what we can tell, he’s still in the store, he has been running between the coat racks hiding from everyone”. That’s when she burst out in tears. She yelled my name and I popped out right behind her and said, “You got me”! She turned around and grabbed me, and gave me a huge hug. I will never forget the face the security guard gave me when she hugged me.
It was like, “Yikes, you stupid kid, you’re in big trouble when you get home”. It never occurred to me that my mother may have thought that I got kidnapped… 20 years later and I’m still really good at hide-and-seek.
In the second grade, my classroom had its own bathroom, and I was, well…using it. All of a sudden, the door opened, and I briefly saw my teacher standing there. She immediately shut the door, and I hoped none of my classmates saw me. But when I walked out, this girl said, “I saw your underwear! I saw your underwear”! Ten years later, I still remember that and cringe every time I think about it…
67. Oh…Oh, No.
I thought it would be funny to hand in my two-week notice at work via a sympathy card. I didn’t know that the mother of his kids had passed over the weekend. I still feel awful about it five years later.
68. A Graceful Somersault
I watched a guy run across campus in sagging pants. The pants fall to his knees tripping him, and he manages to do a sort of half-somersault which launches the pants almost completely off of him. However, he’s somehow able to pull them up at a light jog pace while glancing around to make sure he wasn’t seen before continuing to run off.
I was in my car that had tinted windows, so his secret is safe-ish with me. It was honestly impressive that he managed to save it from being the much more embarrassing pants-around-ankles, face-in-the-mud, and brightly colored boxer-briefs-in-the-wind it could have been.
69. Learning A Lesson
Growing up, my parents reeeally wanted to make sure I wouldn’t smoke—most of my grandparents passed from smoke-related illnesses, so this is understandable. Except they drilled it in my head a little too hard. One day in kindergarten, a classmate was absent. The next day she was there, and she was super sad. We asked her what happened, and she said that her grandma passed of lung cancer.
I told her it served her right. The teacher was not pleased. I apologized the next day as well as a five-year-old could, but that moment has stuck with me since.
70. A Class Act
When I was in the first grade, I needed to take a massive poop, and the dang teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom. I even told her that I would poop in my own underwear, but she didn’t believe me. So, I let it all out. INSTANT REGRET. The feeling of mudded excrement going through my downstairs was the most awful, wet feeling ever.
She sent me to the office to find any lost and found clothes to use. No luck. So, my mom got called while I balled my eyes out. For whatever reason, I ended up taking off my pants and walking back to my classroom to get my backpack, probably leaving a trail of poop all over the place. Since I lived just down the street, I walked back home with shame and embarrassment.
So many people were driving by, but I didn’t want my mom to walk with me so that she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. Once I got home, I hopped into the shower and cleaned myself up for a good hour. Screw you Miss Mansell!
71. Alrighty Then…
During my first couple of weeks at a paint store, I noticed that one of our largest customers (who happens to be in his 70s and has a severe limp) was signing for his paint with his left hand. Since I’m a lefty, I am legally bound to make a lefty joke. Me: “How long have you been left-handed”? Customer: “Ever since the stroke”.
72. A Polite Food Fight
Some kid at my school tried to start a food fight one time during lunch. He jumped on the table in front of a thousand people, yelled “FOOD FIGHT,” and threw a yogurt cup into the air which didn’t even come close to hitting anyone. Everyone just stared at him in silence as he climbed down off of the table and ran out of the cafeteria.
73. This Is MY Business
I was in primary school, and I would’ve been about 11 at the time. One day the deputy principal was having an intense discussion in his classroom during lunch break. He seemed to be acting as a mediator to sort out a conflict between a group of uncomfortable-looking kids who were all standing around him. I happened to be using one of the computers in the room nearby and listened in curiously as I overheard bits of whatever drama was unfolding between them.
To this day, I have no idea what came over me, but for some reason, I decided it was appropriate to walk over, lean down and slam my palms on the teacher’s desk like I owned the place, say, “So, what’s going on here”? and look around at each of them expectantly like they were actually about to recount the story to me in its entirety.
The deputy principal was this stern older guy who was not the type to mess with. He just looked at me with the most incredulous look on his face for a couple of seconds and blinked. He said “Wha-…. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”! Everyone stared at me in silence for several seconds and I walked off sheepishly. I still have no idea what came over me that day, this was not normal behavior for me.
I still cringe about it occasionally.
74. Hang In There
I was on the phone with customer support. The call was coming to an end, and I thought it would be hilarious to say, “No, you hang up”! It didn’t land, and the rep just said, “Excuse me”? I nearly perished and hung up straight away. I’m still haunted by that moment.
75. She Hit The Bar Pretty Hard
I was working a shift as a dancer at a new club. I’d gotten pretty tipsy during my shift and decided to try performing a trick on the spinning pole. Unfortunately, I was not used to spinning poles, and I wasn’t much of a trickster either. I flew off that bad boy and landed right on my face. I also knocked myself out for a good few seconds and woke up to men rushing the stage to help me up.
It was embarrassing as heck, but I ended up making loads of money because people felt bad.
76. The First Day Of School
The first day of 11th grade was a big deal to me, mainly because we had just moved to a new city. I really wanted to make a good impression like anyone would. Well anyways, before the first class started, I got a little lost looking for the bathroom. So of course, I go all the way upstairs to the one up there. I do my thing and go to wash my hands.
The thing is, they had the type of faucets that could launch a rocket. Basically, as I turned the faucet, everything just splashed onto my pants and streamed down to look exactly like I peed my pants. Some upperclassman walks by, and says, “how’s the first day going”? and I’m over here trying to cover it up, going, “Oh it’s going fine”.
After this, I’m late to class and as I open the door everyone just looks at me with wide eyes and smirks. It was quite embarrassing, but fortunately for me, it didn’t ruin anything for me.
77. Give Me A Hug
When I was in kindergarten waiting outside to be picked up by my mom, I saw her approaching. I closed my eyes and ran at her and hugged her. Opened my eyes and I apparently, I had not aimed correctly as I was hugging the wrong woman. One of my classmates yelled at me to stop hugging their mom. I still think about it today.
78. Kids Say The Darndest Things
When I was 12, I watched a movie about someone visiting a loved one in prison—it was a conjugal visit. I didn’t know what that meant since the “visit” was all that really got depicted. So, I boldly turned to my dad and said that if he ever went to prison, I’d have conjugal visits with him as well. He said, “I wish you wouldn’t,” and then laughed. Anyway…
79. The School Was Suitably Impressed
Some kid and I agreed to wear tuxedos to the last day of middle school. I was too young and stupid to realize he wasn’t serious, so I convinced my mom to front the cost of renting a tuxedo which I spent the next several weeks paying off. I won an academic award that year, too, so not only did I show up in a tuxedo, I had to go up in front of the whole school in the gym to accept the award.
80. The Hot Teacher
There was a teacher that was into gym, so he was all muscular and fit, he was our math teacher, and many girls and boys had a thing for him. He was always first in the class, but one time, we got there and he wasn’t. One girl got very happy cause she forgot her assignment and started dancing and celebrating saying “The hot teacher is absent”! over and over…She spoke a little too soon.
He arrived right as she was doing that. It took her a minute to realize, and she only did because she turned around. He was clearly holding his laughter, then she said, “Sorry Teacher” and sat down. He smiled, trying to hold it in and gave the class normally.
81. How Many Condiments?!
I used to work at a bar that also served food. We had an absurd number of different condiments to go with the fries. That particular night, someone ordered all 32 condiments plus extra. There were two bars: one upstairs and one downstairs. This might’ve been the busiest night we’ve ever had. There was a tv crew there filming for a show and a big 10 rivalry game happening that night.
I’m talking arm-to-arm people busy. The server is weaving in and out of people carrying the tray of condiments over their head to not spill it. Someone bumps into them, and they dump the entire tray on themselves in front of the owner. They took it like a champ though. They were mildly embarrassed and was joking about it by the time they got upstairs.
82. That Awkward Moment When…
When I was in a quite full public transport vehicle, someone sitting stood up and offered the seat to me. At least, that was what I thought; it was actually for the person behind me, but I’d already sat down before I realized.
83. Legend Says He’s Still Running
One time I forgot to zip up my shorts after using the restroom at Panda Express, and when I went to order my food, I was COMPLETELY unaware that my schlong was poking through my boxers and shorts. The lady got a huge smile on her face when I told her my initial order. I was very confused by this reaction but didn’t think too much of it. About halfway through the order, I felt a draft in my nether region and looked down to find myself exposed.
I hastily put it back in, zipped my shorts, and literally ran out of the restaurant. I haven’t been back since.
84. The Substitute Teacher
In high school, there was this one teacher that barely anyone liked. She was a substitute for our English teacher that day. And that was something my class was excited for. As she was teaching us, she left us alone for a couple of minutes because she had to use the bathroom. She then came back, and she started turning around to write on the board.
Everyone started laughing and giggling. And she’d be confused and turn around and ask what’s wrong. No one answered her truthfully. This kept on going until the end of class. Everyone then left the classroom. And I felt so bad for her. I revealed to her that when she came back from the bathroom, her skirt was tucked in her panties and see-through leggings.
As a result, we could basically see half her behind and her panties covering it a bit. I saw the blood flush through her face, and she felt so embarrassed. She was also disappointed that no one had told her before. Being the quiet kid at the time, she did appreciate my honesty. She wasn’t a bad teacher though, my class just liked to pick on her.
85. Sneaking Around
I was at a sleepover in middle school. I had gotten new pajamas and everything. I was so excited because I really wanted to be friends with these girls. Except I woke up in the middle of the night to my worst nightmare. I had completely wet myself. I had to sneak into her sister’s room where we put our bags to find a change of pants. All I had were jeans. When everyone woke up, I told them I got cold…
My mom told me I smelled when I got in the car to go home. I told her their beagle smelled bad and slept with me all night.
86. Welp, Now Urine Trouble
When I was like seven or eight, I stayed over at a friend’s for a sleepover. I had to go to the bathroom late that night, but it was down a super creepy dark corridor, and I was too spooked. So, my friend suggested I just pee in one of his baby brother’s diapers, and I was so desperate that I did. His mom then came in to find me holding a soaked diaper with pee all over the floor whilst he was laughing hysterically. 1/10 I want to self-destruct every time it comes back to me, which is at least twice a week.
87. Class Dismissed
When I was in high school, I once asked a teacher if she was a member of the Mile High Club in front of the entire class. I had never flown before and was not aware that the Mile High Club was for people who “do it” on planes. I was thinking about the memberships where you sit in private rooms to wait for your plane and get free things. I basically wanted to off myself afterward. Yes, she was attractive; no, she did not answer.
88. The Singing Competition
Our class went on a field trip to be part of the in-crowd for the filming of “Like Mike” at the Forum in Los Angeles. During the lunch break before another shoot, they decided to have an Open Mic of some sort. Students from all districts that were there just started to make it a singing competition. Well, this girl from our school decided to try her luck, just took the mic, and went for it.
It was just horrible. Everybody just started laughing at her. Me and a friend of mine just looked at each other just with massive second-hand embarrassment. She didn’t finish her set, dropped the mic, and just ran out there just in tears while others were just pointing and laughing at her. We finished off the day and went back to our school but couldn’t help think about what that girl went through.
89. Interrupting The Show
We were watching a Bill Nye video in 4th grade. I was in the last row of desks, and I had an absolutely horrifying cough/sneeze/gas combo that felt like my entire body was exploding. It sounded like a goose attacking a dog on top of a whoopee cushion. Everyone turned and stared and started laughing, and I put my head down and pretended to be part of my desk.
90. En Garde
My cousin and I found a couple of “adult toys” at his parent’s place and started using them in sword fights. We were swinging them wildly, so no one seemed to notice what they were. My cousin was holding his “sword” by the balls while I had my “sword” the other way around like a club, and he knocked mine clean out of my hand right into the living room.
My aunt shrieked loudly, followed by the dog picking it up and running away with it as a stick. When we finally caught the dog, I asked my uncle what it was, and he said it was a cake mold, which made sense at that time. There were bite marks on it; the dog went to town on that one.
91. Cuz It’s Wrong
My most embarrassing moment happened at school. My high school history teacher called me and the girl I was dating into her office, asked us about the nature of our relationship—then she dropped a bombshell. She revealed that we were cousins and she was our aunt…and that we should not be dating. We didn’t know.
92. An Unexpected Hookup
A friend of mine once hooked up with a guy she matched with on Tinder. She was in a different city for a family reunion and hooked up with him two nights in a row, since she decided to stay there a couple of days before the event to check out the sights. You guessed it. The day of the family reunion arrives, and guess who’s there?
The Tinder guy is there, who she quickly learns is her cousin on her father’s side. She had never met him before. They both kept their cool for most of the event, but then his brother got too hammered and started gossiping to people about it. The whole thing ended with her and her parents leaving the reunion early, and her mother in tears.
93. I’m Not Going Down There
When I was like seven or eight, I was staying over at a friend’s place for a sleepover. I had to go to the bathroom late at night, but it was down a super creepy dark corridor, and I was too spooked. My friend came up with an unfortunate scheme. He suggested I pee in one of his baby brother’s diapers and I was so desperate that I did.
His mom came in to find me holding a soaked diaper with pee all over the floor whilst he was laughing hysterically. I want to sink into the ground every time the memory comes back to me, which is at least twice a week.
94. What A Jerk
I fell asleep on a plane one time, and I had the aisle seat. I did that thing where you jump in your dream, and I jerked myself awake. Unfortunately, my legs flew out when I jumped, and one of them flew into the aisle. I tripped the flight attendant, and she went down like a ton of bricks. I sheepishly apologized to her, but she was not happy at all.
Everyone on the flight looked at me like I was the biggest witch on earth. The rest of the flight was terrible; I kept my head down and didn’t make a peep.
95. He Almost Became The Villain
During a family meal, I delivered a whole lecture on how the parents of many Disney protagonists were either deceased or missing by the time of the movies. I did this remaining completely oblivious of the fact that my brother’s girlfriend, who was present at the table, had lost her own mother just a few weeks before. I only realized the depth of my mistake upon noticing my brother gently signaling me to shut up.
I have never felt so embarrassed in my life. I don’t know how she managed to forgive me.
96. A Familiar Face…
Back in 1998, I was in the Air Force stationed in Germany. I was in a club with some friends and pretty smashed. I’m at the bar and I tell my friends I’m going to the bathroom. I walk through the crowd on the dance floor and make my way there. In the distance, I see someone that I recognize, so I give him a head nod and he does the same.
I get closer and see he’s still walking in my direction and I can’t pinpoint where I know this dude from. I end up bumping into him, and I tell him I’m sorry and step to the side. I take a step forward and I bump into him again. This time I loudly said, “YO! MOVE”! and some girl taps me on the shoulder and says, “Hey, are you ok”? That’s when it suddenly dawns on me.
Turns out, I ran into a mirror. The guy was myself. My buddies never let me forget it either.
97. Wait Until You See This…
I went to the dermatologist when I was 18 just before heading off to college. I had a few red spots on my chest and she wanted to check “down below” to ensure there was no internal bleeding. While my pants were down and she was checking everything out, the nurse walked in without knocking. She got a nice view…along with half the waiting room.
The nurse backed out quickly and I received a profuse apology from the dermatologist. The doctor had to go prepare a treatment and I got to hear her tear the nurse a new one in the next room.
98. Missed Encounters
At the wedding of a college friend of my husband’s, we learned that the bride (his old friend) had been in love with him for over a decade. We learned this from the women at our table at the reception. We introduced ourselves while we waited for the bride and groom to arrive. They were horrified that we were there—and extremely worried.
My husband had NO idea that she had feelings for him. She bee-lined right for our table after the “introducing Mr & Mrs” thing—ignoring her family and leaving her husband standing alone. She clung to my husband and sobbed—lifting her head to glare at me. She had to be pulled off of him.
She repaired herself, then followed us as we tried to leave quietly—her parting shot was to stare at my chest and say, “Well I guess I know what I was missing all along”! Her new husband was in shock and my husband was horrified and embarrassed—he was completely clueless and would never have gone to the wedding if he’d know she was obsessed with him. It was bizarre.
99. All Good Things Come to an End
I woke up without an alarm, had breakfast, took a bath, and drove half hour to my work feeling great. I even thought to myself on the way, “Lucky me, the traffic is very nice today”. Just when I arrived, the security greeted me with the worst words possible: “Good morning, sir, working even over the holiday”? I drove all the way home and had a nap.
100. I Got Jerked Around
My now ex-wife and I were doing fertility treatments, and they wanted a sperm sample to count. They gave me a script and told me to go to the local hospital for their lab. I walked into the hospital and gave the young pretty desk nurse my scrip, and she gave me a cup. She told me to go into the single-person bathroom in the waiting room and fill it.
I asked her again to make sure she meant that one, and she said yes. So, I made my way through the waiting room filled with various aged people into the single person waiting room and into the bathroom to fill the cup with my procreative fluids. I quickly filled it as fast as I could, washed my hands, and brought the cup back to the front nurse.
I sat down and waited about five minutes before she called my name. Walking up, I felt like everyone was staring at me, knowing what I had just done in the bathroom. But it was even worse than I thought. She looked at me and said there was a mix-up, and they don’t do that here. She asked me if I wanted my sample back, and I declined and just turned around and left.
101. His Story Didn’t Ring A Bell
When I was five years old, my dad told me and my nine-year-old sister that telephone poles were actually trees that had been genetically engineered by the power companies to grow straight up into a perfect pole with two little arms on each side to hold the lines. It was just one of the many “dadisms” that he preached when Mom wasn’t around.
One day, he brought my sister home earlier than usual from school. He explained to my mom that the principal had called him to come and pick her up. When she asked why he told her that a local power company worker had come to her class that day to talk about power line safety. The power company worker had asked the class, “Who knows how telephone poles are made”?
My sister raised her hand and proudly shared what my dad had told her. The worker laughed and said, “I think your dad lied to you”. My sister’s response completely threw him. She said, “I think you’re a liar”. We still quote her at family gatherings whenever we think someone is pulling our leg.
102. A Family Affair
When I was 14, I was at a family friend’s Bar Mitzvah and I didn’t know anyone. So, I was sitting there alone and then I saw this cute girl in the corner. I went over to talk to her and then we ended up just walking around this hotel and making out for about an hour (at 14, that was a big deal).
Then she went off to do something. About 15 minutes later I was sitting alone again when my mom called me over and said, “I didn’t know she would be here, but this is my cousin and this is her daughter”. I look at the girl and realize that my second cousin is the girl I had just made out with. A moment of horror as we look at each other and shake hands. She still hasn’t made eye contact with me since then.
103. Leaving the Doctor in Stitches
Thankfully, this was only slightly insulting, not too horrifying. When I was about 18 years old, I went into the doctor’s office because I was experiencing some extreme nausea, among other things. He kept asking me if it was possible that I could be pregnant, over and over again. “So, uh, could you possibly be pregnant? Maybe we should run a pregnancy test”.
“Pretty positive I’m not,” I responded. He then asked, “When was the last time you had intercourse”? I replied, “Uh… never”? He started laughing and shouted out, “NEVER”?! At this point, he suddenly whipped his head around to face me from behind his clipboard. “Oh, haha, wow, I had no idea. That simplifies things a lot”!
Was that really necessary??
104. Revealing Too Much
On the day of an economics mid-term, all 300 students had to go to a big lecture hall to take the test. Because it was such a big group, the professor had to use a microphone to give us instructions. So after giving this whole speech about the exam, he bid us all good luck and left the lecture to go do some work in his office next door.
Well, he didn’t realize one important thing: He had left his microphone on, so while the entire class was silently writing the exam, we listened to the events that unfolded inside his office. We heard the brief muffled conversation between him and the female TA of our class. Then that conversation stopped. We all realize that they’re being intimate.
The TA’s quieted moans were magnified on the speakers in the lecture hall. The entire class stayed silent. Then, the professor swore loudly and abruptly shut off the microphone. Later, as if nothing had happened, the professor came inside. He was fired a week later.
105. Step Into My Office
Ever since I was a kid, I loved to fiddle around with staplers. Playing with the automatic ones and doing dumb stuff like any child would, opening the manual ones and swinging it around, stuff like that. One of my favorite things to do was to open up a new strip of staples and break them apart before putting them in. Running my fingers through the staples, counting them, and breaking them apart…I loved it.
There are 210 staples in a standard strip and sometimes I’d break off each individual one until my fingers hurt. I’ve even found strips with 209 and 211 a few times. This progressed from me messing around with staples in Ms. Grady’s second-grade class, to buying a box of staples every other payday to play with, to literally having a collection of different brands and sizes of staples in my college dorm to break apart.
I had a problem, but no one was hurt, so who cares? Well…Fast forward to present day. I am a functioning middle-class adult with a wife and two children. I have a home, a normal car, and an office job. I am by all accounts a normal human being, and I still love staples. Working in an office with a supply room full of staples was a problem.
I’d spend my lunch break in the room opening boxes and breaking apart staples to get my fix before returning to work. It got so bad over the course of a couple years that my boss changed our supplier because the boxes all had broken apart staples and were sometimes ripped. So I had to stop doing that…I turned to Amazon first, buying 10 boxes of staples at a time for about 20 bucks a pop. It wasn’t enough. I went to 20, then 40.
My wife got curious then and asked, “Why are you buying all of these boxes of staples,” but I brushed it off as a work issue that I’d get reimbursed for and knew I had to change my methods. Over the course of a few months I enabled myself. I started using cash only at different office supply stores around my town and neighboring towns.
I would sit in my car and break apart staples before going to the next store. I began to stay out late and tell my wife I would be home soon, so I could go buy more staples from different stores. I opened up a new credit card to put online so she wouldn’t know, but she caught it in the mail. She then got suspicious because things weren’t adding up.
This past Thursday after one of my “late nights,” I get home with a trunk full of broken staples and 10 freshly broken boxes in my passenger seat to see my parents’ cars at my house. I walked in and everyone is sitting around like it’s an intervention. Because it is. My wife asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them, and to tell the truth about my problem.
I sat down and kept saying, “What are you talking about”? until my mom said, “Honey, we saw the pictures”. Then my wife tells me that my late nights, excuses, and general weirdness about the credit card, and some other little things made her hire a private investigator. This man followed me around to office supply stores and watched me “do something” with what I had in the bag from multiple stores.
It basically looked like I was a drug runner for Office Depot who was using some of the product for myself. At this point, my wife started to cry and my dad shook his head. I had to come clean and all I could muster was, “I…I like staples”. The “what the heck” looks I got afterward turned into disbelief, then concern, then fits of laughter when I showed them my car.
I came clean. I backed this up by showing my secret stash of used staples in my attic and explained the purchases on the card to my wife. Right now, my only concern is my dad. He didn’t laugh—just kind of shook his head continually in disappointment without saying a word. Believe it or not, I think therapy or addiction meetings may help, as my wife gave me these suggestions the day after. I was told that although the addiction is not typical in its damage regarding my mental or physical well-being, I do need help.
I am going to go through addiction counseling like any other addict would. Just tailored to my specific issue. Apparently, part of fixing my brain is to know that it is not okay to continue this level of staplephilia. That included cleaning out my car, attic, and not garnering more attention through memorializing pictures, and stuff like that.
My wife initially thought I was having an affair. She didn’t think I was doing substances until she got the pictures. The PI just told her what he saw, and she deduced that I had an undercover type distribution thing going with someone in the office supply business. She admitted that she didn’t think it all through, but her mind was racing and conclusions came as they did.
I do not have autism or any diagnosed mental disability. I am just an addict, and an idiot. I know how stupid the addiction is and so I tried to hide it. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things I guess, but my embarrassing white lie just spiraled out of control.
106. So Much for Privacy Settings
I was interviewing for a big promotion at my old job. I had put in the time, the hours, and the effort for this promotion, and I had been passed up a few times, so I was sending out resumes while trying to get this promotion. I go through the first interview, and everything seemed great. They invited me for the second interview.
I was so excited. Flash forward two days, and I go in for the interview. The interview is with the regional and site managers. Everything is going great, they are asking me, “What are your priorities, goals, etc”. At the end, the site manager changes his posture and says, “Would you say that you’re a loyal employee”?
Taken aback, I say, of course, I’ve been here almost two years, etc. And like a shark circling his prey, this dude turns his computer monitor around, and shows me my PRIVATE Facebook posts that I posted that I was in the market for a job in the same field. Now, there’s no way he could have seen this, as it was a friends-only post.
Someone I work with had to have tattled on me here. He then proceeds to read them to me out loud, not only the posts about my job search, but personal posts about my health situation and questions that I didn’t bring up to anybody other than personal friends. I look at the regional manager and this guy won’t look me in the eyes, he is shifting, obviously uncomfortable.
I tried to say that I was looking just in case this promotion didn’t work out, as I am a college student paying my way through school, but he kept interrupting me and saying, “Loyalty is key”. He then tells me, “We will think about it,” and points toward the door. The regional manager kind of coughs and goes to shake my hand, but by that point, I was already out the door.
So I said “Thanks anyway,” and then proceed to have the most uncomfortable walk back to my desk—I was wearing heels for the first time in like a year so I stumbled on my way out the door—with coworkers asking for the details if I got the promotion. I didn’t get the job. I think the whole thing was just an “in your face” type deal.
I went on to get a promotion in a different department. I worked there for about another year and a half, and then I moved on to work for Netflix, actually. So, it all worked out! That manager was unfortunately promoted to regional, but the replacement manager was much nicer and not a huge jerk.
107. Checking In
A foxy older woman executive happened to be walking by the front of my office, and I recognized her as a contact for my regional president. So, I wanted to be polite and said, “Can I take your clothes off,” instead of, “Can I take your coat”. I turned beet red and started stammering and apologizing immediately. I am so glad that she laughed and literally patted my head, teased me, and said, “Maybe if you were my age or older, I’d give you a shot”.