The holidays are supposed to be fun...but sometimes, someone (or something) comes along to ruin everything that you had been looking forward to. From shocking family drama to unexpected mishaps, these holiday memories are ones that we're okay forgetting about:
1. Can’t Please Everyone
I don’t spend Christmas with my mother anymore. When I was between the ages of 15 and 17, my parents were in the process of a nasty divorce, so I spent Christmas Eve and morning with my father and then went to my mum’s side of the family for Christmas dinner. Her response was unhinged. She was so upset I had spent half my time on Christmas with my dad that during dinner she didn’t sit or speak to me.
Later that night as we were getting ready for bed in a room we shared, she was typing on her computer, still not having said a word to me up to this point. I asked her to be a little quieter because I was trying to sleep, and then she blew up at me with no warning. It ended with her telling me I ruined Christmas. My grandpa ended up driving me out to meet my dad at 1 AM that night. I am forever grateful to my grandfather for taking me out of that horrible situation.
2. Black Sheep Brouhaha
My stepbrother had just been released for possession and distribution of illicit substances. He was the total black sheep of the family. He proved why in just one day. He brought his girlfriend, who was plastered out of her mind. They proceeded to eat nothing but turkey and rolls. Then, she decided to go up into my step aunt's bathroom, where we later found her passed out.
My stepbrother attempted to wake her up by punching her in, as he put it, "the cooter.” We had to call law enforcement.
3. The Evil Stepfather
My mother was a narcissist. She got remarried when I was ten or so and her new man was everything. She had always been abusive, but it was always of the emotional, mental variety. After his unwavering acquiescence of her torment, he came to agree with it wholeheartedly. That's when my life became a real nightmare. For instance, when I was eleven, his three boys came to stay with us over Christmas break from school.
They were showered with gifts. I received none. Their explanation was so messed up. They told me that I was not a good child like his three boys. The eldest of his children, who was around twelve at the time, took pity on me and gave me an RC car that had been gifted to him. When I was caught playing with it, it was taken from me. When the eldest explained he had given it to me for Christmas my stepdad lightly reprimanded him and then took me outside.
I was told to stand still and watch as he ran the RC toy over with his big truck. I then had to sleep on the cold cement basement floor for “taking” presents from his children. I've never celebrated Christmas since. The whole holiday season makes me very emotionally wrecked with bitter intermittent flashbacks of the way I grew up.
4. What A Grateful Bunch
We were having a big Thanksgiving, maybe 15-20 people who loved to eat. My uncle and grandfather don't have a good relationship but were tolerating each other because of Thanksgiving. My uncle was cooking lasagna, and my grandfather decided to help, so he grated the cheese. He did this in another room because the kitchen was full of other people cooking.
I had brought in the cheese, and everything was going fine. Then came dinner time. The food was coming out, and as tradition dictated, we always started with lasagna. My grandfather made some jokes like, “I know you hate me, but at least I'm grate." That's when it all hit the fan. My uncle literally went into a rage and was yelling at everyone because we didn't tell him he was using "tainted" cheese.
He then started cursing and proceeded to flip the table that had ALL the food on it. Then my grandfather called him outside to settle the score, which resulted in two grown men fist fighting in the backyard. It culminated with my grandad getting thrown into the pond we lived by and slicing his leg on a jagged rock that he landed on.
The rest of us ordered Chinese food and kicked my uncle out. My grandfather refused to go to the hospital because he had a little too much "holiday joy" in him at the time. My uncle hasn't come for the holidays for several years now.
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5. A Broken Memento
My late grandmother gave me something of hers, and when I came back from the bathroom, I found that my mother had broken it. I got angry—that's when my mom snapped. She started screaming at me and ran outside after she was done. I was never able to talk back to my mother growing up, but the last few years, my patience with her personality disorders waned, and I just glared at her until she ran away.
I followed her outside and asked her angrily if she wanted to be a part of my family. She said no. So, I turned around and left. She followed me out, screaming the whole time about what a piece of garbage I am. It’s a tactic used by narcissists to degrade someone’s sense of self in order to subjugate them. I told her the only way I’d talk to her again is if we were in court.
So, this holiday season will be the first time away from my family. I’ll be with my wife’s family, who are nice people.
6. What A Fake!
My grandmother didn't like my dad very much. She picked a fight with him, so he decided that he was going home. My grandmother realized that my stepmom (her daughter) was going to take my dad's side and go home too; she started yelling a lot. Then, as a last-ditch effort, she dramatically clutched her chest and collapsed very carefully.
My dad offered to call for help, but my grandfather said it wasn't necessary. When my grandmother realized no one was taking her seriously, she opened her eyes, allowed my grandfather to help her up, and went inside with him while fake sobbing. Usually, she was quite lovely, but she had her moments. The holidays usually brought out the worst in her, which was weird because she loved cooking and celebrating.
7. Making It Manageable
One year, two of my brothers got in a fistfight on the front lawn. Another year, two of my brothers got stoned and cut the Christmas tree I bought because they were "trimming it" to fit in the stand. I always do 90% of the cooking, but I’m left to sit in the living room with two of my brothers’ random friends because there was no room at the table.
I regularly play referee, and I always have to buy or at least wrap my own presents. Yeah, I don't go home for the holidays anymore. Want to know the best part? Since I started not going, I receive yearly calls about how unmanageable the holidays are when I'm not there. Ha! I enjoy them with my husband who gets me gifts and wraps them and appreciates my hard work.
8. It Smells So Good, But This Thanksgiving Just Stinks!
I was about 10 or 11 years old. My then best friend and I made plans to hang out at his apartment for the day. He lived in a distant neighborhood from mine. So, to get to and from his place, I had to take a bus. We usually hung out together on the weekend, but since there was no school on Thanksgiving, it gave us an extra day in the week to play together.
He had an older sister, about 17 or 18 years older, who had her own son. His sister lived in her own separate apartment on the same floor, down the other end of the hallway from my friend’s place. We spent the entire day going back and forth from his place to her place, then back to his place, etc. In the meantime, the ovens of both kitchens in both apartments were going full blast, cooking up a fabulous smelling feast of all sorts of food.
When evening came around, it was time to serve the meal. Then they told me something that made my heartbreak. They said it was time for me to go home. I was puzzled. I was invited over to hang out and play with my friend on Thanksgiving. Although it was never specified that I was to eat Thanksgiving dinner with them, I took it for granted that that was what I was going to get to do.
I don’t recall misbehaving in any way the entire day. Regardless, I put on my jacket and left my friend’s apartment. Usually, when I left my friend's place to go home, I would take the elevator down. But this evening, I opted to walk down the stairs all the way to the ground floor. I wanted to smell all the food that was being cooked in all the other apartments throughout the entire building, floor by floor.
I figured smelling all that food in the hallways of my friend’s apartment building would be the closest I would come to having a Thanksgiving dinner that day. Sure enough, it was. I reached the ground floor, exited the building, and crossed the street to catch my bus home. When I finally got home, my family had eaten their Thanksgiving dinner.
My relatives had all gone home left, and all the food was completely eaten up. There was only one pan left on the dining room table that had nothing but turkey bones in it. It didn’t occur to them to save any food for me because they assumed I was having Thanksgiving dinner at my friend’s place, too. I was feeling dejected and depressed.
I just immediately went to bed even though it was still early and I wasn't sleepy—just hungry. It was the worst Thanksgiving I ever had.
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9. Everything’s Falling Down!
My since-passed grandfather brought a Craigslist working girl to family Christmas. Of course, she preceded to get loaded and hit on me. But it gets even worse. She actually tried ripping off my shirt; a couple of buttons popped off. My grandpa, after seeing this, comes over and screams at her. She takes a swing at my grandpa, and he attempts to grab her.
I get in between them to try to separate them. This was all happening next to the bar shelf which is getting run into and begins to fold. I have my leg propping up the shelf from falling while holding each of them apart while they swing away at each other and me. Took what seemed like an hour for my brother to step in and help.
My family then took my grandpa’s side and disregarded the event even happened. I didn’t attend the next three years of holiday events.
10. This Stirred Up A Lot Of Confusion
My Aunt Janie took a bunch of Xanax, and who knows what else, on top of drinking a jug of Carlo Rossi that she had hidden in her room. She then proceeded to pocket every spoon in the house while the rest of us were drinking and playing games. EVERY. SINGLE. SPOON. We found them in her purse. I still don’t know why she took just the spoons.
11. These Aren’t Gifts At All…
I was dating a guy for a few months when Christmas rolled around. He had recently started a new job that required travel. This was before smartphones and built-in GPS in your car were common, so I splurged a bit and got him a Garmin to help him find his way. Thoughtful, useful, but not too sentimental; it felt perfect for where the relationship was at the time.
Due to schedules, we couldn’t get together until a few days after Christmas. The second I saw him, my stomach dropped. In my haste to go see him, I walked right out the door without his gift. I didn’t realize it until I got to his house, and I felt terrible, but he said, “No worries, I’ll give you your gifts now and I’ll just get mine later.” Cool. So, he goes into the other room and comes back with two wrapped gifts.
I noticed some of the paper was messed up like it had been rewrapped, but didn’t think much of it in the moment. I carefully unwrapped the first package—and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was an MMA magazine. That had clearly been read. I was…confused. I do not like MMA. Not even a little bit. Nor have I ever expressed interest in MMA. Not once. He, on the other hand, loved all things MMA.
Trying to move on, I politely thanked him, set the magazine down, and refocused on the next gift. I could tell it was a DVD from the shape of the package. And indeed, it was a DVD. A Forrest Gump DVD. With the cellophane wrapper missing. Now don’t get me wrong, Forrest Gump is a solid choice. Except, I already owned a Forrest Gump DVD.
And now here I was suddenly the proud owner of a second copy that appeared used. I again thanked him, and sat there quietly, trying to wrap my head around how he could have arrived at the conclusion that a used magazine on a topic I didn’t like and a second-hand DVD of something I already owned would make for good Christmas gifts.
He also got a little quiet, then sheepishly volunteered, “I, uh, got bored so I watched the movie yesterday.” I just stared. “And then I, uh, hadn’t seen that issue yet…so I went ahead and read through it. I think you’ll really like it!” I slowly responded, “So…you got me a magazine because you wanted to read it and then watched the movie you got for me because you were bored?”
His only response was, “Well yeah, I guess so.” I left not long after. The next day, I returned the Garmin for a full refund. About a week later, he called and said he didn’t think it was working out. “No problem,” I said, “I don’t think it’s working out either.” As we were wrapping up the call, expressing well wishes and all that, he paused for a beat and said, “Hey, uh, were you still going to give me that Christmas present?”
12. Kissing Cousins
My two cousins came into the living room where we were all gathered, and proudly announced to the family that they were romantically involved. They explained how being related by blood isn’t something they can control and gave this big speech on true love. I was about eight years old at the time, so I didn’t really get it.
My entire family just sat there staring, mouths agape. My two great aunts, the mothers of the two cousins, looked at each other in horror. My great-grandmother, the matriarch of our family, said something along the lines of, “No.” My cousins excused themselves and went to get “fresh air.” Immediately thereafter, chaos ensued.
Every member of the family started giving their two cents. My one great aunt, who dabbled in shapeshifting and magic, and stuff, said that maybe they were kindred spirits and that their auras seemed to match. Everyone then shifted the conversation from my two cousins to the sanity of my aunt. Meanwhile, I went to go snoop on the one cousin because he was my favorite older cousin.
I realized that they were gone, so I went to tell my family. Then we created a makeshift search party to look for them in the wash behind my great grandmother's house. This wash was huge—miles and miles of uninhabited desert. This was in Benson, Arizona, a sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere. The wash was full of saguaros, snakes, big rocks, and hills, the whole nine yards.
Luckily the family was familiar with the layout of this vast desert wasteland because it was tradition to go walk around in it after Thanksgiving lunch. My mom made it fun for the other little cousins and me, and I remember how we pretended to be the FBI. We ended up finding them. They were standing up on this big rock holding hands.
It was weird. We brought them back and had our awkward Thanksgiving lunch. By the following Thanksgiving, they weren’t together anymore, and no one in my family talks about this at all ever.
13. The Nutcracker
I’ve been with my girlfriend for like two to three years now. Her family considers me a part of their family, but my girlfriend’s mom and aunt are probably the most hypocritical and insane people you could ever meet. Aunt believes that if you use a GPS, you don’t deserve to live in that state. She proceeded to get everyone lost when she was driving us around on vacation.
She had lived in Florida for 27 years by that time. The mom is a manipulative narcissist who actually said to my girlfriend and a mutual friend of ours that she only keeps my girlfriend around as someone to "let her anger out on." This year, I got the worst of it. For Christmas, I went over to my girlfriend’s home to celebrate with them before celebrating with my girlfriend at my house.
I got a present from the aunt who sent something over. I received a single rubber duck that had the bottom torn out of it. A note was stuffed in the opening, and on that note was the sentence, “If you are reading this, you killed the birdie!” There was also a painted rock that was almost completely black with the words “best buds” on it.
The mom was the worst one though. I got a nutcracker from her. I didn’t fully understand it at the time. But I finally got it when my girlfriend’s dad took me aside and said in a hushed tone, “I’m sorry for the gift, but she has given that to boyfriends as a threat.” That’s right, I got a broken rubber duck that blamed me for killing it, a painted rock, and a threat that if I did anything to upset my girlfriend, that her mother will use the nutcracker.
14. Turkey Time
My husband's grandma was hosting Thanksgiving dinner at her house and asked us to provide the turkey. We had to go to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's dad's side that morning, so we dropped the turkey off on our way to his dad's house. His grandma said that they would be eating at 4 PM. We arrived back at his grandma's house around 3:45 PM. What we saw made my family's blood boil. Everyone had already eaten all the food, including the entire turkey. All of it.
15. Laundry Emergency!
My husband's uncle called me four times on my birthday before 8AM, leaving cryptic voicemails about how he needed to talk to me as soon as possible. I started to panic. I thought someone was hurt. I called back maybe 20-30 minutes later when I was fully awake, and he told me to rush over to his house. I get there and he says he had a gift for me and wanted to make sure I got it on my birthday!
I watch him pull a men's polo out of his laundry basket and say, "I saw this and knew you'd love it!" I'm a petite woman who doesn't wear polos. He found a men's large polo shirt in the back of his closet that he was given at some event 15 or more years ago, somehow thought that was emergency worthy, but also didn't need to even put it in a gift bag or anything.
He crumpled the shirt from the laundry to my hand. It's been almost three years and I'm still perplexed by it.
16. She Acts Like Number One, But She’s A Number Two
My father’s girlfriend is 10 years older than him and is very superficial. I think she was jealous of my relationship with him and was constantly wanting to assert herself as his number one. I was perfectly fine with that, and it’s awesome that she keeps him busy. However, one Thanksgiving sunk her for me. It was also my first time meeting her.
She sat at the head of the table at MY house and acted like she was the hostess while monopolizing the entire conversation and treating me as if I was her waitstaff. She told me that I should eat very little to watch my figure and that I should dye my hair. She was disappointed in my husband’s wardrobe choice for the evening, and the grand finale was that she told my father I was being difficult after the night was over and after everything I did to make her comfortable. I haven’t seen her since.
17. Friends Or Family
I lived about two and a half hours from home but hadn't actually lived there for 10 years. Anyways, I have a small family, and we had a Christmas get-together 2 weeks before actual Christmas. However, my wife’s best friend’s father passed from cancer, and he was also a good friend of mine. His funeral was my family's planned Christmas get-together.
I did not go home for that get-together, as I obviously went to the funeral. They...did not take it well. I literally had to receive wrath from Grandma about caring more about friends than family, and my aunt eviscerating me on Facebook. I haven't spoken to any of them in five years because of that, and I'm perfectly fine with it.
18. No Country Ham For Me
I had been vegetarian/vegan for years without anyone in my family knowing, aside from my parents. Our Thanksgivings were usually pretty big parties with about 30-40 people, so we don’t all sit at the same table or anything like that. Therefore, no one ever really noticed. My very older country cousin, who is about 20 years my senior, had a son who was a master marksman.
The kid would win contests all the time, and often the prizes were really fancy hams, meats, and stuff like that. All the cousins were hanging out drinking some moonshine and George Dickel, our family drink of choice. My country cousin sneakily cut off a few pieces of his prized ham. If one of our aunts caught him with food before the meal, we would all be in trouble, regardless of whether we were all adults.
Everyone was trying it and talking about how good it was, except for me. Then something in him snapped. He became very insistent that I try it and got really mad. He stormed off for a smoke outside. It seems as if me not eating his ham became the embodiment of his entire life of being dismissed by others in the family.
He was making enough of a fuss that my mother had to tell my aunt that I didn’t eat meat. She told my country cousin. He eventually found me and said, “Aw man, I thought you didn’t want it ‘cause it was mine. You don’t eat anybody’s meat. Sorry I was in your face.” We were able to hug it out, but that was the year of the Ham Incident.
19. A Relaxing Visit
I was laid off and went back to visit for the week. Times were tough for me, and I just wanted to relax. I hadn't lived there in seven years. But the week I went, my mom was really laying into me to clean her house, do her dishes, wash her laundry. I told her I don't live here anymore and I'm not doing her chores. To which she flipped out and started yelling at me.
She's always been a two-faced backstabber, but I'd had enough. I immediately walked away from her, packed my bag, and got in my car to make the 10-hour drive home. I haven't spoken to her since. That was almost three years ago now. I have no desire to see her ever again. She's caused nothing but misery and pain in my life.
20. She’s Not Senile, Just Selfish
My wife and I usually host Thanksgiving for around 15 people. Everyone would bring side dishes, as was the custom. That is, everyone except my mother-in-law. Her approach was mind-blowingly selfish. She would only bring stuff for herself. She proudly announced that whatever she brought was just for her to anyone who would listen.
It's not for diet purposes, because she eats all the other food too. When dessert makes an appearance, she will make a big scene about wanting the first piece instead of letting the kids get theirs and get out of the way. One year there was a big argument about the corner pieces of a chocolate cake. She went first as usual and cut herself two corner pieces and took them both.
If you want to make little kids cry, do that. And, she wouldn't give them up! She also treats our guest room and bath like a hotel. When she leaves, she takes the toilet paper rolls, the Kleenex box, paper towels, soap, etc. She is not senile. The only reason we would invite her every year is because my wife is the only family that she has, and she would feel tremendously guilty if we didn't.
21. Nobody’s Here!
I flew home for Christmas from across the country. Upon landing, I was informed that my sister would not be joining us because she couldn't get the day off. My parents knew this well in advance but didn't want me not to come. I was also informed that we would not be doing Christmas with my extended family as they were busy with my cousin's husband's family.
Since I don't have a great relationship with my family, I was already pretty crushed. Still, it was worse than I ever imagined. I spent Christmas Day with my mother and father until my father left around 2 PM to visit his friends. My mother then went to bed around 3 PM and didn't wake up until the next day. I decided to wait to have dinner until someone either woke up or came home.
My father came home around 6 PM, and he forced me to hug him despite my protests while he was just in his underwear. He then proceeded to run to the bathroom and puke his guts out. Yeah, I'm just not going back.
22. Her Prized Cake Was Pecked By Pigs
My ex-sister-in-law and her mother were invited to our family Thanksgiving at my grandma’s house. To say that she and her mother lived in filth was an understatement. Their basement was inaccessible due to the raw sewage that had filled it. The entire house was filled with garbage from floor to ceiling and infested with fleas and all other sorts of vermin.
They also had pet guinea pigs that roamed the house that would poop and pee everywhere. It was absolute filth. So, they came over and brought a dessert with them, which my grandmother was immediately suspicious of. Upon further inspection, the cake she had made was covered in guinea pig tracks and hair and had little nibbles missing from it.
My grandma immediately tossed it, and then, later, when it was time for dessert, the mother threw a fit that we weren’t serving her prized mayonnaise cake that she worked so hard on and stormed out.
23. Last-Minute Plans
My husband's family is just far better at making reliable plans than my family, so they usually win out. I can't travel all the way across the country to try and see my sister and brother when they refuse to nail down plans more than a day or two in advance. "Oh, you're coming into town. Cool, text us when you get here, and we'll try and meet up." Except when I arrive, they forgot they had some other obligation half the time.
24. Fill In The Blanks
We were hosting a young lady my wife worked with, as well as her boyfriend. Halfway through dinner, she made a shocking confession. The discussion somehow got to how she and her brother "once got super trashed on Robitussin, and next thing you know we...uh...yeah, that was really a weird time." Everyone just got really quiet as we were trying to decide how to fill that one in and where to go with it.
25. A Good Brother
My older half-brother and I️ would go to our mom’s place for Thanksgiving even though she didn’t raise us; our real dads and grandparents did. Thanksgiving of 2000 when I️ was 14, our stepfather made the mistake of hitting me in front of my brother. My brother is 14 years older than me, so he was in his twenties when this happened. I’ll never forget the distinct sound of genuine hatred when he screamed at our mother’s husband. We didn’t go back for the next holiday.
26. Loaded On Limoncello
One of my mom's friends was invited to our Thanksgiving because her kids were at their significant other’s families for the holiday. That year, my uncle brought a bottle of homemade limoncello to share. The stuff was delicious, but it was also about 50% alcohol. Everyone was drinking it out of little 1 oz glass cups. My mom's friend instead poured herself a FULL glass when no one was looking.
She downed it in 15 minutes and then tried to go back for more. She was passed out at least an hour before dinner even began.
27. My Meddling Mom
My wife's family is all deceased. The only one left alive on my side is my mother. Still, every time we go see her, I regret it instantly. We are quite literally all she's got, and still she tries to meddle like heck in our marriage. Last Christmas, after she left, we went to a marriage counselor because things got so bad.
The counselor said we are both more than fine and to limit contact with nightmare mother and mother-in-law. We no longer see or hear from her anymore.
28. Let’s See How Badly This Day Racked Up
Every year we had Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house. One year everyone was there except for one aunt. She was outside in her car, refusing to come in. It turned out she had taken out a credit card in my cousin's name while said cousin was in the Navy. My cousin found out on the drive over while opening her mail. My aunt had racked up a $10,000+ debt for my cousin.
It seems as if that was just one of the first signs my aunt was not in her right mind anymore. That Thanksgiving was one of the last ones where our family got together like that. My uncle, aunt, and cousins never came back after that happened. They did visit again at other times, but my aunt was medicated and not like herself anymore.
29. A Troubled Family
My mom spends most of her time in the heart of the city, scoping out opiates. My dad spends most of his time looking for ways to make money or rip people off to buy drugs. My brother is usually depressed with a needle in his arm. My aunt lives out of town, my uncle is usually beating up his girlfriend or trying to score. With my well-paying job, my cozy apartment, my sanity, and peace of mind, I just avoid anything with family altogether. Holidays or not.
30. This Thanksgiving Was Just Bananas
As a child, my grandmother would make banana pudding with homemade custard and meringue for Thanksgiving. Every year my mom and her brother would outdo themselves, trying to keep the other from getting the pudding. My uncle broke into our house one year to take it, so my grandma took to making decoy pudding and hiding the real stuff.
However, one year took the cake. My grandma refused to make the beloved pudding, so my great aunt stepped in and offered to make it. She showed up, and my mom took the entire tray of pudding from her hands. Then, she ran into my grandmother's bedroom, screaming at my younger cousin to get her a spoon. She locked herself in my grandmother's bedroom with every intention of eating herself sick on that banana pudding. But she got way more than she bargained for.
Unfortunately, my great aunt couldn’t cook. The result of this was that instead of smooth, creamy custard, the pudding had bits of scrambled egg yolk in it. This happens if you try to heat the custard too fast and don't continuously stir it as it's cooking. Only moments after locking herself in the room, my mom returned, disappointed, and ate her turkey in sullen silence.
31. Temper Tantrums
Literally every Christmas, my stepdad causes a fight. I've learned to think it's funny, and just laugh at his 5-year-old tantrums now, since I no longer depend on them whatsoever. I just leave if he gets really annoying. His antics are usually because someone wrapped presents wrong or opened a present in the wrong order.
His tantrums consist of throwing things, breaking things, slamming doors, peeling out of the driveway, and veins exploding from his forehead. It was scary to watch when I was 10, but now it's just comical. He’s in his late 50s now.
32. She Tried Turning Him Into Toast
One Thanksgiving, there were about 20 or so of us all crowded into my grandma's kitchen. My sister’s 13-year-old son was caught burying his head in his then 10-year-old sister's lap. I don't think they were doing anything funky. They were laughing, but I couldn’t be sure because I wasn't really staring at them. However, knowing my nieces and nephews though, they were just acting the way kids do.
Either way, it definitely wasn't a red flag or anything, so I didn't pay attention to it. I did perk up, though, when I heard our sloshed, fat stepdad scream, "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR SISTER?" My nephew became embarrassed and shocked because by now the room was quiet and everyone was looking at them. My stepdad then proceeded to go into a rant of, "You’re disgusting. What is wrong with you?!"
My nephew was in tears, and I was getting ready to flip myself and tell him it was Thanksgiving, so shut up and listen to what the boy was trying to say. My nephew was sputtering, trying to explain he wasn't doing anything wrong, that he was showing her a 7 Up game. Since the table was full of food, his sister said he could just use her lap. Before I could say anything, my sister, the boy’s mother, beat me to it.
My sister was super unpredictable. She'd go from calm to "Duck! Cause that glass pepper grinder is coming for your dome" in an instant. Throwing things and hitting people with objects was her forte. Before I could open my mouth, she came flying from through the door. She was having a smoke on the all-season porch and heard everything.
I was right by the toaster because it was by the sink where I was doing dishes with my grandma. It went from bad to worse in a second. The next thing I knew, my sister grabbed the toaster, ripped it out of the outlet, which in turn pulled the microwave down from the shelf above it, which almost hit our grandma. I got myself between Grandma and my sister, who was now halfway across the room with the toaster above her head, making some animalistic screech.
My other sister and I now realized she intended to use it on my stepdad, and it could possibly cave his head in if she does it the way she normally does, so we bum-rushed her. My other sister grabbed her arms, and I wrestled the toaster out of her freakishly strong grip while getting between our stepdad and her. The toaster sister was struggling with everything she had, but the sister holding her arms was built like a linebacker, so she just held on.
Eventually, we got her outside. My stepdad and mom left in a huff, and my other sister and I stayed to comfort Grandma, who was now in a puddle of tears. We helped clean up, saw the rest of the company off, and played a round of dominos with her before helping her to bed. She was heartbroken. My sister did apologize to my grandma, and she quickly forgave and forgot, but my stepdad did not.
33. Stop Belittling!
One side of my family is just a bunch of blowhards who all went to Ivy League schools and work on Wall Street, and they just suck. I definitely went to a good school and have a good job, but every year they tried to make me feel like garbage. I got accepted in an early decision to a good college, and at Christmas that year the cousins go, "So, did you apply early because you didn't think you'd get in anywhere else?"
I started dating a nice guy and had him over for drinks at Thanksgiving, and they said, "Wow, your boyfriend went to this school? What kind of job is he planning to get with that degree?" They want you to squirm and feel insignificant so they can feel better. So, I finally came up with a devious way to stick it to them. I just started telling them what they wanted to hear.
I moved for a good job, and first thing they said last year was, "So you're living in that neighborhood? Isn't that a bad part of town?" I just said, "Not really, but I don't make a lot of money, so it's all I can afford! Oh well!" They just looked really shocked and then THEY were the uncomfortable ones. Felt so dang good. Try it out against people like this.
34. Picture Perfect
A few years back, my husband's maternal uncle and his kids had come into town from very far away. This was the first time the families had seen each other in nearly ten years, so it was a big deal. My mother-in-law was working herself to the bone to make everything appear picture-perfect. The house was spotless. She had bought a bunch of fancy new plates, had a giant Christmas tree already, etc.
Unfortunately, this was also about the time my sister-in-law, who was 20 at the time, started sleeping with her moron boyfriend. Because the uncle's daughter, who was also 20, was engaged, my mother-in-law had invited her fiance, who was also a moron, to Thanksgiving in order to show him off. She wanted everyone do adore him, but that's not what happened.
My sister-in-law and her boyfriend were trying to sneak off to get busy before dinner even started, saying they wanted to do "Black Friday shopping," but my mother-in-law was having none of it. Eventually, while her attention was turned to some other part of the house, my sister-in-law and her boyfriend started sneaking out into the garage to leave.
My mother-in-law caught wind of it and went running out into the garage. The door closed behind her, but the garage was completely attached to the house, so the entire rest of the family was treated to the audio of her screaming. We were surprised to hear some very choice expletives from my very conservative mother-in-law’s mouth.
Everyone inside was awkwardly trying not to look at each other and pretend we couldn't hear this whole thing. Once they were done fighting, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law came back inside, both with their make-up all smeared from crying. My mother-in-law was red in the face from yelling, but the second she stepped through the door, she put her "perfect Thanksgiving" face right back on and proceeded to pretend as nothing at all had happened.
35. Money Between Brothers
As a North Indian, the Diwali holiday is our most important one. Everyone is supposed to be together at home and celebrate, worship and stuff. It's also the festival when the goddess of wealth Lakshmi is worshipped. My extended family has messed Diwali up majorly for all us cousins, because it's a constant tussle of brothers.
They fight about power over the family business and the wealth it has collected over the years. It has gone from the celebration and worshipping of wealth to a day of fighting for said wealth. I’ve stopped going home for Diwali to just dodge this scene.
36. His Plan Ensured Thanksgiving Wasn’t Ruined
My cousins are a raucous bunch. One Thanksgiving, after eating and playing many rounds of dice, one of my cousins went to get more drinks and backed his truck directly into my parents' car, smashing up the front. My cousin didn’t have any insurance, so he came back inside and told my dad he had a “plan.” I still can't believe what he ended up doing.
They pulled my parents' car up to the garage where a freshly slaughtered deer hung from hunting that morning. Then the troop of male cousins began smearing blood across the hood and tucking fur into the grill and headlights. My dad called his insurance company the next day, saying he hit a deer on his way home from Thanksgiving, and it ran off into the woods and couldn’t be found.
The insurance company came out, checked the situation, and approved the claim. That was the year my family committed insurance fraud on Thanksgiving.
37. So Many People To Visit!
I went home last Christmas. Finished work at 8:30 PM, drove the eight-hour drive through the night, and made it. I was only going to be there for a few days, and this was during a family argument. I saw my immediate family, then went to my grandmother’s place. That night I received a text from my aunt saying that she’s angry I didn’t see her, and I was rude.
The kicker? She works a hundred meters from my Mum’s place, I didn’t know where she lived, and she never tried contacting me. When I go back now, I don’t tell anyone except the people I want to see. This year I’m working Christmas Day for some sweet, sweet bonus pay.
38. We All Paid The Price At This Gathering
My uncle got wasted and WENT OFF about how resentful and angry he was that my cousin married a woman whose family didn’t have a lot of money, prompting my uncle and aunt to pay for their 200+ person wedding. There were easily about a hundred of the invited guests who were colleagues of my uncle’s that he felt obligated to invite and impress to keep up appearances.
He unloaded in a world-class rant about how ripped off he felt, how he and my aunt secretly fought about every cent they spent that he didn’t think was necessary. He said that the only things he found necessary were the things that would impress his colleagues. He was angry that my cousin and his new wife hadn’t made it explicitly clear during the wedding that he had paid for it.
He was also livid that her parents both gave speeches and didn’t express that he had paid for the wedding. He was also really angry that he had paid for his own daughter’s lavish wedding and had not gotten any financial help from her husband’s family—not even a half-hearted offer. He informed them that traditionally, the groom’s family offers to pay for the drinks and that he and my aunt thought they were cheapskates for not even offering.
To make matters worse, everyone in both of those weddings was at that Thanksgiving, and it caused multiple rifts. I thought my aunt was going to seriously hurt him. It was obviously something that had been stewing for months, if not years.
39. Wrapping Paper Woes
Our first daughter turned one shortly before Christmas in ‘95. At that time, my in-laws lived in a town that was approximately a two-hour drive from us. My mother-in-law asked if we'd be staying at their place on Christmas Eve, and we said, "No, it's kind of difficult with a baby. We'll drive out to join you on Christmas Day."
She wasn't happy, but she said, "Fine, but you have to be here by 10:00 a.m. That's when we'll be opening presents." So, we got up bright and early on Christmas morning, gulped down breakfast, got the baby ready, and got on the road by 6:30 a.m. Driving was a bit slow due to some snow and ice, but we arrived at the in-laws' house at 9:50 a.m.
We grinned at each other with relief. We'd done it! We entered the house, and couldn't believe what we saw. There was torn wrapping paper everywhere. They'd all opened their gifts without us. My husband isn't one for confrontations normally, but he couldn't help it this time. He cornered his mother in the kitchen and asked angrily, "Why didn't you wait for us? We got here on time!"
She said sweetly, "Oh, the kids didn't want to wait." Said ‘kids’ were my husband's younger sister and brother, who were 26 and 21 at the time. To this day, I'm convinced that she decided not to wait because she was punishing us for not staying overnight on Christmas Eve. Whatever. That told us how much we mattered to her, and after a couple more similar experiences, we put our collective feet down and have been celebrating Christmas Day in our own house ever since.
40. The Beginning And End Of A Family Tradition
My very conservative and kind in-laws drove three hours to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family the year my husband and I married. It was supposed to be this sweet new tradition melding our families and all that. It went so, so horribly. My youngest sister and her boyfriend arrived a couple of hours late. They were wasted and proceeded to eat a ton of food, then promptly passed out on the couch.
My in-laws watched in abject horror a little bit later as the boyfriend came to slightly, flipped them both off, and then passed out again. My in-laws haven’t visited us for holidays since.
41. A Really Loud Christmas
Christmas was always at my grans house, and we'd stay for a week or two. I think every single time we were over, my mum would absolutely lose it over something innocuous and start a screaming session. I'd either lock myself in the bathroom to get away, or one time she locked me in there with her so she could continue berating me.
The last few times ended with my mild-mannered gran screaming at my mum for "ruining Christmas again" and then my mum would actually stop screaming and end up apologizing to her. She never apologized to me, of course. I came back into contact with my gran after a couple years and I'll visit sometimes. She'll tell me when my mum isn't there so I can visit in peace.
42. This Holiday Was Totally Shot
We went to visit my part of the family on Thanksgiving one year. My uncle was shooting at turtles in the creek with his Glock while drinking. He then handed 15-year-old me the piece and told me to go at the turtles. I told him, "I don't want to shoot a turtle." So, my uncle looked straight forward, took a swig of his drink, then a big drag on his smoke, exhaled, and punched me in the cheek.
I fell down in complete shock that he actually hit me. Then he said, with a fearsome calm, "Get. The. Darn. Turtles." And so I did. It ended up backfiring on him, almost literally. The mechanism jammed, so I, never having really fired a pistol before, I turned like an idiot towards my uncle, and said, "Umm. What do I d-" BOOM! The thing discharged right next to my uncle's face.
A nearby tree was not so fortunate. So, my uncle and I stared at each other for a short, awkward moment, then he reached out with both hands and took the weapon away from me. He eyed me and took another drag of his smoke. Apparently, he was using old bullets and that was just what caused the delay in firing or something. But there's an even darker.
A couple of years ago, he got taken in for threatening to kill my aunt. He spent a year behind bars and then my dad let him live with us to get back on his feet. He filled up the computer with an astonishing amount of malware, then eventually disappeared, but not before leaving the backyard gate open and letting our dogs out into the city for the day. One of the dogs messed up her leg while out and has never walked the same since.
43. Holidays Are Stressful, Okay?
My mother-in-law gets so stressed out by Christmas preparations. She thinks everything has to be exactly perfect and exactly according to family tradition, of course. A few years back she put herself in the ER with atrial fibrillation because of that stress. Christmas dinner that year was Subway and Jack in the Box around a hospital bed.
My wife and I have since figured out that, if we stonewall on Christmas itself and wander up a month early or late "just to see them," she doesn't shoulder nearly the same amount of anxiety, because it isn't "Christmas" and it doesn't have to be perfect. We can just have dinner like normal people, next to an unseasonal indoor tree that happens to still be set up and has a bunch of presents under it.
Basically, we stopped going home for the holidays to keep my mother-in-law alive.
44. Hit The Road Aunt!
My aunt, who had been married multiple times and was generally known to have been promiscuous, was over. She nastily told my sister she was going to meet the Devil for living with her fiancé before marriage. She berated her for a few minutes about sinning and whatnot while they were at my grandmother's cooking. We live in the middle of nowhere, and our houses are divided by small pastures.
My sister ran home crying, and my dad jumped three fences to go kick them out of my grandmother's house. It was quite the scene for the neighbors with all of the yelling. We took all of our turkeys across the pasture to our other aunt's house, and they had pizza while they packed their bags to go home. They never came back for a holiday dinner.
45. “So Kids? When?”
I dread family events simply because I'm in my 30s and still unmarried with no children. Thing is, I'm in a committed relationship, we own a house and we both have amazing credit. The two of us have two degrees and an amazing career, and we do all kinds of fun travel and events and enjoy our time together. Kids are on the docket eventually, but we aren't in a hurry.
My family doesn’t approve. No babies? That means I’m wasting my life, letting the womb cobwebs take over. When am I going to grow up and stop wasting money on cosplay and comic con and start popping out mini versions of me? Honestly, am I the only girl above the age of 19 without kids? Then about a year ago, my aunt pulled me aside. She said something that made me burst into tears. She said I'm an inspiration to her teen girls.
Apparently, she uses my life as an example of what they can have if they work hard and are responsible. My aunt even quietly admitted her oldest is sexually active and I'm an example of someone in an adult relationship who can be responsible about birth control. I cried and thanked her for appreciating how I spend my life instead of pointing out what I'm apparently doing wrong.
46. Slow Motion Slapstick
My sloshed nephew was giving his much smaller and younger brother's girlfriend a really hard time. When she left the house in tears, the younger brother stood up to the older brother. The next thing we knew, my son was saying, “Umm...I think you'd better come out back.” We found my nephew swinging roundhouse punches.
The good news was that his punches were in slow motion because he was so wasted. His younger brother was able to duck them all and then was able to get inside the reach of his brother and slap him right in the face. The older brother could not have been more surprised. It was pretty trashy but also pretty darn funny and, frankly, pretty satisfying.
47. One, The Other, Neither!
My parents are divorced, as a kid I was lugged back and forth between the two. If I spent Thanksgiving at one parent's home, then I had to spend Christmas at the other. As an adult I don't like to pick sides, so I chose neither and have come to blame the long distance and exams. Now that I'm out of university, I have a full-time job as my scapegoat.
I love both of them, but I would rather spend my time alone than worry about hurting one or the other's feelings.
48. Turkey Day Tantrum
My sister, who was 30 at the time, threw a giant temper tantrum because my long-term girlfriend, who I lived with, was sitting in her seat. My girlfriend is currently severely disabled and wanted to sit next to me so that I could cut up her food for her. My sister got so angry because we laughed over her temper tantrum that she excused herself from the table and ate "Thanksgiving" alone in the kitchen. I'm still stunned at how self-involved she was.
49. Broken Promises
My mom has been terrible to my wife the entire time we have been married. She threatened not to come to our wedding unless we specifically invited certain people. She also said she was going to plan my wife's baby shower but never did. She said she would come to our daughter's baptism, but she didn't. She always makes so many false promises.
The last couple times we were around, she was super friendly to me but didn’t even acknowledge my wife was in the room. She also spreads rumors about my wife when we are not around. That was the last straw. We don't go to her place for the holidays anymore. Sorry, you don't get to be mean to my wife and still have us come to things.
50. I Finally Sent The Packer Packing
My aunt always brought several large Tupperware containers to Thanksgiving dinner. Her reasons behind this were utterly ridiculous. She would begin packing up food for herself immediately after everyone had filled their plate. If you thought you might want seconds, you had to take them the first time because there was often nothing left after she'd filled her containers.
Of course, if you did go for seconds, she would make a snide comment about how much food you were eating. I don't recall ever seeing her sit down with a plate to eat with us. She was always in the kitchen packing up the food that she hadn't paid for or prepared. Not only that, but her daughter, who was 28 at the time, wouldn't speak to anyone and fed the shrimp hors d'oeuvres to the cats. They're no longer invited.
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51. The City And The Country
I refuse to attend any of the holiday get-togethers on my wife's side of the family. She's from a small town in Western Missouri named Boonville and I lived in the Saint Louis area most of my life. I guess me being a Saint Louis city slicker was just too much for her family. As my wife was introducing me to her extended family, I hear someone say, "look at him all dressed up nice and fancy, I bet you're one of those city folk who voted for that Obama."
Except they used much rougher language than that. I just looked at my wife like, "Please get me out of this hillbilly hole..." I've never gone back. Yeeeeeehaaawwww!
52. Oh Snap!
My grandpa and my cousin both wrestled back in their heyday. One Thanksgiving, they were both playing around wrestling, and my cousin accidentally dislocated my grandpa's shoulder. It was totally by accident. My grandma freaked out, as anyone would, and was like, "Bob, we gotta get you to the hospital.” My grandpa looked around at everyone's concerned faces, sighed and said, "Oh Jesus Christ," then snapped his shoulder back into place. My brothers and I could not stop laughing.
53. Nobody Wants This
It was the last Christmas before I joined the Navy. I had about $300 to my name until January, when I would head off to boot camp. Mom told me to go to the mall with my sister and spend $200 on presents for everyone, despite my protests. I said I don't want presents and I don't want to get others presents because it's a stupid tradition for a house full of working adults.
I got yelled at, spent the money on a bunch of stuff that no one wanted, and got a bunch of stuff that I didn't want. I haven't been home for holidays since. After that, I told my family I'm never buying anyone forced presents ever, and never want anything for Christmas or birthdays ever again.
54. Anyone For Leftovers?
One time my roommates and I hosted a Friendsgiving. People brought drinks. In fact, they brought so many bottles that we ran out of counter space for them and started leaving them on the porch. After dinner, when people were already getting pretty tipsy, my coworker showed up with one of those huge, blue, water cooler jugs filled with home-brewed hooch that his dad had made.
It wasn't very good, but once we all polished off the original 60 or so bottles that everyone brought, we broke into the jug. The next morning I woke up in my own bed with two of my friends. I emerged to a scene of carnage. There were people passed out on the couch and on the floor. There was one dude I had gone to high school with, and not seen in years, curled up, sleeping in a chair.
I didn't even remember seeing him the night before. There were half-eaten pies that looked like people had taken handfuls straight out of them, crusty dishes on every surface, broken glass, bottles, stains on the floor, half-smoked joints put out in drink caps, and that darned jug STILL had a good couple of gallons of hooch left in it.
55. An Empty Nest
We've had the holidays by ourselves for around 11 years now. My husband, our two young adult children, and I. All our grandparents have passed on. We used to get together with my husband's brother and his family, but after he divorced, it was too hard to set up plans as the kids were with their mother some of the time.
Everyone is an adult now and it's even harder to arrange, since some are now married or involved and have other places to be. "Home" is now us. My kids miss their cousins. They've missed them for over 10 years and now it's just a happy memory. I hope someday we'll be able to change it, but I don't know how exactly to do that.
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56. This Honeysuckle Sucked The Life Out Of Us
My uncle made a drink from the honeysuckle flowers in my grandma's yard. Everyone got a taste, including the kids. All of the adults drank at least two jelly jars full of it. After a bit, the gathering broke up, and as is the way of the South, everyone made their way out to the cars to say goodbye. I saw my chance and drank a big cup full of the honeysuckle concoction...
Later that night, it kicked in. Somehow my uncle had made the most potent laxative imaginable and called it a drink. There are three bathrooms in my grandma's house, and they were all full for around 10 hours as people emptied their lives out of their butts. Somehow it never occurred to any of the adults that I was pooping my brains out also because I had consumed more of that stuff.
57. Cutting It Out
The last time I saw my extended family like my aunt or cousins for the holidays was during college. They told me I was going to burn for dating a Jew, and the men were screaming terrible language at the TV while watching football. I went to hang out with my baby cousins, who were in middle and high school, and one of them told me that she learned that white people can only get AIDS if they’re partners with people of other races.
Once my grandfather passed, I cut contact with all my extended family.
58. My Aunt’s Boyfriend Is The True Turkey
My aunt’s boyfriend didn’t like her being around anyone but him. So, when she had us all over for Thanksgiving, he tried his best to make her feel bad about it. He refused to carve the turkey, refused to make the potatoes, and then got mad at her when she made them. He said that she made them “wrong,” and when she called him out on it, he called her a nasty name in front of myself, my mother, my grandmother, and my step-grandfather.
59. Crying At Christmas
We stopped having holidays with extended family when I realized that one: I had cried two Christmases in a row, and two: My partner has never had any input in how all of us celebrate Christmas together even when it was at our place. It also makes sticking to our toddlers' schedule way easier if you celebrate on your own. I can definitely recommend it.
60. My Cousin Made The Day So Special
I have a crazy cousin who came to dinner after not being invited. She proceeded to yell at everyone because no one brought the “special bread” that her son liked, and now he was STARVING. Perhaps she should have brought her own Hawaiian sweet bread if that’s the only thing her spawn would eat. She then boxed up a large portion of the leftovers and left. She went unseen until the next unfortunate family function.
61. I Can’t Leave!
This year is the first year I'm not going home for the holidays. It's not because of a long-lasting reason, or any bad blood or anything. It’s just because my family is going to Australia for Christmas and New Year's. Me not being a semi-retired baby boomer means I can’t afford to take 2 months off work and fly out to Australia. I’d get fired. So instead, I'll be spending Christmas alone with my cat.
62. Big News
My cousin went into the living room and pulled my grandma aside for a few minutes. We suspected he had just been snorting in the bathroom, so we were all pretty concerned with how this would go down. When we found out, I was as surprised as anyone. My grandma then gathered everyone into the room and announced that she had just found out that she was a great-grandmother to a 6-month-old baby!
Everyone was pretty confused, especially my aunt and uncle, but we all raised a glass in congratulations. At Christmas, another announcement was made. He was NOT the father.
63. A Discrepancy In Price
My husband’s stepmother gave me, a 36-year-old at the time, a kindergarten size backpack. And the sick joke only got worse. When I opened it, she said, “I actually bought that for a kid a few years ago and she hated it, so I threw it in a closet. I saw it and thought you’d like it. None of us did, we all think it’s ugly.” That same year, they gave my three kids gifts totaling all together $15 with clearance stickers on them.
Her biological granddaughter opened a $300 unicorn. Which they made sure we knew cost $300, and then they pointed out to everyone our clearance stickers and what great deals they were. THEN they made my kids leave the room so the granddaughter could take pictures alone with her unicorn. It was the last Christmas we visited them.
64. Thanksgiving Day Melee
I have a rather large family on my father's side. He is number three out of ten siblings. All of the siblings have multiple children, my cousins. I was talking to my female cousin about where she was going to school, and her newest boyfriend took offense to this. Apparently, he thought I was another guy trying to hit on his girl.
Mind you, there were more than 60 people at this gathering. I kindly said, “Hey man, she’s my cousin, don’t worry,” and smiled, trying to be cordial. In addition, homemade moonshine had been going around for about three hours, and this guy was visibly inebriated. He immediately took a drunken swing at me, missed, and blasted one of my aunties in the back of the head. Madness broke out.
Several family members jumped him and began delivering a beat down. My grandmother and everyone else were screaming, and I was caught in the mix. My cousin ended up having to take this poor idiot to the ER. Several family members ended up going as well, due to fighting each other. Dinner never got served because the commotion caused the large serving table to spill over. It was heartbreaking.
65. Why Don’t I Get That?
When I was 12, I bought myself a kindle. Me and my sister spent an entire summer working for our grandpa and stepdad to save up for them, each of us spending about $200. My mom got all three of my brothers a kindle for Christmas and I got some clothes from Old Navy. I was livid, and when I talked to my mom about it, she told me that my sister and I had been excluding our brothers from hanging out while we played video games and it was unfair.
She never apologized or saw anything wrong with what she did, and I honestly still haven't forgiven her almost a decade later.
66. Pass The Picture Please
About a decade ago, my cousin, who was a junior in high school, finally got himself a girlfriend. She didn't come to Thanksgiving, but everyone wanted to see what she looked like. So, he gave us a picture, and everyone had a turn looking at it, made a comment, and passed it along. Most of the men in the family were wasted, and when they got the pic, all of them would say, "Hey, she looks familiar."
They then proceeded to talk about the time they had gotten intimate with her. Of course, it was all meant to be in good fun, but it was pretty classless, and this was my cousin's first girlfriend. He was not really the "fratboy/alpha male" type to appreciate this type of ribbing. He was also the smartest in the family by far. Eventually, he left the state for college, became a doctor, and never showed up to Thanksgiving dinner ever again.
He did show up to a family wedding. All those guys came up to him asking for free medical advice.
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67. The Odd One Out
We went to my dad's side of the family for Christmas like we had done every year for 17 previous years, but because I had turned 18 a few months prior, everyone decided I didn't get a gift from anyone. I still don't understand why. Every other one of my cousins older or younger than 18 got something from someone, and I just sat there awkwardly.
My parents had brought presents for all of my cousins, and those weren't the only gifts they got...but my cousins just simply got nothing for me. It's not like nobody knew we were coming or anything either. I never will understand it. Everyone acted like nothing was wrong.
68. I Was Worried For Nothing
My husband's stepsister got into a massive fight with her cousin in the middle of dinner. I don’t even remember what the cousin said to her first, but all of a sudden, we heard, “Well, you know what else is ratchet, not knowing who your baby daddy is!!!!” The cousin got so mad at her that she proceeded to throw a drink bottle across the table.
It took three grown men to hold the two of them back. I also got my behind squeezed by my husband’s inebriated “bad uncle.” Since it was my first time meeting his family, I was too shy and scared to make a big deal out of it. Ironically, before the trip, I was worried sick they would think I was trash and wouldn’t be classy enough for them. Nope.
69. Rewriting History
I went home for last Thanksgiving and got to hear my crazy stepdad’s theories on why Hitler had lived through the 20th Century and was living in Argentina. For six entire hours. Like, yeah okay, sure, that could have happened if he insists. But seriously why do we need to do this on Thanksgiving and why is it more than a 5-minute conversation?
70. What’s The Point?
My stepdad's uncle used to think it was hilarious to go up to someone eating a slice of pie, point first, then swipe it after they took their first bite, saying, "There's no point in the pie." He would then proceed to eat it or throw it away. This wasn't a one-time thing. It was "his'' joke, and he would do it repeatedly at gatherings and brag about it afterward.
I immediately got into trouble for suggesting that touching my pie would be an excellent way for him to lose his remaining arm.
71. Too Much Stuff
My husband doesn't like to go home back east because his parents are now housing his grandmother, who spends her fixed income on all kinds of garbage. They are literally having trouble keeping the house from being overrun by useless junk due to her hoarding. His brother just got married, but the high cost of living in metro NY means they are also living at home. That place is chaos on a normal day, the holidays are just ridiculous.
72. Don’t Diss My Students!
I was 17 at the time, and my dad had passed in August of that year. That Thanksgiving, my mom, my boyfriend, and I went to visit my dad's brother. All three of us worked in special education with severely handicapped students. It's something I was, and still am, very passionate about. The visit started off with my aunt and uncle calling my much-loved students a burden on society.
They said that their classes were a waste of school funding that took resources away from the "normal" kids who deserved that money because they would actually grow up and be "useful.” Great start right out the gate. Then my aunt's father, who was not related to us at all, showed up and started grilling my recently-widowed mother on when she was going to start dating and if she was going to remarry.
It was by far the most uncomfortable and infuriating holiday I've ever experienced.
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73. You Don’t Like Him, Do You?
Last Christmas, I went over alone and left the boyfriend at home as he had plans with his own family. My family has never liked my boyfriend anyway, and makes a point of badmouthing him whenever he's not around. Well, I had been staying at their house for three days and at around 9PM on Christmas day, my boyfriend texts me to tell me he left his family's home.
I ask why and essentially his "totally reformed alcoholic" mother is actually not reformed, and she's selling her pills to a cousin. He catches her and she told him, “Well where do you think your Christmas money came from?" He gives her the money back and leaves. He's in tears because his mom's a piece of garbage, and now he's spending Christmas day alone.
So, I tell my family I'm going to leave and go spend time with him. They start losing it. Asking why he doesn't just come over, there's a family here he can be with. I tell them: "Because he's not stupid. He knows you don't like him." That starts a whole thing dunking on me for telling him that. It all ends with my mom calling him weak for not wanting to be alone on Christmas.
I desperately don't want to go back this year, but I have a feeling I'll get guilted into it.
74. My Cheezy Cousin
My cousin helped herself to a Costco-sized box of individually wrapped Cheezit packages from our garage. I just happened to notice they were gone when putting food in the fridge. I asked about it publicly, and she locked up, started stuttering, and went to get them out of her car. She returned with the excuse, "I thought these were mine. I have a box just like them at home.”
75. You Can Come To Us!
My wife and I got tired of deciding which side of the family would get us on which holiday, so we decided to stay home for Thanksgiving and just cook for the two of us. We've done that for several years now, and it's wonderful. We'll visit the kids who still live in our state around Christmas, mostly to hand out presents. Out-of-state kids have to either come here or get theirs by UPS, because winter travel is a pain.
76. What Happened To The Bird?
My grandpa had too much bourbon, which was pretty much par for the course with him. But it had huge consequences. He stumbled en route to bring the fully cooked 20 lb turkey to the dining room. The bird shot off the platter, hit the tile floor, and skipped along until it came to a rest against the wall. A barrage of expletives was let loose by Grandpa as we all sat expectantly in the dining room, waiting for the meal to start.
Some 20 minutes later, the dinner did commence, complete with an oddly shaped bird which had recently undergone “reconstructive surgery” at the hands of drunken “Dr.” Gramps.
77. The Annoying Stepfather
Our mother’s terrible husband would always, without fail, make every holiday awful. At Christmas he stood in the middle of the room with a trash bag to grab up wrappings the minute a gift was opened, and then he would vacuum under our feet to rush us out so they could leave for their weekend house. One year, he locked all the doors so the children couldn't get back in from playing.
They're crying, needing to go to the washroom, and we had no idea. He burnt the turkey by turning the oven up to hurry it to being done. Dang, we hated that guy.
78. His Big Mouth Squashed Our Dinner
My uncle noticed that my sister, who was somewhere between 6 and 10 years old at the time, was avoiding an item on her plate. "You haven't touched your squash," he said. She took that as a literal challenge and slapped the watery orange goo with her open hand. The stuff went everywhere. As popcorn ceilings are a pain to clean, we were still noticing little orange flecks from the ceiling years later. My uncle stopped coming to holiday dinners after that—it wasn't worth the dry cleaning bill.
79. You Really Think That…?
The last time I was home for a large family gathering my cousins were having a loud not-so-nice discussion about homosexuals. I, earlier in the day, had a run-in with the local Quickie Mart owner and was talking about how big of a jerk he was. Although my discontent with the man had absolutely nothing to do with his race—he was of Indian descent—my family launched into hours of fun being xenophobic jerks.
I learned a few things that night. One: They think the real purpose of a turban is always to conceal something dangerous. Two: I no longer have any reason to visit home for the holidays.
80. A Friendsgiving Fiasco
A few weeks prior to Thanksgiving, my brother had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I had taken a tremendous amount of time off work to help care for him, along with my parents. I needed a break and to blow off some steam, so the night before Thanksgiving, my friend and I went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands. We had front-row seats.
The concert was three hours from home, and we had made plans to spend the night with another friend and her boyfriend. The plan was to have Thanksgiving dinner with them. We had talked to her on our way to the show, and she was excited. She was prepping and cooking for the big feast. We showed up after the concert with Taco Bell to find them wasted and the entire Thanksgiving dinner in Tupperware.
It was sitting cold on the counter, and she told us to help ourselves. They had already eaten the day before on WEDNESDAY afternoon! Not THURSDAY, the actual turkey day. About a half-hour after we showed up, her boyfriend disappeared. We found out that he was wasted and paranoid and hiding in the bedroom. Later, my friend and I were alone talking, and it took a turn for the worse.
She started crying. She was telling me that she was having nightmares about her ex-husband and that she didn’t think that she dealt with the divorce SIX months prior. Tears were streaming down her face saying, "You just don't know the nightmares I'm having." She was then grabbing my hands every five minutes and repeating, "But you are going through so much."
The next morning my father called and asked if I would have dinner with my brother so they could see some family. I high-tailed it out of their house. It was the last good day my brother and I had before he passed on a few months later. I will forever be grateful for that day with him. You really do figure out who your real friends are and who are the selfish ones.
81. Flaking and Leeching
For some reason, my brother and his wife are super unfriendly towards us and my extended family, including my parents. Just for example, my parents drove eight hours to come see them and they ended up sitting in their hotel room all weekend because he would never make plans or would cancel them at the last second. Note that my parents supported him financially well into his 30s.
Basically, every family function consists of my folks coddling to my brother and having him either blow them off or showing up briefly and being a complete jerk the whole time.
82. Dumped On And Ditched
My mother was in her early 70s. She called my brothers and me a week before Thanksgiving to talk about dinner. I was the first one she called. She sounded tired, so I told her not to stress about dinner, and I recommended that instead of the traditional dinner of turkey, ham, etc., she could just prep a lasagna. She already had sauce in the freezer.
It would be low-key and easy. She thought that was a great idea, and so did I. My mom didn’t have to work day and night over turkey, ham, and all the fixings, and we could just enjoy family time without the stress. A week later, I showed up at my mom's. She had made the traditional dinner AND the lasagna. She made both! I was very confused. Then I found out the reason why, and I wanted to scream.
It turned out my older brother, who was 42 at the time, told her Thanksgiving was for turkey and tradition, not lasagna. At this point, I was surprised and disappointed that she had to do MORE work, and the whole point was less—totally selfish. So, this brother of mine showed up last, without his girlfriend, and he had only one of his three children with him.
We were all happy when he walked in, and we asked him where his girlfriend was. He said she couldn't eat lasagna because it gave her heartburn, so she stayed home with the other kids. Then saw the lasagna AND the traditional supper. He proceeded to lose his mind. He started shouting about how my mother didn't tell him she was making the traditional supper.
He continued to mumble many inappropriate things and stormed out with his kid in tow. My mom started to lose it, toot, and began crying. He closed the door, she stormed out after him and began screaming his name to come back in from the balcony. He didn’t even look back, packed up his kid in the car, and left. She walked back in sobbing.
The look she had on her face broke all of our hearts. A lot of consoling was done that night. We had lots of leftovers, so I was glad I had my eating pants on. I couldn't believe that my 73-year-old mother made a meal to accommodate my brother’s selfish demands and lack of understanding, and he basically dumped all his anger on her.
He never apologized. To this day, he still believes he did nothing wrong. It hasn't been the same in my family since then.
83. Losing Conversation
Even when I was younger, I never felt much of a connection with any relatives other than my immediate family. Most of my family is from the south and enjoy things like fishing, hunting, and farming. Everyone is also very religious, so there's no drinking. I'm pretty much the complete opposite. I enjoy gaming, I'm introverted, and I love drinking.
Each time I'd go down for Thanksgiving all it consisted of was the super shallow small talk: "How is school? How is your girlfriend? How is work?" and the conversation would fizzle out. I've been going with my best friend to visit his family for thanksgiving for the last five-ish years where they all drink, play video games, and poke fun at each other.
It's a blast. I feel closer to my best friend’s family than I do my own. They make me feel so welcome.
84. A Flaming Good Time
My friend didn't have much money, so a bunch of us got together to pitch in and surprise her and her kids with a Thanksgiving meal. We had found out they only had a few sandwiches to share. There were a bunch of our trucks pulling up into her yard and people just bum-rushing her house with food and decorating. At the time, her ex had left most of his possessions behind.
This had the makings of a giant bonfire to help rid her of the painful memories of that said ex who refused to pick up his stuff after five months of notice, including a fiberglass boat. The flames, spirits, and booze were definitely off the charts that Turkey Day. Most people slept in the bed of their trucks and woke up to a high and mighty neighbor calling us trash, but whatever. It was one memorable Thanksgiving.
85. The Seventh Wheel
Last Thanksgiving, my mom told the entire family how she was depressed and felt like a terrible mother because of me, complaining that I had ruined her as a person. I’ve been struggling with mental health stuff for a long time, and they aren’t very understanding. Also, it's my parents, and my two sisters and their partners, with me being like a 7th wheel.
For the most part, I spend the entire holiday being ignored and talked over or snapped at. Either way holidays just make me feel like garbage. I still have to go, unfortunately.
86. Thanksgiving With The Feds
My uncle was hiding in Haiti for years during the Baby Doc days. Somehow, he had snuck back into the country and showed up for Thanksgiving. About 45 minutes later, a bunch of federal agents busted in and took him away. I was around 11 or 12 at the time. They searched the house too and took all my dad's hunting rifles. He was an avid deer and pheasant hunter, and he didn't get them back for over a year. No one ever explained the whole story to me.
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87. Changes In The Family
The last conversation I had with my father was him calling me to tell me he kicked me off the insurance and doesn't approve of me being trans. I told him I'll do what makes me happy and have refused to go see him, despite my brothers both asking me to come with them to visit him. For whatever reason, my mother and her new husband always host super awkward holiday parties, and my coming out hasn't exactly helped.
I can handle Christmas, since they usually invite extended family I can catch up with, but Thanksgiving is just the immediate family and anyone we might be dating. Last Thanksgiving, my brother's girlfriend – the only black person at an otherwise very white party – and my own girlfriend actually hugged it out in solidarity due to how uncomfortable it was.
88. The Cat Needs To Get His Tongue
My dad was in the early stages of Alzheimer's at the time. He had always been a bit racy, but as his condition presented itself, he would say things that were shocking beyond description. One Thanksgiving, we had about 10-12 people over. In the middle of dinner, as he was just starting to develop symptoms, people were talking about a female friend who was going in for surgery.
Suddenly, my dad spoke up, and in a loud voice, said, "What is she going to do? Get her privates switched around so that things will be easier in bed?" He wondered why no one laughed at his joke, then he went back to eating his turkey as if nothing really happened at all. The rest of us made a note to have him see a doctor right after the holiday on Monday.
89. A Ball Of Nerves
My body is made of stress and string cheese. I get very nauseous when I’m not the driver, but I hate long drives. I can’t sleep outside of my own bed anymore, and if I don’t sleep or don’t take my meds, then I get nauseous all day. It’s all a huge hassle to be with people who have infuriating political opinions, and it makes me wish I lived in another body. So, I just... try not to be with them.
90. The Naked Truth
One Thanksgiving, my aunt got inebriated and then naked. She ran down the street stark naked after hitting on my cousin's boyfriend. Her kids saw it all. They were all under the age of 12 at the time. I called Child Protection Services because she tried driving while impaired with the kids. She then cried the whole next day because everyone was mad at her. She's not invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
91. A Pressure For Children
My wife has a disease that makes childbirth complicated. She also has a degree in fine arts. We had to wait a long time to have a child. I told my mom that pressuring us made my wife feel unwelcome in the family, and if I had a perfectly healthy wife with a great career and no college debt, I could have had a child much earlier. My mom is unbelievably dense, stubborn, naive, and insensitive. This led to a major fight at Thanksgiving 5 years ago. I've still not got a solid apology from her.
92. Turning The Turkey Tables
My wife and I had talked about hosting Thanksgiving with other family members that previous July. Everyone thought it was a great idea. We went out and bought everything we needed and spent a fair amount of money. We were both excited about hosting it, as we were in our first house, and it was big enough to host it. We later found out that one of my wife’s aunts decided that whatever we were going to do wasn’t going to be good enough.
So, she went behind our backs and invited everyone to Thanksgiving dinner at her house. Everyone except for us, that is. Naturally, we were pretty upset about it. We talked to other family members and in revenge, they all decided not to go to her dinner, but to say that they were going. She was certainly in for a big surprise that night.
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93. Left Out In The Cold
When I was about 13, like many other teenage girls, I worried about my weight. One dish my family always had for Thanksgiving was candied yams with big marshmallows on top. I opted out of eating the marshmallows. My family's "punishment" was so disturbing I'll never forgive them. They locked me outside on the porch, while I was only in light PJs, standing in the snow.
They enjoyed their Thanksgiving dinner in front of me because the table was right in front of the glass porch door. I was very lucky to somehow not get frostbite, but I learned that day that frostnip can be quite painful. The most crushing thing however is that my grandmother was visiting for that holiday, and she sided with my parents and saw no wrong in this.
She even joined in their later berating. This kind of punishment wasn't abnormal but having someone witness and not care was one of the worst experiences of my life. I don't talk to any of them anymore.
94. Our Invitation Came At A Cost
My aunt invited us all over to her and her family's house, which was out of state, for Thanksgiving, and everything was going to be provided by them. Our family decided to go, and we offered to bring something, anything, just as a thank you. However, my aunt insisted we don’t bring anything. The dinner was good, and it was an overall very great Thanksgiving. But a month later, we got an infuriating letter.
It was from my aunt, proclaiming that we now owed her $75 to cover the cost of the meal. My parents were so upset, as we had just spent a lot of money to go down and see her and had even offered to lighten her load by bringing some of our own dishes. We wouldn’t even be so mad if it weren’t for the fact that my aunt didn’t even tell anyone about this when she was giving out the invitations.
95. Not The Right Gift
My parents would routinely give me "gifts" like chocolate, or some random thing I don't need like a picture frame. Then they'd go, "Oh you're too fat to eat it, you don't want that chocolate, right?" Then they'd regift my "gift" to their friend's kids. My sister who was in middle school at the time got an iPad and a year later, a MacBook.
Yea, I'd rather not go home to a place that constantly belittles me. I make sure I get my sister a good present but beyond that, I'm gone.
96. I Served Up Some Sweet Revenge
Years ago, when electric ice cream makers were relatively new, my wife’s family decided that rather than have people bake dessert for Thanksgiving, we would all instead make homemade ice cream after dinner. We used good ingredients and made some really high-quality ice cream. It was fun, and all of the kids enjoyed making it a lot. But we were in for a huge disappointment.
When we were done making the ice cream, my wife’s aunt put the ice cream aside and proceeded to pull out some low-quality store-brand ice cream to serve to the kids. They explained that the homemade ice cream was only for the adults. The kids just got store-bought ice cream because “they can’t appreciate the good stuff anyway.”
Regardless of whether that was true or not, the kids really wanted to eat the homemade stuff simply because they made it themselves. They were really put out. Tears were shed. I spoke up and said, “Don’t be heartless; let the kids have the stuff they made. Give them at least a little bit.” I mean, in my family, the kids are the focus on holidays.
It’s about the enjoyment we get by seeing them so happy. Anyway, my wife’s aunts refused to listen, gave me a mouthful about how, “You don’t understand, you don’t have kids.” I told her, “Yeah, but I was a kid, and I know how bad I would feel.” They put their foot down and said no, there wasn’t enough to go around; the kids eat the store-bought ice cream.
She said, “If you want them to have some so badly, then you can share your portion with them.” I said alright then, that’s what I’ll do. Because I had a brilliant plan. When I went to serve myself, I got a giant salad bowl and filled it all the way to the top, grabbed six spoons, and then went and sat at the kids’ table, and we all just pigged out on my “portion.”
There was hardly any left, so what did the adults have to do? Pull the store-bought ice cream out of the fridge and eat that instead, sulking while trying to maintain their dignity. It was pretty much angry silence for the next hour until we left. I was worried my wife was going to be mad and tell me off once we got in the car, but instead, she laughed and told me she loved me.
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97. Christmas Alarm
Last time I went home for Christmas, my stepdad told my younger brother and sister to wake him up at seven so they could begin to open presents. So of course, on Christmas morning, they both got up super early, and they waited patiently until seven like he asked them to do before waking the parents up. Unfortunately, my stepdad once again was binge drinking all night.
He was not ready to be up at seven, so he got in a screaming match with my 13-year-old sister, called her names, and pretty much set the stage for one of the most miserable family gatherings I've ever experienced. By the end of the day, he had done something awful to everyone, and Christmas was completely and utterly ruined.
98. This Holiday Needs A Rewind
I was at my wife’s uncle's house for Thanksgiving. It was also their anniversary weekend, so my uncle's wife decided to play their wedding video right after dinner. She looked for a half hour to find the videotape. She finally found it and gathered the whole dinner party, about 25 people, to the backroom area and played the video. That's when my uncle's secret came out.
Right as she was walking down the aisle, when she was about mid-way down, the video went fuzzy and cut to Dale Earnhardt’s funeral. My uncle used the tape of his wedding video to record Dale Earnhardt’s funeral. Everyone froze in complete shock, and I started laughing, I just couldn't help it. It felt like I was in a sitcom, but it was real life.
99. The Hostess Went All Out
When I was 11 years old, my whole extended family and I went over to a mutual friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a very large house, so for most of the night, the children played in the basement while the adults prepared the meal upstairs. Shortly after finishing dessert, someone noticed one detail that changed the night entirely.
They realized that my uncle and the hostess, who was our family friend, had disappeared up into the master bedroom. Mind you, my aunt and the hostess's husband were both sitting downstairs. Every one of us, one by one, went to knock on the door to see what was up, but they refused to come out. I heard some strange noises from behind the door, but I was incredibly confused.
I remember my aunt crying and the husband being extremely angry, but my uncle and the hostess just didn’t come out for almost two hours. When they finally did come out, the hostess was wearing different clothes, and everyone else was incredibly upset. This was always burned into my memory, so recently, I asked my mom what actually happened that night. Her answer wasn't at all what I was expecting.
It turns out that while we children were playing karaoke downstairs, some of the adults were drinking, and getting wasted upstairs. My uncle and the hostess had locked themselves into the bedroom to do some blow and eventually became too paranoid to come out—so they say. We still think they were getting busy up there, but who knows. All of the couples involved are still somehow happily married.
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100. Taking Some Insurance
My dad rigged my car to explode the last time I saw him. He and my stepmom took out life insurance policies on my stepsister and me. That year, I went to their house for the holidays and while we were eating, he went out into my car and loosened up all of the fuel lines. It was a 300zx, so the engine would get really hot. He took off the engine cover so that it was bare metal under the hood.
I caught him outside with the hood up when I went out to smoke. He said he was just glancing around. One day, a few weeks later, the fuel lines popped off while I was driving. The car just sputtered out, thank God, so I jumped out and popped the hood to see fuel had sprayed all over everything. Called my dad to ask what to do.
He told me I had to get the car to his house which was 30 miles away. Instead, I got it towed to my shop and that's where they told me that it looked like the hose clamps were intentionally loosened. I knew that no one else was ever even under the hood. So, I never went back.
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