Sometimes, taking the high road and being the better person is just not an option. Some people just need to be taught a lesson, and getting revenge is the best way to do that. The following people made sure they got even with the people who wronged them, and as you'll see, their motivations are totally justified:
1. Rinse And Repeat
My stepmom was evil. She put two young girls, my sister and me, on diets because we were "fat." I tolerated her because my mom was out on the road working and really needed a place for us to stay and had to leave us with my sister's father. And one day, I snapped. At 12-years-old, I had an idea to mess with my stepmom. Once a week, my stepmom used an expensive conditioning treatment on her hair.
She was 56-years-old and used anything to preserve her youth. I was at my mom’s for the weekend and snatched a bottle of liquid hair remover. When I got back, I dumped out half of her fancy conditioner and then filled the bottle with remover. After giving it a good shake, I put it back. Then I waited. She would use the treatment at the same time each week and soak in the bath for about 30 minutes.
The bottle only called for 15 minutes. She got out of the tub to take a shower. When she stepped out, almost all of her fancy permed hair was falling off her head.
2. Vengeance With a Bow on Top
Crossing at a busy downtown intersection, a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller. Despite his jerk move, she actually had the right of way. I slowed down as I was walking, but the guy next to me straight-up went ahead, stopped in front of the car, then bent down to re-tie his shoelaces.
3. Sense My Wrath
In high school, a guy in my grade always went out of his way to annoy me, even hooking up with my girlfriend. Wanting revenge, I decided to poop in a bottle and then let it fester for a month. It got so bad that when I unscrewed the cap, it fizzed. I poured that into his car’s air conditioner filter on a hot summer day. I watched him get into his car and turn it on.
As soon as he did, he turned up his AC and threw up all over himself and the car.
4. Diaper up
We had a guy in our office take a dump in the bathroom every day after lunch, and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn't listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork, so five minutes before he went in, I took all the toilet paper. That's right. I forced the man to live with a dirty butt.
5. Fine And Sandy
In 1992, I was in second grade. Every day at recess, my friends and I built these intricate sandcastles. When recess ended, the fourth graders came running outside after finishing their lunch. And every single day, one of them came flying into the sandbox with the only goal of kicking down our feat of sand engineering. This happened for weeks.
So, my group of second graders and I found cinder blocks near the woods close to the playground. We stacked two and covered them with sand. After, we took the time to make the structure look like any one of our usual sandcastles. It was pretty demented—and so were the consequences. The fourth graders came out, and one ended up with a broken foot.
6. Lipstruck
A drunk guy harassed me on the subway one night on my way home. About two minutes after his last "freaking stuck up cow" to me, he fell asleep. I made sure he regretted his mistake. I took out my lipstick and drew all over his face. Then I got off and watched him snooze away as the subway pulled out. Idiot. I hope he woke up with lipstick all over his pillowcase and a ticked off wife.
7. Outing Performance
In college, I lived in “The Gay House” with five other guys in a six-bedroom house. One fall afternoon, I came home from class to find my favorite roommate Josh crying in the kitchen. He had just found out something earth-shattering: His boyfriend Kevin was living a double life. They’d been dating for three months. Kevin was a nice, cute guy.
He came to our house parties and movie nights, and we all liked him enough. He told us he was closeted because his filthy rich parents would cut him off if he came out like his older brother. Even though most of the house was fully out, we respected him and were sympathetic to his situation. We lived in the Bible Belt.
“Kevin” wasn’t even his real name. It was Brad. He was engaged to a cheerleader, and his best friends were a group of jerks who had no idea he was queer. Usually, I could have forgiven him as I’d forgiven worse, but he was needlessly cruel to Josh when he decided to break up with him. He laughed at Josh the whole time.
He said he was only using him for his body and he couldn’t stand being with his gay friends and to never call him again. That lying jerk preyed on my friend and actually enjoyed using and hurting him. I decided then that he needed to be confronted. As a tall guy at 6’6 and 220 pounds, I always took my size for granted.
People never tried me when I was in drag despite living in the Bible belt. I went with Josh to confront “Kevin,” but as we walked up to his apartment, it was clear that he was hosting a party, which wouldn’t have been the best time for us to confront him. But that was the moment when my stroke of evil genius kicked in.
We went back home and came up with a plan. Josh had several of “Kevin’s” naughty pictures as well as his clothes. While one roommate was photocopying the pictures, another was creating a website with a giant humiliating picture of him and was printing out “invitations” to the site. I was dressing in drag and got ready.
I wore an old prom dress with blue sequins that were falling off. It cut off right below my underwear, making the whole outfit especially naughty. The ratty blonde wig was from an old costume, and I had six-inch heels size 16 that I found at a sketchy-looking store a few weeks before. I painted myself with way too much makeup but kept my stubble and my leg hair.
We stuffed his clothes, the invitations, and the printed pictures into a large purse, and I went off for the party. But I made one stop at the store to buy a $20 fake engagement ring. I think I deserve an Oscar for my performance that night. His face looked priceless as a seven-foot drag queen barged into his apartment screaming and crying.
The whole place froze as I stormed past everyone into the kitchen to find him and his fiancé. They were by the back door staring in utter shock. I was sure he didn’t recognize me. I sobbed and begged him to come back to me. I described everything I loved about him including all his marks near his junk. My make-up smeared tears turned angry as I started detailing all his secret kinks.
Then finally, his fiancé started questioning me. At that point, I pulled his clothes out of the purse and threw them at him. She immediately recognized them. Then I pulled out the pictures and handed them to her before I burst into uncontrollable sobbing and stormed out of the kitchen and through the living room partiers and toward the front door.
At the door, I stopped, took a long swig from the bottle I brought, and threw a giant stack of "party" invitations all over the place. They had the worst picture of all—him making the "sexy face," wearing the most scandalous undergarments. The invitation was to some weird website my roommate created to out "Kevin." The site included a forum for other people to share ways he lied to them and discuss how much they hated him. Before I left, I did a dramatic final spin.
I then removed and held up the fake ring for everyone to see. I pointed to the other side of the apartment at his fiancé and said, “I see he gave you one of these too!” I threw it on the yard, stormed out, and went home. Later, the roommates made sure to put a website invitation on every car in his apartment complex. Nobody in the gay community saw or heard from that guy again.
Though there were several rumors including one that said he transferred to a shittier school far away.
8. Busted
When the pastor got to the part “or forever hold your peace,” the bride said, “Yes, I’d like to say something.” Then she turned around to her guests and said, “I’d like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.” With that, she threw her bouquet down and stormed off. The story even made it onto local radio at the time.
9. Touchy Subject
I grew up in a suburb where I was the only minority at school. One girl in my class always made rude comments about me like how I wasn’t as pretty because I was brown. But it really hurt me when we were playing tag and she insisted that I had to be “it” because I looked “dirty” with my skin color. She’d crossed a line. I overheard her bragging about getting straight A’s and instantly had a stroke of genius.
For the rest of the year, I would hand in my homework right after her to take hers and throw it away in the washroom. I never got caught, and she ended up getting a D. I smirked when she didn’t get a ribbon at the end of the year.
10. Fly by Night
My wife stayed up late binge watching Narcos the other night and woke me up by being really loud when she came to bed. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was super irritated about it. I mean, just be quiet when you come to bed. You don't have to "THIS IS SPARTA!!" kick the door open, turn on both lamps and the overhead, and then come to bed.
Anyway, I'm a commercial helicopter pilot, and I had a 6 AM flight that morning. So I decided to take a short detour and flew a few laps right over our bedroom to wake her up. When I landed, I had a text from her calling me a huge jerk. Vindication feels pretty sweet y'all. Though I’d like to say, sorry neighbors.
11. Eyeing The Prize
On April fool's day when I was seven and my sister was five, I had a master plan that involved Legos. We played with those tiny bricks for hours. Sometimes we built things. Sometimes we destroyed things. Sometimes our arguments dissolved into us throwing Legos at each other. We’d already been in trouble the day before for it.
My mom told us that we could take an eye out. So, since my little sister could scream or cry in an instant, I took a long brick, slid it between my fingers, then covered my eye with my hand. My sister said it looked like it was really in my eye, so she screamed for our mom. Then I started screaming. My mom rushed over. She tried pulling my hand away to check on it, but I kept my hand on my eye a few seconds longer.
I caught my sister’s eye, and after she nodded, I whipped my hand away, and we both yelled, “April Fool’s Day!” Before we could finish saying “day,” my mom smacked us both with one hand across the cheek with just one move.
12. Your Cheating Heart
My ex cheated on me with a married man. She now lives with him. She is a jerk, but I got the last laugh. You see, I still have the login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show Cheaters. Petty, but it makes me laugh.
13. Chilly Comeback
I was sharing a dorm in college with two of my best friends from high school. I love them like brothers, but we could be jerks to one another. Unfortunately, Chris crossed a line and unleashed the fury within me when he popped the washroom lock then snapped a polaroid picture of me while I was using the john one night. He then tossed the picture out the window of our 13th-floor form for anybody to find.
In the days that followed, I’d learned to pop the lock on our shower door and also set about getting several pitchers of water to nearly freezing temperatures, just cold enough that ice started to form on the surface. I bided my time. I was gonna get him back, and it was gonna be glorious. Eventually, Chris went to take one of his weekly "spa showers" where he would crank the hot water on full and just sit under it for an hour.
I waited for him to hit the hottest temperature then rallied the rest of my dormmates, handed out pitchers of ice water, quietly popped the lock, and opened the door to the shower. In hindsight, we probably could have caused serious harm by dumping ice water on him when he was as hot as he was, but at the time, hearing him scream like a little girl and fall in the shower was well worth it.
14. Penny for Your Thoughts
I used to deliver pizza for Dominos. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to asked what the house looked like and they said "I gave you the address" and hung up on me. They also never tipped. Well, I got to their house and they gave me a check for one cent less than what the total was.
I said, "I am going to need the extra penny.” They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all ticked off and gave me the penny. No tip. This time I came up with an ingenious plan. When they gave me the penny, I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.
15. Lap It Up
When I was in high school, I always had a soda with me in my physics class. And every day, the kid behind me waited for me to stand so he could grab and chug half of it as fast as possible. I came up with perfect revenge. One day, I filled my empty bottle with white vinegar. Then, I put it in my backpack so I could bring it to class the next day.
As usual, I wandered off when I knew he was watching. And he grabbed it and started to chug it. As soon as he did, he ran to the sink and threw up. I laughed so hard, especially when he had to explain why he threw up to the teacher. And my soda stayed untouched for the rest of the semester.
16. Work to Rule
A woman in my town is a Principal at a local elementary school. She is in her mid-70s (at least). I asked someone why she doesn't retire, and they explained that she and her spouse went through a very contentious divorce about 15 years ago and she has to give him a portion of her retirement, so she has decided to NEVER retire so he gets nothing ever!
17. The Smell Of The Ball
In high school, my friend David’s girlfriend cheated on him. But she scratched the car he worked hard for and broke his laptop after he found out. A week later, she threw a big raging party that got a bit out of control. Earlier that day, David and I were with four of our friends eating at Taco Bell and began scheming. We discussed holding in our bowels until the party and releasing them all over her house.
At first, it was all a joke, but the more we talked, the more serious we were about going through with it. David didn't join us as that would've risked us from getting into the party. He did contribute his bowels in a plastic bag. I hid the bag under my shirt and put it behind the fridge. Brett and I upper decked, went in the tank, the two toilets on the main floor. It was nasty.
Matt brought pliers to pull up a corner of the carpet in a bedroom and went there. We're not sure whose bedroom it was. Justin was more adventurous than the rest of us. He hopped into the small utility closet with the central air conditioner and went in there. He told us that he was able to squirt his fudge onto the air filter. The effect of wafting poop was instant and moved the party to the backyard.
I'm not sure our plan was genius, but it was evil and for our friend. It felt good.
18. A Hairy Situation
Okay, this one is pretty gross. Growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist even a little bit. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries, nothing was off limits. Even so, my younger sister was NOTORIOUS for shaving "down there" in the tub.
She was also notorious for not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day, she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to screw off. So, I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
19. Sweet Release
I lived in a former frat house mansion turned boarding house. So, the kitchen, bathrooms, and entertainment rooms are shared between 20 people. Everyone in the house knew who was eating everyone else's food, but we couldn't prove it. So, we baked brownies with a chocolate laxative after work one Friday and left a note. After putting it in the fridge, we left for the weekend.
On Sunday night, we found a third of our brownies eaten and no toilet paper in sight. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Everyone but the person eating all our food. He left a passive-aggressive note that said he was sick of people taking other people’s food too.
20. Revenge Is Sweet
There was this young teenager who cut in line in front of me at the supermarket. When he wasn't watching, I broke his chocolate bar while it was still inside the wrapper. Then things really got good. Later, I saw him bicycling by. He opened up his bar and half of it fell out onto the pavement. He got really furious and I chuckled. It was a good day.
21. Ordered Up
I was working at a pizza place with a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing manager. We did not get along with each other well. He was a jerk and probably didn't like me because everyone else loved me. Well, his biggest peeve was when we left pizza boxes opened on the cutting table before the pizza came out of the oven.
Instead, he wanted us to wait until the pizza was finished, taken out, cut, and then put into the box, which took much longer. One busy night, it was me, another co-worker, and the delivery driver. We were going crazy keeping up with all of the orders happening at once. We had to answer phones while we made the pizzas. The jerk manager sat in the office for the whole rush.
There was a one-way mirror with a full view of the pizza-cutting area. So, to get his attention, I started pulling down and opening boxes on the cutting table. I wanted him to come out running and yelling so the owner would hopefully notice. It worked like a charm. He came out shouting about how I wasn’t doing my job right and whatever else made him mad.
Already frustrated and busy, I started yelling back at him. The owner came out from the back and brought us to his office. I explained how the manager hadn’t been helping and I’d worked there long enough to know what I was doing. The owner looked at the manager and told him that if I quit, he was fired. But that wasn't the best part.
Then he asked me when I was turning 18. I asked him why, and he told me that was when he wanted to promote me to assistant manager. The jerk manager switched stores shortly after.
22. You're Fired
I was 19 shopping with a friend. She was (still is) a smaller person than myself. She was trying on a shirt and needed a size up so i took it back out to find a bigger size. I couldn't locate it so I ask a sales girl if she could help me find a bigger size. She takes the shirt in a gruff way. I ignore it. She comes back with a hat and hands it to me. I say, "Um what's this?"
She said, "This is the only thing in this store that will fit you", contempt dripping from her lips. I'm like, oh I see. I go to the dressing room, tell my friend we need to leave now. She gets dressed. Tries to clean her mess I tell her leave it. We walk out, I go to the register with the hat, it's busy. My friend asks what's up with the hat. I say loudly, "
According to that girl this is the only thing in the store that fits me." My friend, shocked, lost her mind. Because her parents owned the store. That's how I got a girl fired because I was feeling petty. Saw that girl later that week where I worked. I smiled and showed her what customer service should be.
23. Clean Game
We had a teacher in grade school that was germophobic. We didn't really like her, so I came up with a plan. She was always taking things away from us if we played with them in class. I found a bouncy ball and rubbed it in the bottom of the urinal. I brought it to class, wrapped in a piece of paper, and played with it on my desk. Just as I’d thought, she came over and took the ball.
I almost broke into laughter but held it in. Knowing that she also read all the notes people passed in class, I wrote a note and blatantly passed it to someone in front of her. She picked it up and read, “the ball you just took was in the urinal.” She left the room.
24. Falling Flat
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic freaking lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don't know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box.
I emptied the contents of the lunch box. Then I ran over them with my car. Just completely flattened it all. But that's not even the best part. I then carefully packed it back into his lunch box, and put it back for him to find. I felt bad at first, but it was well worth the effort. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
25. Look At This Photograph
My co-worker and I took on a new guy in our office and trained him. He’d only been with us for two months and got approved for vacation while my co-worker and I hadn’t had one in over a year. We’d been there for several years and felt a bit bitter. He already knew about it when he booked his vacation and did it anyway. He couldn't be alone to do the job and needed us there.
Our vacation now has been pushed back even further due to him taking time off rather than continuing his training. We then sought vengeance and told the office that he’d rented an RV to follow Nickelback on tour. We even posted pictures of the band in his cubicle. We photoshopped him into a picture with the band as if he met them at a fan event.
When he came back, he’d taken the pictures and everything well. But when he received customer solutions call with the client asking when what tour he followed, he started getting irritated. But it wasn't over yet. He forwarded a file that he thought was a file. In reality, we’d changed the label and printed the lyrics to one of Nickelback’s songs. He’d forwarded it to the boss…
I can’t wait until he finds all the other pictures we hid throughout his cubicle.
26. Walking on Sunshine
My older brother once threw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor. So, for the next year or so, I would always wait until he would leave the room, and then I would go into his closet and pee in his shoes. I didn't tell him for around 20 years. When I finally did, he said "You little jerk! I could never figure out why my feet always smelled so bad!"
27. Bonus Level Achieved
In high school, this kid was always mean to one of my good friends. He’d go out of his way to bother her. So, I made a fake social account and added him. He took the bait, and I acted interested in him and down to sleep with him when we chatted. I even bought a disposable cell phone to have long conversations with him. While we flirted, he got a girlfriend.
She was in the group that had been mean to my friend. We continued flirting because this kid was a jerk. I had just been planning on wrecking his emotions and making him feel bad, but something much better happened. He was with his girlfriend one day and called me in the bathroom. She overheard him talking to me and calling me "boo" and "baby girl.”
She got very upset but immediately left to go home. She had his password for his socials and signed into his account. She read through all of his messages and saw what he had been saying to this fake girl. There was quite the spectacle the next day. They had a massive screaming match, and no girls would date him for the rest of the school year. Nobody knew I did it, but my friend was so very happy about it.
28. Small Fry
When I was four and my brother was six we were on our way to my great-grandfather's funeral. My parents stop at McDonald's and out of my brother's small fry bag he pulls an 11" fry. Impossible right? He yells to my parents to witness this awesome fry but before they can turn around I snatch it and eat it. He is upset. Whatever.
Cut to 12 years later. My brother and I are at the table and our friends are in the other part of the kitchen. Out of this bag of Wavy Lays, I pull a potato chip that is literally the size of my skull. No idea how this thing didn't break in transit. I'm like, Oh my God! Guys, look at this chip! Before anyone can even turn their heads, my brother reaches across with his right hand and crushes the chip to crumbs.
I have crazy eyes bearing down on him and he simply says, "That's for the fry." 12 years later, he got his revenge.
29. Small Fury
I was in first grade, and we were in an assembly. I had to pee so I asked the teacher nearest us if I could go. She promptly told me to sit down and wait. Ten minutes later, I asked to go again, and she told me to be quiet. So, I sat back down. I still had to go and was just about to flood the room. I needed relief soon. I went to the teacher and told her that I was going to the washroom right then.
She said, “Fine, if your little baby bladder can't hold it, go.” It was a low blow because I’ve been short all my life, and my classmates called me a “baby” or “shrimp” often. Upset and about to burst, I went straight to her classroom door. And I unleashed myself all over her carpet. It was summer, so the heat made the smell even worse.
My mom also taught at my school, so I found out years later that all the teachers knew that it was me who’d done it. Mom was so angry at the teacher for making me wait after I asked three times that I never got in trouble.
30. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold
The wife cheated on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She was the one who filed for divorce, and she got to keep the house. Months elapse and the husband is still furious, rightfully so, but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: "I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?" She did not.
For the next year, he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they're sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 AM. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.
31. Getting Handsy
I worked in a factory where my boss was a jerk. And he was untouchable since his uncle owned the company. He always came down to the floor while we were on break to check our work and used my gloves to do it. This was particularly irritating because the company made us buy our own gloves, and I bought really nice ones.
As it was the middle of summer, I thought it was gross having his sweaty hands in my gloves and asked him to stop. He just shrugged me off. By the third time, I got a completely twisted idea. I put a poison ivy leaf in an old pair of gloves and pounded away with a hammer. I put it in a plastic bag hidden in my lunchbox for the next day.
Sure enough, I came back from lunch, and he had used them. A couple of hours later, he walked over to my machine and had red bumps all over his hands that he was itching like crazy. He told me to show him my hands. So, I did and compared mine to his. Playing dumb, I asked if he used my gloves because I’d gotten a rash. The rash was from my “trip to the club” after tipping a girl.
Without another word, he left and went to the doctor. I hope he told him that exact story.
32. A Game of Telephone
When me and my ex-fiancée were having a bunch of arguments after we broke up, I got tired of her constantly texting me about nonsense, so I called the phone carrier to have them cut off service—to her phone that I paid for—right in the middle of an argument.
33. Take A Note
I lost my full-time schedule to another part-timer after she told my superiors that I wasn’t good at my job. So, I went from over 35 hours to 15 a week. She took my responsibilities and got a pay raise with her promotion. But after I asked for a raise for the same job, they told me they couldn’t because of the economy. I saw red.
One of the job’s responsibilities was to update both training notebooks, put them back together, and then mass-print them twice a year. On training days, the new hires kept them. This task had proven difficult as it took some people two weeks to make them and there would still be mistakes. But I did them in three days. When I handed in my notice, I had mixed up and removed some pages from the original notebooks.
My boss had told me to remove the headers and pages numbers that I added, but I didn’t. This helped my evil scheme become even more diabolical. My original hope was just to make the new person’s life a little more difficult. But I heard that training was chaotic because no one had noticed. This meant that she didn’t check and update the notebooks.
So, she mass-printed a useless 300+ notebook and was fired immediately.
34. By Popular Vote
High school. We were in history class, and I really had to go to the bathroom. A girl was already out and we were only allowed to leave one at a time. Fine. However, this girl often goes to the bathroom then just hangs out and is gone for like 30 minutes. So, after 20 minutes I had to really go. I asked to use the bathroom again. DENIED.
Teacher said someone was out already. I said she has been out for almost the entire class, I need to go. Someone texts the girl, she appears. Looks ticked. Yells at me in the hall. I didn't have to wait long to get a satisfying revenge. See, she was trying to become our homeroom class president. Not really a serious position, but it was leadership for her college applications, and the "debate" was that day.
Our class was about 30 kids. Two people were running: that girl and another. They said their two-minute speeches. At the point where we cast our votes, I had a little group of my friends in the class vote for a third party—a guy she hated. He was elected and she lost a line in her college resume to a guy who didn't even want the spot.
35. Methods Of A Monster
In sixth grade, I was shy. This loud semi-popular kid always, for whatever reason, took my mechanical pencils, removed the erasers, and then ate them all the while laughing like a crazy person. I never understood it. I think she thought it was cute. My meek protestations made no difference—she just laughed even more. I was running out of pencils with erasers. It enraged me.
Without fail, if I had a new pencil, the eraser was gone right after I entered that class. So, I asked my mom for an eraser pen over Christmas break. After I got it, I dropped it in the toilet, peed on it, used tongs to take it out, then put it in a plastic bag. When I saw her after the break, I greeted her and handed her the bag as a “Christmas” present.
Exactly as I’d expected, she took it out and started chewing on it laughing. I just smiled quietly and got back to my work.
36. Two Can Play at That Game
In a previous relationship of mine, my girlfriend cheated on me with some guy we both know. So, to get my revenge, I slept with that guy's girlfriend. We just did it to spite both of them. And it was totally worth it just for the chance to see their reactions when they found out.
37. No Take Backs
My parents are friends with this couple whose son is mean, but when they’d come over, we were expected to play nicely together. Luckily for me, this wasn't that often because he was horrible, but being three years younger and a girl made it worse. I remember once when I was six years old, we were playing in the garden. He grabbed me by my ankles and held me upside down over the garden waste pile behind our fence telling me there were spiders in my hair.
I’ve never been one for screaming and crying but that was terrible. He was always a jerk, but I never told on him. It’s partly because I was scared and I didn't want to be the victim. One evening, he and his parents were over, and we were getting on well enough for once, playing Pokemon Red upstairs in my room on our respective GameBoys.
Not content with being equals, he started boasting about how good his team was compared to mine, had better Pokemon than me, and beat the Elite 4 hundreds of times. But that wasn’t all. He had a Mew. He spun a tale about how he got it from his friend who went to Japan to visit an old man who was the only person in the world who could get you a Mew officially.
Truth or not, he did indeed have a Mew. He told me he got it when his friend did a difficult trading cheat to duplicate it. Eventually, I managed to convince him to do the cheat with me. We went over and over the rules. The trade began, and when it’s nearly complete, he switched his off, and I awaited the trade to finish. Then it happened—a stroke of genius.
I switched mine off, and when we restarted, I had his Mew, and he had a Caterpie. He looked at the GameBoy and then looked at me. I thought he might hit me. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit him, and then he launched himself out of my room, screaming, crying, and rolling around in the hall. Our parents rushed upstairs to see what was going on.
"She did it wrong," he cried. "She took my Mew!" Naturally, none of them understood Pokemon, so when they looked at me with my lip quivering and tears in my eyes, the conclusion was obvious. “Oh, stop crying,” they said, “she's just a wee girl. I'm sure she didn't mean it!” Still crying, the brat screamed at them to make me do the trade again but got in more trouble.
Everyone comforted me, especially my new Mew and that sweet taste of victory.
38. That Was a Breeze!
There was this HUGE idiot in my hall at my all-male boarding school. He always treated everyone like garbage. So, one day, we took his Febreze bottle and filled it with pee. We then sprayed the pee all over his pillow, locker, and opposite corner. So he gets back, smells urine, immediately grabs his Febreze bottle, and unknowingly douses EVERYTHING in more pee.
39. Do You One Better
I was in high school in the 90s. My computer science teacher assigned a project to my brother and me to make a program for teaching and measuring typing speed. The teacher used the program we were made to teach typing in all of his classes as if it was his. So, my brother and I hatched a brilliant plan. We'd make a new one.
The new software was better with improvements based on the original program’s use as well as additional features that the teacher couldn’t be able to pass up. We gave it to him with no incentive other than mere extra credit. But our program had a “bonus” feature. The teacher took care of all of the computers at school. What he didn’t know about our hidden feature was that it took over the machine’s operating system randomly.
It made the machine load a shell operating system and a prompt that read the machine’s contents had been wiped. We made it so that the feature intercepted all commands and only output what we’d wanted him to see. He had to reformat and reinstall the OS on all of the machines at least once a week for the rest of the year. And the best part of all?
Because it happened at random, there was never any pattern that suggested my brother and I had anything to do with it. And the first thing he would re-install when he was done was always the typing program.
40. Ex-Communicated
Years ago, I had a girl cheat on me with her ex. I never told her I knew, but inevitably broke up a week or two later "mutually"... I knew full well she would return to her ex immediately. Well, she did. I was bitter, but held it together. Then a month later, by a complete stroke of luck, I ended up with the ex/new boyfriend’s phone number.
A female friend of mine wanted to help me and posed as his "side chick." She called and texted him every night for a week asking when he was going to screw her again, and saying she "can't wait to see him again when his girlfriend goes to work." I'd listen in to the calls, and every call we'd hear my ex in the background going crazy about it.
Sometimes she'd even answer the phone. My friend did a terrific job. After a week, we decided to up the ante. We drove by her house and his car was parked outside with the windows down. We put a pair of panties in the backseat. A few days later, I get a call from my ex, who had suddenly decided she wanted to return to me. Then I turned her down.
41. Take That Spritz
In grade seven, we had a class right after football practice. We were always in a hurry to get there and didn't have time to put our things in our lockers. So, we left our bags at the side of our big classroom. Well, Sonny always used my cologne while I was somewhere else in the classroom. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. But I had told him to stop before, so now he was doing it just to bother me.
Well, I had the great idea to put my cologne in a new container and pee in the old bottle. I will never forget watching this jerk spray my pee all over himself or the look on his face when he realized that he had doused himself in human urine.
42. Perfect Comeback
A customer of mine who was angry about something absolutely inconsequential said, “I’m never coming back, and I’m gonna tell all my friends!” The owner of the store replied, “Great, I doubt you have many.”
43. Total Lock Out
There was a kid in middle school who made my life miserable. Once, I stayed after school to do a test I’d missed, and I saw that the kid’s locker was wide open with his phone for anyone to take. I thought about destroying it but decided instead, I’d set a passcode. In the morning, I watched him try to unlock his phone. His phone stayed locked every time he tried. Then, the most amazing thing happened.
He became so frustrated that he threw his phone at the wall breaking it. He deserved it.
44. Selective Memory
My mom was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish. They had a week or so to prepare it, then they had to perform it in front of the class.
When she called on them to do theirs, they said: "But we already did ours, we're not doing it again." She said, "You definitely didn't do it, I don't have any record of it here and I would remember it if you had." They simply refused to do it, insisting they already performed it and that it was her fault she didn't take notes or put their scores down.
She was in the middle of questioning herself when one of the good kids came and told her the truth. They hadn't really done it, and they had just been bragging about making her look stupid. They apparently even threatened the class if they said anything. Well, obviously my mom was appalled, but she came up with an amazing revenge plot.
My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, "Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don't know how I forgot!" She then went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, all their word choice flaws, everything. All made up. She failed them all on the project, and they couldn't do a thing about it without admitting they'd made it all up.
45. Heavy On The Sauce
In middle school, there were these two kids who always got into trouble and messed with me a lot. At lunch, one of them started throwing ketchup packets at me. First, I ignored it because they did this to people all the time and the teachers never did anything about it if they stopped in time. Well, he wasn’t stopping. He probably grabbed a whole handful of packets just to toss them at me.
After the fifth one, I took one, opened it, and sprayed ketchup all over his face and shirt. He stood as if to hit me, so I backed away slowly. We both looked for the lunch attendant. We both spotted her, and she was trying not to laugh. So, I won.
46. Surprise Ending
My neighbor's dog poops in our yard all of the time. It wouldn't be a big deal, except he never cleans up after her. I finally had enough, so I decided to go with a classic. I put a flaming bag of his dog's poop on his porch, rang the bell, and hid in the bushes. When he answered the door, I finally got my revenge by having an affair with his wife for the last three and a half years.
47. Fool’s Goal
When I was growing up, I had a best friend, Chris, who would come stay over for a week or so at a time. I rarely saw him, and we lived very far apart, so the extended visits were the only time I spent with him. I lived in a very rural area so reaching my house was difficult. During one of these visits, we were both 11.
I learned that two other boys, our "closest" neighbors, from twenty minutes up the road and sons of a good friend of my mother would be joining us for lunch. With a few days to plan, hundreds of acres of forest, a treehouse, and 11-year-old imagination at our disposal, we hatched our evil plot. These boys were trouble. They were spoiled brats and were the most entitled individuals I had ever met.
The older one, 13, considered himself a "rapper," and went so far as to have his daddy keep his precious "lyrics" in a safe because he was convinced that he would be famous one day. This was the kind of kid who’d take things from other kids. He’d taken my favorite world industries tech deck just because he thought he was a little “thug,” and I’ll never forget that.
The younger one was not nearly as bad but tried to emulate his brother and thus could also be a nuisance of incredible magnitude. Chris and I decided to send them on a "scavenger hunt" of sorts. Their goal was to find us. We hid clues to our location all over the property. We lured them to my treehouse right by the driveway where we’d put a walkie-talkie.
So, as they got out of their car, they heard our voices coming from the treehouse. We weren’t there but watching from a vantage point high in a redwood tree. From there, we explained to them that if they wanted us to come down, they’d have to play our game. They bought it, then went on to fight their way through thick brush to the remote locations where we had hidden clues.
They were covered in pointy thorns and sticks obediently looking for dozens of clues we left for them. Over the next couple of hours, we fought back laughter from our vantage point as we watched them become increasingly frustrated with our antics. They regularly went to the treehouse to plead for us to come down but always begrudgingly went back to the hunt.
By the time they found all of the clues, it was time to leave. We never actually had to interact with them. We watched them climb back into their pristine BMW 5 series covered in thorns, red in the face with frustration, and utterly exhausted.
48. Eh B’y?
My history teacher would spend half the class making jokes directed at the students. One student in particular always took the jokes on the chin and never really made any comebacks. Eventually, the teacher called him out and jokingly lectured him about standing up for himself. He ended his rant with, "You've gotta be a man. You've gotta be like me."
The student replied with the greatest burn I have ever heard. "Well, which one? Do you want me to be a man or do you want me to be like you?"
49. Connecting The Box
I was sick of my roommate using my Xbox 360. He would play it for hours on end and leave it on overnight. Then he got mad at me for shutting it off when I got up in the morning because he hadn't "saved his game." I tried reasoning with him and said to take it easy on such a delicate console as a first edition Xbox 360. He wasn’t as tech-savvy as I, so I tricked him in the best way possible.
I went into the settings and blocked all the ports that the Xbox needed to access the internet. So, when he tried using it, he became frustrated and couldn't figure out why the Xbox wasn't working. He couldn't get it to work, and none of his friends could either. I told him he broke it.
50. Dressed for Revenge
In seventh grade, I used to take home-made lunch to school. We prepared our own salad dressing (lemon juice, salt, oil, etc.), and one kid decided it would be good to take it and drink it before lunch time. I asked him not to, but he continued to drink it, then started doing so in one gulp so I couldn't stop him.
But instead of making a huge deal, I prepared two salad dressings. One that I would actually use on my salad, and another that had all the liquid condiments I could find in my mom's kitchen. It was really fun to see his face as he drank it again the next day. The jerk never took my salad dressing again. I rode that high for a long time after that.
51. Streak Of Genius
When I was a freshman in high school, my friends and I found a big unopened bottle that people had left behind the bleachers after drinking. This was around the time when the grades pulled pranks on the others for homecoming week. On Friday, we had an assembly in the gym to conclude spirit week. The seniors always won. On the day of the assembly, we found some guy off the street who was eager to do whatever for the bottle we’d found.
So, our principal stood at the center of the gym discussing the senior class’s high spirits and participation when a hairy dude wearing only a cape reading ’09 ran past him. The principal wasn’t pleased.
52. Prank King Dethroned
Back when I was studying engineering, it occurred to me to try and find an app on my iPhone for those Panasonic projectors in lecture rooms. So, I got the app and it just let me connect to the one in the class without a password or anything. I have a friend who is one of those perpetual pranksters, so I knew just what to do with it.
I beam a picture of him onto the projector. The lecturer is just talking away and this goofy picture of my friend is on the screen. Lecturer does not realize yet. People in the lecture start waking up and giggling a bit. Now I use the pen function and draw a wiener on the picture, too. My friend was red in the face and trying to hide.
When the lecturer finally noticed, he totally called out my friend: "Michael, why is there a picture of you on the screen?" For a fleeting moment, I actually wrecked that dude.
53. Eat You To It
My cousin’s friend was always really mean to me and picking on me. My mom told me how she’d gotten back at the girl who had been mean to her when she was younger. So, one day when she was being her usual mean self, my mother’s story inspired me. I picked up a leaf on the ground and walked over to the rude girl with it.
I told her to hide it somewhere on her body. Then I took a dandelion with the seeds to “find” the leaf. As I “scanned” her body to find it, I worked up to her mouth. I held the dandelion in front of her mouth and told her to open it. With a smug smile, she opened her mouth thinking I was dumb for thinking it was there. As soon as she did, I jammed it down her throat—white dandelion seeds, stem and all.
She almost threw up. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all upset with me, but my mom thought it was hilarious because she knew how mean this girl was.
54. Pity Puddle
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I'm not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems. At the time, however, it was humiliating. Even worse, my younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued.
So, I decided to level the playing field. The whole "hand in a cup of warm water" deal didn't work. So I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom thought we were both wetting the bed. After a few more times of "framing" my brother as a bed-wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
55. Popping Bottles
I was 16 and had grown up together with my friend. We had always been close, but as we got older, he got more involved in heavier stuff and slowly transformed into Pat the Punk. He started selling, dropped out of school, and became your run-of-the-mill degenerate. One day, his neighbor agreed to buy drinks for a party. I was very excited about it because I wanted to impress a girl I liked from school.
So, we both chipped in $50 for the biggest bottle. The neighbor delivered it to my friend’s place, and we left it on the coffee table while we played video games with his brother. When I came back from the washroom, the bottle was gone. I just laughed and asked where it was. Both avoided eye contact and shrugged. Irritated, I told them that bottles didn’t just get up and leave.
I asked them again where it was. They still claimed ignorance and kept their eyes glued to the TV. By then, I was livid and finally understood the phrase “blood-boiling anger.” But I kept my cool as best as I could then questioned them for another 15 minutes trying to make them tell me it was a joke or what’d happened. With no response, I told them that I could take the hint that they disrespected me that much and left.
So, I decided to learn everything I could about making fake dollar bills. My old printer provided three subpar twenty-dollar bills. I waited a week to let things blow over before asking Pat the Punk for $60 of bud. He didn’t notice a thing because he was always drinking or on something. I left feeling like I’d put the universe in balance by getting even, and I considered our friendship over.
A few weeks later, I heard that Pat gave his dealer the fake bills who then tried to use them at a convenience store. The bills were so bad that the clerk immediately knew and called for officers. His dealer denied vehemently he didn’t know the bills were fake. But the officers still decided to search his car for more. Instead, they found little baggies of white powder and took him in.
His dealer knew exactly who’d given him the fake bills. But my friend had no idea they were fake or who’d given it to him. I never meant it to go this far...Unfortunately, a few nights after his dealer’s bust, two masked men broke into Pat’s house, beat him badly, and looted his house.
56. Mail Order Vengeance
In college, I lived with several guys in a suite. One dude liked to call me "chunky A.” Yes, I was chubby, and I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continuing to lose more. Still, at the time I was self conscious about it and I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more. That was the final straw.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, and information about adult bed wetting. He was not too impressed when the mail started coming in. He accused me of it, but I played innocent. And then I took it up a notch.
I kept it up for two years while he lived there in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place, so I found out where he lived. I then waited a couple of months and started the process all over again. Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail. It was probably the most savage thing I’ve ever done. I have no regrets.
57. Rising Above
When I was in high school, I had a friend who was a grade above me, and we lived down the block from each other. One day at school, I saw him in the hallway and asked him a question about soccer. He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?" and walked off. I blew it off and went over to his house to talk to him about it.
He said, "Sorry, but you’re a junior and I’m a Senior. I have standards." I hated him for this comment. So, I spent a good two months hashing out my plan for revenge. I figured out that his mom and dad loved their manicuring their lawn every couple of days. Then I learned about his most dreaded chore. It was lawn work. One Friday night, I found a deli that made fresh dough for bagels.
I grabbed a trash bag of the dough that they’d thrown out at the end of the day. At midnight, I brought the dough over to my “friend’s” house and threw little chunks of the dough all over their perfect lawn. It was the middle of the summer in the south. So, when the sun rose, those little pieces of dough started to rise like hybrid mushrooms and stuck to the lawn like concrete.
His mother and father came out to go to work and were horrified. They blamed their son and his senior classmates for playing a prank, and he spent the entire weekend scraping all that dough up.
58. Driving Himself Crazy
Throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband concedes in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses. It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours every day in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it, basically making it worthless.
The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.
59. Blend Of You
In eighth grade, I got annoyed with a classmate who was a jerk to me. My mom worked at the school, so I was there after class a lot. I was in my homeroom and came across this jerk’s vocabulary book. It was due tomorrow, and it was clear he forgot it. I looked at the back of the room and saw the construction paper tray. On top was orange construction paper, which was the same color as the vocabulary book. I knew what I had to do.
I left the book hidden on top of the construction paper. An hour later, the jerk came into my mom's classroom where I was after school waiting for her, and he was bawling his eyes out because he couldn't find his vocabulary book. He told me he'd get detention if he didn't finish the assignment due the next day. With the best poker face that I've ever pulled off, I told him I hadn't seen it and left him to his misery.
He found it the next day after it was too late and was so confused.
60. The Missing Piece
My roommate and her SO loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. After I found out she canceled our lease, leaving me one week to find a new place to live, I threw away 1 piece of two different puzzles they were working on. Before you ask, she was able to do this because I was 17, and not able to actually sign a lease.
61. Job Badly Done
I used to work for a large multinational company. The entire IT department of over 150 people was told their jobs had been outsourced to Costa Rica via HP. Oh and we had to train our replacements. The particular IT function I used took me a year to learn, and I'm not stupid. There were seven of us in the IT department. We had two weeks to train our replacements.
Most of the time, our "replacements" were there, they stayed glued to their screens watching videos. We explained many times to those who listened or cared that these people weren’t getting it and didn't care they weren't getting it. They thought we just wanted our jobs back. Six weeks after we had been laid off, each of us received a semi panicked/plea-full call from the company essentially begging for help.
HP had let the requests back up to over six times what we normally had in the queue after our team left. Well, we all got together for lunch to discuss the next move. I already had a new job. So, I recommended they all call the company back to go help but only if they paid them handsomely. Three of them were brought back as contractors for three years making over three times than they made as employees.
62. Not Your Average Loophole
My uncle is a divorce lawyer and represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup, and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well, she decides to build a house right behind the other house. Mind you, this was a lot of land, probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so the back of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built, and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the situation he had somehow gotten himself into. Apparently, his ex-wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. His plan was brilliant.
Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out, he would yell "Susan you [curse for a female dog]! Get in here!" He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,"Susan! Quit pissing on the flowers!" or "Susan you! Quit digging in the dirt!" The ex-wife called the authorities on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan.
63. Sticky Move
I was in college and living in a fraternity. My room was at the base of the stairs where guys routinely got hammered and loud. It annoyed me to no end. So, I decided to get back at them in an ingenious way. I unscrewed all of the shower heads and filled them with butterscotch candies and then screwed the heads back on. The candies took about five minutes to melt, which meant that shortly after I heard the shower turn on, I could hear the cursing begin throughout the house.
64. Keep Your Friends Close…
A girl on my softball team antagonized me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches. We were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry, and she wasn't. So for a while, I let her copy my homework, then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
65. Test Of The Senses
Between college and law school, I lived in a three-bedroom house with two sorority girls. In December, I told them that I was taking my LSAT a few weeks in advance and reminded them a few times. Still, they went ahead and completely disrespected me. They decided to invite all of their friends over the night before my test. There’s a lot of drinking, and it got really loud.
I'd asked them to keep it down because I just wanted to sleep. But by four in the morning, I was furious. The party was coming to an end, and I heard some of the guys say that they didn't need a blanket while they stayed for the night in the living room. So, I went down the hall and turned the thermostat all the way down. But I wasn’t finished yet.
I pulled the knob off, threw it on the yard, and went back to sleep. When I was walking out the door a few hours later, all of the guys were huddled in the living room. One of them asked me why it was so cold, and I just laughed and left to take my test. I didn’t feel bad for a single second.
66. Smell the Roses
My friend was getting married, and she tried to get me to pay for everything on her behalf as her wedding gift. Unfortunately, she was a complete jerk to me during the entire planning process. So I canceled all the orders for everything. She ended up buying fake flowers and the ceremony was a train wreck. She got the Aisle 5 wedding she paid for and I got to save money on a dress.
67. Can’t Even Say
While working at my serving job, a little girl asked for a Sprite. I told her, "sure thing." On my walk back to the kitchen, I remembered then that we only sold Pepsi products and used Sierra Mist instead of Sprite. I brought her the Sierra Mist without saying anything because she's just a kid. She won't notice, right? I came back later to check up on them and asked if she'd like a refill.
She said yes. I laughed devilishly in my head knowing she had no idea she didn't get a Sprite. The fool. She had no idea. I get a rush just thinking about it.
68. They Say TV Doesn’t Teach You Things
My sister said some pretty mean things to me in front of my friends when I was younger. I really didn’t take it too well, and knew I had to get revenge. So, I put a slice of bologna in her Walkman CD player. I got the idea from Cory in the show That's So Raven. If you ever read this, thank you very much, Cory.
69. A Grinch Too Close
My kids were behaving badly just before Christmas, and before I had time to think, I said, "If you don't behave, I'll throw away your Christmas presents!" The threat worked, but not for long because they called my bluff. So, after I had to scrub the marker off the walls, I decided to follow through with my threat. I wrapped an empty box and put it under the tree.
The next day when they did something naughty, I threw that box away. Not only were they good that December, but every Christmas season since.
70. Paging Dr. Prankster
Boss paged me on my wedding night. He did it as a joke, but it came at an...inappropriate...moment. We had a "page only if something's on fire" policy, so I had to call in even though I had just gotten married and was about to go on two weeks' vacation. When he answered, he laughed so hard I just HAD to do something about it. But I took it way too far.
So when I got back, I programmed the mail servers to call out on their phone lines and hit his pager with dial-back numbers for phone “girl” services. At 4 AM. Every day. His wife got this pager before he did one time and saw a text message with something like, "I loved how you described how you would screw me, Jerry. Call back when your wife's gone for the day."
Wife was NOT amused. She thought he'd been calling girls and tore him a new one. He knew it was me, but he was too stubborn to ask me to call it off. So it kept up for weeks until he finally figured out where the script was running from and used it to page me instead. We had a back-and-forth pager battle for a while, but then it all messed up when an actual data center emergency happened and one of us ignored the page, thinking it was the other pranking him. That ended the fun.
71. Slippery Soap
As a prank, I put baby oil on the shower floor so when my little brother got in the shower, he would slip. I was young and didn’t think of the possible consequences of my actions thoroughly. Luckily, nothing happened to him because when I got in the shower, I slipped, and hurt myself. I’m glad that I learned my lesson.
72. Big Talk
I was showing Cosmos in a break between classes and one kid seemed particularly enthralled by the tardigrade, so his witty friend says, “Small minds are amused by small things.” The kid got his revenge. He retorted, “Why do you think I hang out with you?' The whole class went bananas and even I went over and high-fived that kid.
73. Friendly Neighborhood Repairman
Dad ended up in a one-room apartment downtown after the divorce. The location was close to the arts district, so visits during the day were nice. But nights got pretty loud. Rent was cheap, so they were favored by the local undocumented workers who’d stay in groups in one apartment and liked punching holes in the wall. Dad liked the area and the rent. But he got into it with his neighbors.
At night, they liked to drink and have loud parties showing off their strength by punching the walls. To cope with the sound, he boarded his window with plywood and hung heavy quilts over the door. My sister and I didn’t see him do that very often. I kept my pet corn snake there. When his neighbors saw me carry it in, it got Dad a lot of respect.
No one ever tried to break into his apartment. But Dad couldn't stand the holes in the apartment walls. They took a long time for the apartment manager to repair. So, Dad had to fix the holes himself and keep them fixed. He filled a board full of long nails. When there was a new hole in the wall, my dad made a whole production out of putting the board of nails into the wall then patching it up while his neighbors watched.
My dad told them that each time someone punched a hole, he’d add a new board of nails. The holes stopped appearing!
74. Special Delivery
My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.
After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s Really Important, it’s my Northface.”
My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her. When she opened it, she must have been so angry.
The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.
The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn't have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
75. Meaningful Exit
Before officially submitting my resignation, I wrote a code in the program that in three weeks after my final day would mess with parts of the system. After compiling and integrating it into the network, I removed the code from the source then gave everything to them. I didn’t create the program. I merely took it over. My replacement would need at least a couple of months to figure out how the whole program works just as I did.
In the meantime, they were using a broken program with no way to figure out the source of the problem.
76. Good Godiva, Man
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question by replacing the good chocolate with little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies.
The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives gone, and then from that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again.
77. Handling It
In the third grade, my English teacher refused to correct my test score. The scantron machine would mark answers wrong even though you filled the right bubble. So, I figured out that filling in between two lines at the bottom of the scantron made it so every answer came out wrong. The mark is subtle and hard to notice. I did it for every test and encouraged my classmates to do the same.
My teacher had to grade all of those tests that came back with a grade of zero.
78. Horrible Bosses
I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out.
Happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But the story has another twist. Unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it's part of the foundations of an office block in London now.
79. My Ten Cents
My first roommate in college was highly inconsiderate. She’d used my things without asking, played the same song on repeat for hours when I was trying to study, left food to rot in the fridge that I’d bought for us to share. After a while, I found out that she was very superstitious. She believed in the power of dimes. She thought that when she found them, spirits were present and watching her.
So, I started to leave dimes everywhere—on her desk, the windowsill, the elevator—all the while denying any involvement. She was so spooked that she moved to a different building.
80. Butterfly Kisses
When I was in 7th grade, the startup my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a crazy CEO. While at his house, my dad observed the CEO's toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. He picked her up and told her to give her dad a kiss. Oh, don’t worry, she totally did it.
81. Insider’s Only
When she was five and I was three, my sister was the evil genius. She caught me praying for my stuffed animals to come to life. So, she took it upon herself to position my toys frozen in the middle of various activities whenever I was asleep or not in my room. For days, I caught my stuffed animals doing fun things without me.
It not only made me believe that my prayers were answered and stuffed animals were given the gift of life. But now with the power to think, they decided that they disliked me so much that they would rather freeze and waste this magnificent gift than to have to suffer through even one minute talking and playing with me. She just watched and laughed as I cried and pleaded to my toys to be my friends and to just give me a chance.
82. A Sharp Lesson
In grade school, I kept a bag of chips in the same pocket, every day, in my backpack. This kid I knew would punch that pocket any chance he could for five days in a row. But I figured out a way to make him pay. One day, I replaced the chips with a bag of sewing pins. He never did it again. Sweet sweet justice.
83. In Your Face
I had a nasty roommate in college who used my things and ruined them like my nice frying pan, dishes, and some towels. My hand towel was the tip of the iceberg for me because she used it to smear her gobs of makeup off thus leaving me with a pitifully stained towel that angered me to the core. In comes the dirty towel. My boyfriend and I used that towel after doing the nasty.
I wasn't expecting this to work, but after replacing my towel with this dirty towel, which didn’t look it, I came back to find the next day there were gobby makeup stains all over the towel!
84. Keep This Under Wraps
I worked in a fish factory most summers when I was in my teens, and there was a boy who also worked there one summer who was a jerk and a harasser. Myself and another girl were his main targets, and he'd pelt us with really disgusting verbal harassment that was inappropriate and race-based in nature, since the other girl mixed-race.
It got so bad, he would even yell his insults over the factory announcement system whenever he didn't have enough work to keep him busy. To make matters worse, the foreman refused to get involved...so we took action. One day, we finished work before he did, and spotted his car out in the parking lot. We looked at each other deviously.
We went back into the building, got several rolls of toilet paper and a packet of menstrual pads, and "decorated" the car with them. The car was seen by many of our co-workers, some of whom also witnessed the decorating and cheered us on. Once he got out, he just stood there, blushing and embarrassed and wondering who could have done this to him.
He was very subdued at work after that and the teasing nearly stopped entirely, I hope because what we did made him realize what it felt like to be on the victim's end of all the teasing. Best thing about it was that everyone, including his own brother, knew who had done it, and no-one told him. Clearly, this was an overdue lesson.
85. Back For More
In fifth grade, my friend who sat in front of me stuck his hand behind him whenever I had snacks. I was happy to share but got annoyed when he stopped asking and just stuck his hand out. So, instead of candy, I dumped pencil and eraser shavings in his hand. He knocked it back and instantly started gagging and spitting.
86. Call on Me
When I was a kid, I attempted to call my aunt. For whatever reason, I accidentally dialed a 6 instead of a 3 and this man cursed me out for being a telemarketer. I was so stunned, I didn't even hang up initially. My petty revenge was giving the number to all my friends, and for about 2 weeks we called him every day at all hours.
87. Remotely Diabolical
I was at a party in high school with my girlfriend. It was her birthday but merged with another girl whose friend was this really rich kid, so we all drove over to his house. Once we got there, we just hung out, played pool, and did other teenage things. But the rich kid's younger brother kept coming down to bother us.
He had an Xbox controller and a headset on but wanted to ask his brother something. He got mad and then stormed upstairs. So, we're sitting there just talking, and I noticed the Xbox controller on the ground. A terrible, evil idea popped into my head. I took it and pressed the middle button down for a couple of seconds. Then I pressed up twice and then A, erasing anything he hadn’t saved.
We all heard a scream seconds later, and he went into full tantrum mode. I immediately hid the controller and walked away. He came down so furious but never figured out who did it.
88. A Classic Move
This was my best revenge. I went through an awful divorce. My ex-wife cheated on me, told lies about me, and all throughout the divorce I took the high road and was there for my kids while she disappeared off the face of the Earth. Her birthday was only a couple of weeks after the divorce was final. As the kids were young, I was a good guy and purchased several presents from the kids to her. Then I got one special “gift” just from me.
Among the gifts, I bought a necklace with a big red “A” at the end. Her first name is Ann. I had the kids give that to her and she wore her scarlet letter all around town. Most people in our town knew what she had done, and some were even aware of the necklace. Yup, I made my adulterous ex-wife wear the scarlet letter.
89. An Apple A Day
I lived next door to a horrid family in Sydney. They made everyone around them miserable by taking what wasn't theirs, damaging property, and making threats. Our houses were down the street from the train station, so there were always a lot of people walking by at the end of the workday. One day, I was eating an apple. The two girls next door were sitting on their front step, and one was also eating an apple.
With the neighborhood’s bad reputation, people walking through were often wary. A timid-looking girl was walking by carrying her briefcase. When she was close enough, the girl threw her apple really hard and hit her in the back. The poor girl screamed in terror and ran down the street. I looked at my bitten apple then chucked it as hard as I could at the girl sitting on the steps.
It hit her right on her head and exploded. I quickly jumped back so they could not see me struggling not to laugh while they freaked about where the apple came from.
90. It’s Quittin’ Time
About four years back, I started a new banking job. All was well, just that the management was pretty strict with timekeeping, which was weird as we were back office. My experience was in a similar field at another bank, and we had flexible schedules and received time in lieu. But rules are rules, so I followed them. I learned my tasks and got to know the wider team.
Anyway, about four months in, I started to realize my senior manager didn’t like me. I’m pretty assertive as a person, and I do know how to stand up for myself. He hated it. I would speak up during the meetings, ask questions, give suggestions, and so on, while the team would stay quiet. Then came the nightmare week that everything went south.
I was working overtime, which was (obviously) unpaid. On Thursday, I did nearly two hours of overtime. On Friday, I thought I’ll leave a few minutes early as I was done for the week. My manager was off. I left 10 minutes early. On Monday, I come to work, and I got called into a meeting straight away. There were three of us in the room: myself, my manager, and my senior manager.
Our conversation went as follows: My manager (MM): I heard you left work early on Friday Me: I did. I left 10 minutes early. MM: Did you ask for permission to leave early? Me: It was 10 minutes. You know I did about 4 hours of overtime last week. Why are we having this conversation? Senior Manager (SM): Because you left early without asking for permission. As a senior, you should be setting an example for the rest of the team.
Me: Is this a joke? SM: Your working hours are 9 am to 6 pm, not 9 am to 5:50 pm. You shouldn't leave early without asking for your manager or my permission first. Is that clear? Me: Got it. It’s perfectly clear. I listened and started coming into the office at 9 am and leaving at 6 pm on the dot. At first, they didn't realize what was happening. But the week after the meeting was the last week of the month.
And let’s say the last week of the month was…intense. Especially the final day. The reports had to be completed, signed off, and submitted before the month's end. We covered multiple jurisdictions and would deal with Southeast Asia in the morning and the Americas in the evening. Our team was “expected” to work overtime due to this.
Here comes Friday, the last day of the month. Showtime! I’m at my desk at 9 am sharp. Most of the team have already been at the office for at least an hour. I, of course, have a cup of coffee from the cafeteria because I was a bit early. My manager looks at me and raises his eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. Work work work. Break time (we had two 20 minute paid breaks and 1-hour unpaid lunch).
I’m the only person to go on my break. Lunchtime. Everyone was eating at their desks, while I go to meet my friends for lunch. On the second break, I once again leave my workplace and go for a short stroll around. Back to work. About a quarter to 6 pm, I get a call from one of the senior managers in the US. She needs the report amended.
There were four of us on that call. I’m doing the amendments as we speak and closely monitoring the time. I see it’s two minutes to 6 pm… One minute… 6 pm. SM2: *rambling about the report* Me: apologies, but I have to stop you right here SM2: yes? Me: It’s 6 pm here. My day is over. SM2: Huh? Me: As per my management, my working hours are 9 am to 6 pm, so I must leave now. Have a great weekend, and we’ll catch up on Monday!
I logged off, got my coat, wished everyone a great weekend, and left. It was 6:04 pm. Both my manager and my senior manager were dumbfounded by what has happened. Looking pale, they stare at me in disbelief. It was a glorious sight. I wanted to apologize to my senior manager that I wasn’t able to leave at 6 pm on the dot, but I thought that would have been way too passive-aggressive, so I just left.
I relaxed the rule a bit after a few months. Yet, I never did more than 30 minutes of overtime. Ironically, once my stakeholders understood that I will not be available for 10+ hours, they started collaborating earlier in the month. I would have most of my reports done and submitted by the last day of the month. It actually all worked out REALLY well for me.
91. Parental Intervention
My sister and I once applied for a summer job. I was in charge of dropping the applications off to the company one day. I got there after a 40-minute commute. It was closed, so I just drove back home. My sister was mad at me for not dropping them off regardless of the circumstances. She told me she was going to go there herself and drop her application and not mine, since I didn't do it right the first time.
My parents found out about this and made her drive a second trip to drop off my application as well, since she was being petty and wouldn't take it the first time.
92. Name Calling
In my senior year of high school, everyone wrote down their name on a piece of paper for a raffle. The prize was nothing great, so I convinced two tables of my friends to write “Phil McCracken.” With about 20 entries, the principal picked Phil’s name then repeated it many times before the vice principal could stop him.
93. Call On Me
A few years ago, I went to the doctor's to make an appointment. I had to go to the pharmacy next to it, so thought I'd pop in instead of calling. The receptionist tells me they can’t take walk-ins (I didn't want an appointment then anyway), and can only take bookings over the phone. So I stood at reception, got my phone out, and called the number for the phone right next to her.
I made eye contact with her the whole time as she answered the phone and booked me in.
94. If the Shoe Fits
Being the youngest brother, I would only get hand-me-downs. My older brother rubbed it in my face that he got a brand new pair of PF Flyer shoes after The Sandlot came out. Every day, I would stuff the toe of the shoes with tissue paper, adding a little more each day, until he thought he outgrew them. Got slightly worn, PF Flyers, after about a month.
95. Dirty Play
My babysitter was the sweetest until she waved bye to my parents and shut the door. It was summer and hot with Georgia humidity being what it is. I was stuck for a weekend with her and her bratty daughter, Tracy. She was slapper always going for my face with either a clawed hand or a mouthful of saliva.
She was a year older than me and had the benefit of mommy always taking her side and then punishing me for fighting back. I finally decided after being spat on all morning that I couldn't take it anymore. So, I spat back inducing a scream from the mean girl that would make one believe I’d slashed her face. Her mother came rushing out from the rear bedroom where she usually read romance novels and didn't actually babysit.
Her daughter spun a tale about how I just “out of nowhere” spat on her. And she obviously didn’t spit on me! I’d just done it without provocation! Having heard enough, her mom yelled at me to go outside. So, I did as I was told. The babysitter said that she was going to let us watch a movie, but since I “wanted to act ugly,” it was going to be just the two of them.
They were going to sit in the back room with the AC on blast watching a movie while I sat outside alone in the hot backyard. I could see through the window. I saw them cuddled up while the movie played. I strained to hear the music and the dialogue but couldn't make out much. The window was filthy. After about 20 sweaty minutes, I couldn't fight the thirst anymore.
I rapped on the window lightly, and they both jumped. Angrily turning to me, Tracy stood close to the window. I mimicked drinking something and asked if I could come in and have some water. "I'll bring you some in a little bit!" the mom shouted and closed the curtains so that I could only make out blocky shapes and the dim, blinking light that was the TV.
And they turned the volume up really loud in case I'd wanted to protest. I hopped off the trash can and turned my attention to the old dog that really didn't like people anymore. I stared at her sniffing around and watched her take a watery poop in the grass. Then it struck me. I plucked some big leaves from a tree and picked it up. I walked carefully and quietly to the back of the AC unit.
I smeared that poop all over the grates that I assumed air filtered through to get into the room. I was right. It didn't take too long for them to notice. Tracy got up and looked over the bed as though she might find a fresh pile on the floor. Seeing nothing, she laid back down, only to get up again a little later. She gave the floor a more thorough look.
I could hardly contain my glee, and I really didn't have to since the volume was up so high. They stood and hit pause while I ran to the broken swing set as if I'd been there since the curtains had shut. The babysitter called for me and, for a moment, I thought I was in trouble. Instead, a fat hand with a cup of ice water poked out of a sliding glass door, and I drank it with an unusual amount of satisfaction.
She let me come back in not too long after that. I asked if we could watch the movie. She bitterly said, "no." She had to bring her pillows and stuff to read her book in the living room.
96. Lawyer For A Day
So this is about five years ago. I worked as a chef at a bakery, and it was my job to make everything but the baked goods. Every morning the Baker and I would walk in at about 4 am and knock out all the food needed for the day. This would leave me ready to go home around 10 AM or so. This put us at the perfect time to deliver online orders.
It was common for companies or other entities to place large catering orders with us. The baker and I would split them down the middle and deliver them on our way home. The delivery in question was for Bob, Dick, and Harry, Attorneys at Law. I have never delivered to BD&H before, but they were a regular of sorts. Every financial quarter, they would hold a huge meeting.
This meeting would require roughly $700 of bagels and bagel accessories. This spread included eight dozen bagels, all ten of our flavors of cream cheese, pastries, brownies, and enough coffee to power a college dorm though finals week. My passenger seat, entire back seat, and entire trunk are filled with food. Now, BD&H is located on the ninth floor of a commercial skyscraper deep in an industrial complex downtown. Parking was non-existent.
There were meters outside the building, but I knew I would need close to ten trips to deliver all this food, and didn't have a lot of change on me. Company policy was to just pay whatever fines I needed to park and then turn in my receipts. The money would end up on my next paycheck. So the building has its own parking garage, so I pull on in. My problems start here.
The security guard, let’s call him Sam, stops me and says that the parking garage is for employees only. I happily show him my delivery invoice, and offer him a bagel (never leave the store without at least two extra). Sam refuses the bagel and says I can park in one of the guest spots on the bottom floor. The fee is $5 for every 30 minutes, minimum $10.
I thank him and head to the bottom floor of the garage. So there are a total of six guest parking spaces. Just six. All of them are taken. I head back up to talk to Sam when I see an open parking spot reserved for Bob, Dick and Harry, Attorneys at Law. There are cars in every spot, with many spots being reserved for employees by name. The last spot is empty, and is reserved for "Guest of BD&H."
Perfect. I pull on in. I grab the most important part of the delivery (the coffee) and head to the stairwell. I get into the elevator and hit the button for floor nine. Then another wrench in my plan comes. The elevator asks for my employee ID card. Well...crud. So, I try the lobby. That works. From there, it's nine flights of stairs until I am outside of the Bob, Dick, and Harry office.
After introducing myself, I am shown to the room where the meeting will take place. A table is set aside for me. I set down the coffee and head for trip number two. That is when I see Sam talking to the receptionist. At this point, I realize I’m in big trouble. He runs over and starts shouting at me. "I am putting a boot on your car. I told you to park in guest on the bottom floor!"
I don't get a word in before he launches into a speech about security and how I could be hurting his building or people. That is when a very well-dressed man walks over. It so happens to be Bob, the Bob of Bob, Dick, and Harry's. Bob asks what is the problem and soon the two are arguing. Bob: He is delivering food for my meeting. He is allowed to use my parking spots.
Sam: Those parking spots belong to the building. You are leasing them like you lease this floor. I am the one who says who can park there. He isn't an employee so he isn't parking! Bob had the perfect response to this. Bob: Then I am making him an employee! Sam: You can't do that! Bob: ... ... ... You know what. You are right. Harry! Harry! get over here.
Harry walks over with an amused look on his face. Bob: Harry here is the head of our HR department. Harry, hire this boy. Harry pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles, "He is now a member of Bob, Dick, and Harry's" and signs it, then asks me to sign as well. I do so. Bob reaches over to the receptionist, who is already grabbing some things.
Bob: Here is your employee badge, your -PARKING PERMIT- and your elevator key card. Now please, do the job I have -HIRED- you to do, and deliver my bagels. Sam looks on in utter fury as I ride the elevator down to my car. Seven sweet, sweet elevator rides later, all the food is delivered. Bob and Harry meet me at the table. Bob: Now, you have made great strides in this company and I am proud of your work, but I feel it is time for us to part ways. Here is your final check.
Bob then hands me a crisp $50 bill. Harry: And your severance package. Now please be sure to return your badge and card on the way out. Harry hands me a $20 and sends me on my way. The receptionist is sure to validate the parking ticket that Sam gave me, and I head on out. On the way out, Sam grins at me and asks for my ticket. I place it in the machine in his station.
It sees the validation I got, and lets me out for free. Sam glares at me as I drive off into the late morning sun.
97. Pay It Backward
Now this was a couple years back when I was in college. My friend, we'll call her Susie, and I were both going into our second years. So was her boyfriend Brad. So, Susie finds out that she has herpes. The only guy she has ever been with is Brad. Naturally, she is devastated to find out he's been cheating. We find out that she is not the only one he passed it on to.
There are in fact at least 5 other women we find out about. What's more, we find out Brad has known that he is positive and is still going around hooking up with people and saying that he is healthy. Basically, his attitude is that someone gave it to him, so why would it be wrong for him to spread it too? Yeah, Brad is a jerk of epic proportions.
Susie is just devastated and can't get out of her funk and what she now has to deal with health wise. Now, there is an urban legend where as revenge a woman hid, I think, shrimp in her cheating SO's curtain rods when she was forced to move out of their apartment. This story has been featured on many shows about urban legends. It just so happened to come on late one night when me and Susie were watching TV.
It gave us a truly devious idea—Brad would regret ever meeting her. The only problem was, Brad had 5 roommates. So no way that was going to work. But wait, Brad has a car. And Brad is too broke to afford a new car any time soon. She knows the door code to unlock the vehicle and I just so happen to know how to remove certain vehicle panels to access holes in other panels that it would be impossible to get shrimp out of.
Plus, he worked the early shift on Wednesday. Lucky us, it's Tuesday night. So off we go to the store to buy the clearance section of meat and seafood out. We're talking ground beef, shrimp, imitation crab meat, various kinds of fish and deviled eggs. Oh, and during this lovely time of September, our little town was experiencing a triple digit heat wave. So off we go in the middle of the night, when it’s still 90 degrees out, and get to work.
Luckily for us, Brad lives in an apartment with no security cameras and other tenets who don't care about two women working on a vehicle at 1 AM. Sure enough, the door key code still works. So we pop out these little covers on the door’s panels that access the interior of the door. In go the tiny little shrimps. Then we remove the plastic panels from the wheel wells, and in goes some ground beef and deviled eggs. Next was his lift gate. Anyway, you get the idea.
We put his car back together and off we go. Over the next few days, the smell just got worse and worse. The apartment complex manager asked him to move the car off the grounds because of the smell. Our town also has some mean feral cats that roam around, they just loved hanging around his car. So not only did it stink, but he risked being attacked by some mean feral cats. He would have to always have the windows cracked open at least a little.
Best part is, Brad and I have the same major. So over the next three years, I saw him a lot. He became notorious for his horrible smelling car. He couldn't afford to replace it, no one would buy it, no matter how many times he had it cleaned, the smell remained, and no one could figure out where the odor was coming from. Even if they had figured it out, most of the panels would need to be completely replaced because the only access is tiny holes.
To this day, people still ask him about his car on Facebook. Like, if he says he will pick people up, they ask him if he has a new car. Nope. Still the stink-mobile. He currently works at Starbucks, so that thing isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Kind of like his herpes. I like to think of this as my ultimate Sherlock Holmes-level petty revenge/prank. I will never top the awesomeness of this one, it was my masterpiece.
98. Trouble Spot
Back when I was little, we lived across from a popular public pool on a tiny street, so parking was premium. We had issues with people parking across our driveway, but we were close with the pool owner and would get him to ask over the loudspeakers, and whoever parked the car would come over, apologize to us, and move.
But one day after coming home from school, I saw somebody had the audacity to not park in our driveway but inside our garage. My dad was dumbfounded. We went over to make the usual announcement. Then this woman in her 30s came stomping over in a huff and said she would fix it when she had finished her exercise routine. So, my dad just parked behind her, and we went out for dinner for a few hours.
She was mad, but she didn't learn her lesson and kept doing it two to four times a month! Eventually, my dad stopped caring about parking her in and let her out at his leisure. It wasn't our problem just hers. She even called officers on us. They just told her not to park on private property and then wrote her a citation. Then one morning, she had the gall to park us in our own driveway. Dad had had enough.
He made sure she was doing her laps, grabbed a coat hanger, jimmied the door open, dismantled the passenger seat, and left it on the curb by the pool exit. He then waited on our front deck, sipping his tea as she came out of the pool to get her car. She walked by the passenger seat without a second glance. Scowling at him as she got in her car, she did a double-take as she went to put her bag down.
She freaked out, realizing that my dad had had access to her car the whole time. She ran over, grabbed her seat, put it in the trunk, and drove off. We never heard from her again.
99. Paying the Price
I started in a new job two years ago and hated a guy who kept joking about me, so I got his phone number and announced his PS4 was for sale for like 50$. The same day during lunch, he was already nuts because of the calls.
100. Nickle And Diming
This happened a few years ago, I was working at a large national chain restaurant as a manager. I was asked to temporarily re-assign to a location in a city about an hour away, and accepted...they put me up in a hotel, the whole nine yards. The first weekend I was there, I discovered that the general manager had screwed up and not ordered any change (small bills/rolls of coins) for the safe, and that the local branch of our bank would be closing in the next hour.
I also happened to have a personal account at the same bank, and had, in the past, gone and gotten change from the branch back home. Since time was tight, I quickly looked up the address of the bank, grabbed $800 dollars, and jumped in my car. I get to the bank, wait in line, and then ask them to make change for me from the bills.
The teller tells me that the bank doesn't make change. Me, thinking it was because they didn't know me, informed her that our restaurant had an account she could look up. Her reply made my stomach clench. She then told me, "No, we don't make change at all." The thought going through my brain was, "What the heck? You are a BANK!!!" I tried explaining the situation, but was quickly shot down.
I left and went back to my car. Then I had an idea. I went back inside the bank with my personal checkbook. Got to the front of the line, and (luckily) had the same teller. Before she could even greet me, I held out my checkbook and told her, "I would like to close this account, since this bank is no longer customer service oriented." She kind of rolled her eyes, but went about my request.
Then she asked how I wanted my cashback. An automatic response, I'm sure, but it was one I was counting on. I said, "$400 in $5s, $300 in $1's, $70 in rolled quarters, $25 in rolled dimes, $4 in rolled nickels, and $1 in rolled pennies. The rest can be on a cashier's check." No reason for her to deny it, so I got my change. And the following Monday, I returned, closed out the other two accounts I had there, and I opened accounts at a different bank where I have been banking ever since.
101. Watching The Clock
In my last job when I started, I would log in as soon as I got there, and if I had anything to finish up I would do it before I left. I didn't mind as I'm a team player. This resulted in me doing 20-30 minutes a day unpaid, but I liked the company and liked a clear desk. Fast forward two years and my father-in-law was terminally ill. We got a call from the hospital telling us we had to get there ASAP as he didn't have long left.
I told my manager and left at 3:45 (core hours were 10-4). The next month my pay was docked for a whole half a day. I had already made two hours extra unpaid that week but they told me they couldn't make exceptions and the extra I did was my own decision. Allllrighty then! I knew exactly what I had to do. After that, I came in on the dot and left in the dot.
I did this for five years, I worked to the letter of my contracted hours. My manager was talking to a new starter and in my earshot she told him she hated “clockwatchers” who left on the dot as this doesn't show company loyalty. I leaned over and replied that loyalty works both ways, and being docked half a day’s pay for attending the passing of a beloved family member when I'd already done more than my weekly hours was cruel and unfeeling.
So I show the company the same level of compassion they showed me during the roughest time in my life so far. After all, rules are rules and exceptions cannot be made. The new starter started on the dot and left on the dot, as did the whole staff. I dread to think how many extra hours they lost over the whole department over the next few years.
102. Keep Your Friends Close…
I suspected that my wife was cheating on me with a co-worker. I confronted both who responded by calling me a jealous husband. They were just best friends and I needed to understand that. So, I befriended him, became his workout partner, and learned everything I could about him. I’d even invited him to my dinner table.
Physical revenge was often considered, but neither he nor she was worth me spending a life sentence in prison for. I played dumb. He was a bodybuilder and taking steroids. He wasn't incredibly smart and had just barely gotten through college. And he was working minimum pay jobs while he worked towards his true desire.
He was applying for the firefighter school in our major metro city. If accepted, it would be a lifetime job for him and a career he’d wanted since he was young. He talked often during our workout sessions about how much it meant to him. I have had countless EMS and fire department contacts through my healthcare career.
He also knew I was knowledgeable about medicine. After he started to ask questions about steroids, I made sure to give him just enough info to have him want to ask me more. I then made sure he started emailing me his steroid questions. Ironically, he used an account that even had his full name in the address.
After a private investigator confirmed the affair, I moved my plan into action. So, when I was ready to leave my wife, I contacted several of the FD officers who sat on the review board. I gave them the emails from one of their candidates admitting he was using substances and lied about it during the interview process. He was slated to be a part of the incoming class as he’d done quite well. But he was rejected.
I used my contacts in the EMS community to make sure that he’d never be accepted to a major fire department within a 200-mile radius. He and my wife took my dream marriage, so I took something that had just a profound effect.
103. Getting Real Salty
This story is from a dinner party I hosted. I invited six folks and shortly after the invites were sent, I received a call from Sally. Sally (not her real name) advised me that she was now on a "salt-free diet" due to medical reasons. She advised that at home she cooked without any salt and gave me a speech about how wonderful salt-free life was.
I was skeptical and advised her that I would personally find it difficult to give up all salt. Was she sure she wasn't just on a low sodium diet? Sally advised that unless her dish was salt-free, she wouldn't be attending. While telling her no was an option, I'm not that person. Honestly, I was annoyed at Sally for years of being difficult at the dinner table and restaurants.
Trust me, there was always something wrong with her meal, or its preparation, or the flavor, or the waiter, or...So with a smile so large you could hear it through the phone, I assured her that her request for salt-free was 100% going to be accommodated. She would end up regretting it. On the dinner night, I prepped the meal. Sally was getting the same thing as everyone else, with one critical difference.
All of her food was prepped in separate containers, baked on separate racks, and seasoned with exactly the same flavors, sans salt. Dinner time and my guests arrive. I have all of Sally's food plated on white plates. Everyone else gets grey plates. First round: Appetizers. Fried calamari with a lemon jalapeno butter sauce. This dish typically has salt in both the batter and the sauce.
As Sally couldn't have that, I battered her calamari in salt-free seasonings and flour. Her condiment looked exactly the same but was made with unsalted butter and no added salt. I place Sally's plate in front of her first and she immediately states she asked for salt-free. I assure her that her dish is salt-free and I made sure to cook hers separately and even used a different colored plate to keep it straight.
We all sit to talk and enjoy the squid. Sally takes a bite and makes a face. Mine has no flavor! She exclaims. All of my other guests tell Sally it's divine, delicious, best they've had, etc. I smile at Sally and assure her that her dish was flavored exactly as everyone else. The only difference is that she received absolutely no salt. It's at this point that Sally has a moment of clarity.
It's painfully obvious on her face. She realizes she can't complain about the lack of salt as she's already told the table about her salt-free life. She also can't claim it tastes terrible if everyone else is raving about the food. She literally looks like she was about to cry at the table. As my guests enjoy their dinner, Sally is slowly doing the toddler plays with her food munch and pushing her calamari around the plate.
After a few moments she reaches for the sauce that I made for everyone else. “Sally! Be careful, the salt-free sauce is in the white bowl. That one has salt.” She mumbles something about wanting to taste the difference before literally dumping the bowl on her calamari. She then exclaims how much better it tasted. You and I know that, of course, things taste better with salt.
So this drama repeated itself over the main course of honey roasted salmon with pine nuts. I also am no heathen and had both salt and pepper on the table for my guests. I'm not going to judge you for needing more flavor. Here we go! Sally takes a bite of her fish and once again realizes that it has no salt. She reaches for the salt shaker and conversation stops.
Another guest asked Sally if she was okay with adding salt to her food. She says that she can occasionally have salt. She proceeds to shower her fish with salt sprinkles. I also baked some cookies for dessert. The dough uses a little salt. I made sure to whip up a separate batch of cookies wrapped to go for her. Salt-free of course! When I handed her those cookies, the look of defeat that hit her face warmed my heart.
Dinner is over, everyone is happy except for Sally. I called her the next week to make sure she was okay as she's consumed sodium at my party. Sally told me her doctor has removed her sodium restrictions and she won't need that accommodation at future meals. On the phone, I congratulate her on her good health. When I hang up I laugh until my sides hurt.
Salt-free life apparently doesn't taste good when the salt is actually omitted!!! To anyone on a low or no-sodium diet for their health, I commend you. Sally, however, wasn't actually on this diet. This is evidenced by her shock at how salt-free food actually tasted. I confirmed with her husband that she's never stopped using salt at home. Her salt-free claims were a ploy for attention that backfired tastelessly.
104. While You Were Away
I was living with a friend of mine, and this girl who I didn’t know that well. We became friends and started hanging out. I ended up getting into a car accident on the freeway and had to move home. It took me a few days to get back to pack, and when I did, most of my stuff was missing. I was furious and upset about it. The girl told me my friend had people over who'd maybe taken things.
While she was gone, I stopped packing to go into her room and snoop. I couldn't believe my eyes. This girl had taken over half of what was in my closet and hidden it in her room. She had everything from my CDs, antique perfume bottles from my grandmother, down to socks and bras. I was livid and packed the stuff that she was trying to take from me.
With more garbage bags, I grabbed all of the clothes she had hanging up and anything else I could find. I lit it all on fire. She called me franticly and said her things were missing. So, I told her the people who'd taken my stuff must be responsible. Once she knew she'd been caught, she threatened me and told me she was going to call the authorities.
I told her to go ahead because they wouldn’t have found anything.
105. Sounds Wrong
My uncle is a deputy sheriff, and one time, he was at an airport speaking to my aunt over the phone in Spanish. Once he was done with his call, some nearby Karen who overheard him went up to him and started demanding to see his green card. Huge mistake. My uncle decided to mess with her and said he didn't know what a green card was.
He told her he had never even heard of it. She became more upset and kept demanding to see it. He messed with her more and then eventually went, "Well, I don't have a green card, but I have this," then brought out his wallet and showed her his badge. She immediately walked away while my uncle just kept laughing at her.
106. On Repeat
At my last "real" job before striking out on my own, I had an exit interview with the HR lady. Well, actually, she was just someone who was friends with the company president who was filling in, because the actual HR lady with a degree in the field had quit. As it happened, a lot of people at this place quit. It was a terrible place to work.
Management was out of touch with delusions of grandeur, limping along and building websites for a business niche that consisted mostly of old people who thought the Internet was magic. During the exit interview, this woman asked me why I was leaving. I told her I liked my co-workers a lot but I hated the company. Her reply made me deeply uncomfortable.
She got this exasperated look on her face and seemed genuinely upset. She then told me that she'd been getting that same line from everybody else who quit and had their exit interview recently. It boggled my mind that she could hear the same thing over and over again from so many people and yet they still haven't stopped to think that they should change something.
107. The Mother Of All Pettiness
I had my graduation from engineering on the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with choosing the date. But you couldn’t convince my mom of that. My mother said I "ruined her birthday"—and then she got a cruel revenge. She scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is in March, mine is in August.
108. Eat Your Words
A while ago I decided to treat myself to some Burger King. I was having a bad day and had a headache coming on. So I was waiting in line at the BK, when suddenly this woman comes in with a monster of a child. He was out of control, screaming, punching his mother, throwing things around. The mother didn't pay any attention to him and he continued yelling, "I want a PIE."
My headache turned into a full-blown migraine. I calmly turned and asked if she could please calm her child down. Immediately she got up in my face, telling me to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around, when the child cried out again how he wants a pie. I then decided to ruin their day in the most devious way I could think of.
When I got to the front of the line I asked the person at the register how many apple pies they have left. They told me and I bought all of them. I ate one and made sure the kid saw me throw the rest in the trash.
109. It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding
When I was 13, so eight years ago, my dad remarried after divorcing my mom four years before. Before the divorce, his fiancée had been his mistress. My mom is completely better off without him, and ignoring the fact that I wouldn’t exist, I don’t think she should have married him in the first place. Even if I think my parents weren’t a good match, that’s no excuse to cheat on your wife.
Even worse, this new woman was horrifically vile in all sorts of ways. She constantly belittled me, made fun of the fact I needed to take pills for my mental illness—despite her being a freaking pharmacist—and was generally awful to my siblings and me. But she was a decade younger than my dad and reasonably hot, so he didn’t care at all how she treated us.
The one time he actually listened to us about her is when they were thinking of having a baby, and my brother said he’d ask our mom to sue for full custody of us if they did. So anyway, they got married. I was a bridesmaid, cause that witch had no real friends. The other two bridesmaids were her sister and my sister. My brother was the best man because she didn’t like my dad’s best friend.
He and my dad still don’t talk to this day, even though the guy was like an uncle to me as a little kid. It was a wedding, though, and everything went normally at first. But at the beginning of the reception, before the first dance, we were taking pictures in front of a chocolate fountain, looking like the happy family we never were and would never be.
I’m on the autism spectrum and have a problem maintaining eye contact. This extends to looking at a camera. So when we had to retake a photo because I wasn’t looking, she leans down and whispers something in my ear. I’m not going to repeat it, but it involved the r-word. I don’t like saying it. I snapped and decided she was going to pay for this.
No one noticed—or at least no one called me out—when I started slowly moving the chocolate fountain towards the edge of the table. When it got to the edge, it makes contact with the back of that pure white wedding dress and slowly drips down. By the time she notices, it looks like she’s pooped herself. But for all anyone else knows, this was an accident.
She has no spare dress, and that stain is not coming out. So first dance, cutting the cake, speeches, everything, this woman has what looks like a poop stain on the back of her dress. It was a small revenge, but it was so worth it. What’s supposed to be the happiest day of this stupid woman’s life, and she’s going to remember that stain every time she thinks about it.
They never did get the stain out. And nobody knew it was me. Until now, I guess. Hi family, if you’re reading this. Suzie, you’re a witch and you deserved that chocolate stain.
110. The Sins Of The Father
When I was 15, my mom started dating a man she met on a dating website. I didn't like him the first time I met him, and two months later he moved into the house. About three weeks after he moved in, he took my skateboards, self-built half pipe, ramps, BMX bike, ice hockey gear, and many other things to the dump one day while I was at school.
He said he did this because he didn't want all of my stuff cluttering up "his" garage. Maybe two months later, he punched me in the stomach for the first time because I got up from the dinner table without asking to be excused. From there, it escalated into full-fledged beat-downs for the smallest perceived slight to his authority. One day, he decided to take my extensive Pokémon card collection, even more extensive comic book collection, My Game Boy, and PS2 with all the assorted games, and my fantasy and sci-fi book collection and got rid of it all because "15 year old boys should be playing football and baseball, not being a nerd playing with Pokémon cards and reading comics and books."
I would like to add that he was a middle school teacher, and in his off time refereed and umpired local middle and high school sports games. My mom never intervened, and in fact acquiesced when he demanded that she stop giving me lunch money, because "the little jerk will just spend it on comics and other gay stuff.” One day, I took maybe $3 and change out of his change jar so that I could buy a slice of pizza and some fruit punch during lunch at school, because I was tired of being hungry.
My twin sister was always a bit of a jerk, and frequently blackmailed me into doing her chores from a young age. I was fed up and refused to do something, so she told him what I had done. His retaliation was breathtaking. This man actually called the authorities and pressed a larceny charge against me, and once the officers had left, he proceeded to beat me senseless.
At that point, I ran away. When officers found me and returned me to my home, I found out that he had been trying to talk my mom into sending me away to military school or something of that nature. I ran away again, and between having run away several times and the larceny charge, I ended up turning 16 in juvenile detention. I spent the next couple years miserable and afraid, frequently contemplating suicide.
Once I was out on my own, I didn't speak to my mom for several years. We eventually reconciled, and by that point they had married. I was a lot bigger than I had been as a young teenager, and had gotten into weightlifting, so he no longer acted like he was going to punch me to make me flinch, much less actually hit me. We basically avoided each other for the most part.
Then my mother found out that she had stage 4 cancer, and no longer wanted to waste any of the time she had left with him. She had a lawyer draft up a separation agreement whereby he would receive a set amount of money upon separation, and would have 45 days to retrieve his belongings from the house. A while ago, he had spent his entire inheritance in six months and then had to sell his mother's house that he grew up in in order to settle his debts shortly before they started dating.
My mother bought the house back from the bank before they married. She allowed him to keep the house and he moved back into his mother's house. My mother passed about nine months after their separation, and despite the agreement she had been allowing him to come and get his stuff piecemeal. I put an immediate end to that. He was past the deadline to remove his personal effects and they were now mine to dispose of as I saw fit. So I got sweet, sweet justice.
I sold his baseball card collection (around $14k) and his autographed sports memorabilia (roughly $11k) and also sold all of his woodworking equipment, along with several finished pieces of furniture that he had made ($6,500 I think). I kept his mother's engagement ring (platinum band, three diamonds, roughly two carats), wedding band, his coin collection (I also collect coins) and some tools and other odds and ends. Now comes the real fun.
Around a month ago, I finally saw him at the grocery store. As he was leaving, I approached him. I told him I had sold his collections as he was pushing his cart out towards his car. He reacted exactly as I expected. He took a swing at me multiple times. I already had my phone ready to dial 9-1-1. Several of these punches missed and the ones that did connect didn't have much effect because he's nowhere near as strong as he was 20 years ago in his forties, and I am no longer a skinny little 15 year old.
He continued to try to punch me as I spoke to the 9-1-1 operator, and was actively ramming his grocery cart into my new Toyota as the officers pulled into the parking lot. He was charged with assault, communicating threats, and destruction of property. As a result he lost his job (and pension) at the local middle school, and because he had never learned how to save money while married to my somewhat wealthy mother, he ended up having to sell his mother's house.
My nephew, who was on the football team, made it well known to his friends that he not only had just been convicted of assault as well as other charges, but that he had also beat me as a child, causing several parents to call for him to resign from refereeing and umpiring for local sports games. My niece and my girlfriend's much younger sister are enrolled at the middle school where he worked, and say that he was not only universally disliked, but when he came up to the school to get his belongings, he made a big scene and ended up crying as he was leaving.
At least that's what they've heard from the kids who were attending summer school at the time. His son, who he was equally abusive towards as a child, refused to take him in or help him out, so he ended up having to take a job as a cashier at Wal-Mart so that he could afford the rent on his little trailer in an absolutely awful neighborhood.
Even though that Wal-Mart is not the closest Wal-Mart to my house, that is now the only place where I go grocery shopping or to purchase anything that I need. I purposely stand in line longer than I need to just so that he can be the one who has the pleasure of ringing up my purchases. The first time I went through his line, he attempted to ring up multiple items more than one time to overcharge me.
When I called him on it, he said that I was mistaken. I asked for a manager, and the manager believed him that it was an accident, but he learned that he can't get away with that. The second time, I made sure to be as nice as possible and had to ask for a manager because he was overwhelmingly rude. The people in line behind me backed me up and he got in some trouble for that.
Every time I go there and step into line, I see him die a little bit inside, and it gives me such satisfaction. Sometimes I'll say that I'm paying with exact change, and as I'm about to hand him the money I'll say "Oh! I didn't realize I had (rare coin from his collection) in my pocket! I guess I'll use my credit card." I just sold his expensive ratcheting wrench set, and so on Monday when he works again I'm going to go buy my daughter one of their better above ground pools, and as he's ringing it out tell him, "I know that (daughter) is just going to love this pool. It's not like I would have ever used those expensive ratcheting wrenches anyway."
Sources: Reddit, ,
