Your Boss Is Demanding A Morning Coffee, Or Else. What Do You Do?
Sometimes, a toxic workplace doesn’t announce itself with shouting matches or public humiliation—it sneaks in through smaller, subtler demands. A reader recently shared that their boss told them: Bring me coffee every day, or I’ll mark you as “non-collaborative” on your performance review. It’s the kind of situation that sounds almost laughable until you realize it’s a genuine abuse of workplace power. In this article, we’ll break down why this is a red flag, what your options are, and how to protect your dignity without blowing up your career overnight.
The Coffee Ultimatum
Picture it: you show up, ready to tackle your actual job, and your boss says, “Oh, and by the way—bring me coffee daily.” Not as a friendly request, but as an or else tied to your performance review. It instantly changes the power balance between you, turning a casual workplace favor into a coercive demand.
Why This Feels So Wrong
It's not really about getting the boss his morning coffee. It's about the power dynamics at play. You're being manipulated and used as cheap labor for no reason. You're working in a toxic environment that's only going to get worse, the longer it goes on.
Understanding The Red Flag
This isn’t just annoying—it’s a classic toxic workplace move. It's a huge red flag that you might want to consider working somewhere else if nothing is being done about the boss's behavior. Personal favors don't equate to workplace performance. Get out if you can't get the boss out.
Is This Even Legal?
Most workplaces require that your performance evaluations are based on your actual job performance, not the whims of your out-of-line boss. The behavior is most likely illegal, and if not, then it's most certainly against the company's HR policies.
When Favor Requests Cross The Line
We all pitch in sometimes—grabbing coffee for a colleague on a busy day is normal. But when a personal errand becomes a condition for advancement or fair evaluation, that’s coercion. A healthy workplace separates friendly gestures from job requirements, and yours should too.
Why Power Plays Matter
Small abuses of power rarely stay small. If you accept this quietly, what’s next? Picking up their dry cleaning, running personal errands, or covering up mistakes? Allowing this behavior sets a precedent that can open the door to bigger, more damaging oversteps in the future.
ANTONI SHKRABA production, Pexels
Recognizing The Manipulation
You're being manipulated. They're using language like, "collaboration" to attempt to get your compliance with their outrageous and juvenile demands. You're not the office coffee fetcher nor should you be made to feel like you are.
How This Impacts Your Work
Your work is important and your time is valuable. You shouldn't be wasting work time by grabbing your boss a coffee whenever he demands it. The shareholders of the company you work for won't be happy that productivity is suffering because the boss is being a tyrant.
Step One: Document Everything
Whenever your boss tells you to grab them a coffee, make a note of when it happened, including the date and time. This documented proof will be invaluable later on. Save emails or instant messages that reference the request. Even casual comments can matter later if this escalates and you need to prove a pattern.
Step Two: Check Your Job Description
Your job description likely doesn't include "personal assistant" duties. Don't let your boss bully you into doing things that aren't outlined in your job description. You're allowed to simply refuse to perform those tasks and he can't fire you or make your life miserable.
Step Three: Know Your Rights
Personal errand running is not allowed under almost any company's HR policies. Your boss isn't allowed to use you as his personal errand runner, no matter your position in the company. You likely have a very strong case with the company's HR department.
C D/peopleimages.com, Adobe Stock
Step Four: Seek Allies
Check in with your co-workers to see if they've experienced this sort of tyrannical behavior from the boss. If you're new, they may be picking on you to assert dominance, or some other petty powerplay. See if your co-workers would be willing to stand up for you.
Step Five: Approach Calmly
Before escalating, consider having a calm, private conversation with your boss. While you shouldn’t have to explain why this is inappropriate, sometimes starting diplomatically can resolve misunderstandings—if this truly was a one-off thoughtless request.
What To Say To Your Boss
If you don't want to be too hostile in your approach, you might say: “I want to make sure my reviews reflect my actual work contributions. Can we keep personal favors separate from performance evaluations?” This strikes a delicate balance between being civil and non-accusatory, while remaining firm that you're not the office's coffee fetcher.
If They Double Down
If your boss insists this is “part of being a team player,” that’s not just a misunderstanding—it’s a willful misuse of authority. This response signals the problem runs deeper than coffee and may be part of their overall management style.
ANTONI SHKRABA production, Pexels
Step Six: Escalate If Needed
If the direct approach fails, take your documentation to HR. Frame it as a concern about fairness and inappropriate evaluation criteria, rather than a personal complaint. This keeps the focus on company policy, not personality conflicts.
The HR Conversation
Stick to verifiable facts: “On multiple occasions, my manager has said my review will be impacted unless I bring him coffee daily.” Avoid speculation or insults. The cleaner your case, the more seriously HR will take it.
Step Seven: Decide On Your Line
After HR responds, you’ll have a decision to make. If they handle it and the behavior stops, great. If they dismiss it or side with your boss, you’ll need to decide how much more of this environment you’re willing to tolerate.
Is This Grounds For Quitting?
It can be—especially if it’s part of a larger toxic culture that undermines your dignity or mental health. Nobody should have to endure a work environment where their worth is measured in lattes delivered.
But Don’t Quit On Impulse
As tempting as it is to storm out, it’s smarter to line up another job first. That way, you leave on your terms and avoid the financial stress of sudden unemployment.
When Quitting Makes Sense
If the situation continues after you’ve raised it, HR refuses to help, and you’re seeing other troubling patterns—like favoritism, gaslighting, or retaliation—then quitting might be the healthiest choice for your career and mental well-being.
When Staying Might Work
If the problem is addressed quickly and your boss respects the new boundary, you may decide to stay—especially if you otherwise enjoy your role and the company culture.
Production Perig, Shutterstock
How To Mentally Protect Yourself
Even if you stay, remind yourself that your value lies in your skills and results, not in fulfilling personal errands. This mindset helps you keep perspective when dealing with difficult personalities.
Red Flags For The Future
At future jobs, watch for managers who blur personal and professional boundaries early. If they hint at personal errands during interviews or onboarding, that’s your cue to reconsider before accepting the role.
Building Workplace Boundaries
Setting boundaries is about mutual respect, not being difficult. By clearly defining what’s acceptable, you protect both your time and your dignity, ensuring your role stays focused on what you were actually hired to do.
You’re Not Alone In This
Many professionals have faced similar overreaches from bosses. Speaking up not only helps you but can pave the way for a healthier workplace for others, too.
The Big Takeaway
Performance reviews should never be tied to unrelated personal favors. When that happens, you have every right to set limits and push back, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
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