August 6, 2019 | Eul Basa

Men and Women Share Their Definition Of A Perfect Partner

Everybody's definition of the perfect partner is different. We all have different likes and dislikes, which means what we are looking for in a mate will inevitably vary as well. However, there are some things that tend to be thought of as essential needs in a romantic partnership, things like trust, loyalty and undying love. Our definitions of even those most basic aspects of a relationship are not always black and white either.

In the end, what we seek in a significant other depends largely on who we are as people and what we want out of life. The following answers to this seemingly simple but actually quite complicated question are ones where people share many of their deepest desires, often going into detail about what they want their partner to be. Some are pretty specific, but hey, if you know exactly what you want, why not go for it?


Don't forget to check the comment section below the article for more interesting stories!

#1 The Importance Of Being Considerate

I never really believed in soulmates until my wife died at 37 years old. We were married for eight years and dated four years before that. Needless to say, when she died, I was crushed. Looking back, I realized that although she had medical issues, we had a perfect marriage. There was no fighting or harsh words between us. We knew each other and put each other's needs before our own.

We talked, we shared, we trusted. I put her happiness before my own, and she did the same for me. We were considerate of each other's goals, dreams, and feelings. I would go back in time and do it all over again, even if it still ended the same way. Our situation was never perfect or ideal, but we were perfect together.


#2 Lean On Me

I need someone who's not afraid to rely on me when they need to. At the same time, I need to be able to rely on them when I need to. It needs to go both ways—a relationship without trust will never last. In a big way, relationships are partnerships, only there are feelings and emotions involved. You don't want to mess with that.


#3 Silence Is Golden

I need someone who I can share comfortable silence with. Sometimes, you just want peace and quiet; alone time with your own thoughts. I don't think I can survive with someone who isn't able to bask in the silence. As an introvert, there are times when I just need to retreat for a while, so I need someone who understands that.

#4 A Shoulder To Cry On

A woman who is strong so I can sometimes cry in her arms for no reason. And let her do the same of course. One who's down to do some dumb stuff just for the sake of experimenting. One who's curious about what's out there. One who just understands me. I'm not made to go through this alone.

#5 How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends?

I need someone who is my best friend as well as my partner. I always believed that your best friends could make the best partners. As best friends, you probably know each other inside and out. You share similar hobbies and interests, and you know each other's deepest secrets. The only thing needed to make the friendship a relationship is a mutual attraction, both physical and emotional.


#6 Good Looks, Take Them Or Leave Them

I'd like somebody whose company I don't get tired of. The people I don't eventually get tired of are the people who constantly make me laugh. There's never a dull moment, and as someone who gets impatient a lot, that's important to me. Looks, baggage and bad habits kind of go out of the window once that happens. That might just be me though.


#7 The Best Version Of Ourselves

I need someone who challenges me to be better and someone I can challenge the same way to get the best out of each other. Whoever ends up being my partner needs some ambition. He doesn't need to have the loftiest goals or anything like that, he just needs to know what he wants in his life and be courageous enough to go after it.


#8 Please Dork Out To Video Games With Me

I’d like someone I could spend half the afternoon playing old video games with, then the other half of the afternoon talking about anything and everything that interests us. I want someone I can be 100% content with just laying down on the sofa or in bed. We don't have to do anything; we just need to be in each other's presence and that's good enough.

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 #9 Oh So Compatible

Someone with similar dreams, goals, and values. The most wonderful relationship I've had was with an amazing girl I was able to do everything with. We played in a band together, we went on bike trips and ski trips together, we learned to dance together, among a dozen other things. She was basically my partner in crime, who I'd go on all the adventures I dreamed of going on.

She also had this gentle, attentive kindness. We were very compatible with supporting each other. She was understanding, accepting and loving despite my ADHD, and her ability to stay on top of things allowed her to patiently help me through things that were tough for me. Conversely, when a plan fell through and she became totally overwhelmed, often bursting into tears, I knew how to become her superhero, to figure out the solution to the panic, and gently soothe her heart.

She didn't make me someone else, she gave me the confidence to bring forward all the best parts of myself, and to go on all the adventures I could imagine. As a bonus, after three years, she still gave me butterflies when she smiled. God, she is beautiful. While it is sad not to have her anymore, what I have gained, beyond amazing memories and experiences, is the knowledge of what matters to me in a partner.


#10 Let's Grow Old Together, Wrinkles And All

I will only marry someone who will make me feel that he would never find someone younger when I get old, or someone sexier when my body is not in shape anymore. I need someone who won't be ashamed to be with me when I get wrinkles and someone who will who won't make me feel fear of getting old. We need to be able to grow old together.

#11 Just Don't Cheat

Just loyal. That’s all. I focus so much on working out if a potential partner is the cheating kind that I never get to really know them. Faithfulness is so important that everything else doesn't matter to me. I don't think I can handle the hurt of being cheated on. The idea that I alone am not enough to make her fully happy will just crush me.


#12 An Interruption-Free Life

Someone who knows not to interrupt me when I'm reading. I'm not single but it's the secret to my 21-year marriage.


#13 Sometimes, Love Just Ain't Enough

My mom actually gave me pretty good criteria. She said that to fully build a life with someone, sometimes love isn't enough, you need to ask the tough questions about the things that you deem important to your life. She also told me to "look for someone who balances you, but not someone who you forces you to rely solely on them." Mainly it was not to be blinded by your love for a person when choosing them as a life partner. Not everyone you love is the right person to make a life with!


#14 We Have To Respect Our Differences

Being supportive of my hobbies without trying to force himself to like all of them. Also, enjoying his own hobbies without insisting I morph into a clone of him and do all his hobbies with him. We need to be able to embrace each other's differences and be our own persons. We can't just be the same across the board, that would be boring.


#15 It's All About Her Motivation

Someone who's motivated. That's one of the biggest pluses my wife has. She is incredibly motivated to succeed or do well. That trait pays off in other areas of her personality. Being with someone who has ambitions will encourage you to be the same way. It's always good to have that extra push whenever you're trying to reach your goals.


#16 The Bonnie To My Clyde

I need a partner in crime.  Someone who I can work with for the betterment of each other. I'd get along well with someone who is always trying to improve on her own flaws because it directly impacts me in a positive way.


#17 What A Nerd Wants, What A Nerd Needs

Someone who I can be myself around without feeling inferior or weird. I think this is something that a lot of us male nerds can relate to. We spend so much of our life implicitly being treated like freaks by other people, the normal people. It can really make you feel like you don't belong in the world. And that's terrible! Humans are meant to connect.

We have a need for true companionship, whether as friends or spouses. Without it, we wither, we harden, and we become less human. In short, we need to feel like we belong somewhere. I go into so many first dates with a cynical pessimism, thinking, "Yeah, you like me now, but what will you do when you realize what an awkward, nervous, unmanly freak I am? You'll push me away as everyone else does, or at least wants to do but they're too nice to actually do it."

People always comment on how quiet I am, but really, when I'm with my good friends, I talk a lot! I'm just scared of talking around most people because I'm so tired of being laughed at when I open up. Unfortunately, this can snowball, so that after a while, any reactions from people that aren't 100% enthusiastic get interpreted by your paranoid brain as that person just silently waiting for you to shut up and leave because they're liking you less and less with every word you say.

 So when you find a partner who you truly are cut out of the same mold as it can feel like water to a man dying of thirst. It boils down to this: You want a partner that you don't have to constantly hide your true self to. So I guess that's my answer: My ideal wife is someone who I truly feel comfortable sharing the depths of my soul with because we're both a little (or a lot) quirky. To use a cheesy term, a true soulmate.

#18 The Best Relationships Are Much More Than Just Loyalty And Love

Someone who has a healthy sense of curiosity about the world and constantly tries new things. Someone who has their own ideas and opinions. Someone who has their own passion projects but still has respect for me. I want more than someone who just loves me and misses me. There's nothing wrong with just that, but I learned that I need a partner who is actually my partner. If I wanted companionship I would get a dog. I want someone who is my equal and counterpart of whom I share a sincere, unique connection with that spans beyond affection and shared living quarters.


#19 The Understanding Should Run Very, Very Deep

As a man, I want someone to whom I can express not only affection, but emotions, fears, and doubts, all without feeling judged. I need a great deal of introspection to understand how I feel about something. I blow hot air at my reflection and sift through all of it to find a reasonable opinion that sits well with me. It’s just not as effective if I do it all silently, in my head. I want someone who understands that. Someone who will call me out when necessary, while understanding that I’m just trying to reason through something. It would be a requirement for anyone I would consider living with.


#20 Matching Quirks

A weird metalhead I can take to shows with me. Must love cats. Basically, somebody whose weirdness can jive with mine. I'm not going to apologize for being strange, I have a bizarre sense of humor and I have a lot of diverse interests. My ideal partner would be compatible with that.


#21 Give Me My Space And I'll Love You Forever

My ideal spouse would respect my boundaries. I like someone to hang out with but even with the people I love, I need space, and sometimes a lot of it. It's nothing personal but I do like silence; to get lost in my own head sometimes. Or, I just don't want to chat because I don't want to yell at someone who doesn't deserve it. I really like my space so it's hard for me to deal with someone too tactile.


#22 Asking And Listening

I grew up in an Asian family and the concept of marrying for love was something that only existed in movies. I never felt I had a choice in how to be a wife to a husband, and the 'roles' and 'expectations' of a husband were pretty well laid out to me as well. When I did get married at 19, the fantasy of an 'ideal' wife or husband seemed completely insignificant when I felt spiritually and emotionally vacant.

It wasn't long before I was separated from him, and I found myself on a journey to discover myself. In the process, I met my true husband. I had always thought my real husband would simply know and understand the rules, failing to recognize that I'd never taken the time to know and understand the rules myself. I expected him to be a great many things but ultimately learned that expectations, presumptions, and assumptions are the downfalls of all relationships, whether they were romantic, platonic, professional or even casual.

The key things that make my marriage with my husband work are that we ask each other questions, we listen to the answers, and we keep asking questions until we work out a mutual solution. Nobody wants to be right for the sake of being right. Nobody is afraid to be wrong. Everyone wants the other to be happy. We've been together 15+ years now, so I hope my words give you some semblance of hope that it's possible to have the perfect relationship for you, without trying to jam it into some kind of template. Your relationship is YOURS, and shouldn't ever look like someone else's.

#23 Independent Woman

To humor the question, I’ll say that I am attracted to highly independent women. I would like to marry someone who can stand up for herself regardless of what I or anyone else says. Bear in mind that overconfidence does not equate to independence. Quite the opposite. That said, I don’t want to create an ideal. I could meet someone today that I never would have thought to marry beforehand. People regularly don’t know what they want, and that includes me.


#24 Why A Hard-Knock Life Is Necessary

Ideally, my wife would have had a hard life. I know it sounds odd, but I wouldn't feel like she'd understand me and the way that I am if she doesn't go through a similar journey. In relationships (lovers, friends, family), I am judged for how hard I am on myself and others, and how I think. I couldn't live with someone who judged me like that. Also, I would like a wife who is ambitious, driven, intelligent, curious, creative and not afraid to be different. Mostly, I would want them to love me, truly, deeply.


#25 Don't Steal My Fries

Someone that doesn't say, "Nah, I won't get fries" and when you get yours, says, "Hey, can I have some?"


#26 Millennial Love

Someone who will worry when my phone is off for longer than a day.


#27 Being Judgmental Is Not A Good Quality In A Partner

Someone that’s not judgemental. I do things that most people probably think I’m wasting my time with (i.e. playing bass) and it ends up making me feel really insecure. It would be nice to be with someone that just didn’t care and was happy that I’m happy doing whatever I enjoy. That's something I'd reciprocate to my partner as well.


#28 Someone Who Won't Give Up On Me

Honestly, someone who loves me for who I am and is loyal to the relationship. I feel like my generation has moved away from those ideals due to our nature of wanting things now and for a limited time. The sense of patience and understanding in a relationship has really fallen in society with people not wanting to work things out, thus leading to more divorces and breakups. So overall, just someone who’s willing to try and won’t give up no matter what.


#29 Comfortable In Their Own Skin

For me, the most attractive trait someone can have is being comfortable in their own skin. If they know where they are going in life and have the drive to pursue their goals, that is attractive. The worst relationship I can think of is one where both partners assume a single identity. Better is a relationship where both partners can function as individuals and aren’t reliant on each other for everything. They can and should strengthen each other, but they should also have personal strength. Also, the ability to discuss things rationally. Knowing how to manage disagreements logically is so important. In a nutshell, I guess this is emotional maturity.


#30 Man's Best Friend

Loyalty and companionship... so, a dog really.


#31 No More Fighting

Someone that I get along with and share a sense of humor with. I don't expect there to not be any fights; stuff happens, but my entire childhood was filled with my parents arguing at the top of their lungs with each other. It legitimately traumatized me to the point that even now, any time I hear people talking excitedly or laughing downstairs, my head interprets it as them screaming at each other. Even my older brother has the same kind of personality where he always feels the need to start drama when there's no need. Back when I was a kid, I decided that's not something I want for my own family.


#32 Shared Values Are A Must

I'm looking for a woman who shares my values, is passionate about spirituality and wants to get married one day. I've tried dating people who don't share my values or spiritual beliefs and it just didn't work. I knew they were not what I really wanted long-term, even if in some ways we had a good connection and healthy communication. I'm looking for someone caring, supportive and very accepting. I also want someone who works on their personal growth as much as I do, and where we can talk about it and share our journeys together.


#33 "Me In Man Form"

My ideal husband is my equal and someone who wants to be a life partner, not just a husband. Someone who balances me out, while still being their own person, (and I balance them out). We share the same values, have similar ambitions and see our lives together as a partnership, where we actually believe and support in one another.

I’ve been in relationships for the wrong reasons and so have my past partners. Sometimes it was a pure attraction, sometimes we got along and just decided we should be a couple, sometimes it was fantasy. They never lasted. But then I met one person and he changed my whole idea of what love is and should be. I never knew true love until him — and I mean the kind of love where the only person between you is God (or whatever that may be for you).

It’s that pure—like you bring out the best of each other. My heart explodes with love every time he hugs me! He is me in man form and each time I’m faced with a choice or a hard decision the answer is always him. I wouldn’t care if he was 400 lbs overweight, or bald or became disabled— he is my equal and I’ve never met anyone who’s come close enough to replace him.

He’s seen me at my worst and he’s seen me at my best. He still loves me. There is nothing like this kind of love as it pushes you to be the greatest version of yourself to be worthy of it, to really truly be who you are and embrace all your faults and no holding back. It challenges you to face all your fears and transforms you like the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into the butterfly. And equally, your love pushes them to be the greatest version of themselves.

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#34 We Have To Remain Individuals

Someone willing to make me part of their lives, but not all of it. If it is their experiences, friendships, and personal growth that have turned them into a person I have grown to love, then those things must stay for them to continue growing—and hopefully, just grow better with me in it! Of course, trust, sense of humor, and all those basic checkmarks, but it means the most to me when we can both support each other's individual endeavors while choosing, every day, to stick by each other and build a life that incorporates both our lives, not one that necessitates a lot of sacrifices.


#35 To Feel Comfortable Being Myself

Someone I can laugh with. I've never had a girlfriend who I felt comfortable being myself with. I want someone who doesn't play games; just someone simple. Play video games, curl up on the couch watching a movie with a blanket, go for a hike or camping, or have a dinner party. I just want someone who gets me. Someone who I feel completely comfortable with. Apart from that, nothing is really that important.


#36 R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I've come across a number of women that don't understand the importance of respect for a man and how love always follows respect. For some reason, many women are threatened by the things I need, but I view it as a strength for them. To put oneself in any vulnerable position takes courage and it's not easy, but I'd love it if a woman 100% trusted me, my word, and my intentions. I'm simply not able to love properly if I don't feel respected.


#37 Can You Handle Me?

My perfect husband would be able to handle all my mental illnesses (bipolar type 1, borderline personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and anxiety). I wouldn't expect much more from him. I'm a handful, just to have someone who will stay with me through all the hospitalizations will be amazing. I want to make him smile, I want to make him think.


#38 We Can Talk About Anything Like Friends

Someone I can be completely relaxed around, like my close friends. Someone who doesn't expect me to change to be something else—just like me for who I actually am. Someone I can just hang out with and talk about anything like I do with my friends. That's it. It doesn't seem like too much to ask. I hope I find someone soon.


#39 Couples Don't Have To Be The Same

The older I get, the more I realize that it's not necessary to have the same hobbies or the same taste in music and movies as it was when we were younger. If we share hobbies, great! But I appreciate a man who has hobbies and interests that are his own and respects that I have mine as well. Beyond that, I'd like to meet a man who is interested in working as a team to build a life, who has an ambition of some sort and isn't stagnant, who is affectionate and thoughtful and is a responsible person.


#40 If We Like To Do The Same Things, We're Good

Honestly, I just need someone to share my tastes and hobbies with. Someone who I can dedicate myself to. I was in a perfect relationship for nearly four years and it ended with a mix of my job taking most of my free time and making me very tired when I had any free time at all. She ended up finding a new group of friends and she eventually fell in love with another guy. I tried to end in good terms with her, but we rarely talk nowadays. Guess it's part of the "breaking up with someone" package.

#41 Trust Is The Key

I was in my mid-30s and I had given up on finding a woman because all of the ones I'd dated over the years were always dishonest in one way or another: misdirection, secrets, straight-up lies, etc. Then, the one that got away got back in touch with me. She was open and honest with me about everything. It took me a while to warm up to her, but over time I saw a big difference in her compared to the other women I'd dated. At some point, I knew I had to make her my life partner. So one day, I just straight up asked... Thankfully, she felt the same way about me and we got together. 8 years later, and we're still together.

A decade later and I'd do it all over again. Trust. That's the one word I'd sum it up with. I trust her with my life and every fiber of my being.


#42 Natural Beauty Is The Best Beauty

I like women who appreciate their natural beauty. So the ones who don't put on tons of makeup. A little bit is fine, but not too much.


#43 Real, Unconditional Love

Someone who loves me unconditionally, the way that I love my dog.


#44 The Guacamole Is A Metaphor

Someone who shares guacamole instead of hogging it all.


#45 Us Versus The World

I want someone who helps me. A lot of people I've dated often fall back on to me and it's felt a little one-sided. Ideally, I want someone I feel like I'm in a team with. It's us vs. the world and we both know what we want and we enable and support the other.



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