Having kids is supposed to be one of the greatest blessings of life. However, it doesn't always turn out that way—parents don't get to choose the kids they end up with, and sometimes, they end up with absolute monsters. These parents had to deal with their creepy kids and they lived to tell these tales:
1. A Shocking Resemblance
This one makes me cringe just thinking about it. When I was 13, I was about as hot and bothered as you'd expect a 13-year-old to be. The problem was, I was living in a very religious household at the time and my parents had an ironclad parental filter on the computer, so smut was out of the question. So, I decided to draw my own smut—and it ended in disaster.
I'm a pretty good artist when it comes to drawing things that are right in front of me to look at. So, what I'd do is, I'd take magazine pictures of women who had relatively little clothing on, and just edit out the clothing as I was drawing. Well, of course, my parents found my stack of drawings eventually. Which isn't too bad I guess, my dad even said uncomfortably that I had some talent at drawing and should pursue it. But here's the part that makes me cringe.
My mother decided that one of the drawings looked too much like her. It was purely coincidental...it was literally a picture out of an advertisement that I had copied to the best of my ability. She...asked me...VERY uncomfortably...if I fantasized about her. Ladies and gentlemen, not much in the world makes you want to crawl into a hole and die more than when your own mother thinks you've been fantasizing about her.
2. Brotherly Love
My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while, then turned to me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it."
3. Falling For It
When I was about nine years old, we lived in a crappy high-rise apartment building. I opened my bedroom window, removed the screen, stuck my head out the window, and screamed as loud as I could like I was falling. I then quickly proceeded to hide under my bed as my parents frantically came running into my room with me nowhere to be seen and thought I fell out the window.
Eventually, I started giggling and was busted. They were not impressed, to say the least.
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4. Brotherly Love
My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while, then turned to me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it."
5. More Interesting Than Intended
When I was in the eighth grade, I stayed the night at my friend's house. It so happened that one of my favorite movies, A Christmas Story, was going to be playing on TBS. My family didn't have cable and I knew everyone would enjoy watching it on Christmas at my house, so I asked my buddy if we could record it onto VHS so I could take it home.
He grabbed a blank tape from his dad's office, popped it in the VCR, and we recorded Ralphie and his Christmas shenanigans. The following day, I went home and told my parents and siblings that I had a copy of the movie. They were ecstatic and we all agreed to watch it the following week on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve rolls around, and my parents, brothers, sister, and myself gather around the TV to watch the movie.
I rewind the tape to the beginning and press play. And that's when the HORROR began. For the next three seconds, although it felt like an hour, my entire family and I watched a woman sucking a large one before it quickly cut to A Christmas Story. We had obviously taped over one of my friend's dad's smut tapes. Nobody flinched. I looked at my parents, who had these bizarre frozen smiles as if nothing had happened and everything was right with the world.
My brothers and sister continued watching the TV but had looks of bewilderment on their faces as they tried to process what they had just seen while simultaneously trying to enjoy the beginning of A Christmas Story. Nobody in my family has ever mentioned this event since, and A Christmas Story is no longer a part of our family Christmas tradition.
6. The Party is Just Getting Started
My little nephew went through this phase of being absolutely terrified of going to sleep in his room. I babysat a couple of times during this phase—we basically had to sit beside his bed and help him fall asleep, and he'd usually wake up shortly after you left the room and start crying. His reason? "The big dark scary man standing in the corner with red eyes doesn't want me to sleep."
7. Coming Out Both Ends
When I was a kid, I got an ear infection and was prescribed Augmentin. As it turns out, I was super allergic to it and it gave me awful diarrhea and tons of vomiting...none of which I could control. So on one of my many trips to the bathroom, I began to throw up and have diarrhea at the same time. I didn't know which end to point at the toilet so I stood there spinning around trying to switch. It didn't work.
The entire time this is happening, my mom is watching. I remember hearing her scream. All of the walls and floor in our bathroom was plastered with my poop and vomit. My parents ended up having to clean everything up and repaint the walls and basically redo our entire bathroom. She told me it looked like something out of the exorcism and that she wouldn't wish that on anyone.
8. Skin and Bones
Once, when my toddler was hugging me, he quietly said “I promise I won’t eat your bones.” Oh, uh... much obliged!"
9. Gone Away And Back Again
It begins far away from my parents, deep in the woods. I was 18 years old. As summer came to a close, I went on a weeklong hiking trip with my girlfriend. We went off the grid, many miles from civilization. There were no designated campsites, running water, etc. We were roughing it. Being young and randy, we wanted to shake some sheets, so I bought a sizable stash of condoms.
Of course, there were no garbage cans in the middle of the woods. When the deed was done, I had to put the used condoms into a ziplock baggie in my backpack. By the end of our week in the sweltering August sun, that baggie was full and funky. The trip went well. I returned to my parents' house exactly one day before I had to leave for my sophomore year of college.
I was a ridiculous slob. So, using my patented packing style, and hastily dumped my backpack's contents into my bedroom closet, picked through the mess, took what I needed, and left the rest. Yeah. I forgot about the baggie. But somebody else found it. No, not my parents. My dog. Basically, my parents came home one day to find used condoms spread all over the living room.
Apparently, my dog had found the baggie, but he didn't just sniff it or eat it on the spot or whatever. No, he took it downstairs and spread my week-old rubbers and spooge all over the couch and carpet in the living room...the first room you see when you enter the house. Welcome home, Mom and Dad! They didn't tell me about it for years, to spare me the embarrassment.
When my dad did finally tell me, he was laughing his butt off. But my mother was apparently...not pleased.
10. Little Brother Sick
When my cousin was 2 years old, her mom got pregnant again. One day she went to hug her mom's belly and said, "Little brother sick." A few days later she had a miscarriage.
11. Just A Tad Too Many
This happened the summer after my senior year of high school. After a long night of drinking, I came home and apparently felt the desire to puke. My parents live on the third floor, I live on the second and have a bathroom on my floor. For some reason, I turned the fan on when I went into the bathroom, which is kinda loud and my parents' room is pretty much right above the bathroom.
So I puked hard, mostly in the toilet at first. I get hot and really sweaty when I'm puking, so naturally, I strip down to my boxers. I then somehow manage to puke all over myself. Well, that's unacceptable to intoxicated me, so I guess I decided to take a shower to clean up. I never managed to turn the water on. The next thing I know, I'm getting woken up by my mother screaming at the top of her lungs, crying profusely.
Apparently, I passed out in the tub. The fan woke my mom up in the middle of the night, so she came to investigate, and found me nearly naked covered in my own puke passed out in the bathtub with, as she says, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. She thought I was dead. I would say that was a bit traumatizing for her.
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12. Don’t Lose Your Marbles
I freaked my mother and grandmother out when I was about 3. I'd randomly stopped playing with whatever I was playing with (dolls or something) and walked up to them and said "I don't like marbles," and when asked why I'd said "they hurt" and rubbed the side of my head. Mum kissed it, asked if it was better now, and I went back to playing.
It stumped them because when my mother was 10 and her brother was 8, they'd gotten into a fight over a bag of marbles and she'd smacked him around with the bag and he had a big bruise. My uncle (her brother) passed away when I was a few months old, and we had no marbles in the house, at least none that my sister and I were allowed to play with—my sister was about 6 months old, though our brother is around 10 years older than us—choking hazards, etc. It was a creepy, creepy thing to happen.
13. An Invasion Of Privacy
My mom is the kind of person who doesn't believe children or teenagers should be allowed any privacy whatsoever, for their own good. I was really dumb and used to log all my AIM convos, because who would want to read every single line hoping to find something salacious? Well, my mom, I guess, because she did, and buried in an AIM log was me telling someone that I really loved giving him a blowjob and couldn't wait to do it again.
But, she didn't tell me she read it. She told EVERYONE ELSE IN MY FAMILY...my siblings, my aunts, all of them. And all her friends. She's a gossip and she lives on that stuff. So, everyone but me knew she had found this, as well as some naked pictures a guy sent me. Instead, she just carted me off to confession, bought me one of those "Bibles for Teens" and told me I needed to get right with Jesus. It wasn't until years later that I discovered the depths of her invasion of privacy. Oh well.
14. Beware of Tricks, They’re Not Just For Kids Anymore
One time my friend and I were chilling in his garage, and his baby was asleep in his crib inside. He had the baby monitor with him. Suddenly, we hear static from the baby monitor, followed by this really creepy, raspy voice whispering "I'VE COME FOR THE CHILD." Turns out it was just my friend's brother who had walked in the front door of the house (he had a key) and, upon realizing we were out in the garage, thought he'd freak us out a little. It worked.
15. Truly A Mouthful
My dad was fixing this big closet one day. The closet was very old and had an extremely heavy door. The problem with that closet was that the door hinges were loose. At that time, I was about eight or nine years old, and my little sister was fooling around inside the closet while my dad was trying to tighten the hinges. He told me to get her out of there, since she was just bothering him.
As I lifted her up, the closet door fell down on my pinky toe. Pure chaos ensued. It's all a blur, but I clearly remember me running down the hallway screaming my heart out while my sock got pumped with blood. After that, I passed out, waking up a while later in the backseat of my father's car, with a bunch of toilet paper around my foot. My dad didn't say a word.
When I arrived at the hospital, I got drugged down and operated on. Fortunately, they managed to put my pinky toe back where it belonged. I'm guessing my dad felt very shameful after the incident, however, my mom told me a couple of years ago that after I lost my toe, he immediately put it inside his mouth. He had read that that was the only way to "save the toe from dying," or something like that, and drove to the hospital with the toe in his mouth. I don't think he'll forget that.
16. Oh Hardy Har Har
"I'm never moving out" is the scariest sentence my 14-year-old has uttered.
17. Curiosity Harms The Cat
When I was about eight years old, I was going through our medicine cabinet and found one of my brother's old EpiPens, the Epinephrine injector for use during a severe allergic reaction. I was curious about how it worked, and figured it was like any other pen in that you clicked the top with your thumb and the needle came out the other end. WRONG.
As it turns out, the needle comes out of the end that you click, and it ends up going right into my thumb when I click it! When my parents came upon me screaming my lungs out in the bathroom, the walls were painted with blood that I'd sprayed around while trying to frantically dislodge the pen from my thumb. Apparently, it was pretty extremely gross.
18. The Girl With The Yellow Raincoat
My dad is the owner of a hostel in Buenos Aires. We have plenty of people from all over the world, but especially from South America. More often than not, there are no kids around, but every once in a while we receive families. So, there's this family in the hostel. One little boy and his parents. The little boy is the only kid in the entire place.
Chilly winter night, he appears in the common room asking who is the little girl with the yellow raincoat in the bathroom. Once again, HE'S the only underage in the entire place. The spooky moment comes 6 months later. There's no kid this time. Forty-something lady from Spain asks us "whose child is the little girl with the yellow raincoat in the bathroom?"
Oh, by the way: the door for that bathroom constantly closes by itself—it must be the wind. Also, the building used to be a nursing home and a mental asylum before that.
19. A New Type Of Snack
When I was two or three, my parents had me in the backyard. I was running around and generally being a small child...you know how it is. Apparently, I saw something cool on the ground and, like most children, my first reaction was to put this fancy thing in my mouth. But this was not a tasty treat. The fancy thing was bird poop. My mom screamed and took a hose to my mouth.
20. I Said What Now?
I said something pretty damn creepy to my parents when I was about 10. So, apparently I was making strange noises in my room and my parents both came in to check out what was going on. The moment my parents come in I scream "Ghost, Ghost! Go away" I had a cross necklace so I put it out in front of them and continue to scream "ghost."
Then I scream "Sit down!" and apparently it scared my dad so much that he actually sat down. The next morning my parents asked me if I was alright. I had no clue what happened and had no recollection of ever saying any of that.
21. Trying To Play Nurse
For some context: When I was about seven, I lost my cat. He just disappeared one day. Probably coyotes. But, his favorite thing to do was to sleep in my mom's bathroom sink. Also, my neighborhood is infested with cats because someone down the street never got hers fixed. So, now for the real story: I was swinging on my porch swing, looked over into the bushes, and saw a cat.
It was laying down, eyes closed, mouth open. No wounds as far as I could see. It looked asleep. But it looked sick too. So to 'make it feel better,' I picked the dead cat up, took it inside, and placed it in the bathroom sink. Plus, I was feeling really lonely after my first cat disappeared. I thought my mom would let me keep this one.
Poor mom walked in on me petting a dead cat in our bathroom sink.
22. Creep in the Corner
When I was 3 years old, I was sleeping in my parent's bed when I sat straight up and asked "Mommy, who is that man in the corner?" She was terrified. This happened every night until she went to the corner and talked to him asking him to leave us alone because he was scaring me. I still believe in ghosts because of this.
23. A Secret Dragged Out
When I was in high school, I was very bulimic. If someone was downstairs after I ate dinner, I wouldn't be able to go into the bathroom, so my brilliant plan was to go upstairs and puke into grocery bags. I found this to be way easier than using the bathroom, in the comfort of my room, I could throw up in peace and not be worried about getting caught.
Of course, I couldn't throw them away when my parents were home, so I kept them around my room. I had vomit bags everywhere, under the bed, in my desk drawers, in my closet...it wasn't pretty. One day, I went out with a friend and came back at around three to get my clothes for work. My stepdad was in the living room and I could hear the wet/dry vacuum.
I asked why he was cleaning, in a joking way, and my mum turned around and said, "The dog got into your room today." I was instantly mortified. I went into the living room and my stepdad refused to acknowledge me. There was old puke everywhere...on the stairs, on the floor, in my room, on the couch, oh god it was horrible.
24. “Low Man’s Voice” Immediately Makes It Creepy
Not my story, but my brother told me a few years ago he woke up in the middle of the night hearing his son crying his eyes out over the baby monitor, then a low man's voice saying "Shhh, be quiet," then silence. He ran into the room and the baby was asleep and no one else around, creeped me the heck out.
25. The Impromptu Prank
This happened when I was ten...I was in the bathroom preparing to take a bath. For some reason, our cat was in there with me. She was sitting on the side of the tub while I was brushing my teeth. When I finished brushing and flossing, the cat hadn't moved. When I turned on the faucet to draw the bath, the water really freaked her out.
She was pretty young and sprightly, basically full-grown but still a kitten. The sudden burst of water from the faucet caused her to leap straight into the air kicking and clawing and somehow her back paw clawed into my lower lip while she was doing this weird kitty acrobatics. I don't remember feeling any pain, but I looked into the mirror and discovered a ton of blood.
If you've ever cut your lip, you know how it bleeds...dark, thick blood, seemingly unending. At that moment, I knew exactly what I had to do. With blood pouring out of my mouth, down my chin and onto my chest, I ran out of the bathroom and into the living room where my parents were watching the evening news. Clutching my abdomen and falling to my knees, I began screaming.
"My stomach, my stomach! I don't know why this is happening!" Oh the horror. I still remember their faces. When I told them, after maybe 20 seconds of this charade, that it was just a cat scratch to the lip, they were so angry.
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26. Grandpa’s Haunted House
My mom tells me that when I was a really small child we would visit my grandfather's house and often spend the night. She says that once, in the middle of the night, she woke up and I wasn't in the bed (young enough to co-bed). She got up and I was standing in the living room with my hand in the air like I was holding someone's hand and I said something along the lines of "I can’t go with you because my mom didn't say I could."
We didn't spend the night at my grandfather's house again for another decade.
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27. A Devilish Deed
I’m from a Catholic family. When I was baptized, I started crying, which the priest assured my worried grandmother was normal. After the priest was finished pouring water over my head, I started to urinate on the priest's robe. The priest was obviously extremely angry, and started yelling and saying things like, "Child of Satan! Hell, you shall go!"
My grandmother passed out, my mother started crying, and my uncle was laughing his head off. Obviously, I don't remember this, but there's a family video.
28. Furry Guardians
My grandparents had a bedroom that everyone thought was haunted (some suspected it was the bed itself). Over the years, many people claimed to hear voices in the room and see people in there or about the house. I never really bought it. Well, my parents moved just before the school year was over, so I stayed with them until I finished that grade.
I slept in that room every night for about a month and without fail every dog in the house would sleep on the bed with me. This was about a dozen medium to large size dogs and they would completely surround me from the time I laid down right up until I woke up and got out of bed. My grandma (and others) claimed that they were protecting me.
29. The Cold-Hearted Prank
One day, I apparently decided to hide in the refrigerator as my mother was outside the house. She was babysitting me alone at home and left me by myself for a minute to deal with the gas people, the ones that bring natural gas for use in the stove at home. When she came back, it took her a minute to realize she couldn't find me—and then she lost it.
Apparently, she spent 30 minutes combing through our huge house and its yard, progressively approaching insanity as she failed to find me. She even climbed the mango tree in our backyard, in case I had somehow done so. She eventually cracked and called my dad, sobbing and saying that somehow I had been taken by the gas people.
As my dad took over and called for some officers from work, my mom tried to calm herself down and went to get herself a glass of water. As soon as she opened the refrigerator door, I burst out and screamed, “You found me!!!" with what she said was the biggest smile ever. She then proceeded to collapse on the floor, woke up a minute later, and then called my dad to tell him everything, as he rushed out of work to come back home.
30. Culinary Creep
Playing tea party, little one keeps passing me "cake." I dutifully eat each piece she passes me. "It was poison. You died." Oh, okay then. She then proceeded to "chop me up," mix my chopped parts with some spice in a pot, and then serve the resulting stew to her mother.
31. Constant Compromising Comments
I traumatized my mother twice, both times when I was about three years old. The first time, we were walking through the Botanic Gardens and there was a wedding taking place. Apparently, the bride was a larger lady, and I piped up in my piercing little voice and said the worst thing imaginable, "Mummy, look at that FAT BRIDE!"
My mother grabbed me under one arm and ran away —she thinks the bride didn't hear, but she's certain some of the guests did. The second time I traumatized her, it was even worse. She took me to her work one day and I met one of her colleagues. He was from Ghana and had very dark skin. Apparently I said, "Mummy, look at that dirty man!"
Mum said she just wanted the floor to swallow her up, but the guy handled it with exceptional grace and just laughed and said, "Don't worry, at least I can't blush." Yeah, I'm surprised I wasn't left at an orphanage after those two episodes. I now have kids of my own who are determined to give me my comeuppance.
32. Changelings
Heard a strange hissing noise at 3:30 am through the monitor and our movement pad went off, walked into the room and he was fast asleep. He proceeded to wake up the next morning and tell me that for the last few sleeps he has, "been picked up and flown to a place in Ireland where his six brothers and sisters live." He's managed to name them and they remain the same each time I ask him about it. Safe to say his mother and I are slightly scared.
33. One Big Inside Joke
The first movie I saw with my ex-wife was Knocked Up. At the time, there was awkwardness, because we'd accidentally had unprotected intercourse the week before. It turned into a big joke between us, and I bought the movie for her for Christmas. Mom asked me, "What did you get Jen for Christmas?" And without hesitating or thinking, I said, "Knocked Up."
She was driving, and almost wrecked the car.
34. Double Whammy
My sons were about two and four when their pet goldfish died. I attempted to use the situation as an opportunity to discuss death and mortality. After I finished my explanation, my four-year-old looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and asked, "Mommy, someday, will you die?" My heart filled with love and a little sadness, knowing this was one of those pivotal moments when the first bit of childhood innocence was lost, and I told him yes, someday, mommy will die.
"Good," he said with a totally deadpan expression, and walked out of the room. Later when we were about to flush the fish, he asked if we could eat him instead. I said no, we don't eat pets because we love them, and he said, "When you die, I'm going to eat you."
35. Just Trying To Help Out
I was three years old when my brother was born. When he was just a few days old, my mom put him in his baby swing, turned it on, and left the room to answer the phone. Well, while she was gone, the swing stopped and my brother started crying. Being the concerned older sister that I was, I pulled him out of the swing and carried/drug him to my mom saying, "Mommy, the baby is crying!"
She freaked the heck out and never left him in his swing again.
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36. Well That’s One Possibility
Three-year-old brother: "If God looks after people, who looks after God?"
Mom: "Well, I don't know..."
Five minutes later—brother: "I think the Japanese."
37. A Shared Intimate Moment
My girlfriend and I were in my room having intercourse. We had pretty much finished and were just talking and cuddling on the floor. We hear my dad coming upstairs but think nothing of it, as the door is shut and he typically knocks. He does knock. But he has a question for me, so he starts talking and pushes the door open.
I'm facing away from the door, but my girlfriend is facing me. Everything's too quick. We don't have any time to cover or shove crumpled clothes in front of our bodies. My dad opens the door and is shown full frontal nudity. He is stunned for a moment, then turns quickly and says simply, "Get her!" A piquant line, but unfortunately our dog had followed Dad upstairs and wanted to check in with my girlfriend and I.
Dad came back five seconds later, cracked the door just wide enough for the dog to escape and told him to get out. It was...an awkward dinner.
38. Spooky Role Reversal
I'm the child in this story, but let me tell you about when I was four. I'm named after my maternal grandmother who died about two years before I was born, and it's worth mentioning that I was the first grandchild born after her death. I was always very curious about her as a young child... one day my mom laid down for a nap.
When she woke up, I was standing at her bedside and looking down on her. Apparently, I said, "Do you remember when I was the mommy, and you were the baby?" *cue twilight zone theme music*
39. The Unknown Play Date
When I was in kindergarten, I made a friend while at school. We really hit it off, and she said she had a big bag of Halloween candy at home and offered to share it with me. It was a fairly short walk to her place from school, and from her place, a short walk home. So I head over to her place, and completely forget to tell my parents where I went after school.
I completely lost track of time. We ate candy and played video games. Her family must have thought my parents knew where I was. We played board games and ate dinner, and I didn't go home until after nine. I remember getting home, walking through the front door, and being greeted by the sight of my parents, both completely in tears, on the phone with the officers.
I immediately realized what I did wrong, and I thought for sure I was going to be grounded forever. They weren't mad, though. They were just overjoyed that I was okay. A bunch of bear hugs and tear-filled expressions of parental affection later, I felt terrible. They must have thought I was dead. I was missing for over six hours. Every single one of their friends was out looking for me. I really suck.
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40. Feeling Blue
My kid was in the bathtub one night with the bathroom door open and I was puttering around in the next room. She called out and said, "Hey mommy, who was that blue guy who just walked down the hall?" She said he was tall and thin and featureless like "the shape of those men on the bathroom door like at a restaurant." Creeped me out!
41. An Experiment Gone Wrong
When I was seven or eight, I did a science project on the antibacterial efficacy of various soaps. It basically involved keeping hands dirty for a day, pressing grubby thumbs into petri dishes full of agar, then washing and doing the same again. I'd take tracings of the cultures: bigger colonies were bad, smaller ones good. This ended up winning the county science fair for my grade in a large metropolitan area, so that was nice.
But before that, after I'd finished the experiments but before I'd discarded the dishes, I got into a dispute with my parents but don't remember what about. I thought, "I'll show them." So, I took the nastiest culture and swabbed it onto their bedroom door knob. They both got sick as dogs and I had to take care of them for a couple of days. It served me right.
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42. When Reality and Belief Collide
My almost-2-year-old was in his room chattering to himself before his nap. I was listening to him on the monitor, he was saying things like, "I'm sleeping grandma," "Okay grandma," etc. I went in to try to "reset him" so he'd fall asleep (he did, by the way) and asked who he was talking to. He said, "Grandma."
I asked, "Grammy V?" (my MIL's grandparent name). He said, "No, not Grammy—GRANDMA." I gave him a confused look and he clarified, "Grandma Baba." My mother's name was Barbara. She had been dead for eight years at that point. My son had never heard me refer to her before. I was oddly not freaked out, though it does screw a bit with my Atheist outlook.
43. XXXmas Came Early
When I was young, maybe around five or six, I was trying to find Christmas presents in closets or under beds, but instead, I found a ton of condoms and toys. At the time, I didn't know what they were, so I opened up the box of condoms, thinking they were balloons. I started to run down the stairs with what I thought was a sword and trying to blow up the condoms.
The sword turned out to be a vibrator. I then ran into the room where my parents were and started telling them how I "finally found my Christmas presents." My parents still love bringing up this story.
44. Maybe It’s Your Clothing Choices?
My six-year-old son, when asked what he wanted to do when he grew up, said, "I think I want to be a fighter pilot, or maybe a funeral worker like daddy." I am a software engineer.
45. Right Across The Face
I was about two or three years old at the time and living at my grandmother's house with my aunt. One day, after we hosted a family gathering, my aunt decided to take a nap on the couch. I do not remember this at all, but apparently, I decided to pick up an empty champagne bottle from the previous night and smack her in the face with it. Yeah.
The way my grandmother tells it is that she was in the kitchen making dinner when she heard my aunt start wailing and crying. So, she goes outside to see my aunt going down the stairs into the yard with blood all over her face and clothing, crying and carrying a blood-covered me in her arms, also crying. Her eyebrow, to this day, is split and her hair will not grow where she had to get stitches.
There is no recollection of this even a little bit from me. None.
46. Past Life Horrors
This one actually just happened with my four-year-old a week or so ago. I woke up to her laying in the hallway whimpering and crying while still asleep. I woke her up to put her back to bed and asked if she had a bad dream. Barely awake she said "No. I remembered. Before I was born here I was a really bad dog and they made me go to sleep." and then started crying and saying she didn't want to remember it.
When I asked the next morning she said the same thing and got visibly upset again. I even have audio of her starting to tell me the story, getting upset, then changing the topic.
47. Closer Than Just Family
When I was 16, I found out that my Dad was actually just my stepdad and not my biological father. Well, a sister I never knew about contacted me and it turns out my real dad lived in a small town just a few miles away from mine. I met my sister and had her come over one day while my mom was at work. My mom came home early, and, when I introduced my sister, I introduced her as my girlfriend.
The look on my mom's face was priceless.
48. Hannibal Lecter Jr.
My son was eating chicken nuggets and he would always eat the breading off it first. He takes a bite of the breading and then says "Oh no! Your face is missing!"
49. Regrets Were Had
My mom got my sister and I our first set of makeup when we were 11 and 15. We ran to the bathroom to try it out and immediately decided that the best course of action was to paint bruises and wounds all over our faces, fake fight sounds and screaming, then run to our mother's office area appearing like we needed to go to the hospital. It worked. She took one look at us and turned as white as a sheet.
Then she started screaming. By then, we couldn't stay in character and collapsed in a heap of laughter. We weren't allowed to have makeup again until we were adults and could buy it for ourselves.
50. Waking Nightmare
My son was two. He was in a pattern of waking us up at about 5:00 am every morning. One morning I took him downstairs and plopped him in front of the TV so I could try to go back to sleep for about 30 minutes on the couch (right by him). I woke up a few minutes later and he was standing in the foyer, pointing into the kitchen, laughing. He then said, "Mommy is floating in the kitchen."
I didn't think much of it...went back to sleep for a bit. About 30 minutes later his mom came downstairs having just woken up, saying she "had one of those weird dreams where she flew out of her body, went downstairs and found herself in the kitchen." Freekay.
51. A Mess On Top Of The Mess
When I was little, I thought trashing my parents’ room and bathroom was a great idea and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I took toothpaste, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, all that jazz, and just squeezed it all over the place. It was all over the bed, pillows, carpet, sheets, bathtub, sinks, counter, toilet, tile floor...down the hallway...one nice long trail of toothpaste.
Why I thought this was a great idea, I have no clue. I was grounded for a very long time.
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52. There’s a Demon in Him
New house, almost no neighbors, live across from a giant cornfield. Husband at work, well after dark. Son, four, and daughter, two, have been in bed for hours. I'm on the main floor, watching TV, they are upstairs sleeping. All of a sudden, I hear this terrifying, high pitched giggling. I can't tell where it's coming from. I run upstairs...daughter in her bed. Son's bed is empty. Dang. Go back, only daughter in daughter's bed. Run to my room, no kid, still this creepy, creepy giggling.
I check the bathroom, the spare room, the closets...I am literally terrified. My kid is gone and all I can hear is this giggling, which the more it happened, the creepier it got. I realized the laughter was coming from the bathroom, so I run back in and check—I whip open the shower curtain, and there is my baby boy, curled into as small of a ball as he can get, laughing hysterically, SOUND ASLEEP. And that was the night we discovered he could sleepwalk.
53. Innocence Or Ignorance?
When I was around 13 and first started realizing how good it felt to rub one out, I had no idea what the procedure entailed as far as cleanup. I lived with a devout Mormon mother who would clean my room. One day, she asked why my sheets were crusty and what the discoloration was on my white sheets. I embarrassingly told her everything as I was raised not to lie...ever.
This was bad, but then she realized something else. Those stains and crust remarkably match the living room throw blanket on our couch. Ya...when home alone, I would rub one out there and just use the blanket thinking it would go unnoticed. It was an extremely rough week.
54. Perched and Petrified
I don't have kids but apparently, this happened when I was about four. I shared a room with my older sister and we had huge closets in our bedroom that were about six feet tall. My mother would wake up in the middle of the night to hear me crying and she'd come in to investigate what was wrong. She then would find me sitting on top of the huge closest, cross-legged and rocking back and forth while crying about; "The big scary man put me up here".
Since my mother was tired from it being the middle of the night and being heavily pregnant she didn't really think about HOW I got up on the closet, but would put me back into bed and comfort me until I fell asleep again. But then my grandmother came to stay with us a few nights and she told my mother that she woke up in the middle of the night because it got suddenly cold and her bedroom door handle was turning.
The door opened but no one was there and then the bathroom door opposite her door opened on its own. She stared out the door for a few minutes not moving because she was in shock and frightened, but then heard me start crying. My mother walked by her room to get to me and of course I was crying about the man putting me up there.
My grandmother told my mum what she experienced and my sister slept with my Gran and I slept with mum for the next couple of weeks after that. It stopped once my brother was born, and to this day I have no idea what really happened.
55. The Secret Comes Out?
One time during my sophomore year in college, I had been feeling guilty for not seeing my family very often, even though they lived twenty minutes away. So, I decided to take them out to dinner. Since I had some extra cash, I thought I would take them out somewhere nice. We all went to Black Angus. I thought it would be cool to bring my boyfriend that I had been dating seriously for six months.
No one in my family normally does this. I found out later that my dad was scared that I was either going to tell the family I was either pregnant or getting married at that dinner.
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56. Not Really a Laughing Matter
My cousin's kid when he was around 4 or 5 came into the bathroom as I was straightening my hair. He closed the door, looked at me and said: "I don't want to kill you." Creepy. He's 13 now and whenever I tell him the story he just laughs his ass off.
57. Hide And Can’t Be Found
When I was in fourth and fifth grade, my dad was in the air force and we were stationed at the NATO base in Iceland. My parents were out at some party at the officer's club and there was a girl babysitting my siblings while I stayed at a friend's house. My sister decided to play hide and seek with the sitter. Well, the sitter looked for her for over an hour and got scared that she had left the house.
She called the o-club and had my parents paged. They left the general's table in a hurry and turned the house upside down. They couldn't find her. Anywhere. The MPs were called and hours went by. They literally sealed off the entire base...No one in or out of any gate and all planes were grounded. They put all of the officers and the entire group of KC135 crew members there out looking for her everywhere.
Around one in the morning, she finally came out of the coat closet she had hidden in after she was awoken by all the commotion of the officers' radios going off. Apparently, she had fallen asleep on the floor there under some coats. My mom had looked in that closet numerous times, but she didn't pull everything out of it.
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58. Hungry Little Monster
My 4-year-old son said, "Daddy, I want to drill into your tummy, crawl inside, and eat your dinner." The food was okay, but I didn't think it was worth that much effort.
59. Keep Me Out Of There
I hated school in the fourth grade. A terrible teacher and a few bratty other students made going to school miserable. So, I loved any excuse to get out of school for all or part of the day, even if it was a doctor's appointment. One day, for some reason, my doctor's appointment was canceled. I was having none of this.
I barricaded myself in my bedroom with no lock on the door, just my desk chair, and some stuffed animals as a "blockade," and screamed that I would rather do anything else than go to school. My mom was freaked out. Crying and everything. My poor dad, having to deal with two crying women/girls at once. The next day, I had an emergency session with my mom's therapist.
60. Fair Enough Really
My three-year-old daughter was in the bath playing with her toys with me and laughing. Suddenly her face deadpans, she looks me in the eye, and tells me in a serious little voice, "Mummy, if you bit and ate all my fingers off I wouldn't love you anymore"
61. The Schoolboy Prank
When I was in high school, this guy I was friends with had a very realistic-looking cockroach. It was huge and glassy and rubbery. It looked very real. He gave it to me for some reason, so one day while my mother was blow-drying her hair in the bathroom, I sneakily placed the cockroach on her bare foot and took a step back.
She freaked! She probably jumped up in the air as tall as me and screamed and cursed. When she saw me laughing, she realized it wasn't real and proceeded to beat me with the blow dryer. She was so angry that I don't even think she intended to really hurt me, but she did. I ended up with a huge lump on my head and a major headache all day.
She hates roaches, so I guess I should have seen that coming, but gosh, she hit me hard. Don't traumatize your mother...
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62. Sing Me to Sleep
I used to babysit two kids, and they each had a video monitor that picked up sound. I put them to bed and was sitting downstairs doing homework, and I thought they were both asleep because it had been like a half hour since I had put them in bed, and neither kid was shifting around anymore. It was silent except for their breathing through the monitors. It was pitch black outside and the parents wouldn't be home for another couple of hours.
All of a sudden I heard a little kid’s voice singing. I couldn't tell what the voice was saying, but it sounded really creepy. I looked at the monitors, and neither kid had moved. Went up to their rooms and checked on them both. Apparently, the younger one (three-years-old) would sing to himself when he couldn't sleep, and his mom didn't tell me that. He was laying perfectly still singing softly, and I nearly crapped myself when I heard it through the monitor.
63. Poor Lapse Of Judgement
When I was eight years old, I was flying home solo to Pennsylvania, and back then, it was okay for your parents to walk you to the gate without a boarding ticket pre-TSA. So, as my entire family is going through security I slyly, but not quietly, ask my mom, "Hey Mom, did you remember to pack the shooter?" I swear, I do not know what possessed me to say that, but said it I did.
Of course, security did not take it lightly. They took us out of line, went through all our stuff, twice, and warned me about not saying stupid stuff like that ever again. My mom said she was so completely mad at me she could have "dropped kicked" me to Pennsylvania. I'm a 44-year-old grandma now and I still haven't lived it down!
64. Back to the Future
When my son was small, I was talking to him about growing potatoes. I described how you bank up the earth around them as they grow, and he said: "I used to do that when I was an old man."
65. The Youthful Addiction
I played the game RuneScape for a while when I was nine or 10 and I got fairly addicted to it to the point where I took my parents’ credit card and spent close to $1500 of their money to buy RuneScape gold from a website. I've paid them back since, with interest, but I feel like absolute garbage about it all the time.
66. Telling It Like It Is
I was explaining to my niece the difference between things that can and can't change about people- she was confused because she'd met a set of three siblings and the eldest wasn't the tallest. So I told her that one day even SHE, an itty bitty 4-year-old, could be taller than me, a big huge grownup. But even if she was taller, I would always be older. She looked me serious as you like and said: "You'll be dead sooner too."
67. A Little Too Real
When I was about six, I made up a long list of symptoms to fake sickness in order to get out of school. As it turns out, my symptoms were very consistent with malaria. My dad had a job with the U.S. embassy and we were living in Lagos, Nigeria at the time. I had no idea why they were so worried.
68. Okay That’s Just Genius
Not a parent, but a former teacher. I taught English in a school in Spain, and I wasn't supposed to let the kids know that I speak Spanish, so that they are forced to communicate in English. A 10-year-old girl comes up to me one day, grabs me by the hand, and says, with the most horrifying straight face ever, "Te vas a la muerte" or "you're going to die."
I was so shocked at the randomness of it that my jaw must have dropped. She then laughed her head off and said, "HA! You DO speak Spanish!". She then skipped away, laughing and smiling. Creepiest thing a kid has ever said to me. And probably the most clever thing a kid ever did while I was a teacher.
69. Guest Without An Invite
When I was four, my family lived on the beach. I liked to go out on the shore and explore, throw rocks, and whatnot. We had some neighbors I was always interested in because they always had big parties. One day, I decided I wanted to go. I walked over and joined the party, playing with kids and eating just a few hot dogs.
Nobody thought otherwise, because they assumed I was somebody's son. I came back a few hours later, last hot dog in tow, to find my parents had called the authorities and were trying to find me. They asked where I was and I just told them I was at the neighbors’ and they gave me hot dogs. I didn't get in trouble, but I didn't get to visit the neighbors much after that.
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70. Afraid of the Dark
"When you turn off the lights, that's when the black circles come. They come down like this (holds his hands in the air above his bed), and they stay for a second, then zoop! they go inside! (slapping the hands to his chest)." Then, barely holding back tears, "I hate it."
71. Chip Dipped In Ketchup
When I was around 12, we had a big old fat dog named Chip who did nothing but sleep and eat. So, one day when my mom was grocery shopping, the dog was laying in the kitchen. I decided to squirt ketchup on him and on the floor and everything. When my mom came home into the kitchen, I pretended to cry and said, "Mom! Chip went crazy, I had to kill him!"
She legitimately started bawling and dropped the grocery bag, breaking stuff. She got on the floor, only to see Chip roll over and walk outside. She was so angry when Chip dragged ketchup everywhere.
72. Abuse in Your Neighborhood
When my daughter was about eight months old I was in her bedroom cleaning while she was playing in her crib. I had her monitor turned down, but when I noticed the red lights moving, signaling noise, I turned it up. I heard, plain as day, a child screaming something along the lines of "I'm sorry, no!! please no!!!" The worst part is that I could actually hear him being hit.
I lived in a heavily populated area of Pittsburgh so there was no telling where this was happening. I grabbed my daughter and ran outside anyway, hoping to hear the child scream from an apartment or house so I could call the police, but I couldn't zero in on it. Such a horrible feeling, not being able to stop this poor child from being beat. I never looked at any of my neighbors the same.
73. Watching, Always Watching
I was in second grade or so, and I was just becoming curious about how stuff works down there. I also had a teddy bear that was as big as me too. Anyway, so I was watching TV one day, when "Starship Troopers" came on, and it was a smut scene. I had never seen that kind of thing before, so I started becoming aroused. I took my teddy bear, and I got on top of it.
I started doing what they were doing, and it felt funny at the time. When I looked behind me, my jaw dropped. My mom was watching me. She never talks about it.
74. Wise Beyond Their Years
When our dog died, without us yet having properly attempted to explain death, our then 2-year-old said, "All her thoughts left her body."
75. Toys Tucked Away, Then Thrown Away
I'm 25. I spend a lot of time at my boyfriend's house. But when I'm not with him, I'm at my parents' house saving up to get an apartment. I have my vibrator with me for those lonely nights. I was at my boyfriend’s house and my mom decided to go on one of her famous cleaning frenzies. She went through my sock drawer, where I keep my vibrator…
While she was moving things around, she must have activated the vibrator because she heard the buzzing. My sister sent me a text message and told me my mom was so mad that I had a vibrator, and so she threw it away. They were Catholics. The next time I came home, she could barely look me in the eye.
76. The Secret Lives of 4-Year-Olds
When my niece was around 3 or 4 years old, she told me she used to have a baby but it drowned. The baby was called Peanut Butter, but still.
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77. Asleep For The Ride
The first time I rode the bus while I was in kindergarten, I fell asleep and didn't get off when I got to school. The driver then took the bus to an industrial parking lot in the city, with rows of hundreds of other school buses. I woke up hours later, and stayed put like I was told to do. The school noticed that I was missing, and called my parents, who rightfully freaked out.
Officers were notified, a city-wide search was initiated, and eventually, someone decided to check the bus, when they found me. The bus driver was fired because of it.
78. Parents, Meet The Evil. The Evil, Parents.
My daughter had some imaginary friends for a couple of years named Dodo, Ghana, and the Evil. They just sort of appeared out of nowhere when she was about 2.5 years old. It started with Dodo and Ghana, then a few months later (she was about 3 at this point) she came up to me and told me with a creepily expressionless face: "The Evil is coming over today" and just walked away.
Turns out, The Evil was actually a pretty nice imaginary friend, she just had an unfortunate name.
79. Took A Short Trip
A friend of mine once decided to smoke salvia in his room after his parents went to sleep. In case you don't know what salvia is, it basically makes you trip for just about 20 minutes. Anyway, right after he took a massive hit, he started tripping and eventually wandered out of his room and to the top of the stairs. When he looked down the stairs, he must have bugged out or something.
He started repeatedly shrieking as loud as he could. His parents ran out to see what was going on, and they quickly figured out from his incoherent responses that he was on drugs, and dialed for some officers. By the time the ambulance arrived, he had sobered up and had to explain to everyone what was going on and that he didn't need to go to the hospital. His parents were not amused.
80. Parents, Meet The Evil. The Evil, Parents.
My daughter had some imaginary friends for a couple of years named Dodo, Ghana, and the Evil. They just sort of appeared out of nowhere when she was about 2.5 years old. It started with Dodo and Ghana, then a few months later (she was about 3 at this point) she came up to me and told me with a creepily expressionless face: "The Evil is coming over today" and just walked away.
Turns out, The Evil was actually a pretty nice imaginary friend, she just had an unfortunate name.
81. How Much Is Too Much?
I suffer from pretty bad insomnia, and nothing seems to help. One night, after not having slept for more than two hours in the past week, I took four mg of Xanax which was quite a lot for me as a 110lb female. I still couldn't fall asleep. So, becoming desperate, I decided to have a cocktail in addition to the Xanax I took.
I have no memory of anything after that, but apparently, my mother heard a loud crash and got up to investigate. She found me lying on the bathroom floor, unresponsive but breathing. She and my dad drove me to the ER and I was fine the next day. She says it was the most terrifying moment of her life and she will never be rid of the image of me lying on that floor.
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82. It’s Important to Know What Toys Your Kids Have
On random nights when my daughter was little, and sometimes in the morning, I would get woken up by a little girl saying "peekaboo..." I would wake up, look at the video monitor, and my daughter would be awake, every single time. Sometimes staring right at the camera. I looked in her room at every toy, tore apart her crib, etc. looking for what could be saying this. I started getting really creeped out as it continued and I couldn't explain it.
About three months later, when my daughter was about nine months, she woke up from a nap, and I started hearing "peekaboo..." repeatedly. WTF. So I ran into her room and my daughter was pushing on this little soft mirror that is attached to her crib wall. Apparently the mirror had a button behind it that when pushed on said this. When she was younger and just kicked around, she would accidentally kick it when she woke up. Face-palm ensued.
83. Spy Under The Sink
So when I was about 14, I was going to prank my sister in the bathroom by hiding in the cupboard under the sink and making scary noises while she was in the shower. It was obviously not well thought out, but I was bored. I knew she was showering soon, so I got under there and shut the doors, and waited. To my horror, my mom came in and took a long pee...
When she opened the cupboard doors, she found me curled up in the cabinet. I exited hastily with a burning red face and later my dad chewed me out for trying to spy on my sister in the shower. I still feel the horror many, many years later.
84. Anger Issues
When my niece was 3, she covered up my head with a blanket and held it down. I moved my head out where I could see her. She said "You can't come out" and smothered me again. I laughed and said, "Why?" She gritted her teeth and angrily said: "Because I don't want you to."
85. Lock The Doors
My husband was an uh-oh and his only brother is about 17 years older than him, so he got away with a lot. He would put mouse traps in the mailbox, lock people out, traumatize the neighbor’s dogs, and even made a homemade explosive which he set off right outside their back door. I think she said the worst part was with him and the bathroom.
I always wondered why there were hook-and-latch locks at the tops of all the doors on both sides. Apparently, they had tried it to keep him from hiding in the rooms. His mom said she would often go to use the bathroom and he would fling the shower curtain open and scare the bejeezus out of her while she was sitting on the toilet.
That's right, he didn't get them when they came in the door, he waited until they were comfortably seated doing their business and then ruined it. The locks didn't do any good, they just never bothered with taking them down.
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86. Singing Spirits
I was with my sister, her husband, and their 2-year-old daughter. We were talking about loved ones that had recently passed—my father had died sometime recently. My brother-in-law went and grabbed a picture of his mother, who had died in a car crash when he was six, to show me. When my niece saw the picture though she started laughing.
We asked her what was so funny and she looked at us and said: "that's my special friend who sings to me." I still shiver a bit just thinking about it.
87. Diving In Head First
I was a very fidgety child, restless, always wanting to go out and explore. So, it happened that two-year-old me was in a shopping cart at Costco, while my mom was exploring some aisle or another, not too far from the cart. Somehow, I ended up standing up and diving headfirst...unintentionally I hope...into the ground, resulting in what my mom describes as the sound of a bowling ball hitting concrete.
Nothing bad came of it, I think. She checked my head for any sort of direct injuries, concussions, or fluids leaking from where they shouldn't be. I was apparently not bothered at all by having landed on my head.
88. Apocalyptic Visions
My niece drew a picture "of a man in her room" that she kept telling her parents about. He had two different colored eyes, and one was grey. When asked why it was grey, she responded: "because he can see the storm coming."
89. Punching Papa’s Peanuts
When I was a little kid, I thought for some reason it would be hilarious to sneak under the table at dinner time and punch my dad straight in the nuts. To this day, I vividly remember grinning and pulling back my fist and letting go with all the velocity of a four-year-old. My dad proceeded to take me around the corner and give me the second-worst spanking of my life.
Needless to say, I don't punch people in the balls anymore.
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90. “You're Welcome” Would've Been Fine, Son
Recently actually. My son always says odd things. Usually, they're funny but this one threw me for a loop. He is 8. I was telling him how much I love him and thanks for being in my life. He said “I didn't choose this life. I couldn't control how it began. But I can control how it ends.”
91. Turn It Off And Back On Again
When I was in high school, my dad bought his first Mac. He was very protective of it. I discovered the joys of ResEdit and made a very official dialog box that popped up at start-up saying his system was corrupt. I went out that night and completely forgot about it. I returned a few hours later and he was so angry. He spent the entire night troubleshooting his "corrupt" system.
He started yelling at me asking what I did to break his computer.
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92. Grandfather or Something Else...
I don’t have kids yet, but apparently, when I was little my parents used to hear an indistinguishable mumbling coming from my room on a weekly basis that was blatantly a man’s voice. These were the same nights as when my toys would turn on and start playing music in the middle of the night. I have no idea if this is true or not, but for as long as I knew her, my grandmother used to say that my grandfather (he passed away when I was just over a year old) was always watching over me.
93. That Will Show Them
When I was younger, my parents took one of my toys away from me. It was a brand new hulk toy. This made toddler-me angry, so, I did the only logical thing to do—and it was absolutely diabolical. I pooped in their room. I pooped all over their bed and floor. I reminded my mom about it and she said it wasn't just poop, but diarrhea. I sprayed diarrhea all over my parent's bedroom.
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94. From Beyond The Grave
My then 3-year-old daughter walked downstairs in the morning and said "Look what I can do!" and she crossed her eyes. I asked her how she learned to do that and she said, "The boy taught me at night"
Me: "What boy?"
Her: "The boy with the glasses.. he did this," and she held her finger up and zoomed it to her nose and crossed her eyes. She said he laughed and laughed.
Not too scary right? Only... that's how my brother taught me to cross my eyes when I was 5 years old. He died when I was 7 years old.
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95. Personal Photos Become Impersonal
I went on a trip to Jamaica when I was about 19 years old with some friends. I got back to my parent's house after a late flight and wanted to show my mom pictures from the trip. I had them on my computer and had put the parent-friendly ones in a separate iPhoto folder. My mom was on the couch, close to falling asleep so she put her head on my lap to see the pictures.
I went to click on the family-friendly folder and instead clicked on my trash icon in iPhoto. Months earlier, I had taken a few...risque pictures for my then-boyfriend's birthday and had since moved them to the trash. So, instead of showing my mom the beautiful beaches of Negril, she was laying on my lap staring at 20-30 pictures of her daughter’s breasts and "come-hither" stare.
I have never clicked around so furiously in my life, trying to close that window. All she said was "Oh!" and then the next day said, "I hope you're not posting those on 'the MySpace,'" and luckily never mentioned it again. But, I'm pretty sure she was absolutely traumatized.
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96. Final Destination
We were driving down a dark, snowy highway late one evening—the final stretch of a 16-hour-long road trip. My son, who was around 4 or 5 at the time, was in the back seat and becoming a bit restless. He suddenly covered his face with a blanket and announced loudly, "I don't want to get glass on my face!"
A few moments later, a pick-up truck towing some snowmobiles pulled out in front of a tractor trailer a few cars in front of us and got hit, spinning out into the median. Fortunately, we avoided the accident completely. It was indeed a bit creepy, though, almost as though he predicted there was going to be an accident right in front of us.
97. Recreating An Absolute Thriller
When we were about five or seven years old, me and my brother discovered the similarities between ketchup and blood. Mom wasn't home yet, so we got some knives from the kitchen, all the ketchup we could find, cut some holes in our shirts for the knives, and staged a huge scene in the living room. We loved secretly watching the thrillers our parents used to see in the evenings.
We'd watch from the living room door, while they assumed us to be asleep. So, we had some experience with a plausible scenario and put a lot of thought into it, creating a huge battle scene with blood on the walls, the couches, and of course lots of ketchup on our motionless bodies in the center of the room. Mom had kind of a breakdown.
98. Just So You Know...
My kid had woken up early so she was watching cartoons next to me in my bed while I tried to wake up. I'd heard a funny sound downstairs earlier that I mentally blamed on the dogs. Then kiddo leans over to me and remarks "Oh, there's a man in the house." AWAKE AWAKE AWAKE! I never found anything and never got any further details from her.
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99. A Collection From The Night
I was severely afraid of the dark as a kid. I would hide under my covers and not get out of bed while it was dark. But, I often had to urinate late at night. So, I came up with a clever plan: I decided to keep a bunch of empty Snapple bottles on hand. Sadly, I was too grossed out/lazy to get rid of them the next day. So, my mom found all these full bottles on the shelf next to my bed.
I guess urine starts to smell pretty bad when it's been sitting for a few months.
100. Still Nana’s Room
My mum stayed with us for a few months when my daughter was 3 or 4. When she moved out, the spare room was still called "nanna's room." I asked my daughter to get something upstairs one day, she did and came back to me and said: "Who is that old lady in nanna's room?". Didn't go in that room ever again.
101. Traumatizing Whispers
I was just coming home from work and my two sister-in-laws had been babysitting my one-year-old daughter. They told me they had just laid my daughter down for a nap, then one sat in the living room, and one went to the bathroom. Suddenly the one in the living room heard whispering through the monitor, at the same time the other sister that had been in the bathroom was walking by and heard it from my daughter’s room.
Then my daughter started to freak the heck out, screaming and crying. They, of course, got her the heck out of there, and I walked in the door. Now my house was NOT a big house, and my daughter was always adventurous. After that day she would not so much as get within five feet of her own doorway. We tried to put her to bed that night and the second we shut the door she screamed and cried again, so we allowed her to sleep in our bed.
The next day was the same. Just walking by the doorway to the bathroom freaked her out. Luckily we were moving a few days later to a new house so we moved her crib into our bedroom and she slept perfectly. She still says she doesn't want to go back to the "old scary house" to this day, she is three.
102. That Escalated Quickly
The following is an exchange that took place between me and my neighbor’s kid: "
Hey mister, whatcha doin’!?"
"Bringing in the groceries, dude."
"Can I come inside your house?"
"Oh, nah buddy. I'm busy, and your mom would wonder where you went, I don't think she'd like that too much."
"You mean I really can't?"
"Yeah bud. Sorry. Maybe another time when your mom knows where you're at."
"I... I'm gonna use my gun and put a virus in your brain so that you die!"
"I uh....ya. Alrighty then. Welp, groceries! Bye bye now!"
103. Strange Happenings
Once I was taking a nap on the couch. I was waking up, and just as I'm opening my eyes, I see my 2-year-old son walking toward me with a serious look on his face. He leans in close and whispers, "It happened." He then leaves without another word. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHAT HAPPENED??
School of Natural Health Sciences
104. Not What You Want to Hear in That Moment...
When my special needs son was 10 years old, he had to have a very serious surgery. It was an 8-hour procedure and a pretty risky operation. We did not tell him these risks. Right before they wheeled him into surgery, he hugged me and said "Goodbye. Forever..." He made it through and his quality of life was dramatically improved by the surgery. Scariest eight hours of my life though.
105. Thank you for Your Service, Young Man!
My 3-year-old grandson has babbled about plane crashes since he started talking. Early this summer, I was reading him a bedtime story. I pause and look up at him, and he says "Granny, I was a pilot, my plane was the Kitty Hawk. I crashed into the water when they shotted off my wing and shotted off my face." It almost stopped my heart.
He looked so troubled and sad. I told him that he had done his best and I was very proud of him, and that he was only a little boy now and need not worry about that—but that if he needed to talk about it, he could anytime. I just hugged him. I researched and Kitty Hawks were used by almost every country early in WWII. So I guess my grandson was a WWII fighter pilot in his previous life?
106. She Would Grow Up to Be a Great Impressionist
I once heard a deep satanic growling over the baby monitor. Seriously. A deep growling voice speaking unintelligibly, in a menacing tone. Then the sweet baby voice said clearly “Hi dere.” A man was in the baby’s room!! I was at my sister’s house watching a movie while her baby daughter slept. When we heard the man’s evil voice on the monitor we grabbed each other’s hands and rushed up the stairs, my sister pausing to pick up her baseball bat.
Breathing heavily with fear we listened outside the nursery door. The chattering was definitely coming from the baby’s room, evil deep voice and happy baby voice chattering incomprehensibly. Something didn’t make sense, so, being the dumber braver sister, I poked my head quietly around the door. To my relief there was nobody there but the fat adorable baby reaching upward, chatting.
Horrified we stepped into the room only to hear the horrible deep menacing voice again. Gradually it dawned on us that the baby had two voices coming out of her tiny mouth and one was satanic. Was she possessed by demonic forces? We stood over her cot while she smiled up at us happily. "Who are you talking to baby?" My sister asked nervously.
"Daddy!" The baby replied, then made the growly voice again. It seems she was entertaining herself with a made up chat with her beloved daddy. The awful thing was when her father got home and said "hi" in his deep gravelly voice we burst into shrieks of laughter. That baby did a great exaggerated impression of her dad’s voice.
107. I’d Just Let It Go
"I want to watch Frozen, but only the part where the parents die in a shipwreck."—my kid.
108. Retreat!!
My 3-year-old daughter was going through the monsters under her bed phase. It lasted for weeks, and it was really wearing on her mom and me. One night after mom tried to put her to bed, she tagged me in. After 30 minutes, I grew pretty frustrated. In a last ditch attempt, I promised my daughter that there weren't any monsters under her bed.
She replied, "I know. Now, they're behind you." After that, I let her sleep with us for a week.
109. Breakfast in Bed
This morning I was lying in bed and my two-year-old came up and put her face right up to mine. I thought maybe she wanted a kiss. Then she said, "Mama, I want to eat your eyes please."
110. He’s Definitely Got Somewhere to Be
I was tucking in my 2-year-old. He said, "Goodbye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said, "I know, but this time, it’s goodbye." Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there...
111. Trapped Shadow People
I was babysitting my niece once while I was staying at my brother's place and they had the baby camera set up so I could see her on the little TV it came with. I was studying and started dozing off when I heard some whispering and realized it was coming from the monitor. I initially thought it was some feedback or something, but when I looked at the TV there was a dark shadow near her crib.
I have never been more terrified in my life but the shadow was clearly there where it had not been before. I ran to her room and looked around and saw nothing but, I took her the heck out of there. I went back to the TV and the shadow was clearly gone. I told my brother what happened and he pulled me aside and told me not to mention it to my sister-in-law because she'll freak out, but that he had seen that same thing several times now, with the same whispering.
They stayed in that house for about four more years and when my niece was just learning to talk she would tell her mom about her "special friend." This to this day scares the heck out of me. When they moved out, my brother told me my niece had become inconsolably sad because she would miss her "friend." Her mom would tell her she could bring him along but all she would say was that he couldn't leave the house. We have never to this day told her about that darn shadow, and she apparently never saw it.
112. Mama’s Boy
When my oldest son was about 3 years old, he said: "Mommy, I like you better than my fake mommy." Naturally, I asked, "Who's your fake mommy?" He replied "You can't see her. She tucks me in after you do." Okay then…
113. Just an Old Inside Joke With the Placenta
My three-day-old infant was sleeping with rapid eye movements—dreaming. I watched her crack a smile, which deepened and turned into a belly laugh. What does a three-day-old infant possibly have to dream about that cracks them up?
114. Unique Sense of Humor...
A friend’s 4-year-old son said “Uncle S (me) is gonna die in the water! He’s gonna fall from a bridge and die in the water!” He then walked out of the room laughing.
115. Fur the Love of Dog!
My 12-year-old comes up to me visibly shaken and says that she thinks she saw someone in the bathroom. I asked her to clarify and she said when she walked past, it looked like someone ducked into the shower. Mind you, it was just her and myself at home at that time, since my husband was at work. So, we have our dog, Rango, follow me to the hallway where the bathroom is.
My adrenaline is pumping hard. I stop a few feet away from the door and look at Rango. He looks at me and I point to the bathroom. I kid you not, he understood loud and clear what I wanted. He looks at the bathroom and slowly and carefully stalked towards the door with the fur on his back raised. When I saw him react like this, I was convinced someone was in there and my heart started racing.
Turned out there was no one in there, and Rango just looked at me like "Really?" and did that huff thing dogs do through their nose, somewhat irritated. I still have no idea why my daughter said/did that!
116. They Weren’t Lying When They Said Grandma Would Be Watching
My uncle has a handful of stories, but I'll tell one of the better ones. One night over the baby monitor, they heard whispering and what sounded like my cousin's voice. Strangely though, they heard another voice that sounded like my grandma's (she passed a year before this). They go into her room and asked her who she was talking to, and she says "I was talking to grandma, she helped me find my doll." The doll WAS on the floor, but when they checked on her it was in her crib.
117. Silence is Golden
At about 3 AM, I wake up to find my 6-year-old son just standing next to my side of the bed, staring at me motionless. It was a very tense moment up to the point when I finally asked him very easily "You ok, son??" He then came back with "I can’t sleep," but I still wonder how long he stood there before I woke up…
118. Scaredy Cat
When I was about 3 years old we had a cat that had stillborn kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them, I asked: "Aren't those too small?" He said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "Aren't we going to nail them to them?" After several moments of silence, he said: "We're not going to do that." "Oh."
119. You Can Take the Boy Out of the Helicopter, But You Can’t Take the Helicopter Out of the Boy
I was asking my 3-year-old if he remembered being born, then I got to asking him if he remembered what happened before he was born. Without missing a beat or any prompting from me other than the question, he goes "I was in a helicopter that goes round and round and round then BOOM into the ground!"
120. I’m a Rocket Man
I was sitting with a kid once near a campfire and he seemed to be lost in thoughts. I asked what he is thinking about. This 6-year-old said: "I wish I was high up in space and the whole world was on fire. That would be beautiful."
121. Background Check
"Mommy, will you ever hurt me with a knife?" my infant asked. Obviously, I told her no. She followed up with, "Okay, good. I know some moms do that!" She was 3 years old when this happened. She had never seen videos or anything that showed child abuse, so I'm not sure how she was aware that some parents hurt their kids. She’s also never been abused by anyone.
122. Just a Little PSA
I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned around and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that!
123. Planning for the Future
My 3-year-old son said, "Next time I'm a baby, I want to have green eyes." I asked him if he had been a different baby before being who he currently is, and he squinted his eyes, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Yes, papa."
124. Skin in the Game
I was sound asleep, and at around 6 AM I was woken up by my 4-year-old daughter’s face just inches away from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off." The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week and was starting to peel. In my sleep-addled state, however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds.
I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.
125. Say Cheese!
My niece was about 4 years old when I heard her laughing in my room. I walked in and asked her what she was doing. She said, "Chucky says if you stick your fingers in your eyes they come out of your mouth." Then she told me Chucky lived underground. Still gives me chills.
126. Just Making Conversation
My oldest kept talking in his bed, even hours past bedtime. When we asked him who he was talking to, he said he was talking to the floating white lady. I don't remember the description he gave us, but what I DO remember is kid #3 doing the same exact routine, 8 years later…
127. Something to Remember You By
My son has made so many comments about his plans of keeping my body when I die, I've considered specifically putting info into the will to make sure it doesn't ever happen.
128. Breaking News!
When my son was 3 years old, he had an existential crisis. He had just discovered death and, every night as I was going to sleep, he would fixate on the fact that everyone is going to die. Despite being a lifelong atheist, I found myself talking to him about heaven, just hoping something would reassure him and make him worry less and maybe go to sleep for a few hours.
But this nightly anxiety attack over the inevitability of death went on for months. One night, I've calmed him down and he's quiet for a long time. I think he's finally asleep and I'm about to tiptoe out of the room, when loud and clear he screams out: "MAMA WILL DIE TOMORROW!!" I knew this was just his latest bout of worry, but he said it with such conviction I spent the whole next day holding my breath. Maybe he knew something I didn't!
129. Considerate of Everyone, Even If They Don’t Exist
When I was 3 years old, we moved into a new home. We were eating dinner in our big, somewhat creepy new house when I apparently stopped and stared at the ceiling. My parents ask if everything's okay. I shush them and reply "We have to be quiet. We don't want to wake up Marcus." Well, we don't know any Marcus—so my parents silently freak out thinking maybe I saw a "ghost" or something.
Long story short, when I used to visit my uncle’s place back then, he would tell me to stay quiet cause his neighbor (Marcus) lived above them, so I guess I just assumed every unfamiliar house had a Marcus of its own. Definitely spooked my parents good though!
130. Future New York Times Bestseller
When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, she wrote and illustrated her first book—titled “I Hope You Die in a Fire.”
131. I’m Drawing a Blank
I was driving home my 3-year-old son, totally quiet, him just staring out the window...until he randomly asks "Hey dad, remember that time we all died in a fire?"
132. I Think It’s Time for “Bye Bye Bye”!
My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say “Hi” to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi," all day long. One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die." So I ask her, "What's that you're saying?" And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......."
133. Chairy On Top
I heard my 1-year-old's high chair move even though nobody was near it. I asked my 3-year-old, "What was that?" and he said while pointing to the chair, "What is SHE doing here!?"
134. Trouble Down Under
My kid's Catholic school is over 100 years old. There is a basement under the gym that's used for storage. I was subbing once and, during recess, one of the kickballs rolled down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling "Just throw it up to me." I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied "That big man at the bottom of the stairs!"
I went down and there was nobody there. There was no other way in and hardly anyone ever even went down there. I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before and they said: "Yes, but Sister told us not to talk to him." I asked them to describe this "sister" and they described a nun. There haven't been nuns at the school in 40 years...
135. Poor Word Choice Much?
My 4-year-old son had a habit of announcing when he had to use the bathroom. He would say "I gotta go potty." One time, he makes his business known and heads off toward the bathroom. He returns seconds later and says "There's already someone in the bathroom." Now, I do know for a fact that it's just the two of us home—so the hair stands up on my neck.
I ask him, "What do you mean?" He repeats, "There's already someone in the bathroom." So I grab the biggest knife I can find and tell him to stay here. I walk to the bathroom, take a wide angle to see in. Nobody in sight. Slowly and quietly, I walk toward the shower and pull back the curtain. Nothing. By now, my son has walked around the corner and I ask him "Where did you see the person?"
He points to the unflushed toilet and says "See, someone’s already here." His big brother didn't flush the toilet…
136. You’re Scaring Me!
When my son was about 5 years old, he started having night terrors. Eyes wide open, he would stare into an abyss of his own invention and scream with the chilling ferocity of hell itself. I would hold him and rock his rigid little body until he loosened back to sweaty deep sleep. What I never told my husband or the pediatrician, or even my mother, was that I was afraid of him during those nighttime bouts of what looked and felt like nothing less than possession. I was afraid of my own sweet child and wanted to run away.
137. He Knows Too Much
I pulled out a wad of money one day. My little kid promptly yelled “STRIPPERS!!!” Not sure who taught him that…
138. Next Time Stick to Sesame Street
Me when I was a kid: "Mommy, look what I learned!" *Inserts tongue into mom’s mouth during goodnight kiss.* "I learned it from a movie! It means you love someone!" Mom calmly gets up without saying a word and walks to her room. I still cringe pretty damn hard whenever I remember doing that.
139. Devil in Disguise
He started refusing to go downstairs, saying there was an evil “angel man” down there that wanted to hurt the whole family. He consistently drew the same picture of said angel man too. Who knows what that was really about…
140. Evil Laugh
It’s one in the morning. I’m fast asleep with my wife in the living room reading. All of the sudden, the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son’s laughter into my ear. So I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.
141. The Sky’s the Limit
I have twin daughters. One day while playing outside, one looked up at the sky and said, "The sky is cracked, and it’s on fire!" My other daughter looked up and said, "Yes, the people are screaming!" Then they went back to playing with dolls. Fingers crossed they're not predicting the future, everybody!
142. The Silence of the Bunnies
My oldest daughter occasionally sleepwalks. A few weeks ago, she came out of her room and entered the living room where me and the wife were watching TV. I asked her what was wrong and all she said was “The rabbits won't stop screaming.” Then she turned around and went back to her room. Not gonna lie, it creeped us out…
143. How Do You Say “What the Heck” in French?
The flat we live in belonged to my husband's grandmother, who died long before I was ever in the picture. He was 18 years old when she died and instead of selling it, he just moved in with some of his buddies, then I moved in, and then, later on, they moved out. My son will often talk to himself, mostly babbling while he's playing alone but sometimes in full on conversations.
We're also trying to teach him English—so if he says something in French, I'll ask him to repeat it in English for me. One day, he announces: "Grandma doesn't like it when I speak English. She says it's an ugly language." I just sort of laughed it off, and my husband asked him if she had a problem with mommy's accent. "No, she said Americans you can understand at least, not like when you had that friend from Liverpool stay here."
There was a Scouser (a guy from Liverpool) that lived with them for a few weeks when it was him and his roommates, some friend of a friend who was looking for a flat. I didn't even know about the guy, and there's no way my son would.
144. I'd Rather You Didn't
My six-year-old daughter was in the passenger seat a few days ago and looked at me and said, "Dad, when I'm seven I'm going to kill you. No wait, when I'm eight." I asked, "How are you going to do that?" She smiled and said, "I'm gonna drive over your head with this car."
Shutterstock/Getty images
145. Frighteningly Accurate
My dad watched his mother die of a ruptured gallbladder when he was 12 and still remembers it vividly. My sister, one day, randomly gets up almost an hour after she's gone to bed and goes up to him. The conversation went like this:
Sister: Daddy, your mommy died in a red sweater, jeans, sneakers and with her hair in a ponytail, right? And her hair was blonde?
Dad: Drops book he's reading and stares, wide-eyed, and then says Yes...
Sister: What color were her eyes?
Dad: Blue... why?
Sister: Oh, she doesn't have them anymore, just empty sockets. I was curious.
And she goes right back to bed.
146. Friend Bear
Okay, so my daughter is now almost two and has long since moved into her own room. We have one of those video monitor things where you can see/hear the baby on this little TV thing or you can turn the picture off and just get sound. So one night maybe a month ago I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit or something, and I start hearing my daughter babbling to herself. Now, it's really late, like one or two in the morning. Much later than she is ever awake unless something is wrong and she is sick or cutting a tooth or something.
So I turn the picture on the monitor on and see her standing up in her crib facing sort of diagonally away from the camera. I can see her hands in front of her but only like half of her face. Now is a good time to mention that we have been teaching her ASL since she was about three months old, and she has been responding and conversing in sign since about ten months. I can see her signing things like "nice," "silly," and "fun" and, oddly enough, "no," "don't like" and "bear." Of course being the good and loving mother I am (and really not wanting to deal with an overly sleepy baby in the morning) I get up to see what the heck she is doing.
When I get to her room she is still standing up and signing/babbling towards the far corner of her room. I ask her what she is doing and who she is talking to and she signs/says (as best as she can) "friend" which she does with her whole hands and not just her index fingers and signs "bear" again. I tell her that no, see Bear (who is actually one of her stuffed toys) is in bed behind her not in the corner of the room but she just giggles at me and signs/says "silly" and "mommy."
I can see she is wide awake so I sit down in the rocker next to her bed and try to figure out what woke her up but all she will tell me is "friend" and "bear" and occasionally duck down like she is hiding and making shhh noises. I finally get fed up and ask her who Friend Bear is and her response literally gave me chills because she doesn't speak well yet but she managed to say, very clearly and with the most serious face a 20-month-old can pull off, "No name, no name, shhhhh."
Well now I am well and truly freaked out so I tell her to ask "No Name Friend Bear" to go home because it is too late to play and I did what any good loving mother would do. I gave her a pacifier, went back to my room, turned off the monitor entirely and hid under the covers in my room where my good and loving husband would protect me from nameless invisible bears.
147. The Cursed Child
When my father was a kid in the ‘60s, he would go into the living room in the middle of the night, turn the TV on to static, climb on his rocking horse and slowly rock back and forth in the dark room only lit by the TV static and slowly say "I hate mommy. I hate mommy. I hate mommy." over and over again. My grandmother says it was the creepiest thing she's ever seen. Well, that and the UFO.
148. Not Cool
I had a music teacher who took his 4-year-old daughter to an old theater in Alaska. She started crying immediately when she walked in, so he took her outside and she stopped crying. He took her back in, she started crying again, so he took her outside again. He asked why she was crying, and she said: "That's where the people with no eyes watch you."
