No one likes a party pooper and everybody tries, at all costs, not to become one by accident. But when people lose their inhibitions, you can end up with some unwanted results. These tales that people have shared aren’t the usual, “this person fell on their face” stories, but these party fouls end anywhere from an awkward pause to everyone ditching the party.
I was at a raging party with over two hundred people. An ex-boyfriend of one of the hostess’s friends crashed the party. He was bad news and drank a lot. Later, he crawled out of a room and knocked out on the floor of the living room. We ignored him. That was until he started to snore loudly. It was time for him to go. So we came up with a hilarious plan.
So, someone rolled him in a blanket and dragged him out of the house, down the front steps, and into the fire-ant-infested front yard to let him sleep it off.
Once, this girl at a party walked up to my friend so she could pop the top of his bottle with the bottom of hers. Already tipsy, she knocked my friend’s bottle, shattering it in his hand. My friend, now bleeding, looked up from his hand and announced, “I’m bleeding…someone get me another drink.” And the party continued.
I was at a party in high school at my rich friend's house. She had a hot tub that a few of us noticed was being seriously under-utilized. My friend's widely-despised bumpkin girlfriend got in first, and after I grabbed a cold bottle, I took off everything except my boxers and walked across the back deck to the hot tub.
As I stepped in, my foot slipped on the smooth fiberglass then shot out to my side right between the bumpkin girl's legs. I actually felt my big toe penetrate her as I fell into the water while I managed to keep my bottle level and above water. As soon as I got my head back above water, I heard her screaming, "My cooter!"
I didn't stop laughing for a very long time and still yell that sometimes when I see that friend. I think I redeemed my hammered clumsiness by one, saving my fresh drink and two, eliciting such a ridiculous reaction.
Once, I was partying at an old fraternity house, and in the basement, there was a lone PVC water pipe that stretched from the floor to ceiling. This room also housed the heaviest pong table known to man. Later in the night after copious amounts of drinking, some dumb dude decided that this table needed to be relocated.
He pushed the big table against the wall with enough force to shatter the pipe. It was the middle of winter, so ice-cold water started spraying in a six-foot radius out of the pipe dousing nearly everyone in the room. Girls were crying about their hair and clothes while the guys were yelling to find the shut-off valve.
It took them about five minutes to find it. Meanwhile, I was standing bone dry on the other side of the room nursing my drinking and watching an impromptu wet t-shirt contest. It was a good night.
Our hockey team played all their games at an ice rink a half hour from our school. They played at midnight, and the tradition was for the students to get trashed and have a designated driver bring them to the game. Then between periods, everyone went to the parking lot to maintain their altered states with more drinks.
Well, I decided during the first period to get a front-row seat and scream like a fool at the refs as we always did. So, with my face buried deep in the safety net that surrounds the rink above the glass, I just screamed at the refs along with all my trashed friends. The next thing I knew was something had hit my head.
It felt like a rock smacked me right in the forehead but also didn’t hurt that badly. Then my friend told me, “dude, you’re bleeding.” I touched my forehead to see my hand covered with blood. By then, some person handed me a bunch of napkins, which I smacked on my forehead and then made my way to leave with my friends.
My friend then assessed my laceration and advised that I’d need stitches. This all happened in the first period. We then found our designated driver and had him drive us to the closest hospital. We walked right in with no wait, and the doctor put eight stitches in my forehead while laughing at me and my friends talking.
While he did, he insisted that he should fill out all my paperwork, and not our sober driver. Once the doctor got me all stitched up then took a few pictures of his excellent work for me, I got discharged. Of course, then was the perfect time for another drink, right? My friend and I went back out to the car to slam more drinks.
We made it back to the game just in time for the start of the third period. This was the only time in my life that I've ever walked back into the stands at a sports event and had everybody stand up and cheer for me rather than the game!
In college, there was this guy on my swim team who was nice but terrible with women. He used to be really shy about changing in front of the rest of the guys in the locker room and always changed under a towel while most of us did not. Then one day, the towel dropped, and we all saw he was seriously packing down there.
At first, we were all flabbergasted that this quiet, semi-awkward, nice dude was so well endowed. No one could keep it to themselves, and pretty soon, all of the girls on the team knew about his "big" secret. At the next big swim team party after a night of tipsy teasing and congratulations, I think he felt emboldened. That’s when he went way too far.
In an attempt to distract the other team's opening shot while we were playing a game, he whipped it out and started spinning it around helicopter style. His spinning member accidentally knocked over all six of his team's cups, making them instantly lose.
I was at a party where the “hated roommate” got smashed and was stumbling around. He was in the bathroom for half an hour and came out giggling nefariously loudly declaring that he upper decked his own toilet. He thought it was the funniest thing. That was, until the morning when they made him clean up right when he got up.
In college, a few friends moved into a house together in their second year. A couple of weeks after getting the keys, they threw a party, and somehow, a group of freshmen caught wind of the party and showed up. I’d arrived late with my friends and noticed it was a sausage fest since the freshman were all guys.
That wasn’t the worst part. A terrible smell invaded my nostrils as soon as I opened the door. It wasn’t from a dog or a cat. It was human. I made a beeline to the host to investigate any clogged toilets. We cleared all of the washrooms, but the smell remained. One of my friends determined the source. The stench was emanating from one of the freshmen.
He was smashed and had an accident. The smell was overwhelming but none of the freshmen seemed to notice or care. After a moment of us staring slack-jawed, my friend walked over to him. She told him that he may have had an accident. The kid flipped out and ran out the door. I left, and the hosts kicked out all of the freshmen to clean up.
My friend and I rented a hotel suite for a party. We were set for a good night and expected over a dozen people to come. One friend called the front desk to leave a message for us saying he couldn’t make it to our party. So, the manager called to tell us that and that we weren’t allowed to have parties. We had to cancel.
And it was all because our friend was just trying to be thoughtful.
A hammered girl was standing in the middle of the room looking disoriented. She was showing all the signs that she was going to throw up. So, one guy decided to be a “hero” and scooped her up to take her to the bathroom. Except he didn’t think about it and grabbed her by her stomach, squeezing it too hard. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well for him.
I was at a party in an apartment complex and stepped out to the backyard when I had a powerful urge to pee. I was already hammered and didn’t really care about my manners – I already was wearing only one shoe. So, I looked for a remote corner and relieved myself. As I was finishing, I heard the back door abruptly open.
Then I heard someone yell at me. I zipped up and spun around—and my blood ran cold. It was the super. He was known to be a jerk but that night was ready to hit the town. He was dressed to the nines wearing a huge gold chain around his neck and had his hair slicked back. He yelled at me asking what I was doing. I froze not knowing what to do.
So, I began stammering, “…no…English?” He yelled again. So, I repeated myself in my best broken accent my tipsy self could get out. I was in way too deep. He asked me where I was from. I said China. Frustrated, he asked which apartment. My words were lacking as I gestured and pointed upstairs. After five minutes of glaring, he kicked me out.
That was fine, but I still only had one shoe. I also didn’t have my keys, wallet, or phone. I watched the super lock the front and back doors. With no way to contact my friends, I walked to the bar where the bartender recognized me. After explaining my dilemma, he shook his head and let me use his phone to make a call.
But my friends were too hammered to pick up the phone. So, I had to end my night standing across the street from the apartment building hiding from the super. I just waited in the shadows for anyone to go into the building so I could follow them inside. My friends told me the super was looking for the, and I quote, “peeing Chinaman.”
One New Year’s, we had bottles and bottles of some cheap stuff and drank it. We were sitting in a first-floor apartment and about to leave for another party. But the host decided that he needed to relieve himself and he was going to do it out his window. I missed all of this getting something, and was on my way back.
I watched one of my friends by the front door with his head tilted back, thinking that someone was pouring him a drink from above. But it wasn’t a drink. It was the host relieving himself, but my friend was too gone to realize it.
I went to high school with a guy whose house was due to be knocked down. So, he had a party knowing full well that it would be messy. It started innocent enough with flicking paint at each other or looking the other way if someone spat on the floor. That was until my friend “accidentally" pulled a kitchen cupboard off.
After a brief pause, the pandemonium broke loose. It got so bad that one guy punched through a window cutting his hand, so someone had called for an ambulance, and officers came to shut the whole party down. I suspect the host was the one who called them making him a bad host, but I still enjoyed our hour of fun at his house.
I was at a party at a family friend’s house, and my fiancé’s friend came with a date. She had only just started dating him. Scott was decent, and I was having a good time talking to him and introducing him to people at the party. I left him for a half-hour, and in that time, he downed most of a bottle. I knew the outcome wouldn't be good, so I distanced myself from him.
Well, word spread that there was a guy outside throwing up...a lot. It was Scott. My fiancé and I told her friend that her date needed help. She checked on him and told us that he was overly apologetic and embarrassed. He wanted to drive himself home. Even though she tried stopping him, he pushed past her and got in. And then nothing happened…for an hour.
He’d passed out before he could even get the keys in the ignition but managed to lock the doors. My friend and I tried tapping on the windows to get his attention, but he didn’t wake up. So, we gathered some tools. But then we heard the engine start suddenly and then the car peeling off up the street. We watched it as it went through a stop sign and drove away.
We only saw him once after that.
I went to a party with a co-worker while I was in college. I did like my co-worker except that she had a hard time controlling herself when she partied. We’d been to many parties together, but this was our last time. She was passing out on the ground against a tree. My friends and I tried to get her up. She just laughed and kept falling back down with her eyes fluttering.
Then she wet her pants. I felt so bad for her. Eventually, she realized what she had done and we brought her to a friend’s car to go home. We remained friends, but we never went to another party together.
It had been over half an hour of waiting in the line-up for the only bathroom on the crazy party bus. I was almost at the front when the guy in front of me decided he couldn’t wait any longer and whipped his thing out and did his business right where he was. While people jumped out of the way in disgust, I didn’t move.
My only goal was to make sure nobody cut in front of me. It finally was my turn, and I went in with my buddy who’d been waiting with me. Before closing the door, two pretty girls asked if they could go with us. My friend and I agreed, and I relieved myself not caring they were staring right at my junk. I just had to go.
When it was my friend’s turn, he couldn’t go. He got stage fright. So, the girls went before him, and the last thing I remember is hearing him beg the next person in line for five seconds of privacy.
My parents were out of town on New Year’s, so I threw a huge party at my house out in the rural hills. As the clock ticked down, everyone inside watched through floor-to-ceiling windows a girl stumbling in circles in the backyard. Five seconds to midnight, she tripped and fell into the dirt. It was time to count down.
We counted down, and just as midnight struck, she finally spilled her guts. After the initial moments of the new year, I sent her friends outside to get her and bring her home.
I have a college friend from a very wealthy Indian family. His family was having a party for his sister, so my friend invited some of us to keep him company. When we got to his house, it was gorgeous with an open bar! The party consisted of a lot of sober high school kids, older Indian relatives, and our college group.
Our group hit the open bar like it was our job, and soon, we’d achieved the desired effects. I was two to three times worse than my friends. I proceeded to make a complete fool of myself. After throwing back what felt like my 40th drink, I noticed a high school girl who I thought was cute. So, I started chatting her up.
I thought I was being quite suave for my altered state. Except I mentioned something inappropriate that made perfect sense in my head. Then I complimented her shoes and walked away. That was the last thing that I remembered. I only found out what happened later. My friends found me sitting at the dining room table looking sick, tired, and miserable.
One of my friends sat on my lap pretending I was Santa. I moaned and leaned my head against his chest. He responded with a joke at the same time that I threw up all over his chest and lap. It got everywhere—the gorgeous rug underneath the table and then on the family’s pants from cleaning it up. I woke up hours later alone.
I felt fine but noticed how terrible I smelled. When I looked down, my suit was covered. I looked at the clock and saw it was 4 in the morning, and all the guests were gone. It was quite an awkward morning, and my friend thought it was funny. His friend’s dad just said, “it isn’t a party till somebody pukes.”
My friend brought his girlfriend to my wedding and got smashed. So much so that he crashed another wedding at our hotel and met a random chick. But that’s not all he did. He also slept with her in his room. His girlfriend walked in on them and flipped out. His girlfriend was so wasted that my wife and I had to coddle her all night until she was asleep. On our wedding night.
At a frat party on the dance floor, one of my friends informed me that she was going to vomit. We took her to the next room and couldn't find a trash can anywhere. By then, she was doing everything in her power to keep the vomit from spewing out of her mouth. So, we grabbed the empty cooler used to hold the jungle juice.
We put it in front of her and watched her while she puked for 20 minutes. Then a trashed frat boy came in to see what was going on, found a trash can for her, and put the cooler back on the counter before leaving again. I’ll never forget what happened next. I was too busy dealing with my friend to mind the vomit-filled cooler until a girl came to fill her cup.
I told her to not, under any circumstances, drink the jungle juice. This girl just rolled her eyes, swore at me, and took a big swig of fresh puke.
I was quite pickled and lost my hoodie that night. I found a hoodie in the same color and assumed it was mine. So, as I was leaving with a couple of friends at the end of the night, this girl grabbed my arm then yelled at me to take off her hoodie. I stammered out something about how I must have the same hoodie as her.
She told me to stick my arms out straight. I obliged. The sleeves barely made it past my elbows.
At a party in a studio apartment, I was getting nervous watching a friend with a glass of red start to sway and dip while sitting on the white-sheeted bed. So, I suggested standing closer to the kitchen. She tried tottering over but then lost her balance. She then fell back into a basket filled with unopened chip bags—but that was just the start of her spectacle.
This made her fling her drink over her head against the wall, and all the bags of chips burst open with loud bangs as she landed. The whole party froze and turned to the noise to see my friend collapse and twitching in the basket with a spray of red liquid running down the wall behind her. There was a lot of screaming.
But soon people realized that nothing bloody happened. But the host almost blew up as well because some of the drink landed on the bottom of a treasured painting of the Joan of Arc. While the liquid continued to seep through, my friend started yelling that Joan of Arc was bleeding and looked as if she was getting her period.
In my freshman year, I was at a frat party watching a game of pong between seniors and freshmen. The seniors trashed talked the freshmen, made fun of them, and told them that they weren’t “worthy” to play because they were only freshmen and had zero chance of winning. Well, the freshmen proved them wrong by a longshot.
One of the seniors punched a window in his rage and embarrassment. The window shattered, and the glass cut a big deep gash from his hand to elbow. He ran through the room to the bathroom spraying blood everywhere – including the group of girls that had just arrived.
We were having an open-door college party. Since we were in a small town, it usually wasn’t an issue—but this time, it was. Someone who no one knew arrived and got smashed and tried hitting on all of the girls. No one paid him much attention until we realized that he was passed out and had puked all over himself on our outside couch.
Nobody wanted to touch him, so we called the RA from his dorm to come and get him. But before the RA came around, this guy woke up and decided to use our shower to clean up. This left the washroom occupied during a party! He came out holding my roommate’s towels without any clothes on not even trying to cover himself up.
But to everyone’s relief, the RA arrived and accompanied him on his walk of shame across campus to his dorm.
As a professional photographer, I have showcases for my work. One night before a showcase, I had a small party at my house with pong, music, the usual. A guy came with a really pretty girl, and after some time, I realized that she wasn’t interested in him. So, I went up to her with my drink and started chatting her up.
She asked me what I did, and I told her. I offered to take her upstairs to my room to see more of my prints. So, she was looking through all of them, getting excited, complimenting me, and becoming more and more flirty. When she brushed up on me enough times, we started making out hard. But there was one thing we’d forgotten.
Her date burst into the room, but he didn’t realize what was happening. He decided to surprise her by tickling her. She gasped and vomited—but that’s not the worst part. It was all over my unprotected prints. I was livid, she was embarrassed, and we were both upset with the friend. They argued, and he left. She ended up staying and sleeping with me.
She called in sick the next day and helped fix my prints in time for the show.
I saw a woman at an upscale restaurant spew onto the fancy mahogany lacquered table. She used her napkin to clean it up and then wadded it and left it in the corner of her booth. And then she just went back to sipping her drink, either ignoring or not noticing that we’d noticed.
At a make-your-own drink office party, a novice drinker went to make himself a mixed drink. He poured everything into a shaker, picked it up awkwardly, and went to shake. My boss noticed his hesitation and took the shaker. Then he shook it really hard. So hard that it exploded everywhere. I almost peed myself laughing.
My roommate of two years was my partner for pong at a party. Except he was just trashed. He found an empty box and wore it on his head. And then he found another. He decided to use his discoveries to distract the other team. So, he threw one but missed entirely. So, he went to throw the second box. But it wasn’t empty.
It had six bottles inside, and he still threw it. The box hit one guy on the other team who fell and knocked over the table. The box then ricocheted to another table and knocked all ten cups. We had to forfeit.
Everyone was smashed at a party at my house. One big girl was at the front door talking with someone, and someone else thought it would be funny to lock her out. Except she really needed to use the washroom. But instead of walking to one of the other doors close by, she decided that she was going to kick down the door.
She lifted her leg and went for the door. The lock went through the door frame and opened the door. She was really embarrassed after and left.
In freshman year, I was with my girlfriend and her two friends who were blacked out and stumbling to the dorms to hang out after a party. We were meeting my best friend from home and my roommate who were playing video games. Well, my roommate and I had started lighting our shots on fire before taking them while wasted.
Then the stunts got even stupider—and more dangerous. My girlfriend started getting it all over, including my hands. My best friend turned then whispered, “for science.” So, my girlfriend’s friend lit it, and flames engulfed my hands and got on the carpet. I was waving my hands frantically while no one did anything other than stare.
My roommate saw my predicament. He grabbed a pair of jeans and placed it over the carpet blaze without a word. We’re lucky the whole dorm didn’t catch fire.
One of my frat brothers peed on an officer’s leg thinking he was a pledge in costume. He was cool about it and wrote him a ticket—but there was a catch. It was on the condition that he could come back and pee on his leg after he got off duty. The officer never showed, but that didn't stop my friend from sobbing uncontrollably for two hours in wait.
One night, my friends were hammered in my friend’s basement. He thought it would be fun to smash our empty bottles against the walls. And it was. When it was one of my turns, I did the worst thing possible. The bottle slipped as I chucked it then hit the natural gas regulator just so that it punctured the aluminum casing. The sound of gas seeped out.
We panicked and yelled at each other to turn everything off while one of our friends stood there with his thumb covering the hole. We called the power company for help but also wanted to cover our tracks. We duct-taped the hole and cleaned up the broken glass from our earlier smashing activity that got us in this mess.
Once we thought we’d done enough, we went outside. But the last person out who’d spent the most time in the basement thought it would be a good idea to take a nap on the stairs. None of us noticed he was gone. The power company man used his detector to get a reading of the gas concentration. And he was quite surprised.
He told us that in his two decades of working, he had never seen a reading that high. And he was standing on the sidewalk. He went inside to fix it and found our friend sleeping on the stairs. After getting him outside, he fixed the regulator and charged us $1,500. He told us that we’d been smart turning everything off.
If we hadn’t, then the whole house could’ve gone up in flames. I split the cost with my friend because even though I made the hole, it was his idea to do it in the first place.
During college, I was in a basement at a party. There was a bar, and some wasted girl went behind it. The house owners didn't allow people they didn’t know behind the bar and asked her to leave. She demanded a free shot to do so. They refused, and she threw a tantrum and began yelling at the guy who asked her to leave. So, he came up with a plan.
He yelled to the party people to boo the girl for being lame. So, over 50 people obeyed with loud boos and finger-pointing until she ran from the basement crying.
My band played at a house party. We had to drive a few hours to get there, so when we arrived, the party was already raging. There was a pong tournament going on in the garage, a dance room in the living room, and a backroom for blazing. It looked like something out of the movies. While the bands played, hours went by.
Suddenly, one of the hosts came into the back room where I was hanging out. He told me that officers were on their way because someone had called for an ambulance. Why? Some hammered chick freaked out, punched out a window, and was bleeding really bad. Awesome. Well, everyone in my band was either underage or too gone to function properly.
We loaded up what equipment we could and bolted as the ambulance arrived. We parked at a gas station on the outskirts and watched officers cruise around for a few hours. Eventually, one of the hosts called to tell us that it’s cool to come back. We came back, chatted for a little bit, and then left as fast as we could.
During my senior year, I was living in an off-campus house with five friends. We were throwing our usual weekend party with some friends who were visiting from out of town. Some of us wandered down to our favorite local bar. They came back to rejoin the party but came with some random girl who no one in our group knew.
The out-of-towners assumed we knew her while we believed they’d brought her along. In reality, she really was just a random person from out of town who chatted with someone in our group. I noted her as an unfamiliar face but thought nothing of it since friends of friends joined our parties all the time. And she stayed.
This was fine; however, the whole time at the party, she’d told no one that she was at the wrong place. Now, she was stranded because she thought that she had returned to her group’s party. So, as people were leaving, she stayed. That was when I began wondering who she was. Around 3, she was still sitting on the couch.
Finally, someone asked her if she had a way home. That was the beginning of a seriously infuriating ordeal. Embarrassed, she began blubbering about how she was separated from her friends and somewhere in an unfamiliar area. And she didn’t have anyone’s numbers or the address of her party. But at no point at our party did she think of a way to get where she was supposed to be.
After an hour of us consoling her, she became more upset about her situation made worse from all the drinks she had. We tried asking her questions, but she was unhelpful. Officers came after we called, but they had no idea what to do about it either. So, she had to call her mom who lived over two hours away to get her.
But for all I knew, this girl was a serial party crasher who waited for everybody to pass out and then take things. I decided to stay up until her mommy arrived. I spent the next hours sitting on the couch playing games while she watched or tried to fall asleep. The car arrived at 7. She ran out never to be seen again.
My brother and I shared a circle of friends. His girlfriend had a friend who attended group gatherings once in a while and was rude and bossy. She was always wrecking the party. It was amazing how entitled she felt to tell everyone what to do, especially considering she’s only really a close friend of one person there.
Once, we were on a camping trip. This girl spent the whole time upset that some people were giggling and laughing and not taking it “seriously” enough and told everyone to ignore anyone who laughed until they stopped.
It was my friend's birthday, and a big group of us were looking for a bar where we could all comfortably hang out—not an easy task during spring break. Everywhere was absolutely packed. So, all of us metalheads wandered over to the bar in a nicer suburb. Before we even got to the door, someone said loudly, "Here comes trouble."
We went in, and it was packed shoulder to shoulder. My boyfriend had just finished over ten years of being a Marine and had issues with crowds. We were inside less than five minutes before we had to leave because he was already at breaking point. As we were walking out, these two guys got up from the bar and followed us.
We were going to the car, and they asked us in a strange accent where we were going and if we were starting a revolution. We stopped, turned, looked at them, and invited them to join us. After getting in the car, we learned that these guys were from Finland and came for the ride back to the apartment to drink in peace.
We weren't exactly across the street either. These guys had no idea who we were, where we were driving, or how to get back to wherever they were staying, but they had a good time. We got to the apartment, and they started wrestling in the kitchen then into the living room where they fell through the glass coffee table.
That didn't even slow them down. They knocked over the TV, ripped the blinds from the sliding glass door, and then they started taking their clothes off. That was when I left, but from what I heard, my friends had to kick them out. None of us ever found out if they even found a safe way back to where they were staying.
I have a bit of social anxiety, and my girlfriend was having a bit of a joint housewarming/birthday party. I took an anti-anxiety med to relax and started to drink with everyone else, not considering that I wasn’t supposed to mix the two. Well, I ended up blacking out and have no recollection of what happened or what I had done.
I’ve had to piece the night through other people’s memories. I learned that I drank a lot and heard a stupid joke that made me collapse laughing. While on the floor, I needed to use the washroom but believed that my legs weren’t up for the task. So, I crawled down the hallway to the bathroom. Then a girl came up to me.
She asked if she could go in before me. I either obliged or she cut in without waiting for an answer. That was when my girlfriend found me leaning against the wall looking sick. I couldn’t hold it in any longer and threw up. Friends have told me that they couldn’t believe that that much puke came out of a single human.
After, some people helped me get my clothes off, showered me, then put me to bed. I woke up wet wearing clothes that weren’t mine, in a bathtub, with the last memory of making myself a mixed drink.
We were playing a drinking game which is like pong except that there’s a ring of cups around a single cup of water. One of the guys was becoming more upset as we kept beating them in the game. The guy on the other team suddenly made a face and then threw up into his own hands. It was both nasty and funny to watch it happen.
It was like a hose spraying against a wall with mists of dark orange all over the place. Everyone dipped as fast as possible while trying to grab as many drinks as we could on our way out.
While I was moving out of an apartment, we tried our best to clear all the food and drinks before move-out day but failed miserably. Two days before we moved, we invited our friends to have a day-long Lord of the Rings marathon. The only requirement was that everyone would have to eat and drink as much as they could.
My friend didn’t drink much. And the party started right before noon, which was when we all began drinking. My friend downed a few bottles and mixed drinks while my roommate decided to cook all of the instant noodle packs at once. Exercising his culinary skills, he doused the noodles with all kinds of spices and sauces.
My friend enjoyed a bowl and kept drinking. Then he drank his "one-drink-to-rule-them-all" –a peach drink on ice. Soon, he got the spins, so I gave him a bucket. Most of us left the room at some point leaving my friend and another friend’s girlfriend in the room. She came out and told us that he was throwing up. A lot.
I handed her an extra bucket, and she went back in. A few moments later, my buddy emerged from the room puke-filled bucket in hand and went right into the bathroom. He finished puking, cleaned out the bucket, and laid down in our living room with a bottle of water and bucket close by. An hour later, he’s reinvigorated.
By then, we had forgotten our purpose of clearing out the food we already had and ordered pizza and wings. This champion-of-a-man rejoined the festivities and even ate some. He maintained his composure even after his body reacted so terribly to a mix of ultra-spicy ramen and drinks. I was never prouder than I was then.
I was very interested in this girl at a party, and the feeling went both ways. Even though we had not come together as a date, we attracted each other and made all kinds of eye contact. The night started with a couple of shots, and with our underaged stomachs, light statures, and intolerance, we were prone to disaster.
So, after five more shots, Alberta and I were feeling excited, and youthful. Flirting occurred, and I wanted to impress her by bringing us more drinks – to show her how “manly” I was because I could consume excessively. We were drinking Rolling Rock in the basement sitting around a table covered with our empty bottles.
We were smashed after our fourth. What happened next will never leave my mind for the rest of my life. Alberta turned ashen then, like a chameleon camouflaging itself in a tree, her skin transformed into a green color. She spewed a fountain of projectile vomit all over me, the table, and herself in a matter of seconds.
I still remember the taste and smell of her lunch on my face—I guessed corned beef on rye. Then in her embarrassment and after drinking so much, she stumbled onto the table causing an eruption of glass to shatter. So, her legs were not only all cut up from falling onto the broken glass, but she was also covered in blood and vomit.
I was standing there sporting her lunch without a clue of what to do next. Everyone's eyes were on her. It was not over. Alberta was extremely sensitive to blood—even mentioning it made her queasy. So, it didn't help that a river of blood was running down her legs either. She fainted where she fell then started trembling.
That's when the worst happened. She dispersed a chocolate mudslide out of her bum that dripped down her legs and onto the ground like a fondue fountain. So, here was this girl covered in vomit, bleeding like a fiend, and pooping herself on the floor of my buddy's house. Luckily, my brain turned on, and I helped her up.
Then I grabbed her some paper towels and a water bottle, made sure she was conscious and going to survive, and dipped the scene faster than Colton Harris Moore evaded the FBI. Years have passed, and I have not seen or heard from her since.
At my small liberal arts college on Halloween, there was a dance that a fair number of scantily-clad ladies attended. One in particular was a roommate of mine. She was an “officer.” Her costume wasn’t very inspired but accented her derriere nicely. Some of us at the dance decided to head back to the room to drink more. Big mistake.
My roommate ran through the common room and had an accident as she ran to the bathroom. She showered off and, against her better judgment, put the dirty outfit back on and then returned to the dance. She dropped out of school the next day.
Everyone was in the kitchen hanging out. This guy standing at one end of the kitchen had the urge to puke. But instead of aiming for the trash can, he directed his vomit to the refrigerator. It was like a laser beam of puke projected over 12 feet to the fridge. It then showered everyone standing within the splash zone.
My fraternity’s party house was over a century old. A long pipe ran down the wall from one end of the basement out the back wall. We’re finishing off the last of our kegs one night when one of the pledges wanted to do a reverse keg stand. While he chugged, he lost his footing and fell leaving the keg to smash the pipe. What happened next was so gruesome, it’s unforgettable.
The pipe immediately sprayed out raw sewage into the basement. Everyone ran to the stairs. But the stairs were only made to hold a person or two at the same time and collapsed. So, that left 30 of us stranded in the sewage-flooded basement. People were throwing up all around the room. It was horrible, and we needed a plan.
So, three other guys and I had to hold up the stairs to get everyone out. And then to get out, someone else had to pull us up to the first floor. It was the most disgusting experience of my life.
A friend from high school came to another friend’s 21st birthday and ruined the whole party. First, he showed up an hour late with some off-label $3 bottle as his gift. The birthday girl had spent a lot of time making a delicious dinner, and this jerk complained about it! He was rude to everyone, including her parents.
He drank so much that he puked all over her porch. Then he left without helping to clean it up. This left me, the birthday girl, and another friend to scrub the porch. Rude.
During college, I was getting on with this girl at a funky electro club. I had noticed a pull-down projector screen on the wall right by me and at eight drinks, thought pulling the screen down was a great idea. So, I tugged at it, and up it went. As it did, one side of the big and heavy screen fell loose from the wall.
It was coming our way. I dodged, but it hit her right in the face. She grabbed her nose, and blood spurted all over my arms. We stopped the bleeding with paper towels and cleaned up in the washroom. The other guy in there almost freaked out when he saw all the blood on me. The girl was a good sport and decided to stay.
Plus, the owner promised her free bottle service for the rest of her college days. But the nightmare wasn’t over yet. We kept on dancing, but being hammered, I bumped into her nose again. There was a resurgence of blood spraying. She texted me the next morning from the hospital telling me that I owed her lunch and I was lucky her nose wasn’t broken.
I was drinking at a friend’s house when his girlfriend's sister came over. She’s gorgeous, and to make everything better, we had all decided to party sans pants that evening as we had a habit of doing. With some encouragement from her sister, this girl was all over me, and it looked like I’d round the bases that night.
But one of my friends sitting across from me in the living room made some dumb joke. I responded by gently tossing an empty can at him. So, he picked up the can and whipped it. He was way off, and the can hit the girl on my lap right in the forehead. Her forehead was split to the bone. What ensued was a lot of yelling.
She called her dad to come and pick her up even though I tried convincing her that some butterfly bandages would be fine and we could continue the evening.
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