My 21-year-old nephew is executor of my brother’s estate. It’s obvious he has no clue what he’s doing and probate is at a standstill. What can I do?

My 21-year-old nephew is executor of my brother’s estate. It’s obvious he has no clue what he’s doing and probate is at a standstill. What can I do?


December 22, 2025 | Quinn Mercer

My 21-year-old nephew is executor of my brother’s estate. It’s obvious he has no clue what he’s doing and probate is at a standstill. What can I do?


A Young Executor In Over His Head

Your nephew, 21, is the executor of your late brother’s estate. Unfortunately, it’s clear the responsibilities of the job are overwhelming him, and probate has bogged down into a quagmire. You’re now left wondering what rights you have and how to intervene without causing friction with other family members. This situation is more common than you might think, especially when the task of executor is delegated to someone inexperienced.

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What An Executor Is Supposed To Do

An executor is legally responsible for marshalling assets, paying debts, and ensuring the estate is distributed properly. They must keep records, communicate with beneficiaries, and follow court deadlines. When the executor doesn’t understand their duties or ignores them, the probate process can slow significantly, potentially increasing legal costs and delaying everyone’s inheritance.

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Why Age Can Be A Factor

There’s no minimum age beyond legal adulthood, but let’s be honest here: young executors often lack financial and legal experience. Managing property sales, tax forms, creditor claims, and probate filings requires someone confident and well-organized. Even a well-meaning young adult can screw up or procrastinate under pressure. Courts expect executors to rise to the occasion: age is no excuse when responsibilities are neglected.

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Duties Must Be Performed Promptly

Probate courts track deadlines closely. If an executor misses them, assets may lose value, unpaid bills can accrue penalties, and heirs go through financial hardship. When months pass with no perceptible progress, it’s reasonable to question whether the executor is fulfilling their legal obligations. Lack of communication is a bright red flag that action may be needed.

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Start With A Calm Conversation

Before escalating to anger, talk to your nephew respectfully. He may have no idea how far behind he is or could feel intimidated asking for help. Offer your support or suggest an estate attorney if one isn’t already involved. Sometimes, a bit of astute guidance or structure is all that’s needed to turn things around without dragging the court into the fray.

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Ask For Regular Updates

Beneficiaries have the right to be kept in the loop. Ask for a written timeline, copies of filed paperwork, and an inventory of assets. If he refuses or shrugs off your requests, that adds weight to any potential complaint later. Document every conversation. A paper trail proves whether the executor is trying to fulfill his duties responsibly or simply avoiding his role.

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Professional Assistance

Probate attorneys, accountants, and financial advisors all exist for a reason. Of course, it costs money to hire professionals, but those fees come out of the estate, not your nephew’s pocket. You can suggest that he delegate tasks he isn’t trained for. A competent legal support team can keep the estate compliant and help avoid costly procedural mistakes.

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The Court’s Oversight

An executor doesn’t have dictatorial powers. He has to answer to the probate court and follow orders. Beneficiaries can petition the court when something seems out of whack. If an estate has been spinning its wheels for months with missed filings, probate judges want to know. The system is supposed to be set up to protect heirs from mismanagement or negligence.

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When It’s Time To Intervene

If your sincere and friendly efforts fall through, file a motion requesting the court compel the executor to give an accounting and meet deadlines. Sometimes, a stern order from a judge is enough to get people moving. The court could also appoint a guardian ad litem or legal supervisor to make sure duties are handled properly going forward.

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Removing An Executor

Replacing the executor is a serious but occasionally necessary step. Courts may remove one for misconduct, incapacity, or simply for not being up to the task. You have to show evidence of harm or unreasonable delays. If approved, a new executor, maybe even a professional, can take over and get probate moving again.

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Consider A Co-Executor

Instead of removing your nephew completely, the court could approve a co-executor with more experience. This would distribute the workload while preserving his role and dignity in honoring his father’s wishes. It can also deflect family conflict, offering a compromise when the primary issue is lack of experience, not bad intentions.

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How Long Should Probate Take?

Most estates settle within nine to eighteen months, but more complicated ones can take longer. If you’re well past a year with no progress, missed hearings, or unanswered creditor claims, that’s a sign that mismanagement is creeping in. Probate delays are obviously frustrating for the beneficiaries, but they can also materially damage the estate.

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Young Executors And Emotional Burdens

Grief can make the responsibilities of an executor especially difficult for a child or young adult losing a parent. Your nephew might be struggling emotionally rather than deliberately dragging his heels. Offer compassion while still protecting the estate, and you’ll strike the right balance between being supportive and firm about the need to get things going.

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Disagreements Aren’t Misconduct

An executor’s duty isn’t to please everyone, nor to accept every suggestion a beneficiary makes. Courts allow reasonable discretion. But radio silence, lost paperwork, or ignoring legal guidance gets into the realm where action is warranted. Focus your concerns on objective failures, not personal disagreements that happened to rub you the wrong way.

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Document Everything

Emails, text messages, voicemail records, and copies of filed documents are all crucial difference-makers if the judge has to evaluate performance. Beneficiaries who stay organized will have an easier time of it if they decide to intervene later. Courts rely on evidence, not assumptions, to decide whether an executor must be corrected or removed.

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Talk To An Estate Attorney Early

A lawyer can assess the estate’s status, explain your rights, and help determine whether you need to petition the court. Even one consultation can get to the bottom of whether the situation is simply slow, or if it has totally gone off the rails. A lot of attorneys offer fixed-fee probate advice or may be compensated out of the estate’s funds.

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Know Your Legal Standing

To take action, you normally have to be a beneficiary or hold a financial stake in the estate. If you are merely an observer or distant relative, you’re best to stay out of it, and your options may be limited in any case. But if non-compliance starts to harm the estate’s value, courts may still consider your concerns, especially if they’re backed up by the other beneficiaries.

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Family Dynamics

Legal intervention can strain relationships. Weigh the financial stakes against the potential long-term personal fallout. Sometimes mediation or a family meeting with a lawyer present can reduce conflict and encourage a bit of cooperation. The goal should always be protecting the estate first and foremost while maintaining family ties whenever possible.

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Don’t Let Fear Delay Action

It can be tempting to take the “wait and see” approach, hoping your nephew will learn and grow as he goes. But probate deadlines don’t wait for anyone, and the longer the estate stalls, the more serious the financial risk. Taking respectful, timely steps right now can prevent a minor delay from spiraling into a costly legal mess later.

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Protect The Estate And Your Peace Of Mind

Your nephew could have been chosen with love and trust, but executorship is a job where the stakes are high for success and failure. You can help him out while still holding him accountable. If the process still can’t get moving, the probate court can intervene. The most important thing is ensuring that your brother’s estate is settled fairly and efficiently, exactly the way he would have wanted.

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You May Also Like:

I got roped into being the executor of dad’s will. Now the whole family is arguing and blaming me because they didn’t get enough money. What now?

I need my $60K inheritance from Dad’s will to pay my credit card debt, but the executor went on vacation. Now probate is delayed for a year. What now?

As Dad’s executor, I let my brother have his inheritance before probate. He wired it all to a woman he met online and the estate owes taxes. Now what?

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4


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