My ex is trying to access the money in my retirement account because I forgot to remove him as beneficiary after our divorce. Can he do that?

My ex is trying to access the money in my retirement account because I forgot to remove him as beneficiary after our divorce. Can he do that?


October 2, 2025 | Sammy Tran

My ex is trying to access the money in my retirement account because I forgot to remove him as beneficiary after our divorce. Can he do that?


Unfinished Business

You thought you had moved on from your marriage, but now your ex is trying to claim the funds in your retirement account. The unpleasant realization that he may still be listed as the beneficiary on your retirement account probably has you wondering: can he really do that? The answer depends on the type of account you’ve set up, state law, and what your divorce decree says.

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Understand That Beneficiary Forms Usually Rule

Retirement accounts don’t pass through wills. They transfer directly to whoever is specifically named on the beneficiary form. That means if your ex’s name is listed on the account, he could have a valid claim, even if your divorce decree says otherwise. The beneficiary form often carries more legal weight than whatever you’ve laid out in your will.

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Why Beneficiary Designations Override Wills

Even if your will names a new heir, most financial institutions follow what’s on record. The logic is simple: these accounts are contracts between you and the plan provider. If your wishes change, it’s solely up to you to update the designation. Courts typically enforce the document on file, not implied intentions.

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Review The Impact Of Divorce Decrees

Your divorce decree might include specific language about retirement accounts. If it explicitly nullifies your ex’s rights or orders a new designation, that can lend strength to your case. But vague references to “dividing assets” normally aren’t sufficient to override a signed beneficiary form.

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Does Your State Have A Revocation-On-Divorce Law?

Some states automatically remove ex-spouses from beneficiary status once a divorce has gone through. These are called “revocation-on-divorce” laws. States like Texas, Minnesota, and Virginia have them. But not all states do, and federal plans are often exempt from state rules. You have to confirm your jurisdiction’s laws.

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The Role Of Federal Law Under ERISA

If your account is an employer-sponsored 401(k) or 403(b), it’s governed by federal ERISA law (Employee Retirement Income Security Act). Under ERISA, the beneficiary form usually takes precedence over state statutes or divorce orders. Unless your ex officially waived his rights in writing, his name on that form could mean he’s still entitled as a beneficiary.

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Non-ERISA Accounts Follow State Law

Individual retirement accounts (IRAs) generally fall under state control. This means local laws about revoked beneficiary designations may protect you. If you live in a state with automatic revocation, your ex may already have been disqualified. Otherwise, you’ll need to provide documentation confirming he waived his rights.

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Take Immediate Action With The Plan Administrator

Time is of the essence. Get in touch with your retirement plan administrator as soon as possible to double-check the current beneficiary. If your ex is listed, request the appropriate forms to update it. This small step can prevent any future disputes or even possibly stop him from accessing the funds before they’re paid out. But you have to act soon.

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Don’t Assume Divorce Automatically Changes Everything

A lot of people think a divorce will automatically wipe out their ex’s rights to assets, but that’s not always the case. Unless you actively update all your accounts, your ex could still be attached. Courts see beneficiary forms as contracts. It’s up to you to revise them; the system won’t do it for you.

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Look To The Divorce Decree For Backup

If your decree specifically includes a clear waiver of your ex’s rights to retirement assets, that’s valuable evidence in your favor. Give a copy to your plan administrator and your attorney. This document could persuade them to block the claim or at least delay distribution until the matter is settled.

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File A Dispute Before Funds Are Released

If your ex has already made the claim, act fast. Once the plan pays out, reversing the process is next to impossible. Contact the administrator and your lawyer right away. Request a freeze on the distribution until ownership is confirmed or a court order is issued.

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Talk To An Estate Or Family Law Attorney

Beneficiary disputes can quickly get complicated, especially when federal law is involved. An attorney can help you interpret your divorce decree, state laws, and plan documents. They’ll guide you through filing the necessary objections or petitions to make your rightful claim.

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Document Every Change

After updating your beneficiary, save copies of the new designation and any confirmation letters you receive. Keep these records with your estate planning documents. Having concrete proof of submission helps avoid confusion or future legal challenges.

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Revisit All Your Financial Accounts

If you update one account, you may as well check all the others too: life insurance, pensions, annuities, brokerage accounts, etc. Beneficiary mistakes are most likely to occur when people forget to update forms after major life events. A quick review now can save your heirs some major headaches later.

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No Informal Promises Or Verbal Agreements

Never rely on conversations or assumptions about who “should” inherit anything. Only written, properly filed beneficiary forms have legal authority. If you promised your current spouse or children these funds, update the documentation accordingly. Courts don’t honor verbal intentions.

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Timing Is Everything

If your ex filed before you changed the form, that timing could determine the outcome. Whoever the plan lists when the claim is processed is generally who will get the payout. That’s why it’s critical to update the account immediately. Procrastination can cost you and your family dearly.

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Balance Legal Accuracy With Estate Planning

It would be worthwhile to consult both an estate planner and a family law specialist. These legal specialists can help synchronize your beneficiary designations with your broader estate plan. It may cost you some money, but it ensures that your assets go exactly where you want them to go, with no surprises or legal battles.

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Don’t Put Aside Spousal Consent Requirements

Some plans require spousal consent for beneficiary changes. If you’ve remarried, make sure your current spouse signs off on the changes as needed. If you don’t get official consent, it may void your update and keep outdated beneficiaries on record. Always confirm the specific requirements of the plan.

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Review Everything Yearly

Life changes, so your documents should change with it. Review your beneficiary forms on a yearly basis; or after major events like marriage, divorce, or retirement. Treat it as a routine part of your financial maintenance checklist, like filing your taxes or renewing your insurance.

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Final Takeaway

If your ex is still listed as beneficiary, he may have a claim, especially under federal plans. Taking swift action, updating your paperwork, and getting good legal guidance will give you the best chance to protect your assets. Don’t wait for disputes to arise. A single signature today can safeguard your future and make sure your money ends up in the right hands.

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