We all try our best to be good people. But sometimes, it seems like the devil on our shoulder takes over. Maybe someone deserves to be treated badly...or maybe they don’t. Either way, the Reddit users below have done some pretty bad things to others. Can you outdo them? Keep reading to find out.
We had a guy in our dorm who would come into our room and eat the snacks we had lying around without asking. He was kind of a jerk and we'd had enough of him, so we came up with an ingenious plan for revenge.
We baked cookies with laxative chocolates and just left them out. Sure enough, he ate nearly the whole plate. He spent almost the whole rest of the day in the washroom and almost took himself to the hospital. Eventually, he found out because everyone on our floor knew what we had done, and word got back to him.
He tried to take a swing at me at a party the next weekend, and immediately got swarmed by five guys, and thrown out of the party. He didn't eat our cookies after that.
In my biology class, there was a girl who would always take some of my food. A good friend got a hold of ghost pepper peanuts one day, so I filled a Ziplock bag with them and left them on my desk as an easy target. I was at the back of the room when I heard a squeak and then saw the same girl fly out of the room, only to return 10 minutes later covered in water. No shame.
There was this guy who was such a jerk to my ex-girlfriend. So, I got his number and started texting him, acting like a girl who I knew that he knew. Then I took things up a notch. I started getting him worked up at three in the morning. I told him to come over and gave him an address that belonged to a big, angry dude. He was sending me texts about how he was at the front door.
So, I told him to go to the back door and to let himself in. He kept sending me texts asking where I was and when I was coming out to let him in. I must have strung him along for 30 minutes before he just stopped texting me back. I have no idea what happened, if anything. But, I still feel bad about it now.
My friend lived on a man-made lake. A lot of people had pontoons and one pretentious jerk had a sailboat. He would put on his sailing gear and sail around this little lake with his binoculars to scope out people's backyards for HOA violations and report them. My friend's dad got in trouble for having a dock that stuck out a foot too far into the lake.
So, one night in high school, my buddies and I got suited up in wetsuits. We made the midnight swim on a new moon out to the other side of the lake with a hand auger in tow. We silently drilled a hole in the jerk’s sailboat and shoved a rubber plug in it. Now, attached to this plug was a length of cord and a cinder block we set about 20 feet away.
The sailboat sat for a few days as if nothing happened. Then, one fateful morning, the jerk pulled out of port, thus releasing the plug. The boat was taking in water. About 200 yards down the "coast," the boat came to her final resting place, with only the mast sticking out of the water. A few days later, she was gone and his reign of terror ended.
I had a boyfriend for about six months. Things were fine and we were taking it slow—until I learned his dark secret. His roommate told me that they had slept together. I was angry, but I told the roommate that I'm not going to be mad about it because I figured there was no point. The roommate must have thought I was in a much better place than I was because he said I deserved to know everything my boyfriend was keeping from me.
Roommate pulled up a Twitter account belonging to my boyfriend, where he documented all of his wild encounters with random men. Pics, videos, stories, everything. It spanned the length of our relationship and beyond; I counted 15 different guys before I stopped. At this point, I got mad and “accidentally” forwarded the whole page to his mother.
I was about to back into a parking spot when this lady, who very obviously saw me trying to back in, decided to zoom into the spot and take it. Now, I generally don't consider myself a jerk, but I am sort of prone to a bit of road rage. So, I hopped out of the car and asked her very politely why she took my parking spot.
She replied, "I don't care, I was there first and I'm in a hurry". She must have been in a hurry because she did hurriedly jog into the coffee shop for a quick cup. That day, I just so happened to have a tool kit in the back of my truck. So, I calmly walked over, took out the valve stem tool, and pulled all four of the valves from her tires.
She came back out as I was putting the tool back. I didn't stay long enough to say anything. I hopped back on my truck and whipped around the lot. I could see her trying to flag me down as I left the plaza, so I just gave her the finger and drove to my other coffee shop of choice.
When Y2K was a thing, my grandma was convinced everything would go AWOL the second after the ball drop. She stocked gallons of water and enough freeze-dried food to feed an army. New Year's Eve came, I was too young to drink and didn't have any great plans that night. What I did have, however, was a car and a key to their place. So we came up with a hilarious plan.
Me and a buddy went over around quarter to midnight, quietly let ourselves into the back entrance of the garage, and waited. My grandparents are a bit hard of hearing, so I can hear the ball drop countdown even with my friend whispering the countdown he's reading from his watch. 3...2...1... and I hit the breakers. All the lights went out.
All I heard is my grandma saying, "What'd I say Donny?! I told them this would happen! Jesus God and Heaven". This was 17 years ago, and she still tells stories about how I almost gave her a heart attack.
Last year, I tried to get into Six Flags Over Texas off my brother's season pass, but they didn't allow me to because he already had a guest. My mom, who wasn't going in the park and only drove us, was still waiting in the parking lot in case I wasn't able to get in. I really wanted to go to Six Flags that day.
I saw a kid who had his ticket on his phone. I asked him if I could use his phone to call my mom, after partially explaining my situation. He let me. I pretended to dial my mom, but I really took a screenshot of his ticket and texted it to my phone, which was fully serviced.
Held his phone to my ear for 15 seconds and handed it back to him, telling him she didn't answer.
Then, I used the screenshot I sent myself to get in the park, called my mom from my own phone, and told her she was wrong, I was able to get in. The worst part is that I got away with it.
When I was 11 years old, I asked my grandma to buy me an Oreo McFlurry from McDonald’s while she was running errands. She didn’t want to because it was out of her way. I persisted and she continued to say no. Two hours later, she came back and stopped her car at the end of the driveway and paused for a while, as if she was going to back up and do more errands. I came out to see what was up and she rolled the window down and handed me an Oreo McFlurry, with the biggest smile on her face. I still can’t believe what I did next.
I took it and threw it down on the lawn because I was angry that she said no earlier. I remember her face going from happy to confused after I threw it. She succumbed to cancer a year later. I’m 24 now and to this day, that is my saddest memory ever. She chose to raise me after she had already brought up her own kids and was the best person ever. I’m so sad this is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about her.
Just a few months ago, I went on a road trip with the wife and kids. On the way back, my son made us take an emergency washroom break. When I got out to get him out of the car, I found a wallet on the ground. I picked it up, got back in the car, and opened it up. It had several credit cards, social security card, bank card, driver’s license, $879, and several other items.
I looked the guy up on Facebook and sent him a friend request with a message saying I found his wallet. Fast forward about two weeks, I still didn't hear from him. So, I contacted his relatives and they have him call me. The guy wants me to bring the wallet to him. It was a one-and-a-half-hour ride away. I told him it's not possible, I was too busy.
He said, "That's messed up bro". I replied, "Sorry, but I can meet you halfway this weekend". The guy said, "Cool". He then tells me he doesn't remember how or when he lost it because he was "really hammered". Fast forward to the weekend, I arrived at the location he decided on and waited for him for over 30 minutes.
He finally called and said, "My bad bro, I was at the bar with my friends and forgot about you. I'll be there in about ten minutes”. Nealy an hour passed and he showed up, walked up to me, and said, "One sec bro, I gotta use the washroom". He is obviously intoxicated. He made me wait while he goes to the washroom. For some reason, my inner voice said, "Forget this guy". So, I took the money out of the wallet. Just seconds later, he walked up and I handed him his wallet. He said, "Thanks,” snatches it from my hand, and leaves.
I was visiting friends in Vancouver and went out for a run one day. I ended up getting lost in a residential neighborhood that seemed to twist on forever. This wasn't great, because I had some gastric distress. Eventually, I had to go, so I made a disturbing decision. I sacrificed their beautiful hedges to my intestinal issues. As I was leaving the scene, I saw something on their car.
It was one of those stickers with all of the members of their family, and it looked like they had some young kids. I’m guessing those kids were in for some bad punishment. My apologies, undeserving residents, and my apologies, kids…I hope you didn’t get punished too badly.
Eighteen years ago, my friend and I were coming back from a club and found a crate of empty milk bottles. We decided to urinate in them all, so that each one had a few inches in them. Then, we put a bottle on the door handle of every house in the street, so when the occupiers opened the door in the morning, the bottles would shatter on their doorstep. I woke up the next morning feeling pretty guilty.
I put in my two weeks’ notice to my bosses, and didn't say a word to any other coworkers about it. Most of them found out I was leaving on my last day. Didn't tell anyone, really. I just left town after that. Didn't try to get a hold of any friends or acquaintances. I hadn't spoken to them in months, anyway. I basically just disappeared from my whole life.
It's a pretty jerkish move to ghost people, to just walk away and never talk to people again. I was going through some serious depression at the time, had been confined to a psychiatric ward for 11 days a few months earlier. I never had a Facebook or Twitter. I have no idea what my old friends think happened to me. Doesn't matter, I’m never going back.
From grades three to five, I collected Pokémon cards, but I was dishonest about it. People always used to push me around or nick my cards, so on the bus home, I’d ask people to see their decks. I’d slowly shuffle through and every three to five cards, I’d slip one out when they weren’t looking and hide them under my bottom. I always took the really rare ones, too like a holographic Charizard, I didn’t know the value at the time...and they always chalked it up to just misplacing them.
Back in high school, a friend of mine let me borrow a pretty rare video game, and I never returned it to him before I went off to college. I sold it on eBay for $100. Every time he asked for it back, I would just say, "Sure man, I'll bring it next time I see you," knowing I would never see him again. Although karma got me on this one, since the same thing happened to me a decade later.
Watched an old woman in Mcdonald's drop £20. It went straight into my pocket. She went up to the counter, ordered, and then rifled through her (many) pockets to try and find her money. She didn't have anything else, so she left hungry. Darn. College me was a jerk.
I had just gotten paid, but my bills ate most of it. I had one more payment to make, on my phone, which I preferred to do in cash. At Winco, in the check-out line, I bought a pack of gum with my debit and asked the cashier what the cash-back limit was. He replied, "$100" and I just said, "Cool" and typed in "$60" because that's all I needed for my phone bill. I didn’t realize I was going to mess up his day big time.
The guy apparently assumed I meant that I was taking out the maximum limit, didn't check the screen or my receipt, and gave me $100. I didn't really notice until I was almost out of the store, but I never turned back. I've worked retail jobs that would definitely have fired me for being $40 short at the end of the night. He was only a kid, too, maybe 19. I still feel pretty bad about that. Hope he still has his job.
I sent a Father’s Day card to a kid at school, during the last year of school. He was a bit of a bully and had spent most of the last five years disrupting most classes. So, I and a couple of other guys decided that we would send a "Happy Father’s Day" card to his house. Knowing that a good chance his mum (who was a lovely, sweet lady) would open it. She worked from home and ran some sort of bookkeeping service thing.
Anyway, the day after the card was delivered, there was a lot of chaos at school. His mum came in, wanting to know what the school could do about the fact that her son had a child and was refusing to admit it, lots of shouting about loose morals and that kind of thing. He was grounded for the rest of the year, and this is a secret that’s been kept to this day.
I keyed my stepdad's Mercedes Benz. It was a brand new car, blue, gorgeous, his prized possession. But I knew his terrible secret. He had been cheating on my mom, and he never apologized; he just up and left, and then had some company come get his stuff. So, I brought out a screwdriver and made a nice bunch of lines all around the doors, the hood, the whole thing.
He had it coming. Cheating is always bad, but my mom is one of the kindest, wholehearted people you'll ever meet, and he took advantage of that. So, I took advantage of his car being in our garage for three months.
I grew up very poor with dysfunctional parents in a rural area. My siblings and I often went hungry. As the oldest, I always tried to look after them, but one day I failed hard. When I was seven and my little brother was five, I was playing outside and he appeared with a bologna sandwich that he had somehow scraped together from what he could find in the kitchen.
It was just a single piece of meat on two squished pieces of dried bread. No cheese, no condiments, nothing else. When I saw what he had, in a fit of jealousy, I knocked it out of his little fingers onto the ground. He immediately burst into tears and started bending down to pick it up off the ground. Before he could pick it up out of the dirt, a local pack of dogs pushed him over and ate the sandwich.
He just laid there on the ground, covered in dust, crying and repeating over and over, "I made it to share with you". I am now 30, and we have a close relationship, but not a day goes by that I don't think about what I did on that one day out of petty jealousy. I want to apologize, but I really am hoping that he does not, or will not, remember it.
While playing laser tag, I accidentally knocked down a little girl when we collided while rounding a corner. Instead of helping her up, I shot her for the points and ran away.
My flatmates stole my shampoo and conditioner. After repeated attempts to request they use their own, I bought myself a fresh bottle, which I kept in my room and would bring with me to the shower. But I was hiding a gruesome secret from them.
I then urinated in both the shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower and never used them again, except to observe their levels going down over time.
During my first year of high school, I hung out with much older guys who influenced me negatively. One of my buddies would always skip class and I would join him. Usually, we would go around busting open lockers and take what was ever in there. First locker of the day I bust into and there was a brand-new iPod, new phone, and 100 dollars in cash.
Boy, did I hit the jackpot. Later on in the day, a bunch of girls approached me saying that their Mexican exchange student friend had gotten her phone stolen with all her numbers to contact her family and the last bit of money she had. She was supposed to be going back to Mexico within the next couple of days. I played it off as if I knew nothing, even told them I would help them to look for her stuff.
I'm sure this isn't the worst thing I've ever done, but it sure sticks out for me. I pop my knuckles, neck, feet, ankles, and elbows all the time. Specifically, when I pop my elbows, I extend my arm and twist, and then just punch in a random direction. I was at work one day. My boss’ mother-in-law was in the office, helping us with data entry.
We were having some stupid conversation, as I was basically keeping an eye on her. I didn't even notice I was popping body parts. She didn't say anything. She goes on some tangent about a southern saying. I look away. I begun the elbow twist...and then punched her directly in the face. She had a black eye for a week. She was like 75 years old. I felt bad.
It baffles me to this day why I did what I am about to tell you. I'm not really a person that values objects that much. I am frugal and hate spending money, especially on objects that I don't need, such as new electronics. I have an old phone and an old laptop that can't even run Minecraft without eventually freezing. Anyway, in a secluded university computer lab late at night in the summer, I noticed an iPod had been left at one of the computers.
I took it. It was the first personal item I have ever stolen from a person in my entire life. I don't like the idea of stealing, I don't really listen to music, and I knew it was going to ruin this person's day. But, I did it anyway, without a thought. The headphones were nice too, but I didn't really care about headphones, so I disconnected those and left them there.
Maybe the owner was glad to at least have those. Maybe it made him even madder because there was no doubt in his mind that the iPod was stolen. It was a nice 160-gig iPod. I must have put one or two gigs of music on there, maximum. Used it for a few months when I was working out. Eventually, it was stolen from me at the gym. It didn't even faze me. I just nodded and accepted that I was part of some apathetic circle of lowlife humans that don't respect the concept of personal property.
When I was about 15, I stole a DVD copy of The Phantom Menace from my dad’s best friend, who was letting us stay at their house for the weekend. When we got home, I kept it in my room for a while, until the guilt was too much. It was like the telltale heart eating away at my sanity, so I threw it away. Now, I own all the Star Wars movies, except for that one because I still feel guilty. Also, it’s a terrible movie.
When I was in the fourth grade, I was such a bully. I really enjoyed pantsing people because it was funny back then. One day, I pantsed a kid in front of the class, completely exposing him. He ran out of class crying, whilst everyone else was laughing. I tried to talk him out of reporting the incident, bribing him, and apologizing, but nothing worked.
He eventually reported it to the principal, and I got in some mild punishment. All I remember after that was when I walked out of the principal’s office and saw the student I had embarrassed and his mother both quietly crying, as they walked out of the building. My mother was very upset and I really was in deep trouble at that point.
But, then everything changed. The next day, I did not see the boy at school. I disregarded it, thinking maybe he just took the day off considering what had happened the other day. However, I did not see him day after day after day. I was extremely worried. Did I put him into an emotional state of distress?
The next day, I found out that he had moved back to his home state of Hawaii just to avoid my bullying. I had a sudden realization that this was just the last straw, I had bullied him to the limit of bullying in grade school. I think about the boy every day of my life. I am so sorry and wish I could formally apologize. I have changed since then.
Now, I never bully anyone, not even jokingly. Sadly, I know that there is nothing I can do because I will never see him again. This is the worst thing I have ever done.
I was paintballing out in the woods a long time ago, when I saw a crazy-looking bird chirping away, up in a tree. I fired a few shots its way just to see how good my aim was. Well, the bird fell right out of the tree…and was no longer alive. I went over to where it was and it was one cool-looking bird. I felt bad about it for the rest of the weekend, though.
I was friends with this girl in college, but she annoyed me to no end. She didn't really have anyone else, though. She met a sleazy guy and when they got engaged, she asked me to be her maid of honor. I don't remember what my thought process was, but thinking back, I should have said no and ended things there—but unfortunately, I didn’t.
I hated her man. He was rude, crass, ignorant and his brand of humor was lying and messing with people. Throughout the wedding planning process, she just bugged me more and more. So, the day of the wedding came, and I did my duty, but I had to leave the reception early for another friend's party (you can see my priorities). When I hugged her goodbye, that was the last time I ever saw her. I just stopped returning her calls, never contacted her.
She made me feel bad about myself, always picking on me and bringing up my personal problems in front of other people as a joke. So, I don't feel bad about ending the friendship, but I feel awful for being in her wedding and disappearing. If she looks back at photos or shows them to her kids, I'll just be a ghost, which is sad. Although, they did get divorced a few years after, I found out.
I put an ant in my brother's sandwich. He ate his ant sandwich. I then enlightened him to the extra protein bonus. He was so angry!
As an insecure preteen girl, I made up an online persona of a 13-year-old boy so that I could ask my friends over MSN Messenger what they really thought of me. It quickly spun out of control. It expanded to include a couple of other made-up friends with really elaborate backstories and personalities. I kept up the lie for two years until I got caught.
Apologizing, and telling my friends that these people they had been chatting with were not real, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I don't think they'll ever fully believe anything I say, even though it's been almost a decade. I was something of a pathological liar as a kid, but I've managed to curb that. And now I'm pretty decent at writing fiction.
As a kid, I used to play on Neopets and collect Neopoints by playing hours and hours of those games. As I got older, I felt like I was wasting my time playing these games. My cousin showed me how to scam other users. Basically, I would PM other users and say I could get them a "Baby paintbrush" (a rare item) for their Neopet.
The catch? They’d have to give me their passwords. These little children would all fall for it. So, I would have access to their accounts and transfer their money to a fake account and then transfer it back to my original account. These kids spent hours collecting Neopoints and I’d scam them. In total, I scammed them into giving me 500,000 Neopoints.
Back when people used Yahoo Instant Messenger, there was a huge security flaw that allowed people to execute commands to the yahoo chat client. The commands worked for individuals or a whole chat room full of people. The code basically allowed me to force people to change the chat room they were in, into any other chat room I wanted.
It was funny when I was 12 years old, so what I'd do was go into chat rooms that were for quilting enthusiasts. The demographic of these and similar rooms were older women aged 40-60+. I knew this because a few of them used the voice chat to talk to the whole room. Chat rooms would have regulars who showed up every night.
It was a tight-knit community. I would mass send everyone to a gay Portuguese chat room. I became somewhat infamous for doing this. Once, I mass sent everyone to the gay chat room and there was an old woman still using the voice chat when the room switched. The next thing I heard from her is, "Ethel! Ethel! What happened? What are all of these homosexuals doing here”?!
Of course, I would occasionally mass send everyone from the gay chat room to the quilting rooms. It was fantastic. The next thing I did is much worse. Keep in mind I was only 11 or 12 years old at the time, so this was all just so exciting to a wanna-be hacker. I had a friend who knew how to make small websites. I learned enough HTML and the two of us created a Yahoo phishing site.
This was when no one knew what phishing was. I don't mean to sound like a hipster, but my friend and I were one of the first to use phishing techniques with great success. The site was hosted on my friend's computer, so the web address was "(his IP address)/Yahoo_signin.html" Obviously not the smartest thing to do, but we were both not even teenagers yet.
Regardless, I would talk to random people in Yahoo chat and ask them to sign into my Yahoo photo account to see my uploaded pictures (no such service existed). I would prey on pedophiles, regular men thinking they were talking to women, the old people in the quilting chat room (I'd say I had just made a fantastic quilt, take a look on my Yahoo photo album).
It was social engineering at its finest. I obtained hundreds of usernames and passwords, access to emails, bank accounts (people used the same password), school and work accounts. A metric ton of private information. I never changed anyone's password or did anything besides look around. Still a massive invasion of privacy, but it could have been much more damaging.
There was a stapler in the library which had a sticker on it that read, “Do not remove from the library,” so I took the sticker off and took the stapler. I'm a bad person.
I created a fake username on Reddit and did an AMA (Ask Me Anything) posing as a celebrity, and as proof, sent the mods a photoshopped picture, which they never questioned. Nobody suspected a thing.
I looked a handicapped guy in a wheelchair straight in the eyes as I didn't hold the elevator door for him. Thought that elevator was going to take me straight to the underworld.
I tore the plastic off a brand-new fridge that wasn't mine.
In the fifth grade, I paid a kid five dollars to break up with his girlfriend, out of spite for her.
I used to put ketchup packets under toilet seats so they would spray on the back of people's legs or pants when they sat down. Thank you, Captain Underpants.
My physical education teacher was a jerk and suspected creep. He would always be flirting with the teenage girls and inappropriately touching them. He put his hands on my friend’s brother and threatened him, and he was not disciplined for it. He lived right across the street from the school and was so concerned with his lawn, it was unreal.
So, I bought a five-pound bag of Zoysia grass seed and would chuck a handful out onto his lawn every time I drove by before and after school. Come next fall, it had established itself. If you should know anything about zoysia grass, it’s that it spreads like wildfire, taking over a lawn. It also turns yellow in the colder seasons.
This means it’ll give you an awesome lush lawn in good weather, but it’s not ideal for Illinois, where it gets cold. He tried everything to get rid of it but couldn’t. Now over eight years, his lawn is still looking ugly as ever. I had seen him all those days spreading seed trying to fix it. I like to think I broke him.
I was waiting tables on a very busy and hectic Saturday night when I got that table. You know, the ones with people who are waiting for you to mess up so they can get something for free. They told a busser (whom they thought was a manager) that the service wasn't good at all (despite the fact that they could not have wanted a thing more).
So, I came over and told them that I was sorry for not being on point, but I was diagnosed with cancer the day before and just couldn't seem to pull myself together. They looked mortified. The lady apologized and tipped 45%. I am a perfectly healthy 26-year-old. Guess I thought them a lesson, though! They’ll now think twice before complaining.
Earlier this year, I counseled my ex-best friend through an intense breakup. A lot of factors contributed to the breakup, notably that he was emotionally abusive. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a year ago and would often say outlandish things, such as calling her fat, and would cheat on her, too. I took this guy on his first psychedelic experience, supported his thoughts through the breakup (which he initiated while he wasn’t sober).
I had always been there for him, as he had always vented to me about her. I felt bad for her during this, but mostly stayed on his side. I could tell he was hurting, but every indication told me he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I had talked to her at parties to get her perspective, and I realized that my assumptions were true.
He told her he had never wanted her to come and he didn't want to see her at all. Maybe it was really that he didn't want to see her hooking up with other people, or maybe because he didn't want to see her face. I'm still unsure. I later learned how many of the things I was told about her were untrue, and that what he had vented to me about was an entire misrepresentation of her character as a way of keeping their lives separate from the rest of his friends.
Three weeks after the breakup, at a rave (where he was the DJ), I hooked up with said girl. Somehow, he did not see us together. For many nights and weeks, he was pining for her to come back to him, while I was there in the room with her, receiving the texts. They had broken up before, but never permanently. She had never done anything with anyone else during this time.
We kept fooling around and the texting became more frequent and desperate, and she was not entertaining it. At this point, I knew things would eventually get messy. Around a month later, we told him we hooked up once, after we had effectively spent five nights together each week. He unfriended me on Facebook, threatened to break my jaw, and took any of his things that he had left at my house.
Effectively, this is how the situation was left. I have been dating her since. We spent the most amazing summer of my life together and have never been so close to someone I've dated. I love her, and we are doing well. Love is the strangest beast I have yet to encounter. I do not regret the overall process but to say that I was right or justified in how this happened would be outrageous. I know I shattered bro code, human trust, and many social circles. It is the worst thing I have ever done, period.
Dated this girl for about 6 months in high school. Her parents made us split up mostly because they looked at me as nothing more than a punk, and they weren't entirely wrong. Eventually, she moved away and we lost touch. Fast forward about three years. In that period of time, she had a baby. She then got into a relationship and got married way too quickly.
She regretted her marriage within months, but they were trying to keep it together. Being young and stupid, they thought that having a baby of their own would be the miracle cure for their slowly failing marriage. After a year of trying, they went to a doctor and eventually found out that she's got one Fallopian tube that's completely deformed and not even attached to the uterus, and the other one was attached, but also partly deformed itself.
Simply put, it's amazing that she was able to get pregnant the first time around, and her chances of conceiving naturally again were low. This put an even bigger strain on an already failing marriage. This is where I entered the picture again. We happened to see each other at the mall and started the usual small talk.
This eventually led to exchanging AOL screen names. We started chatting it up on AOL, and the talk got dirty quickly. We eventually got to the subject of meeting up, and I half-jokingly dared her to invite me over (not expecting her to actually do it). She does. We spent the day sleeping together. Some time passed, and I got the "we've gotta talk," phone call.
That line has always led to one of three things: a) I'm cheating on you, b) we're breaking up, or c) I'm pregnant. Yep. It was the third one. So, she came over and was standing there telling me she's pregnant. A million things start going through my mind all at once. Everything went through my head, from, "Wow, I just got some other guy's wife pregnant" to "Hey, maybe me and her getting back together and having a baby could be a good thing"!
Yeah, I was young and stupid at the time, too. But, despite the happy thoughts going through my head, my mouth just went on autopilot and I said, "Oh," with a shocked look on my face. I immediately regretted my reaction, and wished I could take it back, but it was too late. The happy look on her face immediately disappeared.
I could see her face and her heart sink all at once. "It's Jim's," she said, referring to her husband. I knew she was just trying to make me (or maybe herself) feel better, as she wasn't expecting the reaction that I gave her. But, she continued to insist that it was her husband's baby, and eventually I just gave an empty "congratulations”.
We continued to talk through AOL, but even casual conversations became very awkward. She was never a very good liar, and was doing her best to keep up the charade that it was Jim's baby. And to be honest, it very well could have been—she was his wife, after all. But the timing and the circumstances of the way she was handling everything made me absolutely convinced it was mine.
Then, she got bad news. It was an ectopic pregnancy, stuck in her one semi-good tube. Not only would she have to abort the baby, but this also meant that she was effectively sterile now, since the tube was likely damaged beyond repair. When she found out, she came to my house and cried for hours. I'll never forget her sitting there and just repeatedly sobbing about how she really wanted this baby. We never did speak much after that. To this day, I don't know if the baby was mine or Jim's, though I'm 99% confident it was mine.
When we were 10, my best friend and I were always bullied by this kid who lived in our complex. He was one of those sneak bullies too, who acted so lovely around adults but was a terror when they weren't around. So, one day after he held my friend down and made him eat dog poo, we hatched a plan to put him out of commission.
We found a Windex bottle and filled it with a bunch of different cleaning agents, one of them being bleach. Then, we went looking for him. When we found him, he asked my friend if he was still hungry and wanted some more, and when he came over to us, I squirted him right in the face with the bottle…a few squeezes worth.
But we’d gone way too far. He ended up going to the hospital with chemical burns and lost all sight in one eye and partial sight in the other. He messaged me on Facebook a few years back and apologized for how he had treated us and actually thanked me for what we did to him. He said it was a real "eye-opener" (his pun, not mine) and he now works exclusively with blind children and says it’s incredibly rewarding.
About five years ago, I decided to teach my friend a lesson when he kept his Facebook logged in on my laptop. I know him very well so it wasn't hard to write a paragraph where it really sounded like he was coming out to everyone. Everybody bought it. Within five minutes, his aunt posted something like, "Oh dear boy, I always knew this about you! No shame sweetheart".
His family called his mom. His mom didn't know anything that was going on of course and she called my friend. He was in class, so he was not answering. She called the head of school, my friend was pulled out of class to a phone where I imagine his mom asking something like, "Your aunt just called and said you've come out as gay to everyone, when were you planning on telling me"? He didn't understand what was going on.
I won't lie, I laughed hard at the whole thing until he showed up crying on my doorstep because he never would have expected it from me. He was having a hard time in class and I had just given him more of a hard time. When I heard his side of the whole thing, I apologized profusely and wrote a post about it, explaining that it was me etc. Still to this day, there are people calling him out to admit he's gay, after all. I've done some terrible stuff, but as far as breaking trust, I think that takes the cake.
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