My mom's reverse mortgage covered her living expenses, but the bank says she has to repay the loan after she moved into assisted living. Now what?

My mom's reverse mortgage covered her living expenses, but the bank says she has to repay the loan after she moved into assisted living. Now what?


October 3, 2025 | Alex Summers

My mom's reverse mortgage covered her living expenses, but the bank says she has to repay the loan after she moved into assisted living. Now what?


A Loan Comes Due

You thought your mom’s reverse mortgage would allow her to live comfortably without financial stress. Now she’s moved to assisted living, and suddenly the lender has called the loan due. You’re shocked and wondering why repayment is triggered. Let’s break down what’s going on here and the steps you can take next.

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Know The Terms Of Reverse Mortgages

Reverse mortgages are designed to help older homeowners make use of their home equity while staying in the property. A key condition of the reverse mortgage is that the borrower has to live in the home as their primary residence. When your mom moved out, even though it was into assisted living, that clause may have been what triggered repayment.

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Know The Occupancy Requirement

Most reverse mortgages include some kind of occupancy requirement. If your mom permanently leaves the home, which is usually defined as being away for 12 consecutive months, the loan is considered due. The lender can start requesting repayment because she’s no longer using the home as her primary residence.

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Why Moving Triggers Repayment

Reverse mortgage agreements assume the homeowner’s equity is being used while they live there. Once they move out, the lender’s security (the home) is now vacant, and repayment ensures the debt doesn’t grow unchecked. Assisted living is generally viewed as a permanent move, not a temporary absence.

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Double Check That The Move Is Permanent

If your mom is only in assisted living short term, e.g., for rehabilitation, you may have options. If she is intending to return home soon and it’s still considered her primary residence, you can notify the lender and provide documentation to that effect. A doctor’s statement or care plan can also help with this.

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Go Over The Loan Documents In Detail

Each reverse mortgage has its own specific terms. Some include exceptions or grace periods for short-term absences. Get a copy of the original loan agreement and review the “maturity event” section. This is the clause that outlines exactly when repayment is triggered and what options are available to heirs or family members.

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Explore Repayment Options

When the loan becomes due, you don’t have to pay it all at once out-of-pocket. You can sell the home, refinance, or, in some cases, repay with other assets. If the balance is more than the home’s value, the lender can’t seek more than the property is worth, thanks to non-recourse protection.

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Understand The Non-Recourse Rule

Reverse mortgages are non-recourse loans, meaning the lender’s recovery is capped by the home’s value. If your mom owes $350,000 but the home sells for $320,000, the lender cannot demand the $30,000 difference from her estate or heirs. This safeguard helps keep families from inheriting their parents’ debt.

Here's a possible caption: keys being held in front of a staircase.Jakub Żerdzicki, Unsplash

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Consider Selling The House

If the move to assisted living is permanent, selling the home is one very common solution. The proceeds go toward satisfying the reverse mortgage balance, and any remaining equity goes to your mom or her estate. If the home’s market value is higher than the reverse mortgage debt, selling can preserve some inheritance and streamline the repayment process.

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Explore Refinancing

If you’re determined to keep the home in the family, consider refinancing the reverse mortgage into a traditional mortgage. This lets you or other heirs pay off the balance gradually. Note that you’ll need to go through all the normal steps to qualify for the new loan based on your income, credit, and equity.

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Talk To The Loan Servicer Promptly

Don’t ignore the lender’s notice under any circumstances. Contact the loan servicer as soon as possible to discuss repayment options and timelines. Delaying response can lead to foreclosure proceedings. Talk with the loan servicer about your plans clearly and request an extension if you need time to sell or refinance the property.

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Ask About Extensions

HUD guidelines give you up to 12 months of extensions in certain cases, especially if you’re actively marketing the home or arranging repayment. File any requests in writing, document progress, and stay in regular contact with the lender. Showing good faith can help protect your mother from the danger of foreclosure action.

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Work With A HUD-Approved Counselor

A HUD-approved housing counselor can assist you in understanding the repayment rules and next steps. They’ll guide you through options like selling, refinancing, or applying for extensions. Their services are often free or at least very affordable, and can help you avoid making costly mistakes.

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Estate Planning Implications

Your mom’s move to assisted living may be a sign of other financial transitions. It’s a good time to sit down with her and review her will, power of attorney, and estate plans. Clarify how the home fits into her long-term financial plan and confirm that all documents reflect her current living situation.

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Avoid Paying Without A Plan

Don’t rush to write a check before you’ve verified everything. First of all, understand who’s legally responsible for repayment. The obligation lies with the estate or through sale of the property, and not with the children. Get confirmation of your responsibilities before you start forking over large sums of money or taking on new debt.

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Protect Your Mom From Scams

Unfortunately, there are predatory companies out there offering bogus “rescue” services to families dealing with reverse mortgage repayments. Only work with licensed lenders, HUD counselors, and real estate agents. If anyone tries to pressure you to act fast or sign unfamiliar documents, seek independent legal advice.

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Get A Home Valuation

Before making up her mind to sell, your mom needs to get a professional appraisal to understand the property’s true market value. This will help you to negotiate fairly with the lender, decide whether refinancing makes sense, and find out if any equity will be left over after repaying the loan.

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Talk To A Real Estate Attorney

If the lender is putting pressure on for immediate repayment, a real estate or elder law attorney can intervene. They can ensure the lender follows all notice and timing requirements, advise you on estate obligations, and negotiate extensions if necessary.

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Plan For Long-Term Care Costs

Your mom’s move to assisted living now means ongoing expenses. If her home equity is depleted, consider how her remaining assets, income, or benefits will be able to cover care. A financial advisor or elder care planner can help structure her finances for maximum sustainability and Medicaid eligibility.

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Final Takeaway

The most likely situation here is that your mom’s move triggered the reverse mortgage repayment because the home is no longer her primary residence. Her options are to: sell, refinance, or request extensions. Stay proactive, get professional guidance, and communicate clearly and honestly with the lender to protect her equity and peace of mind.

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